ANALYST-AGENT PEYTON
DATE- JUNE 15, 2016
FILE- REVIEW 
AUTHOR- INFINITEGOLD
"ENGIMONO"

PEYTON'S NOTE

Thank you for requesting me! This review is informative, and strictly that. It’s harsh, and sounds very demeaning, but know that I want your story to be simply amazing, and that’s why. I’m a very hard grader, so don’t feel bad if your score is lower than what you expected!

 

TITLE 10/10

Good title! Engimono is an interesting, pretty word. It’s appealing to the eyes. Complicated, but not too complicated to where readers might skim over.

 

DESCRIPTION & FOREWORD 16/20

I would honestly, switch the two. More explained on why at the end. The description is nice, slightly hints at humor/slice of life, and interests the reader. I was happy to read a description not to long and try-hard, but short and simply.. There. I would make only one change, however,   to help along the flow. I would take the ‘in the form of’ out and add a comma between ‘white’ and ‘fluffy’, so all that remains is ‘In which Woohyun's lucky charm is a white, fluffy dog.’ This sounds more precise, more to the effect of the ‘in which’ style. Your foreword, as well, is good. It explains what engimono is, so that clears confusion. To make it more appealing, why not write it in the form of a book definition? That style is something pretty new, that I see it draw readers in. I think, if readers saw the definition first (in your description) it would look better, as seeing a complicated word, then described so subjectively, is optimally different from the normal. Then, when a reader clicks on your story, they’ll see the short, sweet ‘in which’ line and that’ll draw them in. Within your last two lines (the contest advertisement) take out the ellipses. The dots makes you look unsure. Trade it for simply one to give off a confident vibe. 

 

SPELLING & GRAMMAR 10/20

Overall, your use of FANBOYS (For And Nor But Or Yet So/ coordinating conjunctions) could be better. I’ll try to keep the flow section in the flow section, but alternating those will help your writing seem more grammatically correct. More on that in the appropriate section! A lot of what you’re trying to say isn’t coming out the way you expect it to. Honestly? My advice, go get a beta reader so they can look into things like that. It hurts a lot of your work because I focus more on rearranging the sentences/dialogue in my head. Then, I have to re-read it to get back into the story. A lot of times you’re either WAY too uptight about grammar, which hurts the way your story sounds, or too loosely interpret it for it to have any meaning. Definitely, D E F I N I T E L Y get an editor so your story can reach the potential it has. Another thing to think about; when your story is classified as a one-shot, most people expect it to be short, sweet. For me, I don’t mind long lengths, in fact, I don’t notice it much, but I know readers do tend to get bored easily. Maybe break up your story into two parts of around 33 paragraphs each? I sincerely recommend you spend more time revising before you update.

 

CHARACTERIZATION 6/10

Your characterization is good, I can really feel like I’m in the story, and Sunggyu is really that adorable blushy-kind of guy, and that all of that is actually happening. You crafted your characters masterfully, so I commend you for that! Make sure, though, that all the emotions you want to portray are actually BEING portrayed by your writing. I had to think a bit to feel the connection, it wasn’t a special sense of falling in love with their love. I basically just read a fanfiction that was like any other fanfiction in terms of the way they fell in love.(that puppy was SO CUTE)

 

PLOT 6/10

Definitely lives up to fluff. The plot was good towards the end, but it was dragged on a bit unnecessarily towards the beginning. BUT, that’s personal preference. You did a great job at weaving in the plot like it was it’s own world, giving just the right amount of detail and the right time and it just felt oh so right! I loved the cuteness of it, the realistic sense it had, and the way the characters fit the plot. It’s not often I praise someone on their Plot/Characterization. However, and there is always a however, your plot was cliche. I know that most fluff is cliche, so I didn’t judge it based on that, but I have read a lot of fanfiction and books in general to know that it was pretty generic. You did a good job on the story, so it was enjoyable, but again, try to spice it up a bit with a few funny twists, at least to the point where I walk away (or click away) feeling like it deserves an upvote. Basically, evaluate yourself on whether or not you would read this and go “Wow! This is something I’m going to want to re-read and add to my favorites!”

FLOW 4/10

So, your flow and your grammar are tightly encased within each other. Free up your grammar, and your flow will in turn increase. Your sentences are choppy at times where the desired effect was a pause, or a calculating thought. Some of your wordings did not make sense at all and caused me to slip out of the comfort of a reader in into the cap of a criticiser. Again, I urge you to get a beta-reader, one whose style mimics the one you wanted to achieve to help you.  

 

WRITING STYLE 7/10

Your writing style was fun, cute, quirky and definitive. You knew what you were doing, and you executed best as you can. I do think, however, that working on more one-shots can improve your grammar, flow, etc. and that in turn will help your Writing Style. Again, try to branch out a little from the obvious cliches, because that does tend to objectify your style majorly. Work a bit on developing these things!

 

OVERALL ENJOYMENT 6/10

Great story! Personally, I’m not a major Infinite fan, and I found myself laughing at his roommate’s stupidity! It was a great story, with its flaws and all, and I would definitely love to review more from you!

 

ADVICE Main things to take from this: Get a GOOD beta reader/editor. Make sure your one-shot isn’t too long, if it is, break it into two parts. Your grammar and flow need major improving. Make sure your cliche stories have a personal twist. Remember to leave feedback for me in the comments, and let me know if there was anything else you want me to go over! I'll contact you through the agency!

 

 

 

 

LAWS

CREDIT WITH AGENT'S SYMBOL. AS LONG AS THE AGENCY IS ACTIVE, YOU MUST LEAVE CREDITS FOREVER.
BLOGPOST AFTER YOU HAVE PICKED UP YOUR FILE.
DO NOT MODIFY CONTENT OR SCORES IN OUR REVIEWS. 
COMMENT WITH FEEDBACK WHEN ACQUIRING FILE.