TITLE (4/5)
       Not bad but not great. It isn't very creative but it fits the story. Something more creative could be thought of but it is still something that would make me stop to read the summary.

 

FOREWORD & DESCRIPTION (3/5)
       Besides minor grammar mistakes the summary gives away a nice surprise, I would definetly take out the part about Luhan's true identity. Leaving that out will make the reader question why he is Exo's new target and prompt them to want to read it. It could also be worded better, more like: "The criminal organization known as EXO is comprised of the world's most wanted and they have their sights set on a new target: Luhan." Short, to the point, doesn't give away too much information and raises a question.

 

I really love the foreword. It's great! Wonderful quotes that reel you in! "I'll make sure to be the death of you then" just gave me chills and left me wanting more.

 

SPELLING & GRAMMAR (10/15)

      I tend to go rather in depth with this but I feel like you have a good grasp with grammar and spelling since there wasn't an overwhelming amount of mistakes, just get a beta to help you out with that. Sometimes you have some trouble with wording and it gets a bit strange. There were some typos, misused words and several sentences contained passive voice.

 

Example of passive voice: "He should never (have been involved) in the first place." Have been involved being the passive part of the sentence. Just be careful with "was blindfolded," "was reduced" and the like. It's passive voice and can easily be reworded to make it active voice.

 

CHARACTERIZATION (12/20)
       Luhan and Sehun are three dimensional characters, not solid. Though they do have obvious differences, they could use more personal mannerisms that set them apart from each other.

 

A problem that I noticed is that Luhan goes back and forth between being a little firecracker to meek. He's a bit inconsistent with his character. It would also have been nice if he kept up being fiesty for a bit longer, especially at first when he thinks he isn't who they claim he is. Since he's alone a good amount of the fic it wouldn't hurt to give more insight on Luhan's thoughts and feelings.

 

As for Sehun, I like the way you wrote him, it's a rather unique characterization for him. His struggle with Luhan does seem realistic. But he has a huge lack of detail, his internal conflict would be great writing, like at the end, or more kind acts towards the captive that Luhan isn't aware of. More of that would really flesh him out as a solid character.

 

This has do with flow but those boys move so fast! Slow them down! The kiss wasn't badly place if they got to know each other more and spent more time together but I feel like their reactions should be different, more "What am I doing? I need to stop. Now." And being astonished at themselves then mauling over it later.

 

You used the difference between three demensional characters vs two demnsional vs one well. I liked that you used the rest of EXO has a means to show how important the two main characters are, but it would be better suited for a pure romance, this plotline craves detail! Some members of EXO definitely need more detail to better explain the plot.

 

 

PLOT (15/30)

    You have the makings of a brilliant storyline, sadly it falls short. When writing, always think of questions about the storyline and at the end, make sure they have been answered. I still have plenty of questions; How did they find out who Luhan really was? How did Luhan get away, he was apparently was baby, in the first place if his real father wants him dead? Instead of making a trade, why didn't think threaten to expose the secret instead to get their member back? Why did Kris and the rest of EXO decide Luhan should join them? And many, many more.

 

I also don't understand why some of the "most wanted criminals" would blindly walk into an exchange without any caution. Or why, at first they reveal all of their information to Luhan even going so far as to tell him who they are. Are they not secretive in the least?

 

Also, the timeline is obviously very short taking into account the starvation and lack of water. A human can only go three days to a week depending on the conditions they are in without water. Food on the other hand a person can go about three weeks without. So this means Luhan was only their captive for a max of two weeks (since Luhan was given water once) and in this short amount of time, hunhan have grown affectionate towards each other with only seeing each other twice? On top of that Exo verified Luhan's true identity and planned an exchange plan with the President of the United States? Which brings me to question question how they got a hold of such an important person.

 

In conclusion, the plot overall is very squished together with too many plot holes and the timeline doesn't make sense.

 

 

      FLOW(5/10)
     There are five chapters of this story and each one is very rushed. This is a storyline that needs lots of detail. While the basis of it is good, the flow really hurt it. Take your time, plan more of your fic out. Maybe even have an epilouge of Luhan's life just before his kidnapping?

 

I feel like Hunhan jumped into it a bit too quickly and needed more time to get to know each other. The readers need to get to know them more, they need to get to know each other more. Even though I mentioned that I liked the way hunhan was the only focus, it doesn't suit the fic and getting to know the other characters is a must.

 

    

WRITING STYLE(2/5)

      The writing style is a bit hard to read, on top of that there is an abundance of speaking that doesn't seem detrimental to the storyline. A lot of the speaking could be explained in paragraphs instead. More detail and better sentence flow will do you wonders. I also noticed that you have a lot of the same sentence lengths, it tends to get boring after awhile. Make more compound/complex sentences to add to the length of your sentences.

 

GRAPHICS (5/5)

 

The graphic is really fitting, gives off the feel of the fic and has good coloring. A reader can look at it and get an understanding of what they are going to read. Kudos to the graphic artist for their lovely skills!

 

 

OVERALL ENJOYMENT (3/5)
  I'm not one for Hunhan but even so I liked it for the most part. The story has a lot of potential but the rushing, lack of detail and plot holes really hurt it in the end.