ANALYST-AGENT MAYA
DATE- JUNE 21, 2016
FILE- REVIEW 
AUTHOR- INFINITEFANGIRL
"ANOTHER ME..."

 

NOTE

This review might be a lot less “nice” than you maybe were expecting. However, it’s because I want your story to be the best it can possibly be! I hope it can help :)

 

SPELLING & GRAMMAR: F

This was a rough spot for you. There were numerous errors throughout the story, but probably the most noticeable and hardest to read through was your dialogue. Every time a new person speaks, you have to press enter - you cannot do dialogue in a paragraph.
For example:
A says, “Hi!”
B responds, “Hey!”

What you are doing is:
A says, “Hi!” “Hey!” “How are you doing?”

This makes it very hard for the reader to understand your story as they have to figure who’s speaking. Also, using caps for a whole sentence is unappealing to the eyes and hard to read as well. Another grammar issue frequently seen was the use of commas. Because there were so many mistakes in this area, I really would recommend getting a beta-reader as they could read through each chapter and help you. Here are words that need to be fixed in the first chapter:
Reveling -> revealing
Evily -> evilly

CHARACTERIZATION: D

Sunggyu was probably the only character I felt sure about throughout the story. Woohyun a bit, and Leah and Sungjong I had no idea how old they were, what they looked like, etc. If I didn’t know Infinite and what they looked like, I would have no idea from your story. I think you did a good job expressing emotions through dialogue, but I would also like to see you reflect emotions through words and descriptive sentences. Using characterization will help readers to become attached to characters and relate to their emotions.

 

PLOT: C

Your plot isn’t anything new, and I wouldn’t say you executed it as well as it could have been. Within the day they meet, the two are making out and are sure that they are in love with each other which is unrealistic. Maybe you’re trying to go for the cliche route, but it still is a bit overboard with me. Taking time and seeing two characters realize their feelings for each other through continuous dates is more enjoyable for the reader than one date with an overwhelming amount of romance and emotion. I did like the hospital scenes as they took a left from your main plot, and if you’re going back to edit your story I would advise you to add more scenes or chapters even showing the couple’s relationship grow. When you write another story, maybe try outlining every single chapter out so you know what is going to happen in each chapter and where the will take place, where the characters will have disagreements, etc. I know some writers who even write their whole story before publishing it, but that’s up to you. However, I think it might be a great alternative for you to plan out before writing.

 

FLOW: D

Basically, your characters met on a blind date, fell in love, and a year passed within eight chapters. In between the introduction and blind date, there were a lot of scenes about Woohyun in the hospital and such. I really would have liked to see more development as them becoming a couple than them before they meet as the ending felt very rushed. Overall, the flow was very choppy and harsh as the paragraph dialogue made me have to stop and figure out what was going on instead of just breezing through while reading.

WRITING STYLE; C

I can’t say I enjoyed your writing style, but I can see a lot of potential for improvement. You’re enthusiastic, and that’s a great quality. However, there are a lot of areas that need work such as your dialogue. Improving your writing in these areas will help your style to grow as well. I would also recommend you to think about unique ideas and plots to get your mind thinking about new ideas and concepts. Sometimes sticking to the cliches will limit your scope of writing.  

 

 

PERSONAL ENJOYMENT; D

I did not enjoy the writing in general, but because it was Infinite I enjoyed the characters.

 

ADVICE I hope this was helpful for you! There are mistakes but mistakes can be fixed. Infinite is my favorite group, and it was nice to review a story about woogyu. Good luck for future writing, and don’t stop!

 

 

 

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