TITLE (7/10)
      Marriage Bites is an appropriate title for an arranged marriage between two vampires, but in the story you never actually mention anything about vampire’s thirst for blood. Honestly, I only read 10 chapters, but never did the fact that they were in sunlight or they needed blood ever come up. Thus, I don’t think it’s the perfect title, but, as I said, it’s appropriate.
 

FOREWORD & DESCRIPTION (7/10)
       Your foreword and Description has a few grammatical mistakes like not complete sentences. Ex: Mi Na thought that marriage life would be a breeze. Not fully understanding how demanding it really is. The second sentence is not really a sentence as it doesn’t have a subject. However, you can connect it to the previous sentence to be a dependent clause (have the second sentence before the first and end with a comma) or just connect it at the end of the first sentence. I saw this problem commonly throughout your story as well. The description does adequately describe what the gist of the story is, though it might only make sense to those who have read the original story. However, some parts of it do not really make sense like the last two sentences. I would leave it off with the question to make the reader wonder what the fairies are planning. However, if you add the last sentence, it sort of lessens the curiosity. Also, numbers should be changed to number. I’m not a fan of character descriptions because you’re basically telling the reader what is going to happen in the story. But it’s up to you :)
 

SPELLING & GRAMMAR (10/15)
     There were a few mistakes I noticed throughout the story. I’m not sure if you are an English native or not, but please do not get offended - I’m only trying to tell you what stood out to me. First, as I said before, there are a lot of sentences that are not complete and would fit a lot better if you connected it with the sentence before or after. You do that in some cases, but forget to add a conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) or the comma that comes before the conjunction. Also, I had a hard time figuring out if your story is in the past or the present. You switch tenses a lot, and I would advise you to stick with one so that it is an easier read. Here’s a tip also to make the dialogue run smoothly. Before: “words words words” said Baekhyun. After: “words words words” Baekhyun said/says. I find it really awkward to have the verb before the subject in dialogue, and usually you don’t put “said I or said me” right? Just a tip if you’d like to use it:) Also, you tend to use pronouns a lot which can confuse the reader about who is doing what action. It would be nice to sometimes use different words like their name, or the older, or the younger, etc. If you stay away from the words “just or like”, then your story will not sound as juvenile as well.
 

CHARACTERIZATION (12/15)
    Though you use a lot of pronouns in each perspective, I honestly didn’t relate to the characters at all. Their emotions I could never tell, except maybe Min Ah’s when she was angry. It also seemed a bit weird that Luhan was just so chill with the love of his life being in love with somebody else.

PLOT (20/30)
        The plot overall is not super original and I’ve seen lots of arranged marriages that are part of a vampire clan or something along those lines. Even though I say that, I always love the arranged marriage plot line xD I said this before in the foreword, but I’m not sure if the vampire plot is consistent. In the story, they were able to be at the beach just fine in the sunlight and had no thirst for blood at all. I’m not sure, but it would make more sense to me if this was a clan of supernatural beings instead of vampires. It’s a bit dramatic and too “coincidental” for my taste, but that’s just my opinion. Your characters never seemed to have a casual day, but each time there would be an event which would change their life. Also, what’s the difference between being destined to marry (Luhan and Minah) and being soul mates (Baekhyun and Minah). I was very confused that Minah was saying that she was going to marry both men….I don’t think that Baekhyun would be “just chill” with that. Sometimes, your own chapter was inconsistent where Ayung Dae said that he didn’t know Liu was a fairy but before he said that the fairy, Liu, killed his father.

FLOW (4/10)
     I think this is one of the parts that made it so hard for me to read this. Everything was cut off before it got in depth, and I always felt like it was a movie that was skipping around in the scenes, not letting it run smoothly. Sometimes, I felt like I had missed a chapter between a few parts because it skipped from a dramatic event to a nice beach scene with dialogue. I always have a problem of wanting every chapter to be dramatic, but sometimes it's okay to just let the plot develop on its own and not to rush it. Just a quick tip but when you’re changing perspectives within the same scene, don’t repeat the same event with the same words like in Chapter 6. It makes the reader want to skip through…which I did.

WRITING STYLE (3/5)
    You have really short sentences that almost always start with the same pronouns: I, he, my. These were used so much that the words just became sort of boring, to be honest. As a reader, I want variety in my sentence structure, use of words, etc. This will make me want to read more, and it helps to read faster as well. You could elaborate so much more on these sentences, and describe what’s happening instead of saying what’s happening. That’s for the reader to see in their head. As an author, it’s very easy to write in the same way for every sentence. However, you can only grow if you try to vary it up some more.

OVERALL ENJOYMENT (3/5)
   With a mix of confusion, yes, I did enjoy this story but not enough to read more than ten chapters. There was rarely excitement and tension at the end of chapters which would draw me to read the next one in a hurry. Your flow and writing style could be worked on, but I wish you good luck in the future!