"You don't need to do this, you know."

Myungsoo gave an exasperated sigh. He closed his eyes, obviously losing patience. I saw his lips draw together to form a thin line. He stopped walking to face me.

"You know what, that's not what you're supposed to say to someone who's willingly offering you some help." He needed to crouch down so that our eyes can be on the same level. "Don't complain. Say thanks instead, understand?"

I nodded.

"You're welcome", he said before continuing towards the library.

There were two libraries in our school: the High School Library and the College Library, located side to side and on the second floor of the third building. Limited number of high school students were allowed to enter the College Library and we were not allowed to borrow books from there. We needed to get an entrance pass from the High School library equipped with proper school uniform to go in the prominent archive.

When we reached the High School Library, the librarian was already packing her things. Myungsoo used his 'charms' to persuade the middle aged woman to give us the pass. Undoubtedly, she allowed us with Myungsoo's first try. She told us to put both of our IDs on the top of the cabinet where card catalogs were placed.

The College Library was ten times larger than the other library. You can really call it a true library, with it's maze of gigantic shelves that doesn't seem to end. When we had our research study, we were temporarily allowed to have access there for us to collect enough data.

Myungsoo and I decided to part ways in order to quicken our search. We were asked by our Science teacher back then to make our own quantum physics test with ten difficult questions. In addition, we also need to  present an answer key with detailed  solutions in  a separate paper. To finish the project, one must have a scientific calculator but mine got stolen so I had to borrow one.

Unfortunately, we met at the end of the Science category with not much to finish our project. I was holding two  books and Myungsoo had three, and the books aren't even science books.

We decided to sit at the empty table, the one nearest the computer room. While we were walking, I noticed few people looking at our way. Myungsoo seemed oblivious to it. He was occupied with the Psychology book he was reading. He just kept on laughing about a rare condition he read called Ondine's Curse.

Now I wonder: Haven't he noticed the whispers of the people as we're passing by, or did he purposely not notice it?

We were seated across each other back then. I had my attention on scanning the books I found while Myungsoo also had his nose buried up on a book entitled The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Apparently it was a book containing a list of almost all mental disorder discovered by men.

He told me that the Ondine's curse was a funny disease. It was a disease where one can die from lack of oxygen because its brain is stripped off the capacity to make breathing involuntary. He asked me if I can bear to have that disorder, where I needed to frequently remind myself to breathe.

It's not right to laugh at a mental illness. Physical ones don't count either. It's never funny, especially if you're the one suffering from it. I wanted to tell him those words yet I didn't. Myungsoo looked like he was happy, and it'll break my heart if I take it away from him.

He stopped reading. He lifted his eyes away from the massive book to look at me. Again. We were staring at each other again. But this time, he smiled, showing his set of teeth made perfect by braces. I felt like I was hit by the Ondine's Curse. His smile made me forget how to breathe. I reminded myself not to pass out and return Myungsoo's smile.

"I'll bet you didn't find anything," His lips still contained a ghost of his smile. "Don't worry, I'll be the one to make yours. Your wifi broke, right?"

He let his gaze linger for a while before going back to reading. I, on the other hand, continued on looking at Myungsoo's head. His hair was a little bit longer than yours. The two of you were really the opposites of each other. You're the serious type, while Myungsoo gives the vibe of a happy-go-lucky person. You feel at ease when you're with Myungsoo, as if him finding out you have a crush on him is the least problem in the world.

Warmth surged and filled my heart. I must have fallen for him, I thought back then.

I remembered you, Jungkook, and the three years I devoted for you. Three years that I had put to waste out of fear that you might notice that my feelings for you was not that of a friend anymore.

I chose to like you in secret rather than exposing it and getting rejected. I chose to tell you I loved you in my dreams only, because in my dreams, there were no antagonists in our love story.

But I realized that I don't want the same to happen with Myungsoo. I didn't want to be a coward anymore. I decided to be brave for Myungsoo -and preferably, for myself.

Myungsoo admitted to me, while we were going back to the High School Library, that while he was reading, he found out that he did wrong. He wasn't supposed to make fun a mental problem like it was a silly joke. It wasn't a joke, but it was a fact. Someone somewhere was suffering from it.

He reached above the card catalog cabinets to get our IDs. Suddenly he acted funny. Without a word, he gave me mine while he struggled to put his back on. I amusingly observed his ears turning a dark shade of red, until it scattered to his face.

"Myungsoo, are you..." I pointed at his face. "Blushing?"

His eyes grew wide. He then immediately covered his face using his hands. At that point, it was my turn to laugh. I was still inspecting him to find out the reason why.

"Our IDs," His voice was muffled. "When I got them..." He stealthily tried to glance at my direction.

"What?" I said, trying to sound annoyed but the hitch of my voice betrayed curiosity.

"They looked like... As if... They were kissing?" Myungsoo said, his face turning redder than a ripe tomato.