Our teacher suddenly called everyone from the library to go back to our room. She announced that the final drafts of our thesis shall be given to her the following day. Everyone gasped. We only had two weeks to work for our thesis!

It might have been full of hesitations and regrets, but I was still able to reject Myungsoo's favor. I thought back then that he would get mad at me or tell me I am being selfish for not helping him. Instead, he gave a smile and told me that he understands me. After saying it, he went back to the table of the Boys. Even though he didn't say it directly, it was as clear as crystal to me that the smile he gave me was not real. It was a pretentious one- hiding his disappointment and shock of my sudden change of heart.

Myungsoo has that kind of personality. It might be due to him coming from a wealthy family. He told me once he only commutes and rides the bus because he still doesn't know how to drive and his mother won't allow him get his student's driving license. I advised him to just get a personal driver but he turned it down. He said he was already enjoying going home thru commuting. His reason kinda affected me. He said that by commuting, it gives him a chance to not go home with a company instead of being alone.

You'll be surprised by my wide knowledge about Myungsoo. Maybe it was because we were seatmates for three months. Maybe it was also because Myungsoo was talkative and loves to tell stories. Even if I'm not asking, he'll go and spread the story of his life to me as if he was a book presenting himself for me to read. At that moment, I tried to put in my mind that maybe, even for the slightest chance, Myungsoo was slowly trusting me.

His father is a chief cook in a cruise ship based in Japan, and he can only go home once in every five years. So eversince his father went aboard the ship when he was seven, Myungsoo only saw his father once in his whole life. He grew out to be a Mama's boy. Like him, his mother is also skinny. When his mother went to the school, the Nerds and I were gossiping about her stomach that was flatter than us even though she has carried three children in her womb. Myungsoo was the middle child. Two boys and one girl. He also narrated to me his experiences while he was still young.

I learned that Myungsoo wasn't born rich. They hardly even get enough money to eat three times a day for their population of five. His father used to work at a junkshop and it was a scarce job. After looking at his children close enough to starvation, Myungsoo's father decided to work abroad against his own will. When he started earning lots of money, he promised to Myungsoo that he will buy whatever he wants, in order to apologize to his son for all the deeds he ws not able to give him while he was young.

So I can comprehend why Myungsoo was lying to me. I can understand why he told me it's alright and he respects my decision even if the expression of his eyes said the opposite. He was used to get whatever he wanted. It's Myungsoo. I'll admit I am sometimes wary of his actions. Myungsoo likes to put pressure to other people. I noticed those things everytime we have group activities. He's good at almost everything so he also expects that his groupmates are the same. He grows agitated whenever they lose, but after the battle, he'll just laugh and shrug his defeat.

Myungsoo has plenty of flaws. He is no perfect man. He's not like you. No matter how one will inspect you, they will always find your conscience clean and white as a pearl.

So I decided to let myself fall completely to him. He seemed to be more human than you. Sometimes tripping along his way, but gets up right away. I thought back then that what I had for you was just a simple crush and what I had with Myungsoo was real. The older people used to remind me that the realest love of all is knowing a person is imperfect, but continuing to accept them. Their mistakes molded them to who they are today.

I realized that people are like jigsaw puzzle pieces. Every single piece contains a different image, but if you join them together, they form a single picture. The pieces are the mistakes we made, decisions we concluded and our perception in life. They might be indifferent from one another, yet they complete us. So you should never hide your past to your self. Rather, embrace them and cultivate it to make a better version of yourself.

How about you, Jungkook, am I a part of the picture in your jigsaw puzzle?

Either your answer is yes or no, it will still give me the same feeling. The feeling of being sorry.