Chapter FOUR

Dara POV

(a/n… take note the present in this chapter is the night of the accident and not what was the chapter before so the past is like her flashbacks)

Green = Past

Black = present

“Unnie…!”

The next thing Dara saw was a bright light that had blinded her. In panic she turned the wheel not realizing that she did it too far and it had caused the car to spin a 360 more than three times. Her head hit the glass window to her side and she could hear a crash and with that impact she had lost consciousness…

And when she could barely open her eyes, she could see the bloody mess of the car. She could barely see from the now gushing blood that is covering her eyes, and the fact that she was upside down. Beside her was her mother, she had her eyes closed and she was mostly covered in blood… something was sticking out of her chest which she isn’t sure what.

She tried to move but she was stuck, her leg was pinned to something,  "Eomma.... Durami...." She whispers weakly. She could feel that she was slowly losing consciousness again. She tried to call for them again but either she can't hear their response or something much worse.

They say when you’re close to the end, you see your life flashing before you eyes. Well maybe this is it because she could hear voices from her memories with her family, her first debut stage, Durami and her arguing lovingly, Remembering seeing her brother on stage, her last mean with her entire family before Sanghyun left for London and of course Jiyong.

But no one really warned her that with good memories also comes things that you regret... It was the moment she had let go of Jiyong because of her own selfish reasons. Her fear of being hurt was her weakness after all... Because she was the one that had hurt herself in the end.

February 2014

Normally, when Dara stops talking to Jiyong the avoiding dance is usually done by Dara but around this time it was as if Dara doesn’t need to do much because it was Jiyong that had avoided her. At first it wasn’t much but a month after they had stopped speaking to each other, Dara found Jiyong standing in outside his studio room talking on the phone. She was about to turn around but it was Jiyong that looked at her and went back in the studio.

And so, another month passed which makes it two months since they had last officially said a word to each other. It was kind of easy to avoid each other since Jiyong was with Bigbang in Japan for their dome tour while Dara was busy with their CRUSH album and their preparations for their All or Nothing tour.

And today, was the concert’s launch party. She had drank too much for comfort and it was mostly because Jiyong was too close for comfort. It also didn’t help that Chaerin was hanging out Jiyong making sure Dara and Jiyong wouldn’t even have an accidental confrontation.

Not like Dara plans to… Jiyong was sure making it hard since when she’d turn he was always behind her but he would never make eye contact or acknowledge that they were close enough to that they were breathing the same air, which was suffocating her more than anything.

She had finally broke away from the skydragon interactions and hid behind the huge speakers. The loud speakers beating loudly was sort of giving her more adrenaline than she needs but she welcomed it instead of trying to dwell on that heavy feeling in her heart because it was a self-inflicted wound anyway.

A waiter walked by with shots and she was able to grab two shots. She finished it both in one breath.

“Someone’s having fun…” someone whispered by her ear.

She could feel her lips form a smile, finally she has someone to hang out with that is actually her friend and not torn between her and Jiyong. “Park Jaeboemie!!” she yelled excitedly as she turned and jumped into his arms for a hug.

Jay was surprised at this action that he was caught off guard that he was thankful the speakers was right behind him or else they would have fallen on their butts. “Oh, hello.” (bold is English). He put an arm around her awkwardly and he looks around to see if someone was watching them which also he was thankful that no one did. When he stopped hugging her she was still had her arms around his neck. At first he thought she was crying but she was actually using him to keep her balance. “Jeez, noona how much did you drink?”

She decided to ignore that question and giggled instead. She was able to finally let go but she had her hands on his chest to push her back. “It’s a party… we should dance!” she said in enthusiasm as she pulled his hand towards the dance floor but he didn’t budge.

“No thanks. Don’t want to be punched.” He pointed at Jiyong across the dance floor who seemed to be looking for Dara but then Chaerin came back and he focused all his attention to her. He recalled about almost getting punched by Jiyong during is AOMG launch party last year when he asked Dara to dance with him that night since the man had gotten too drunk to think straight.

Dara scoffs and reached for another shot when the waiter was coming again but Jay was quick enough to wrap his arm around her waist to pull her away from the alcohol.  “Yah!”

Jay just shrugs, and steps back so he wouldn’t be that close to her. “You’ve had enough.” He said. Dara can usually handle her alcohol pretty well but with the way she is acting it is clear that she had drank far too much than her limit. He figured the route of all of it is because Jiyong is being guarded like a prisoner around Chaerin and her friends. He had noticed it all night as well. The thing is, he doesn’t even need to ask anymore. He can already tell in Dara eyes that no matter how many times she’d smile they are all just a masks of what she is truly feeling.

Knowing her since they were trainees, he can definitely tell that she was on the urge of breaking down if she doesn’t distract herself with whatever she thinks is best to numb the pain. And the more she drinks isn’t actually numbing the pain but reminding her of why she feels this way… he should know he has been there. Dara is one of his bestfirends because she is actually the female version of him when it comes to relationships.

“Alcohol is never the solution for that.” He told her.

She pursed her lips and replied, “Hypocrite.” She had picked him up at a club drunk off his mind a couple times last year because of a break up. He had broken up with his girlfriend because he couldn’t truly give him what she needs. They were in an on and off relationship for over three years but he couldn’t offer her anything more than a relationship as she was already hinting out that she was ready to leave the idol life and spend it with him. he had chosen his career over her and they broke up. Not six months after she was already engaged to someone else which was the cause of Jay’s drunken moments last year.

“Do you want to talk to him?” Jay offered. He could always try to distract Chaerin if needed be.

She shakes her head, “I shouldn’t. The break up might not be official yet but the fact that Chaerin is sticking to him like glue and guarding him like a watch dog only means he’s with Kiko.” Though she didn’t add the fact that he was the one that had deliberately been avoiding her. The push and pull of Dara and Jiyong relationship for the past four years has caused a strain in Chaerin's friendship with Dara. Chaerin hated how Jiyong would be hurt and she also hated how Kiko gets hurts in the process as to she is the one that had introduced them together. Two months ago was the final straw for Chaerin, she even worded out that she better stay away from Jiyong if all she does is hurt him  

“And, I’ve hurt him enough these past four years. I need to just let him go. He’ll be happier without me.”

“What about you?” Jay asks her softly.

She turns around to look at Jiyong sitting at the bar by himself, his eyes searching until he met hers.

Despite the distance, and the darkened club they both know that they are looking at each other. They are both far too aware of the others presence that it’s easy to find each other. They’ve been doing this for four years that no matter how little they try they can always find each other. Jiyong’s eyes bored into hers and like he did a month ago, he was the one that broke the gaze. He walked away and was now talking to one of Chaerin’s friends this time with his back on her.

She’s been selfish for his affection for way too long. She had to free him from it and now was the right time. It’s not that she never loved him because she does. She loves him but at the same time she fears to give it her all. She has still a lot to achieve to succumb to love… “I can never give him what he truly needs. He may want to be with me but I can’t truly be there for him.” she finally faces Jay and smiles sadly, “Aren’t we just going to hope for their happiness as we chase our dreams?” she asked him wondering if this is how he felt when he let his girlfriend go.

Jay didn’t reply but he just pulls Dara for a hug knowing that no words will make her feel better at the moment. The only comfort would be to tell her what is to come, “Yet sometimes