Green = Past 

Black = Present

Chapter Seventeen

Dara POV

The night was over quickly before she even knew it. It wasn’t because she wanted to end but mostly because she had so much fun tonight that it went by that fast. It was upsetting but then again it’s almost eleven pm and being a single mother it’s not really wise to stay out longer despite her wanting to. 

She was glad that she went out with David tonight despite of why she she did it. She haven’t experienced something like this in for a long time and it’s nice to know that she is still has moments that she can feel those butterflies in her stomach. She’s been too focused with everyone else but herself to actually miss feeling this way. 

She was also ignoring these feelings just incase it might bring her memories that she wants to forget from her previous experience. She has closed herself off from love other than Jinnah. Other than that she feels that she doesn’t deserve any of these types of feelings...

She felt a soft squeeze on her palm. She turns her head to the side to see David giving her a small smile. He hasn’t let go of her hand since he held her hand. 

“What’s in that pretty little head of yours?”

She pursed her lips together unsure if she should say all of it. So instead she just said. “I really had fun tonight. It’s actually non-jinnah, non-work related fun I’ve had in a while.” And she definitely not lying.

He just chuckled. “Well I’m glad. That was the point of the night wasn’t it?”

“Was it?”

He nods. “It’s hard to get you free time so I’m happy I was able to take you out.”

She squeezed his hand, the way he had said it was as if he was the one who asked her out when the circumstances is the total opposite and it was only because she was in a petty fight with Jiyong. She felt bad but at the same time she didn’t regret it. “I should be happy that you wanted to go out with me.”

His lips formed a tight line as he said in a serious tone, “Don’t say it like that.”

She raised an eyebrow, he wasn’t looking at her since he was still driving. It was close enough to her house that the road was starting to get dark since there wasn’t much light by her street. Despite that, she could feel that was trying his best not to stare her down. “Why not?” 

He doesn’t say anything yet since the GPS had just said they had arrived at Dara’s house. “Because it’s like you’re telling me Santa Claus doesn’t exists right on Christmas Eve or The Easter Bunny is made up on Easter.”

She giggles not understanding what he means by it, “Well I hope you at least know they don’t exists.” 

He was finally parked in front of her house and he slowly turns to face at her. His eyes met hers immediately and he had a determined expression on his face as if he was trying to speak his heart through his eyes, “Do you tell Jinnah that?”

She was flustered by his stare and the question caught her off guard. “Of course I don’t, my daughter’s four.” She mumbles lightly unsure where this conversation is going. 

“Well, just let me have this moment though.” Then his eyes moved from her and a sad grin formed his lips. "It's tough competition. With Jinnah's dad, I mean." He nodded towards the door where Jiyong had just entered.

"I—" she stutters and she faces the door behind her. She didn’t see Jiyong though but she just turned just in time for the porch light to turn on. She clenched her teeth. It was like a father waiting for his daughter to go home and signalling the her to go inside without trying to say anything but the light was definitely a loud sign that she should’t stay out longer. 

It was time to face the music now. She has an amazing time with David but there was so much more in her life that she needs to fix before she even goes in this path. “I’m really sorry about Jiyong....” was all she had to say because she always knew how childish and petty Jiyong would be when things don’t go his way.

He just scoffed lightly. He finally let go of her hand. "Especially if the competition is G-dragon." He continues

She felt her hand started to sweat despite the air conditioning being on here . Her heart pounded heavily in her chest. She couldn’t even face him. 

"How did you—?" She was stuttering unable to know what to say. Granted she shouldn't be shocked. Despite Jiyong not being in the spotlight for the past 2 years, one would have to live under a rock not to know BIGBANG. The boys got nominated for Billboards awards Artist Of The Year three years ago before Jiyong enlisted to the military. But for David to know who Jiyong is, could only mean one thing as well.... that revelation made her more nervous than anything. 

"My first girlfriend was Korean. So she was obsessed with Bigbang at when we dated. Plus, yeah you know." He just shrugged when it’s clearly obvious who the her bias was. He clears his throat, he lightly touches her arm. Then brushes his finger under her jaw so he’d gesture her to look at him. He had a kind smile as if he was trying to tell her something without actually wording it out. 

Now she understands how come he knew that she was Dara or how he stared at her as if seeing a ghost the first time he met. He knew all along who she really was, yet he never seemed to bring him up. If he knew about BIGBANG then he clearly has heard of or seen 2NE1.

“I figured you went into hiding because you had Jinnah.”

She nods. “Other reasons too...” she wanted to get away from it all. Korea reminded her so much of the pain she went through.

He didn’t push on to that knowing all to well the hardships Dara went through. That’s why her fans never questioned that Fake Dara running around London. It was obvious she wanted to live a quiet life.

“So if you and Jiyong have a kid together then that means those rumours about you two during the days was real?”

She pursed her lips, embarrassed. Jiyong and Dara had always done their best to keep their relationship at the down low but with the neitzens watching them any tiny interaction they have means they are dating. “We were in an on and off relationship for four years. I got pregnant after we broke up but he was already engaged to someone else. He didn’t know about Jinnah till a week ago.” She sighed. She doesn’t know what it is with David that it’s easy for her to say things she normally wouldn’t utter to anyone. She also felt the need to defend Jiyong because it was her fault that she’s a single mother. 

“It’s much more complicated than you think.” She could see his face trying to figure this all out. He’s probably trying to take the grasp of the information but obviously it’s much more than that.

“I’m sure it isn’t. You wanted to tell him but you were afraid that you’d get hurt if he didn’t chose you.” He shrugged as if he knew the whole story without needing to hear about it. When he saw her bewildered look, he knew he was right. “Just so you know, anyone not choosing you... well it’s his loss.”

She couldn’t face him anymore. She herself didn’t even realise that it could be a potential reason as to why. She wasn’t really thinking straight when she ran. She just actually didn’t know how to call Jiyong after she had given birth. She was afraid of what he’d do or say... then eventually she had totally let it pass five years. As to why she is in this mess right now. 

“You’re making it sound like I’m totally not at fault here when it’s clearly all mine.” She rests her sweaty palms on her bare knees. 

“It’s not all yours. I hope you know that.” He brushes the hair to the side tucking in her ears, since she was hiding herself from him. 

She just bites her lips and makes a humming noise since she didn’t want to say anything. David and Leah are still on her side, if they knew they truth would they throw her off the cliff or would still give her encouraging words like this?

He offers her a comforting smile, “After the tragedy you went through... you had a hard time. You had to do something to survive. You need to think about yourself for a while. If being away from all of it makes it easier to live then you shouldn't be angry at yourself for doing what is needed to be done." 

She stares at him in disbelief. How can his words be exactly the answer she needed without her even knowing it all. She ran because she had no other choice, she never realized that it was her way of surviving. 

She has heard this from her therapist before but she never really took it by heart since she was still hurting then. She looks at David differently than she did five minutes ago and wondered how he can read her like this while shes clueless about herself.

"My sister said, everything changes once you find out you have a kid. The perspective of self disappears and you actually for the first time realize that your life isn't yours—"

What she did next surprised her more than it did David. She planted a soft kiss on his cheek close to the corner of his lips. "Sorry," she whispered lightly as she pulled away just a few inches from him. Despite the dark she could see his eyes shake a bit. 

"What—" He stumbled with his words since he didn't expect her to kiss him at all.

"Thank you for trying to make me feel better I certainly don't deserve it,"

He shakes his head and replied softly, "You deserve to be happy Dara, and you need to know that."

For the first time all night, she was able to read his mind as she finally could see the vulnerability in his eyes. She wondered if she is this way to him that he can read her very well despite closing herself from the world. A question popped into her mind as if he was asking himself out loud.

What if

And she answered, "Just so you know, Santa Clause does exist." She finally understood what he meant by it earlier. He wanted to make it seem like he did have a chance even by a little and to be honest she does feel it too. The butterflies in her stomach are not just from her reliving her moments from past dates but actually because she does have these feelings for him that if she wasn't in this mess would lead to something more.

"But..." he knows all too well that this conversation would lead to it. "You need to settle what you have going on before you go into anything with me or even anyone."

She sighs and moves a bit that she's leaning back on the car's seat, of course he'd know. She thinks he knew this all along when she had asked him out yet he still was happily ready to take her out. "I'm sorry if I brought you into this mess." 

He shakes his head and playfully pats her arm, "As I said, It was a pleasure for me to take you out on a date. At least for a few hours, I was able to clear your mind."

"Thank you David." She smiles at him. 

"You're welcome, Dara." Then he opens his arm to offer a hug which Dara happily obliged. "Don't ever think this will be awkward between us. First and foremost you are an incredible artist, song writer and producer. We still would love to work with you." 

Dara chuckles, as she lightly pats his back. "As long as you won't be then it wouldn't be awkward at all."

David laughed heartily and pulls away. He slaps his chest and sat straight, "Don't worry about me. I'm always Mr. Cool." He said. "I'm friends with all my ex!" He declared proudly.

She raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Ex?" She couldn't be part of that list now, would she? 

His lips formed a crooked smile and stated, "Easter Bunny." And winked at her.

She shakes her head and giggling. She's giving him just this moment. "Fine."

On a serious tone, he said. "Just be happy Dara. That's the most important part. Be it with him, or someone else. Don't punish yourself any longer, even though these unfortunate things happened. Your mother and sister wouldn't want you to live this way."

She pursed her lips and nods. She could feel herself tear up. Her sister and mother is always a sensitive topic that even Sanghyun and her don't talk about it. She is still close with Sanghyun but there's always that bridge they never cross. Maybe they should... it's proper healing that way. 

"You too David, be happy."

Dara walks in the house and it was oddly quiet. She was expecting Jiyong to be waiting for her sitting on the couch. 

But the lights were out except for the hall light towards the rooms, he was no where to be found. He was probably laying in bed with Jinnah. 

This is one of those rare times that she wasn't home at night with Jinnah, probably the fourth time and it made her feel guilty because she doesn't have a legit excuse to be home this late. It was all for a selfish reason. 

She walked towards Jinnah's bedroom and Jinnah was sleeping comfortably hugging on Santokki. She opened the door wider but she couldn't find Jiyong either. She turns around to search where he could be. He wouldn't leave their daughter alone and thats when she saw the door of the bathroom closed with the light coming out on the door. 

She sighed in relief. Her thoughts scare her, she shouldn't doubt him like this. He's a father to Kiko's kid too so he knows how to be a father. 

And with that, she also is reminded that Jinnah has a brother. How can she tell her daughter that she probably won't have a chance to meet her brother anytime soon. Also other than that, Jinnah is the main priority here.

What's the plan now?

Dara will hear him out because he deserves alot more than that but the question of having Jinnah going to Korea would be something that needs to be discussed further and properly. Dara already knows that she isn't ever going to go back to Korea, nor she plans to. There is no life for her there, not anymore.

The only person that she lives for now is sleeping comfortably on her bed. 

"Good night baby girl," she whispers lightly as she steps forward to kiss her little girl on the forehead.

She could hear David's voice in her head. After the tragedy you went through... you had a hard time. You had to do something to survive. You need to think about yourself for a while. If being away from all of it makes it easier to live then you shouldn't be angry at yourself for doing what is needed to be done.

If only he knew how she was the total opposite at first. She did not take her pregnancy well when she had found out about it. In all honestly, she feels terrible about it now but back then her coping of losing her sister and mother was trying to survive everyday by trying to forget and she drowned herself in alcohol... her survival was not caring about herself and ignoring the fact that she was with child. 

She is thankful everyday that it didn't affect the fetus at all. The doctor had tested Jinnah for any abnormalities but all in all, she was perfectly a healthy baby girl. Luckily she was too early in the pregnancy to have a huge effect.

She leaves the room after tucking Jinnah under the covers more. She closes the door behind her quietly without even bothering to check if he is out of the bathroom now. 

She goes out of the house to breath a bit. She always loved to sit by the porch if shes still up this late. Even if she lives close to the city, she rarely could see the stars at night but sometimes if she's lucky she can see one or two. 

She sits on the ledge and sees her car parked on the driveway. She shakes her head wondering if Leah drove her car here to give David and her more time together or to talk to Jiyong, the latter seems more likely.

If so, she’s too worried about what Leah had told him. She does have the tendency to into people’s business if she thinks it’ll solve a problem or the other party she thinks is on the wrong. 

And speaking of which, the door behind her opened and  she heard keys. Obviously, Jiyong is standing there probably wanting to leave. 

“Hey,” She greets lightly. She might as well say something. Whether or not she will, it’s still awkward anyway.

She could hear the smile in his voice when he responded, “Hi.”

She turned to face him, “What time did Jinnah sleep?”

He raises his arm to look at his watch and sighs. It was clear that he was slightly upset that Dara had gotten home this late since it was almost 11. “Well she went to bed at 9pm, so about two hours.”

She bit her bottom lip. “I asked what time not how long.” 

He blinks realising his mistake. “Oh.” He clears his throat, “Well, 9. She said you had a dinner so she didn’t want to wait up and she went to bed.”

She could feel her heart clench. There are only few times where she’s come home to Jinnah sleeping already. Each time she’d feel guilty thinking that she’s a bad mother. 

At least then she has a legit excuse because of work but tonight was only for her own self-gain. “I just want to say Jiyong that I never do this. This is the first time I’ve