Chapter Eighteen

Dara POV

 

May 2014

 

Dara had woken up with a terrible headache. She had to think for a minute where she was and what happened last night. Though, she shouldn’t be shocked because this has been her routine for the past 2 weeks. She knows she went out to party last night and drank till she almost out.

 

The real question is... where was did she spend the night or better yet with who?

 

She turned slightly while still trying to pretend to sleep, only to find the empty spot next to her. She tried to listen if there was any movements or sounds from the shower, when there wasn’t she immediately opened her eyes. 

 

She did not remember whose house this was. The past two weeks has been a blur, so it might get mixed up with the with one guy after the other. And trying to recall it all is making her head pound more.

 

She sits up and looks around. On the desk next to her was a note. 

 

I have an early schedule, so I had to head out. Make yourself at home. There’s food in the fridge.

I had fun last night.

 

She crumpled the letter as soon as she scanned through it. He is definitely the first one to leave a note. Most of the times she leaves before sunrise or if they leave earlier then nothing. It is as if nothing had happened.

 

Which is what a One Night Stand should be...

 

If it is considered as one since Dara only sleeps with them, and by sleep it is by the literal term and not any type of innuendos. She just makes them think she’s going to go all the way yet by having them drink more than her or even have them go to the bedroom to wait for her.

 

Only, she doesn’t go to the bedroom. She waits an hour and without fail they have already passed out. So what she does is crawl into bed with them and just sleep. She has been too lonely to sleep alone or even be at her house.

 

It has only been one month since the accident and about two weeks ago, Sanghyun had gone back to England. He could only miss so much of his classes. 

 

This was her only way to cope by not thinking about it. She had tried to bury herself for work as she had demanded that this was what she needed to do.

 

But then on the day of the shoot, unknown to her. She had developed a trauma with bright spot lights... the first day she went back to work was a photoshoot and the flash of the cameras had caused her to relive the accident. It took her about two hours to calm her down since she was frozen to her spot and was in a middle of a panic attack. 

 

After that, it was thought best that Dara would stay on hiatus until further notice and so far from what she hears through the great vine is that, Jiyong and Chaerin are taking her photoshoots for her. 

 

She could feel her stomach turn... and it made her gag.

 

She refused to believe that her being nauseous was anything other than drinking a lot yesterday. It’s just  hang-over not the—she even refused to think about it. She knows she isn’t... she couldn’t be.

 

With that thought she ran to the bathroom and threw up on the sink.... though nothing came out but her just dry heaving. 

 

She washed her face and cursed under her breath. Not once when she would throw up in the morning that she touch her belly. She just refuses to accept what her fate is going to be. If anything else she just wants to end it all... no one would miss her anyway. So why would it matter?

 

She heard her phone ring from the distance. She just lets it ring a couple more times until she decided to answer it. She walks towards the living room where her purse is and picks up the phone without even checking who called.

 

“Unnie!!” A soft voice cried on the other line excitedly. 

 

She sighs, she was so not ready for that energy this early morning especially since she’s hang-over. “Song Jiuen...” 

 

“Odigayo?” Where are you? 

 

She looks around and shakes her head. “Chib.” (‘Home’) She lied. There was no way she was saying where she was. “Whey?”

 

“We are going out again tonight! Do you wanna come?”

 

Dara sighs, these people always go out every night. It’s not that surprising at all. Song Jieun is one of the models she befriended in the past two months since her partying days had started.

 

Actually, these are Jay’s friends. The type of friends you only hang out with just to have fun. They are the YOLO type and Dara had been using them to forget. “Sure.” Dara said simply. For the past two weeks, she has accepted this girl’s offer without any question. 

 

“Aweeesome! Oppa is going to be there too. He was asking me to call you.” She said in excitement.

 

Dara scratches the back of her neck. Not wanting to ask which oppa it is... she just replies. “Tell him I’ll be there then.” 

 

“I’ll text you the details Unnie! See you tonight!” She hung up before Dara could say anything else.

 

With that, Dara just grabs her things and leaves. She didn’t want to be in this loft any longer than she should be. She didn’t even want to look for evidence to see who she stayed with.

 

 

 

She arrived at her house in no time. She stood at the door way and she could feel her heart breaking. How is it even possible when she believes her heart doesn’t exist anymore. It had died that night.

 

Memories had started to pour from her mind of her mom and sister, especially the night of the accident.

 

 

“Dara-ah,” her Mom greets her at the door with a hug. She hasn’t seen her daughter but only for a few minutes at a time in the past two months. She hasn’t stay home but mostly at the dorms.

 

“You doing anything today umma?” Dara asked in excitement. She holds her mom’s hands. Today was day one of 2NE1’s show in Korea. She knows they were supposed to go tomorrow but she missed her mom so much she wanted her to be there today too.

 

“Other than cooking dinner, not much.” She looks at her daughter suspiciously.

 

“Okay good,” 

 

Durami saw Dara and she stops her steps, “What are you doing here? Don’t you have a show?”

 

Dara smirks, “Yep, and I want you two to get ready cause you’re going with me.”

 

“What??” Durami widens her eyes in surprise. And stares at their mom who just shrugs. “We’re going still tomorrow too right?”

 

Dara nods, “Of course. Now get changed.”

 

“Well I’ll get ready then.” Their mom as as she starts walking to her room.

 

“You can’t be serious!” Durami whined, “Your concert starts in two hours, it’s going to take me much longer than that to get ready!” She thinks of the horror that is her looks. She needs to do a lot of work. She can’t look simple.

 

Dara laughs and pushes Durami towards the stairs so she can start. “You better hurry it up, because Youngdeuk was asking for you.” Dara lied through her teeth. She can use her little sister’s crush on one of the Kwon twins to get her to either hurry up or come with. 

 

“He is?”

 

“Now hurry up!” Dara pats Durami’s to have her go faster who in response ran as quickly as she could. 

 

Dara had regretted that day more than anything, if only she should have just stayed at the salon and went to the venue instead of going to her house to pick them up. Maybe they would still be here... if only...

 

If only...

 

If only...

 

“Durami! Ppalli!” (Start of Chapter 2)

 

 

 

Her Mother and sister... because of her the only people she cares for more than anyone in the whole world is gone. She can’t even live day by day properly. She is so lost and alone. What else can she do... it is getting harder everyday and the longer she stays here the more it makes her think of how horrible of a life she’s living in. 

 

 

Like routine for the past two weeks, she goes to her house to take a shower, get dressed and leave. She doesn’t stay at her house at all. She just drives around for the whole day then would answer Sanghyunie’s call to ask if she’s eaten. Like clockwork, her dongsaeng would call her at noon and then later at seven. 

 

As usual, her response would be “Yes, I’m eating now. You don’t have to call. I will eat dinner and eat Lunch tomorrow too.” But still her brother wouldn’t stop calling her. 

 

“Noona, let me talk to a server.” 

 

Dara rolls her eyes, annoyed. Every time he does this as if she’s a child. She hails a waiter and she asks him an odd favor which he accepted suspiciously. 

 

She didn’t even pay attention but she was playing with her food, moving the chicken meat around. This is so stupid, she can’t even eat her favourite food anymore because the smell of it makes her sick. So now only thing she can have is boiled things. She missed fried food.

 

“Miss, your phone.” The server handed it to her back. Then he left to continue what he was doing.

 

“You happy?” She grumbled in irritation.

 

“He said you barely touched your food. Are you sick?”

 

Dara sighs. She wanted to say that this thing growing inside of her is making her hate her favourite meals instead she said, “I’m eating don’t worry.” She already ordered something else she’s just waiting for it. 

 

“You better eat noona...” Sanghyun said. “You know our deal.”

 

Dara knew too well that she had to at least do what he said or else he’d comeback to Korea to take care of her. She had forced him to go back to school since he can’t stop his life because of her. “I’m taking care of myself.” She lied through her teeth. The deal was for her to eat well, sleep well and not to be sad. She’s doing all those but he didn’t know the other things she does so she’s not sad.

 

“Okay good. Well I have class in twenty minutes. I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye noona!” He hung up before she could protest like what she’s always does when he calls. 

 

 

It was already almost ten and she had gotten missed calls from Jiuen and that group of friends so that means she has to head to where they are all at. She still has yet to change and put on make up, besides it’s still early in the night for the party to soar so she’s not rushing at all.

 

As soon as she got to the club, the place was now at it’s peak that it was a bit darker to find everyone else but with her luck Jieun who had came from somewhere found her.

 

“Unnie! Hwasoyo!” (‘You’re here!’) And Jieun didn’t even hesitate handing Dara a shot that was in her hand. “Everyone is upstairs.” She wraps her arms around Dara and is using her to keep herself from falling. She was giggling like crazy which meant that this girl wasn’t only drunk but under some influence.

 

Dara hated being sober around these people, so she drank it in one shot. “I’m too sober for this.” She complained.

 

“If you come to the bathroom with me, you’ll be happy too.” Jieun said with a smile.

 

One thing Dara doesn’t want to do is the paraphernalia stuff. She’ll drink but none of those... she had already told them and they respect her decision. “I’ll drop you right here.” Dara threatened as she glared at Jiuen, she held on to the girl’s hand on her arm.

 

“Jangnanahniya,” (I’m kidding)

 

Dara rolls her eyes and just lets Jieun take then to her table which she was having a hard time because Jieun was holding on to her tightly. 

 

And then not long after, they had arrived. The table was full with models, well known idols and actors then a couple spoiled cheobals who was distributing the drinks to everyone in the table.

 

“Dara-shii! You never seem to fail us! Come join!” Park Myung-suk cheered when he saw Dara. He is the son and only heir of TQ group which is one of the biggest distribution company in South Korea. And with that he releases the two models attached to him and runs over to Dara handing her a bottle.

 

Dara stares at the bottle, and at Myungsuk. “What’s this?”

 

“It’s the good stuff...” he breathes into her ear and he stunk of alcohol, cigarettes and possibly something else. “Unless you want the amazing stuff, it’s over there.” He points at the bottle across the models he left who was trying to fight whose turn it is to drink from the bottle.

 

“So this is clear?” She grabs the bottle from him, she made a mental note going to stay away of the bottles over there. The thing about this group is they don’t force anyone to do with what they are uncomfortable with so she trusts that nothing is in this bottle other than alcohol.

 

“Only the best kind of vodka the bar has to offer.” He said proudly. Obviously this kid is too happy to spend money that he didn’t even work hard for.

 

With that, Dara took the bottle and drank from it ignoring the bitter burn of vodka down followed by the warming feel an alcohol gives after drinking.

 

“Wooooo! Party!” He left the bottle with Dara and went back to his models.

 

She was standing there awkwardly unsure of what to do next. She looks around and the bright light next to her caused her to freeze and her heart started to race in her chest. She heard an echo of Durami’s voice in her head. 

 

She immediately slaps her forehead hoping that that voice in her head to disapear... the lights are making her hear things again. She can feel the glass breaking and other things again.

 

Without even thinking again, she took a drink from the bottle. Taking alot more than she did a minute ago. Finally, she couldn’t hear anything else but the music around her. The lights had started to dim and she was feeling hot. She needed to sit.

 

Dara finds an empty spot and sits beside Kim Heechul of Super Junior who just nodded at her, “Dara-shii, your presence has been complete for the past two weeks I hear.” 

 

Dara offers her the vodka bottle that she was holding. After she took another drink. “Oppa?”

 

He shakes his head with a smile, “I’ve had enough and I have an early shoot tomorrow.”

 

“Ahh more for me then,” she said happily now feeling the after effects of the alcohol. She took another big gulp. She started waving her hand around to go with the music.

 

Heechul was just watching her carefully, he rarely joined this group since he knows they are a bad crowd but one of his close friends is on his way and called him over. When he asked who was coming, it was mentioned that Dara had been joining them for a while. He got curious, he knows Dara is always a home buddy. Yet here she is... drinking. 

 

She could feel Heechul staring at her, she smiles at him charmingly. “Are you sure you don’t want?” 

 

He shakes his head again and then leans close so he’d be whispering in her ear, “What is a girl like you doing with a crowd like this?” 

 

She laughs rather sloppily and shrugs, “What about me?” She hates the fact that there is a good girl when in fact she is the complete opposite.

 

“You, you’re not like this.” He has heard that she had started to change for two months now since she would start going out to party but the past two weeks has been worse. He has met up with Dara a few times before and that’s usually because her friends are out or Jiyong would be with her too but she doesn’t drink this much. And this is certainly not her crowd. He knows she met then through Jay Park but he doesn’t even hang out with this crowd for two days straight. 

 

If Jay Park was in Korea and not on tour in the US with AOMG the Dara wouldn’t be with this crowd. Jay would have stopped her the first time she even tried, especially in the situation she is in. 

 

“Didn’t you hear?” She takes a drink from the bottle. Then leans towards Heechul using his chest as balance or she’d fall off the couch. “I’m not the same girl you knew.”

 

“I can see that, what happened?” 

 

She sits up and looks into his eyes, words left her lips without her thinking. She had succumbed to alcohol so she has no filter. She wouldn’t say this out loud sober but in her heart this is what she feels. “I’m a murderer now.” 

 

He widen his eyes in surprise. Everyone knows about the accident but her saying this, it isn’t right. “Who said that?” He said angrily. He may not be close to Dara but seeing her going down this path, when what she believes isn’t true.

 

Dara shrugs and shoves the alcohol towards him which he caught immediately before it would fall on the ground. “I know what people think.” Then she stands up almost tripping on her feet but she got a hold of the table which caused a protest from everyone since some glasses tipped over. “Miane everyone!” She giggled. “Now if you’ll excuse me sunbaenim I’m going to go dance.” Not caring the disappointed look on Heechul’s face, she turns her back at him and thankfully Jieun saw her. 

 

“Let’s go dance unnie!” She takes Dara’s hand when she was reached out for her.

 

Dara and Jieun was dancing with a couple of other girls on their table. She didn’t know how but she was holding a bottle of tequila. She opened her eyes and one of the spot lights hit her eye, blinding her for a second.

 

Unnie!!!

 

She immediately turned away from the light and made contact with a person she didn’t even want to see. That’s why she had felt like someone was watching her.

 

Lee Soohyuk.

 

Next to him was Xin-oppa and Danny-oppa. Yep the Nuthang crew is here. She tried to search for more but other than familiar faces Seunghyun (TOP) and Jiyong aren’t here. The way Soohyuk was staring at her it’s obvious that he was contemplating on going to her or calling someone not to come.

 

Jiyong might come.

 

“Oppa is here...” Jieun grabbed on her shoulder to have her turn at the entrance to see who she was talking about. 

 

Thankful to break eye contact with Soohyuk, she was more nervous who this oppa is. If it is oppa to her or someone younger...

 

Just then Jieun was waving at someone at the door who waved back.

 

Dara couldn’t move. Her had completely stopped beating, Jiyong was standing right there smiling at her. Why would he? Does he thinks it’s funny to be in this situation. He should stay with his pregnant girlfriend instead of going out and leave her alone.

Jieun waved her arms higher to signal him to come to them. “Geunsuk oppa! Yoegieyo!” (Over here...)

 

Geunsuk? Jang Geunsuk?

 

Then she remembered last night, the person she slept with last night was the actor Jang Geunsuk. Now it makes sense why Heechul-oppa is here. He’s probably waiting on him. 

 

In her drunken state, he so looks like Jiyong. She swore her stomach turned when she thought it was Jiyong and it wasn’t the alcohol.

 

He walks over to them, his eyes didn’t leave Dara’s. 

 

She was about to reach over Jieun but she wasn’t next to her. She was standing alone in the middle of the dance floor like a fool because her feet wouldn’t move.

 

“Dara-ah,” he said softly. Despite the loud music it seemed like she could