Chapter Twenty Three

Dara POV

Dara had been stopped for the past fifteen minutes. 

Sure she got in the car and drove away like someone who is part of the fast and the furious crew. It wasn’t until she had seen what time it was and she got to a stop sign leaving her street into the main street to head to the airport where she had realized how ridiculous this thing is.

Not that she’d want to go after Jiyong, all her heart wants to do it but her feet wouldn’t move from the brakes to accelerate.

Who was she kidding, no matter how fast she’d try to get to the airport there was no way she’d make it. The longer she’d sit on this street the farther it is to even reach it on time. With the 7 traffic and still trying to get through airport security and how to get there would be a problem that she didn’t think of.

“The movies make it seem so easy...” she cursed under her breath. Maybe the movies should show the entire process of how much a mess it is... it’s not romantic at all! It’s a hassle.

And besides when in some miracle she gets there in time what will she say to him to make him stay? the simple I Love You wouldn’t work... there’s still so many things they have to work on. 

She heard a honk behind her which made her jump. Followed by a long honk. “Jesus! I’m moving!” She yells at the car behind her. She hates New York drivers. They think that car horn is their life line. “No matter how much you push the dam horn it’s still a red light!” She’d always say. She finally was able to move her feet and pull over to the side where it’s safe from cars.

The car drove by and yelled at her in a beautiful curse that Dara was able to answer back with an, “Up yours too buddy!” But only with her windows up.

She screamed her frustrations. She was mad at herself for being such a coward and she was taking it out on the driver just now. She knows too well that she can’t make it there anymore. Even if she tries it’ll be no point... she’d just be stuck in traffic going back. 

She huffs out in anger, and smacks her head on the steering wheel. What is she going to do now?

She does the most convenient at the moment and calls him, might be too impersonal but she doesn’t have a choice.

“The number you are calling—“ 

Makes sense that he’d turn off his phone, or he probably put her straight to voicemail. Serves her right though.

Now what?

She could just wait for Jiyong to call when he arrives in Korea so she could talk to him... which defeats her first choice of wanting to do it personally. 

A month from now when he comes back, she could tell him everything but a month seems too long. A lot can happen in a month....

She can take a flight to Korea now and then she’s meet him there... just knock on his door. That’s the same as trying to go and try to catch on him on the plane. Yet once again a flaw to that plan would be leaving Jinnah here for the next few days when she’s never left Jinnah for more than 18 hours before. Not that she doesn’t trust the boys but still, no. Besides, she hasn’t stepped foot in Korea in five years. Randomly seeing her there would bring chaos to the entertainment world instead of it being a private visit, it’ll turn to a public ordeal.

She sighs. She is so hopeless. She glances at her phone and it was thirty minutes after. She has been sitting on this car for thirty minutes now. She could at least try the airport... if she can make then... she’ll just leave it to fate.

She was about to start the car when there was a loud tap at her window.

She squealed as her heart jumped to . How could she act like a bad cursing driver when she’s a coward. 

Her head turns towards the window hoping to god it wasn’t the driver but it was more of a surprise when to see Jiyong standing there.

“Jiyong-ah?” She gasps. Now if it’s any possible her heart stopped right at that moment. When he smiled at her and smiled, her heart raced that she could barely breath.

“What are you doing there? Are you okay?” He said loudly through the think window he looked rather worried actually.

“Oh— wait.” She said. In the midst of her freaking out, she opened the door and due to her clumsiness she smacked the edge of the door on right Jiyong’s forhead. “Ommo! Ottoke!” 

“Aish! Nomu Appa!” Jiyong cried out as he turns around and put his hand on his forehead. Bitting his tongue so he wouldn’t curse out loud.

“Yah, Jiyong-ah, miane. Ommo. Miane...” She quickly went to his side. “Jiyong, gwenchana?” She asked but he wouldn’t look at her.

“Oh, gwenchana,.” He mumbles under his breath. He was rather embarrassed to act like a child

“Barabwa,” (‘Look at me,’) she grabs his hand so she could see, she was slightly touching his forhead. She was already standing across him and trying to tip toe to see what she had done, “chebal?”

“I’m fine,” he breathed. It just hit him that she was about a foot away from him. He lifts his chin and met her eyes. He gazed at her meaningfully. His smile alone couldn’t hide the fact that he was really happy she was standing there totally forgetting that his head stung really bad.

Dara could see that his forehead was slowly turning red and feels that there’s a small bump but she can’t focus on that right now because she’s too distracted by his smile and gaze as if she’s the only one in the world that mattered. Even in the dark, with only the light of the street lamp at the distance, his smile was blindingly beautiful. 

Her heart would skip happily in her chest when his thumb would caress at the inside of her wrist that her already jumbled thoughts has worsen and she could only focus on his touch. She needed to say something... like now.

“Hi,” she breathed. If she could have moved she’d probably smacked her forehead. Greeeaaaaaat!

He chuckles lightly, “Hi,” he replied back. 

She was about to say something but a car honked reminding Dara that both of them were standing in the middle of the road.

Wordlessly, he linked his fingers between hers and pulled her to the side. He stopped between the two cars. 

That’s when it hit her, he has a flight in an hour. He should be getting ready to board soon not stand here across her. “Your flight?” She wanted to talk normally but she can’t seem to control her emotions. Her mind is too caught up by the fact that they are holding hands.

“I change it for 11,” he looks at his watch then he pursed his lips together.

He had about two hours till he has to fight traffic again so he could make it in time to board the plane. So they actually have time together. Now for Dara to start talking.

“I saw your car stopped—“

“It’s Jay’s car.” Dara said incoherently. She didn’t even know why she used Jay’s car. When she received a key she figured it was more convenient and much faster than grabbing her keys in the bag.

“Well before I turned to that street I saw you,” 

“Oh.” She blushed since she she has just an embarrassing moment back there and he witnessed it. 

He takes a deep breath and starts, “Dara listen—“

She looks up and interrupts she has a feeling she know what he’d say. She didn’t want him to apologise, not when it’s her fault they are in this position. “You called Sanghyun?”

He lightly caresses the side of her face with his free hand and nods, “I knew you needed him.”

“How?” Her voice was low and broken, she was trying to fight the tears that are threatening to fall from her eyes.

“I saw the pain behind you eyes. The one you’ve been trying to hide. That the only way you’d free yourself from that pain and guilt was from Sanghyun alone.” 

She blinked and a tear or two had fallen. He wipes it immediately and his palm touched her cheek. She leaned towards his touch, “Did you tell him?”

He shakes his head, “I didn’t need to. I think deep inside he knows too,” he had a talk with Sanghyun, the younger had hoped that his sister would heal on her own without needing to admit his feelings from the accident before. He regretted having those emotions against his sister even if it was only in passing. 

“Jiyong...” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure what to say next but she went ahead and said what was in her mind, “Jay told me everything...”

His face was unreadable and he exhales rather loudly. He figured Jay would. He recalled the last conversation they had three days ago. Jay had threatened him that South Korea is a small world especially being in the same company if he doesn’t fix this. “I was hoping he didn’t. I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you.” He closes his eyes embarrassed. 

She pursed her lips. “But that’s how we are... it was your way of hurting me because I did alot worse.”

He immediately opens his eyes and meets her gaze. “Dara—“ but to his surprise there was no malice in her expression what confused him more was the fact that she had the look of amusement from her statement.

She offers him a smile and squeezes his hand. “I just mean that, despite what we strongly feel for each other, we both didn’t know what to be in a relationship truly means.” She lowers her head and looks at their interlinked fingers. His thumb was absently rubbing on her wrist, she has to mentally tell herself to focus. “Because it’s not just about love alone, but it’s much more. We needed to work on each other. I think we skipped that part. One little fight since we don’t know what to do with it, we break up or worse. We hurt other people because we thought our love was enough when really... love should have made us stronger not destroy us.”

He just listened and nods. He thought about it hard today and last night. She was right. Dara and Jiyong being together wasn’t only toxic to them but to the people around them. He had hurt Kiko and he didn’t even think about it. If they just worked things out properly like a normal couple would then there wouldn’t be any casualties. 

Like her friendship with her 2NE1 members, since Chaerin had always been on his side, without really trying to see why Dara is acting the way she is. Then her accident which had changed everything... she hasn’t stepped foot in home because of the pain the country brings. Sure she calls New York her new home but he knows better, it’s her hiding again. 

She thought his silence was a sign for her to continue, “And so, we try to grow up or pretend to be. You married while I raised our child alone. That was our choice thinking that we were doing the right thing when in reality we were doing it all wrong again,” 

“But this where I’m the most horrible person in the world... if only you know how I am lacking I am with Daehyun. It’s not that I didn’t love him, i did but it hurt too much being with them.”

And then Dara shakes her head, she reached for him and places a comforting arm on his chest. “No, no, you can’t believe that. I’ve seen how you are with Jinnah. I could see that you are a good father.” She wasn’t lying about that either. Maybe he has some but that’s how it always is when your kid is young... 

“And all of our actions had consequences in the end. We hurt so many people around us. That we thought living in a life that we know isn’t ours is going to make it better.” She frees his hand from hers and carefully places her palms at his shoulder then she ran them till the back of his neck. Her eyes were on her fingers as she wonders what to do next.

“I am totally going to sound like a broken record for repeating all of this.” Her voice was breaking and she swallows hard so she wouldn’t start tearing up. “But the accident changed me and it wasn’t for the best. I punished for myself for wanting to be happy. So i focused all my energy in raising Jinnah loving her and making her happy because I was also guilty that I wasn’t going to be enough for her.” 

Her hands on his neck kept her from shaking. His calm presence was helping her a bit to be more honest. Things that she had hidden at the back of her mind hoping to be buried forever. “In my entire life, I never wanted any of this. You knew that.” She had the talk with Jiyong when they were still trainees. She never believed in love or the emotions it came with. She had tried but she never really had strong feelings for anyone before... not until Jiyong opened that door for her. “It has always been Durami that wanted the white picket fence, loving family, husband, children the whole nine yards.” Durami was the hopeless romantic while Dara was the more practical and worried more about materialistic things like keeping a roof over their head. 

“I saw what love did to eomma. She loved to much only to be broken in the end but I think Durami was too young to understand. She knew mom was sad but she didn't realize why...” she shakes off the memory of her needing to grow up a lot faster than she should have. Caring for Sanghyunie and Durami while their mother was in a deep depression.

Jiyong nods. He knows this already, that’s why he had always been careful around Dara and waiting for her. He just listened though. He knew it’s what Dara needs. To voice her things that she always hides.

“But I took that from Durami. I didn’t even give her a chance to experience being loved properly because—“ she couldn’t speak anymore. She lowers her head not wanting to meet Jiyong’s waiting eyes. She sobs and continues, “I had love. I had it with you and it was real. And it scared me... dear god it terrified me. And I was afraid something would happen, I shouldn’t be that happy. No one always gets the happy ending they wanted, not me anyways.”

“Yes they do. If both work hard for it and want it as strongly.” Jiyong finally spoke. He takes a step closer so he can plant a soft kiss on the top of her head. He had his arm around her waist to hold her. She was already grasping at his shoulder because she had started to cry already. “I should have worked harder. I should have been more patient with you. I should—“

Dara could hear the remorse in his voice and she didn’t want him to feel that way because she acknowledges that she drove him away every time. She was as much to blame that she’d push him into Kiko’s arms. Yet they both knew that they’d be back to each other but never the right way and that’s what destroyed them both. 

But now... she’s done. She can’t do it anymore. She can’t hold it any longer. After years of trying to hide from her real feelings and it’s all out in the open. She feels vulnerable yet free. 

She never realized what she wanted until now. 

She finally stopped crying, takes a deep breathe and takes another step. Closing in any distance from both of them. His chest was slightly touching his, she could feel his breath on hers. She meets his gaze steadily and her eyes are show passion. She slightly pulls him towards hers and her lips touched his in a slow kiss.

He was surprised at first but he kissed her back carefully. She could taste her tears in their kiss. She wasn’t sure if he was crying too but it didn’t matter. Not anymore when being with each other was their only comfort and