Green - Past

Black - Present

Chapter ONE

Dara POV

“Marry me,” Jiyong whispered into Dara’s ears. He was watching her sleep for a good twenty minutes before he finally had the courage to speak up. The whole entire night during the AOMG launch party, he couldn’t stop himself from not being around her that much. He usually knows how to keep their distance but there was something about today that made him realize that he doesn’t want to part with her any longer.

He was definitely ready to start settling down. Sure, there’s still 2NE1 and Bigbang to think about but at least in the near future he can hopefully he can get her to see the same light as he does.

Dara’s eyes opened her eyes slightly and she laughed. She was sure she heard, ‘Bury me.’ which doesn’t make sense because well they’ve been at it for more than four hours and they aren’t sober… well she isn’t. “What?”

His face remained serious, he touches the side of her face brushing the hair off her eyes. “Marry me,” he repeated.

She widened her eyes in terror. She felt close up. Her heart raced and beating loudly by her ear. Every time any conversation comes up about the future this happens. When they’d talk about hypothetical situations she’d start having a panic attack but that’s usually because it’s just hypothetical… right now that’s totally not. It’s an actual change to their future—her future.

“Baby?” he whispered. He’s used to her acting like this and he’s got a good handle on it now. So he is pretty much immune to it.

Jiyong’s big bedroom had started to feel small for Dara. It’s as if the walls are closing in on her and she suddenly felt claustrophobic. It also didn’t help that he was holding on to her tightly. She tries to wiggle out of his hold but she couldn’t and she tries to laugh it off which sounds like a cry. “Jiyong that’s just—“

She starts again since her voice cracked and she finally got to sit upright. She tried to breathe in and out but she was still slightly hyperventilating.

Breath in and out… she reminded herself since for that long minute she had forgotten how to breathe. “Jiyong, you are still in the middle of your promotion for your solo album. You still have a comeback to think about with Bigbang and I have 2NE1’s comeback next month, and a possible world tour. You still have the Dome Tour in a months as well…Your fans are going to—“

He just laughs and scots closer to her so she can kiss the top of her head, “I’m not talking about now or tomorrow or even a year from now. I’m just thinking maybe in five years or may be even three.”

She pushes him off of her. If she had some hope that she could calm down but that’s totally out the window now. She was literary telling herself to breathe or else she’d just start hyperventilating. Her head was definitely spinning, she knows that Jiyong has sometimes tendencies to plan things and sometimes he forgets that it’s not just his life he is planning but hers as well.

She widens her eyes and she could feel closing up. “You can’t possibly think that far ahead?”

He just smiled, “Of course. I know I still have a few things I plan for Bigbang and my solo career before I can finally think about just us.”

As he was talking, all she could hear was her heart beating quickly against her chest. If she was a normal girl who doesn’t have some sort of disorder and fear of anything that makes her happy, then this conversation would have made her happy excited but it’s the complete opposite right now. Ever since from the beginning, she was always afraid of being close to someone like this for the fear of being hurt… and no matter how much she tries to tell herself that Jiyong is different that phobia is eventually taking over her subconcious.

“Don’t you think about it the future too?” he asks. The pain in his eyes he masks with a calm question but she knew all too well. They both also know how Dara’s phobia of commitment randomly hits her that it affects their relationship to its close more times than they both want to admit.

“Yes, but about what is going to happen in the next few days, weeks. With 2NE1’s comeback coming soon. I’m thinking of all the sleepless nights, we are probably going starting to have.” She said honestly because she never really thinks that far ahead at all.

“Am I even part of that?” he asks as his expression darkens.

It didn’t take her a second to respond because she didn’t want him to think differently. “Of course you are. You are part of my life but it’s all how we’d handle the next few promotions away from each other or something close to that. That’s the extent to it. Not when we get married or how many have kids we’d have.”

“Two.” Jiyong responded simply.

Her eyes widened and she coughed out, “Excuse me?”

“I’m thinking two kids. A girl and a boy but if we only plan to only have one then a girl.”

She laughs nervously not finding the humor in any of this. She could feel her hands getting cold. “Let me guess, you have names for them too?” She asked sarcastically.

He didn’t take her aggression for anything, so he just continues. He had been thinking about this for quite some time now and he is rather thankful that he can finally say this out loud. “Jinnah for a girl and Junghyun for a boy but that can be negotiable.” He knows he can’t always name both of them.

She stood up from the bed and found her shirt lying on the floor. She haltingly puts it on ignore the fact that her surroundings have started to spin around her due to the speed she shot up from the bed. She can see the stunned look on his face about how quickly she jumped away from him. She couldn’t seem to control herself any more, she was on full mode panic that she almost yelled out, “Those are your dreams and not mine!” She shakenly points at him. She knew her words hurt him but she was freaking out not to word out her thoughts.

She always prayed that she wasn’t like this but every time she tries to break down the walls she has when it comes to relationships the flashback of how her mother dealt with her heart break from her father’s disappearance had been engraved in her mind. It had affected her mother so much that Dara became the breadwinner of her family at a young age so she can feed her family.

It was only years after that she had found out that her father had another family and decided to abandon them for his new one. So her parent’s marriage that was supposed to be through thick and thin, till death do them part but that wasn’t the case and from seeing her mother’s state after that she promised herself she was never going to be at the state when she would be vulnerable to love.

It took a long time for Jiyong to try to breach that wall… The past five years was a struggle for Jiyong because of her fear for commitment. And the sad thing is, it isn’t just Jiyong that suffers through this but a sweet young Japanese model that Jiyong da