Extra long 6,000 word end chapter! I hope this lives up to expectations xx

다시 Run Run Run

I sat in the café one Monday as I completed a tone of my course work in order to keep up with my class, Tao and Kris had gone shopping in their free time and Yixing was ‘sleeping’ – more like smoking. I found myself not wanting to go back to my flat in a ploy to escape my responsibilities. I knew I was a cliché; I had fallen for my sworn enemy and was not up for dealing with the consequences. I hated that; I praised myself for my innovative thinking and individuality, but it seems I was just like everyone else.

For the first time in a long time, since all the ups and downs, I was alone. There was always someone at mine, even if it wasn’t Kai, and I swore this was the first time I had thought straight in ages. This wasn’t necessarily a good thing as now I couldn’t even concentrate on my work due to the plethora of thoughts plaguing my brain. I looked out of the window in a shallow ploy to gain inspiration yet ended up seeing something else beside the blue – sea like – sky and green lush grass, something surprising yet legible because Suho and Kris have always been so similar, they were now hanging out… like friends. I sighed; first Tao and Sehun and now this, what next: Baekhyun and Luhan actually putting their aside and admitting their feelings? I hoped so at least.

Maybe everything was working out; maybe my being here had been a good thing – why it lasted atleast – and, like a profit, I had brought peace to my peers? I scoffed at my own crazy, self-indulgent thinking although still wanted believe my time hadn’t totally been in vain.

 As I continued to look at the pair I wondered what Suho was doing out of lessons and then speculated if Tao or Sehun had told either of them of my plans. I hoped not yet thought it likely giving his gossiping tendencies, I smiled as I pondered, I’d miss that. 

Before long I wised up to the fact the two were making their way over to the café where I was sat and questioned if I was to get under the table for old time’s sake and hide away from any awkward convocations I may have to take part in. Giving my sketch book a sorry look and deciding it was too big to drag under the wooden structure before me I had no choice but to sit it out. I would have done even if I had a choice, I told myself; I had grown up since the first day and could look after myself.

As the two double doors opened and I witnessed a few people turn their heads to observe the newcomers, Kris and Suho made their entrance. I, surprisingly enough, didn’t bow my head or look away yet found myself staring.  Kris seemed to notice too as he waved shyly and alerted Suho to my presence. The short Korean seemed emotionless from across the room however made the first steps towards me while Kris followed in surprise. It caught me off-guard; I didn’t think Suho would be so eager to talk to me after the happenings the last time we spoke yet the gang-leader seemed to have an agenda, one of which ended with me.

“_________, How come you’re in here?” Kris made awkward small talk as Suho took a seat directly opposite me and crossed his arms over his chest. Kris also sat as I answered:

“Luhan and Baekhyun are helping Kai with his dance piece back at mine, I needed quiet.” Kris nodded as if he understood and I felt some triumph in the fact this wasn’t a complete lie; I just left out the part about how that place makes me crazy, everything there is kai kai kai. “I thought you were with Tao and Sehun.”

Kris shrugged “Suho has two free periods so we are going to… to sort some .” I looked to Suho as Kris spoke yet the Korean just ignored my attempted eye contact. I would have further questioned the nature of this ‘’ but remembered Kai mentioning that ‘Lay’s’ handiwork had since come back to haunt them and imagined that was the source.

“And, uh, how’s Eunmi?”

Suho’s head rose in surprise and our gazes finally met yet he, honestly, didn’t really look too happy “Eunmi?” He repeated “She’s gone back home for a week or two, my family are so pissed.”

Kris was the epitome of awkward now as I nodded along equally uncomfortable “I’ll… I’ll go get drinks.” He proclaimed before clumsily scrambling to his feet. I was half expecting him to fall over as he had done before. 

“I’m sorry.” I apologised genuinely but not certain of what for. I was sorry for a lot of things, I was sorry for how Suho and I ended up, I was sorry for telling everyone he – and I alike – had been playing them but then  I wasn’t so much sorry for Eunmi. I was happy for it to sound that way through; it was social convention to apologise if someone gets hurt because of you right?

Suho shrugged “It doesn’t really matter now.” He deadpanned as he looked down on his clasped hands on the table. He had an agenda, I knew it, but wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to hear.

“How are you?”

“Cut the small talk” He suddenly instructed, looking me directly in the eyes as scowled in confusion and displeasure “I know you don’t want to talk to me.”

My eyes subconsciously rolled; It was a natural reflex that came whenever my estranged ex opened his mouth “You hurt me, Suho.”

He chuckled curtly yet with a disturbing manic undertone, he was mocking me, or at least it felt that way “I know; you told me in front of everyone.”

I recoiled into myself nervously “I’m sorry.” I apologised for the nth time much to Suho’s displeasure.

“You always do that.” He announced with a vague, nostalgic smile “That time –the second time we met –when I was in your room, I told you to stop appeasing me, I asked you if you were scared.”  I looked Suho straight in his eyes as he reminisced our short history “You were.”

I searched inside myself for an opposition but, in truth, I had always feared him in one way or another. Maybe I still do.

“It was horrible.” He sadly admitted in a low, soft tone as he looked away from my gaze in obvious shame and gripped his hands together once more. I nodded as he sat there so hostile and, evidently, regretful. “But it was also so special.”

I couldn’t really see how and had nothing to say as the bell signifying the end of the period rang in my ears and alerted me that, soon enough, the café would fill up indefinitely. Suho flinched a little as the loud sound interrupted and destroyed his thought train.

“Suho” I started before being interrupted.

“Please” He requested “Call me by my name, call me Joonmyun.”

I sneered a little, not realising I was actually doing it as the atmosphere seemed so bizarre; the sincerity in his voice was peculiar to me. Joonmyun was always one to kid around, he was never straight up and when saying one thing he was almost always meaning another, this left me in a perturbed state of mind regarding his intentions almost indefinitely. I was never one for trust issues – maybe because I have never been selfless enough to inquire into some else’s life  let alone threat over something they could be or could not be doing – but Suho brought this out in me; I wanted him to be upfront and true full, I wanted to trust in him for once. I would like to be able to say that he owed me that at least but we were both as bad as each other, he owed me nothing.

“I don’t even know how it got this bad.” Suho awkwardly chuckled as he spoke with a sense of direction for the first time that day. “It started off as a game, like an adventure but I really messed up ______, I really did.”

I pouted “Me too.” I admitted as we affiliated over our mistakes “We’re like Rhianna and Eminem.”

Suho laughed a little as I enthusiastically hummed ‘love the way you lie’ for a literal 10seconds  “Yeah, I guess we are.”

I looked to the line in which Kris was stood in, scowling as the number of people in front of him took their time to order from an equally bored Junhui.

“I hope you know i don’t regret it.” I averted my attention back to the boy before me “I don’t regret dragging you into this game, I don’t regret breaking your heart, even if that makes me terrible – I don’t regret it – because it meant that I got to know you.”

I mulled over his words and processed them in an instant, not that I understood what he was saying in the least “We could have done that so much better.” I offered “got to know each other that is.”

He shrugged “People like us don’t mix, only for business.”

That hurt a little, to know Suho was so invested in his world that he needed an excuse to interact with of people, I wondered if Kai felt the same way, what if they all did? What if Chanyeol was only nice to be because he had to be? What if they all secretly found me repulsive? Oh god! I thought millions of things in a single instant and could feel a head ache coming on.

Suho looked down as if ashamed “I don’t regret anything that involved you ________, even the bad because it’s part of our shared history, something we have in common.” I smiled at the sincerity of the statement “And I don’t know when, I don’t even know how, but somewhere along the lines I fell for you and… and that’s not, like, that’s not something that happens.”

I raised an eyebrow as he angered himself with his stuttering and inwardly cursed. His eyes looked blighter today; the sincerity was feeding his soul.

“Maybe I’m not even saying I love you, I’m just telling you –“ Suho thought for a second or two “-Im just telling you that it should have been different, that I wish it was different.”

“But it’s not.” I explained very matter-of-factly “we totally gaffed it.”

Suho nodded in agreement “That’s why I’m telling you all this; you need to know my feelings even if we can’t do this – we can’t make each other happy; we’re too similar, too selfish, too destructive, we clash _______!”

“I know, I know.” I confirmed very defiantly and then shrugged “Friends?”

Suho laughed exhaustedly, sadly, but his eyes still smiled  “Never , not friends.”

“What?”

“we’re something else, you and I, something amazing but not friends. Not better not worse than friends either, just… parallel, different.”

I accepted this with a warm heart “we’re special, huh?”

He nodded “just crazy bae, just crazy. Now what are you doing about Kai.”

I froze, hoping Suho was none the wiser.

“Sehun told me everything.”

Oh for sakes, I knew that brat couldn’t keep his mouth shut. I sighed in defeat  “Yeah…. About that…”

“Save it, you don’t have to explain yourself to me, just know you’ll be making a mistake.”

I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore.

“Anyhow, Kris and I are meeting GD to sort ‘Lay’s’ mess, wish me luck!” He said with a smile as I did just that.

I knew I was taking the easy way out as I dashed around my room, gathering my stuff as I frantically threw everything into my bag. Kai would be back soon and I couldn’t explain to him, I just couldn’t – I was a .  I looked to the clock hanging above my bed and decided I had 20 minutes max to get out, that was if Sehun hadn’t told Kai too.

Having stripped my bed of my silk sheets, stuffed my cushion into its own freaking  bag and not bothered folding any of my clothes I was packed, packed with nothing stopping me from running through that door yet excuses kept arising in my heart, bounding me to the spot. I sunk to the ground and sat against my bed, pulling my phone from my bag. I couldn’t leave like this.

To: Chloe
Hey, I’m going home for a while, I’ll see you at your birthday right? Xx I’m sorry for all this, I just have to do it. xxx

To: Luhan
Lu – don’t ask why – I need you to promise me something , Quit this Baekhyun and tell him you love him; it’s not too late for you guys,  I mean it. I love you. Good luck with… whatever it is you do ;)xxx

To: hyun
Do you remember how much you used to hate me? hahaha you couldn’t really though could you? ;) Do yourself a favour and admit that you and Luhan have feelings for each other because you both deserve to be happy. You’re one of the funniest things I’ve ever met Byun Baekhyunie, live well xxx

To: Chanyeol
You know, out of all of your friends you are the best; you’re clumsy as and can get everyone into so much trouble but your heart is in the right place and that’s what matters. Thank you for sticking up for me no matter what; it means more than you know. Look after yourself xxxxxxx

To: Chen
Chen Chen! You need to do me a favour and look after that daft giant Chanyeol, okay? And look after yourself too because I’m dragging you to Europe one day so we can prank the whole continent! Thank you for not being like the rest, for accepting me; I need that xxx

To: D.O.
Ah, another enemy turn friend! Success! But you dare hurt my BFF and we’re enemies again okay? Still, you’ll be my favourite enemy; I think we’re very alike, I think we share the same views on things… but I’m less violent ;)  Please keep Kai out of trouble; I know you love him as much as I do. Look after each other. I’ll miss our hostility, I actually will.  xxx

To: Xiumin
Dude, calm down! Jokes never change; I’ve never met anyone so head strong and powerful as you yet you disguise it so well. You are one of those few people who really can do anything; you’re really something, I think that intrigues me. Is that masochistic? Who cares, Stay safe, no fights!