No one was home. It was empty, silent. Only me and the air. I sat down at the kitchen table and glanced around. He must have felt that sadness that I’ve felt when I lost dad. I felt sorry for talking to him about his parents the first time I met him. Can’t blame myself though, he could’ve said something. I guess he didn’t want to be alone today and then wondered if he was alone on this day every year. A sort of strange feeling dumped itself into my heart. Suddenly a quick flashback of when he had pulled me down jumped into my memory. It was strange. That time I didn’t want to be near him. I didn’t want to lean on him even though he was already tightly holding me. As uncomfortable as I was I didn’t want to make myself comfortable by leaning on him, but now when I think of it a small sweet tender feeling arose in me.

“Selina, you’re crazy,” I told myself.

Everything was the same the following week. He didn’t try to talk to me and I ignored him. Only I never thought that week would bring up some events that would change my fate forever.

As Boss Lady Han did not allow me to go back to work I helped mom out at her stall on the weekends while Xi went to the library to study. Mom and I were making good business which had made us very happy. As I bent down to sort out some dead fish while mom was selling something a voice spoke out.

“Can I have three of those?”

Without looking up I answered, “Sure thing!”

After packing some fish into a bag I got up on my feet and handed the bag to the person.

“That would be one…” I began but the bag dropped from my hand as I saw who he was.

“Hi,” he smiled gently.

I stared at him willing for something to come out of my mouth, but there was only silence.

Two years ago I gave him up. My conscience had too much power over me. Everything I did I knew it was a fact that it was wrong even when my heart wanted to go further. I tried to get over everything…but even now my heart still bears his name.

I found myself walking side by side with him when I awoke from my thoughts. It was really silent but I had to say that it felt really good to be next to him. He didn’t speak nor did I. We came to a stop when we reached a small busy park. The sun was up but the air was cold. Children were running around screaming at the playground and I felt sort of jealous because I did not feel the joy they had.

“It’s been a really long time,” he said taking a breath and holding his head up against the sky.

“Mmmm,” I agreed.

I didn’t know what to say. Whether to show him my love or act cold towards him to get him off my back. I didn’t know which one was better.

“You started your second year in university?” he questioned. I nodded without answering. “I’m just entering university.”

That was right. He was younger than me. That was one of the reasons why I had left him and I felt bad because of it. I felt I was ruining his future, I felt he had a better chance in the world if I wasn’t with him. I don’t know if that was true, I don’t know if he was doing better without me, but I knew for sure I wasn’t getting anywhere without him. I was really happy back then. I could smile everyday without lying and I'd get hyped up everyday, I would dream of so many things, my hopes would always be high, I would be able to hold my head up high everyday and surpass everything that came my way whether it was bad or good, shame or embarrassment. When I let him go my life shattered.

“Why aren’t you talking?” he asked.

“Huh?” I said turning to see that his face was close to mine and he was smiling calmly. I quickly turned away knowing that feeling of longing for him was coming. “I was…just thinking.”

“A penny for your thoughts?” he asked in a joking manner.

I turned to look at him again this time and I didn’t let go of his gaze. He tapped me gently on the head and turned away playfully.

“You’re just the same. I always listen to you, but you never listen to me,” he reminded.

“I do listen to you,” I told, “you just don’t know.”

He smiled again making my heart thump. I wanted him. I wanted him to be with me. I wanted him back. I wanted to own his smiles.

“I’ll see you later, ok? I just wanted to drop by to see how you were doing,” he told me. “Take care.” He said then walked off. I watched as he left and dropped onto the bench filled with too many emotions.

Fluke…I missed him. I returned to the stall an hour later and helped mom finish selling then we carried the rest of the leftovers home to eat for dinner. After I had taken a shower I went to lay down on my bed. Memories floated back and as they did Jiro flopped into my mind. He was the first man to touch me since two years. He was the first man I felt warmth from, but I barely knew him so why am I suddenly thinking of him?

As the week went on I returned to work on Tuesday. It felt good being back in a familiar place other than home. Cooking and serving others was something I always liked.

“Can I have a bowl of soup?” a voice asked. I looked up from the counter to find Jiro standing there. Why was he here?

“Is that all?” I asked turning my attention down to the papers in front of me.

“That’d be all, how much?” he questioned.

“$3.14,” I answered then shouted to the people in the back, “one bowl of soup!” I turned back to Jiro as he handed me cash. “Take a seat first.”

As Jiro walked away he turned his head to watch as the next customer walked passed him.

“Hi, Selina,” a voice greeted. I froze as I looked up and I could see the Jiro was watching, but my attention was on ‘Him’.