Yoona knows that something is not right when the only person who appeared on her door step are no other that Jessica and Tiffany.

Despite her falling tears, Yoona’s hand covered from screaming her pain.

God, she missed that woman so much, so, so much.

She stayed because she needed time to make the surprise dinner for her wife. She planned it all. She wants to make it up to her wife. The dinner, her birthday dinner.

But instead, Yoona is the one with the unexpected shock.

“..she is..”

She is staying at yours old apartment.

Yoona is sobbing quietly, nodding weakly. Sooyoung is staying at their apartment? The place she stayed with the brunette for more than two years.

Of course Yoona remembered. They decided to stay together after a year of relationship, and they stayed there for another year after their marriage before moving out to their new house. The house they afford together.

“Just what the hell--..”

“Will you be fine?” Tiffany cut her fiance’s question. Jessica is throwing a glare. Obviously, she was about to asked whatever the hell was wrong with both of them. But Tiffany is a little bit more thoughtful in various circumtances. Tiffany is always the one with a little bit patience.

Yoona doesn’t reply. They all know the answer.

Tiffany sighed “what are you going to do?” she asked “will you come after her?”

Yoona bit her lower lip hesitatedly. Sooyoung is avoiding her. Does the brunette want to see her now? Isn’t it the point of Sooyoung’s decision to stay away from her? Isn’t the massage clear that Sooyoung doesn’t want to see her?

Wouldn’t she getting her wife more upset by showing at the apartment door?

Jessica glared at both of the girls before she walked out from the circle, walking to Tiffany’s car.

“Please be a little bit understanding.” Tiffany smiled weakly “she doens’t mean to give you more trouble.” She added “just worried too much about Sooyoung’s weird behaviour.”

Yoona nodded silently.

“Do you want me to drive you there?”

Yoona is staring at her friend for seconds before she shook her head “no, thanks Tiff.” She mumbled “I will just packed the food before leaving.”

Tiffany nodded, giving Yoona a big hug “I am worried about whatever things going on between you two.” She whispered “it is so weird seeing you guys not being disgustingly in love.” She pats Yoona’s back gently “something was wrong,” she said “and this is honestly terrifying.” Tiffany said honestly, pulling from the hug to meet her friend’s stare “this distance will do nothing but tear you apart.” She added “I hope you both can talk it out or find a way to fix whatever you guys are into.”

Yoona nodded, giving a weak smile “I can’t lose her.” She whispered more to herself “I love her too much for that.”

Tiffany smiled, giving another pat on Yoona’s cheek before she spoke “okay, I have my own problem to deal with.” She said “so, see you tomorrow at work.”

“..hey,” but Yoona called before Tiffany turned around “thank you,” she said softly “for dropping by to check if I am.. okay..”

Tiffany nodded, exhaling before she answered with a small smile “yeah, I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but,” she paused, giving her friend a small teasing smile “maybe it is better to see you both kissing and grossing out here on the door step..”

-----

This place hold to much memories for Sooyoung to bear with.

This place may be small. A one bedroom apartment with a small kitchen and equally small living room. There is only a bathroom, and a small balcony.

But then again, this place keeps more than a thousands memories.

Sooyoung is sitting on the couch in the living room. Her body slumped on the big couch with her eyes closed and her energy drained.

Her fingers lightly traced the soft leather of the couch. And her memoried begun to get clearer.

Sooyoung is lying on the couch, remote on her hand, enjoying her Saturday night when Yoona suddenly came and lying on top of her mindlessly, resting her head on Sooyoung’s neck, and bringing with a blanket to cover their bodies.

Sooyoung’s brows creased when a pair of arms sneaked around her waist.

Tilting her head slightly, Sooyoung was meet with Yoona’s closed eyes “so, you are going to sleep on me?”

“Hmm.”

Sooyoung chuckled “because?”

“I want to.”

“And I said yes?”

Yoona’s eyes opened, greeted by the sight of her teasing girlfriend “you don’t want to?”

Sooyoung giggled, locking her lips on Yoona’s “so we are going to sleep here?” she asked “I thought it was only me?”

Yoona frowned “I can’t sleep without you.”

“Really?” Sooyoung gave a naughty smile “I believe that wasn’t what I heard fifteen minutes ago.” She teased “someone told me to sleep on the couch tonight because she can’t bear to have me near her.”

Yoona bit her lower lip “don’t tease! It only got worse!!”

Sooyoung giggled “hon!!” she called “you are really cute!!”

Yoona groaned, but having her eyes closed again, placing a kiss on Sooyoung’s neck before again, trying to get her rest.

Sooyoung smiled softly, gently caressing Yoona’s back. The brunette is only in a tank top and and Sooyoung’s sleeping wear is similiar to the girl. Even thought that both usually have less. It was just that by the moment, they are in ‘clothed days’ “you know,” Sooyoung spoke “if you want to, you know that I can do something about it, aren’t you?”

Yoona gave no reply, but before Sooyoung sneaked her hand inside Yoona’s , the latter hold her hand put it on her back, frowing, Yoona hold her girlfriend close “no,” she said “I will admit that your offer is too much tempting for me that I even considered it for a second, and I am in the verge to accept them.” She said honestly, earning giggles from the girl below “but Sooyoung, we will wait until your period is over, and I will make sure that when we make love,” she whispered “we both are enjoying out time,” she smiled softly “and we will do it like it was our first, every single time.”

Sooyoung chuckled. Their faces are both red.

Yoona caressed Sooyoung’s cheek gently “and I will make sure that nobody can stop us,” she paused, thinking “not that I think somebody can.”

Sooyoung is staring right into Yoona’s eyes, and the latter hold their gaze like they always do.

Sooyoung’s lips curved into a smile “I love you.”

Yoona leaned closer, giving a kiss on Sooyoung’s lips “I am madly in love with you too.” She said “so do me a favor, shut up, and let’s just sleep.” She said “please don’t make it any harder than I am capable of holding.”

“I will make it worth it.” Sooyoung whispered with another teasing smile.

Yoona giggled, giving another kiss on Sooyoung’s lips “I know you do.”

That doesn’t work. Every time Sooyoung closed her eyes, the image of her wife is lingering inside her head, and every time she opened them, the shadow of Yoona is every where.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She is supposed to rest her body, mind, and maybe trying to think about a way to fix her marriage instead of reasoning with her brain of why she should.

Maybe she needs some time for herself to think about anything other than the reason of why her wife is giving herself to somebody other than her.

Or maybe, she needs to think about her pregnancy and how to raise their child instead of how long has been her wife lying to her and having the affair with another woman.

But how could she clears her mind while staying here? How could she take some time alone with a place that speaks a lot about the girl she wants to forget for just a second?

Every corner of the room remind her of Yoona. Every places speak too much stories about Yoona.

And even with her eyes closed or opened, all she sees is Yoona. And maybe that what she ever wanted, because maybe, that is what exactly what she needed.

But how could she? Why should she when Yoona doesn’t want her as much? When her wife chose someone else that is not her?

How could she assured herself that Yoona did a mistake and she means every single sorrys that escaped her lips? How could she assured herself that Yoona wants her like she does about the woman? How could she assure herself that Yoona wants her marriage as much as she wants to be in it? How could she?

How could she, when all her mind tells her are the opposite?

A tear excaped her eyes, but Sooyoung quickly wiped them. She is done crying. She has another things to think about other than pitying herself.

A lot of person has it much worse. This is supposed to be nothing.

But even so, it doesn’t lessen the pain inside her chest.

It was the knock on the door that bring her back from her useless overthought thoughts.

Sooyoung’s chest tightened. Why does she has an idea about who is standing behind the door?

Taking slow steps, Sooyoung opened the door, and greeted by the sight of her wife in a small smile with two paperbags.

It was they are staring at each other like forever before Yoona spoke “can I come in?”

Sooyoung’s heart pained, but she said “it is late, I don’t--..”

“Please.” Yoona bit her lower lip nervously.

Sooyoung turned her head slightly, taking a step back and open the door a little bit wider to let Yoona in.

Yoona stepped in to the living room, placing the paperbags as she seated on the couch, unpacking their dinner “..I brought dinner.” Yoona said as cheerfully as she could do.

“I am not hungry.” Sooyoung said coldly.

Yoona’s eyes fixed on their dinner, still trying her best to hold her tears from flowing while keep unpacking the foods. It stings, like a stab right to her chest.

“Please eat.” Yoona whispered “I cook--..”

“What do you want Yoona?” never once her name came from Sooyoung’s lips sounds so strange and distant.

Yoona bit her lower lip nervously, her heart broke, and keep shattering every times Sooyoung is treating her coldly “..about the present,” she smiled as best as she could sincerely “I love them,” Yoona spoke, tracing her ears which now adorned by a pair of earings from her birthday present.

Sooyoung glanced, and Yoona caught that gaze. That longing from Sooyoung’s eyes, that told Yoona how much Sooyoung wanted to touch them on her.

But Sooyoung quickly turned before she lost her control.

“..umm.. about the tickets, since we were not able to get out vacation,” Yoona mumbled hesitantly, studying Sooyoung’s facial expression before she added “I will book another flight as soon as we know when you can--..”

“I am busy.” Sooyoung cut, much too Yoona’s dissapointment. She sees this coming, Yoona did “I will be busy.” And Sooyoung made it clear that she doesn’t want to go anywhere with her wife.

Yoona bit her lowe lip again, this time, holding her tears.

“If you don’t have anything else to say,” Sooyoung spoke, as coldly as before “you may leave,” she said “I am tired.”

“Bu—but... how about we—we have dinner--..”

“I told you, I am not hungry.” Sooyoung cut “if you have nothing else to say, please leave.”

Yoona looked to the dinner, back to Sooyoung when she voiced softly “come back home with me.”

Sooyoung let silence occupied their conversation for seconds before she said “we need this.” She said finally “some time for ourselves.”

Yoona chewed her bottom lip in anxiousness. But the image of having Sooyoung far away from her hurt her a lot more than she thought it would be.

“You can take our room,” Yoona suggested weakly, not that she could be fine with the idea, but she doesn’t have much of choices, and she would take one that keeps Sooyoung’s closer “I will sleep on the guest room.”

But Sooyoung seems to have her own thought “I will be fine here for a while.”

“Sooyoung...” Yoona called weakly, reaching out her hand to Sooyoung’s hand, but Sooyoung pulled her hand almost immediately. The rejection hurt a lot more than Yoona could deal.

Sooyoung turned her eyes away from the woman, the woman she loves too much “I need this,” she spoke more to herself, trying to reasurred herself that she, indeed, need this “I need to be away from you.”

Yoona’s heart is bleeding again. Sooyoung said it in such a blunt and honest reply.

“I am sorry, Soo..” Yoona apologized again, and again “I am really sorry.” She whispered “I know what I did was unforgivable,” she said, breaking down to her defenses “but please, please tell me what can I do to fix this, to hold on to our marriage.. to.. have you back..”

“Right,” Sooyoung chuckled with tears strained her cheeks “of course apologizing will make it better,” she turned to Yoona’s “you can just sleep with anyone, and apologizing after,” she spoke coldly.

Yoona is sobbing quietly. She has never had any experienced, nor never learned to deal with a cold distant Sooyoung, again, who is upset and dissapointed at her.

“..how long have you been sleeping with her?” Sooyoung’s voice cracked when she asked. She needed to know. She needed to know how long has it been since Yoona betrayed their vow, and how long it has been since her wife stopped being one to her.

Yoona’s eyes are back on Sooyoung who still refused to meet hers “..it happened once,” Yoona replied weakly “I swear, it was--..”

“By the time you didn’t got home that night? When you were back to the house by early in the morning, saying you have fallen asleep overwork at your co-worker’s apartment?”

Yoona doesn’t reply. She has been home almost by 7AM that day, finding her wife fallen asleep in their livingroom, with her phone tightly gripped.

“And how do you explain what happened at your office?”

Yoona came wordless again. How could she explained? That she was too weak? That she was tempted? That she was seduced? And how would it fix things? How would it make Sooyoung’s feels?

“Right,” Sooyoung stood up, tears are falling endlessly from her eyes and she turned her back on Yoona to hide how misarable she has ever been by the single truth “of course, we’ve been known for what--? Almost six years? Seven? Of course at some point our marriage is getting boring, and you need some--..”

“No, that—that’s not true!” Yoona cut, stood up to come after her wife, who still doesn’t allow her to be so close around her.

“Of course, I tried to understand,” Sooyoung is pacing back and forth, doesn’t allow herself to be so close to the girl, scared if she will throw herself at the woman, because that is all she has inside her head “she is smart maybe, beautiful definitely, y--..”

“That’s not it!!”

“Than what?!!” Sooyoung yelled back “you were almost there!! Inside your office!! And you were shoving your tongue inside !! And your hands are feeling her up!!” she cried, finally burst our in anger, broken “why, Yoona..” she asked weakly “why did you do that..” she cried, and cried “I love you, so much.. does it not enough? Does she give you more? Is she the one you ever need? Am I—am I not enough?”

“It was just once! And I swear that I didn’t--..”

“Don’t say that to me!!” Sooyoung’s voice fill the room, yelling “so what?! Just because you slept just once with her, it could justify your action?! That you did nothing wrong?! That this, indeed, doesn’t hurt me?!!”

“I was hurt too!”

“And yet, you still did it again with her?!! In your freaking office?!! Just—just--!!”

Sooyoung’s eyes is piercing with daggers, she is angry. And Yoona never saw her as mad before.

“..so tell me..” Sooyoung spoke lowly “how did you think it will ended up at your office that day? Because I am sure as hell, Yoona, that you are ready to go all the way with her, that you are ready to, again, repeat the thing you claimed as a mistake that hurt you too.” Sooyoung whispered brokenly “and how long did you think it will last? Your affair? If I didn’t walk into your office that day, Yoona.. how long did you think you will continue this whole thing you claimed to hurt you?”

Yoona is drenched in tears.

She is mad to herself because Sooyoung is speaking the truth, because all Sooyoung said is true.

“..I know nothing I said or did, can make you feel better, or even a little less hurt..” Yoona whispered, reaching Sooyoung’s cheek. But the latter turned away. Yoona’s touch burned her.

Yoona is in pain too “..tell me, Sooyoung.. please, tell me..” she whispered brokenly “if I can do anything, everything, that I promise I will..” she said “to have you back, to have our marriage back,” she whispered “to be us again..”

Sooyoung is staring at the woman in mixed emotions, but mostly, she feels empty.

And Sooyoung knows it more than anyone else that she should stop talking, that she should stop herself from hurting both of them, that she should stop to make things hard for them.

Yoona is making an effort to fix things between them. But Sooyoung is too broken to see it. The pain caused by Yoona’s betrayal, the person she loves the most, the person she will do anything for, hurt her like never before.

Sooyoung knows that she will regret whatever slipped from when she was angry, but she couldn’t stop it. She can always deal with that, but not today. Not now.

Yoona knows something doesn’t feel right. She knows that her beating erratically heart means nothing good to it, especially when Sooyoung is mad, which is rare.

They both are broken, falling to pieces, and worse, nobody is willing to collect what’s left and bend them together like they used to do together. Instead, what they do, is nothing more than hurting themselves, others, more than they could afford, more than they could accept.

And that’s when Yoona’s eyes widened in absolut horror the very same time Sooyoung said coldy right into her face “..I want divorce..”

a/n: Hey, I will be on another trip by 25th, so maybe I won't be able to update for a while.

But, I will see if I can update again before my trip (I can't promise though).

so, this may be too early, but Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Happy reading :D

and I want to say thank you for those who are reading my stories, upvoted, subscribed, and even commented.

thank you very much ;)