Taeyeon is lying on the the bed on her side, arms folded, watching a tall woman is sleeping on the bed.

Of course Taeyeon can only kill the urge to do more than staring. She has to be satisfied watching, knowing she doesn’t own the girl anymore.

Taeyeon is staring at the sleeping girl in silence, as being so close with the girl she loves is enough. She lifted her hand slowly, and tucking the sleeping woman’s hair to the side to have a better view of the peacefully sleeping brunette.

But the longer she is staring, the more memories from their past are starting to fill her head.

“You promised!!” a tall young girl in her high school uniform half yelled. Her heart broken, and her tears are falling.

“Sooyoung..” the petite girl called softly “I promised to love you, and you alone.” She said, reaching out to touch her girlfriend which swiftly shrugged “..this is not a goodbye.” She continued “this is just a temporary break, I will be back for you, I promise that too..”

“No, no..” Sooyoung shook her head slowly, eyes wondering around the park that hold a little too much about their memories, they have a lot of dates here “you promised you won’t leave me.” Sooyoung said.

Taeyeon is staring at the girl sadly. She still remembered that time about her promise to her girlfriend few months ago when the girl’s parent died in an accident. Sooyoung was through a lot, and Taeyeon is her strength during that time, both with Tiffany and Jessica. Taeyeon even moved with the her girl since that accident, to accompany the girl and make sure that Sooyoung is never alone.

“This is important for me,” Taeyeon whispered, touching Sooyoung’s cheek which was stained with tears “..this is my dream, my future..”

“There are a lot of college here that offer the program you wanted.” Sooyoung tried to persuade the petite girl. The thought of losing Taeyeon after losing her parents bleed her heart once again.

“But, Colleges in US offer better education about hospitality bussiness management.” Taeyeon said “it has always been my dream to own a hotel, or—or villa, or—or even a resort.”

Sooyoung is quiet, looking down in dissapointment before Taeyeon lifted her face “..Soo..”

“What about me?” Sooyoung whispered softly “do you see me in your future?”

“Of course I do!”

“You can have both here..” Sooyoung tried to assured again “you can attend college here, and we can still be together..”

“I was already accepted in--..”

“And you just tell me this now?” Sooyoung’s shoulders up, clenching her teeth to hold her tears, refusing to listen more about her girlfriend’s decision of overseas study “in our graduating day?”

“I spend so much time thinking about this.”

“And you come to the conclusion that I am never going to be enough for you.”

“That’s not true.” Taeyeon spoke swiftly “you are the only reason on why, it was so hard for me to take this decision..”

“And yet, you are still leaving!!”

“Soo--..”

“Four year is such a long, long time..” Sooyoung sobbed. Her heart broken once again.

“..I promised--..”

“Don’t! Stop promised me anything!!” Sooyoung cried, throwing her tantrum “my parents left! Now you left too!! So what?! Who will leave next?! Jessica?! Tiffany!!?” she knows it was so selfish of her to hold Taeyeon from her dreams, but she needed the latter more than ever at the moment, more than anything.

“Sooyoung, Sooyoung,” Taeyeon pulled the latter into her arms, keeping her so close to her heart.

It is hard for her too, but Taeyeon understand her girlfriend’s rage. It wasn’t even a year since Sooyoung lost her parents, and Taeyeon has become the closest person to her during her sorrow. Taeyeon has been practically living with Sooyoung since the accident happened. Jessica and Tiffany were there too, but Taeyeon is Sooyoung’s shelter, home.

Things may be different if the accident never happened.

But the accident happened and Sooyoung lost her parents. She is now freaking out, because again, she was about to lose someone so important, someone she loves.

“Sooyoung, it will be okay..”

“It is not..” Sooyoung mumbled, hugging Taeyeon so tight as if her soul will leave without the girl “you wanted to break up, you were about to go so far that I can’t reach you, and Tae..” Sooyoung whispered “I am about to lose you..”

Sooyoung is scared, sad, and dissapointed. And again, Taeyeon understand. But they need this break so Taeyeon can focus more on her study, and going home sooner than she told the girl she will.

“I promised you, I will be--..”

“Stop giving me promise.” Sooyoung spoke, finally pulling from the hug. Her eyes clouded with sorrow once again, and it was the second time Taeyeon saw that from her girl “don’t give me more promise..” Sooyoung whispered.

“Soo--..”

“You are not even discussing this with me, because then, whatever I say, you are already decided.”

Taeyeon is looking up at her girlfriend. Sooyoung is right.

Taeyeon’s silence only wounded Sooyoung’s heart.

“...I will try to understand..” Sooyoung whispered in the wind, knowing she can do nothing to change her girl’s mind. The girl that once hers “sorry for making things harder for you..”

Taeyeon is in the verge of tears “You are not--..”

“Good bye, Taeyeon..” Sooyoung whispered “good bye..”

Taeyeon knows that she should said something. She knows she should have asked Sooyoung if the brunette can wait for her, but how selfish and thoughtless will that sounded?

There are a lot of things Taeyeon wanted to say. I love you, but it will only make it harder for Sooyoung. Wait for me, but Sooyoung deserves happiness too. I promise, but Sooyoung had enough of that and eventually left alone.

Taeyeon’s silence killed little by little of what Sooyoung has left. Broken, unwanted, dissapointed, and alone. Without another word, Sooyoung turned around, finally leaving the petite girl standing there alone.

Taeyeon is watching Sooyoung’s back until it gradually moving further. She wants to much to run and hold the girl in her arms, forever. But she has decided to leave for her future.

The agony of the unspoken words finally broke Taeyeon to tears, not knowing she has just made one mistake she will have no chance to ever redone. Ever.

Regret. Of course there are just so much things Taeyeon regretted, not even know where to begin with.

The moment Taeyeon saw this woman on her doorstep in tears, she wanted to hold her and never let go. But Taeyeon knew, Sooyoung is not hers.

Taeyeon is staring deeply, and every part of hers are aching for this woman. Taeyeon wore a small smile when once in a while Sooyoung mumbled few incoherent words in her sleep. She missed that a lot. She knows and misses a lot about this woman. She missed how Sooyoung used her as her personal pillow, she missed how Sooyoung kissed her every night.

Taeyeon smiled a little over the thoughs. Right, kissing Sooyoung always lead to one thing, and one thing always lead to another. And because she was living with Sooyoung, a lot of things happened. She missed Sooyoung’s adorable side, teasing side, sweet side, playful side, and even annoying side.

Taeyeon silently sighed to herself. The silence is deafening, but Taeyeon can only hear Sooyoung’s steady breath, and her own heart beat. Slowly, Taeyeon put her finger on Sooyoung’s lips, tracing gently as her heart rate increased, unconciously, Taeyeon moved closer to Sooyoung’s face, closer and closer.

No, Taeyeon, you shouldn’t.

Just once, that voice deep inside her heart tells her.

She is not yours, her mind argued.

You missed her. and she is here because she needed you.

Taeyeon was crumbled down her defenses when she closed her eyes and her lips slowly touched Sooyoung’s, grazing so slightly. Taeyeon swallowed nervously, all that feeling she bottled inside her sudenly exploded like fireworks. And instead cured, her longing for this woman grows greater and greater. but before Taeyeon can pressing her lips deeper, the bell ring, and Taeyeon swiftly jumped back.

Taeyeon’s breath is running hard and heavy. She wanted more, she knows she wanted Sooyoung back. But Sooyoung is married. And destroying someone else’s marriage, more over the woman’s she loves, was never been Taeyeon’s intention.

Taeyeon sighed when Sooyoung stirred slightly, but sleeping still. The brunette must have been so tired.

Taeyeon is staying still for another few seconds before she leaned and pressing her lips on Sooyoung’s temple. She pulled and smiled to herself. Sooyoung deserved to be happy. And Taeyeon knows who exactly can make the woman happy.

-----

The small living room filled with silence.

Taeyeon is sitting on the large couch, while Yoona occupied the single couch. No word has been spoke yet for minutes until Taeyeon finally said “..Sooyoung came earlier, showing up in front of me, crying..” she whispered, eyes straight to the TV.

Yoona is quiet, staring to the front, but glancing to the petite woman when she hears her wife’s name mentioned. Of course she did take a look at her sleeping wife for a minute the moment she stepped inside the apartment.

“The last time I saw her like that,” Taeyeon spoke softly “..was when we broke up..”

Yoona’s chest tightened.

“..until now,” Taeyeon said honestly “it will still become one of the stupiest things I have ever done..” she said “..I regret it.. I still do..”

Yoona didn’t say anything.

“...when I decided to take a break in our relationship..” Taeyeon spoke softly, legs crossed, eyes still staring to the front “..I thought I was doing the right thing.” She added “that indeed what I did was for my future, my dream was important.” She paused, a little to long as she tried to make sure that her voice won’t crack from pain. It feels like it just happened yesterday.

“..it was important,” Taeyeon said “but one mistake I did back then, was to make her think that she wasn’t as important.”

There is another silence. Yoona is listening each words.

“She was important.” Taeyeon wore a small smile “but I didn’t let her know that.” She swallowed the pain back “..I wanted a break so I can focus on my study, so I would be back sooner than I told her to.” Taeyeon whispered “..but instead of telling her that,” she said “I let her think that I will do anything to become who I wanted to become, and it was including leaving her broken hearted, and alone.” Taeyeon closed her eyes briefly before her tears fall. She opened her eyes seconds after when she continued “..she thought she was a burden,” she spoke “that she wasn’t enough to be fighing for.”

“She was wrong..” Taeyeon mumbled woundedly “but I didn’t tell her that..”

“She deserves to be happy..” Taeyeon mumbled “she deserves to know, that she is worth fighting for. That she, is worth loved.” Taeyeon smiled a little.

Yoona silently agreed. Everyone deserve to be happy.

“..and now that I have managed to achieve my dream,” Taeyeon mumbled, regret sounded so clear in her voice “I was satisfied.” She said “but I couldn’t able to share it with the person I love.” She whispered, glancing at Yoona “..I didn’t think much that time,” she continued softly “..but now, I realized. She is the reason why I want to be come the person I wanted to be. And she is the only person I want to share my dream with, my future.” She silently sighed, turning back to the front “but I already lost her, and I already lost my way.”

Yoona can still recalled the time first time she met Sooyoung on the first week of her college days. Sooyoung was either with her blonde bestfriend, her cheery and loud bestfriend, with both or alone. Sooyoung and Jessica took the same program, and Yoona fortunatelly enrolled the same program as one of Sooyoung’s bestfriend, Tiffany.

Yoona would joined lunch once in a while, meeting Sooyoung a lot of times, and eventually, Yoona fell the moment she realized that she wanted to put a smile, a lot of them, on Sooyoung’s face.

Sooyoung barely said anything then, but the grew closer. So when Tiffany or Jessica had to attand some things, Yoona voluntary proposed to accompany Sooyoung.

It started with small talks, little smiles, and Yoona found herself with more desire to hear what was it going inside the girl’s mind and expecting moments where she can see more of that smiles.

It was like fate when Yoona knew that she wasn’t the only one with that feeling. That she wasn’t the only one to fall, to be in love.

“..Sooyoung told me what happened..” Taeyeon’s voice took Yoona’s back from her memories “..I just don’t want you to do the same mistake I did.” She spoke “if you love Sooyoung, you have to tell her, and if you want her in your life, you have to show her.”

Yoona nodded lightly.

None of them talk after that, so Yoona took that chance to speak.

“..thank you..” Yoona whispered softly “thank you for being with her when she.. needed someone to talk..” Yoona voiced. She still doesn’t like the fact that Taeyeon wanted Sooyoung more than a friend. But the petite woman has been a really great friend for Sooyoung.

Taeyeon nodded quietly.

“..I know it was my fault,” Yoona spoke softly “..I..” she mumbled, her voice cracked “..I shouldn’t have cheated on her. It was so--..”

“What?”

But Taeyeon’s reply took Yoona by surprise that she looked up to Taeyeon who is staring back in confusion and shock. Didn’t Taeyeon said she knew?

“She told me that you both has some unsolved issues,” Taeyeon spoke “you barely talk to each other lately,” she said “she thought that you fell out from love with her that at some point, she even considered divorce..” she paused and Yoona clearly saw hint of angers written all over the lady’s features “but—she didn’t--..you are cheating on her?”

“It was over!” Yoona swiftly replied “we were trying to fix things now..”

“What the hell!” Taeyeon stood up “just what the hell are you thinking?!!” but keeping her voice low despite her anger. She wouldn’t want to wake Sooyoung up.

“I told you it was over!”

“You are such--!!” Taeyeon swallowed back her anger by having her eyes shut and counting to three before she opened them again, but they are still flaring in rage “you know what,” she spoke “if I knew you are cheating on her, I wouldn’t have ask her if I still stand a chance if this divorce ever happened.” Yoona is obviously surprised “I would just tell her to just divorce you and come with me to Jeju!”

Yoona is frightened. Of course she knew about Taeyeon’s feeling towards her wife. But Sooyoung is her wife.

And before Taeyeon can storm out back to the bedroom, Yoona hold Taeyeon’s arm.

“..please, take a seat.” Yoona spoke softly.

Taeyeon calmed down her breath before she seated back on the couch, arms folded, legs crossed.

“Clearly, I was at fault.” Yoona offered, knowing Taeyeon is too mad to talk now.

“You should’ve realized it sooner.”

“I hurt her, and I am sorry for that. I am ashamed, and I will do anything for her to forgive me.” Yoona said softly “..I love her..”

“You wouldn’t cheat on her in the first place if you love her.”

“I wasn’t in my right mind.” Yoona confessed “..there was an opportunity and I took it to hurt her. and I undestand that it was unforgivable.” Yoona spoke “but she is my wife--..”

“Opportunity will always come, Yoona.” Taeyeon sounded so upsed by Yoona’s confession “the chance of you cheating on her will always come again, and--..”

“I learned my lesson,” Yoona cut quickly “I will never, never, betrayed her again.”

Taeyeon lets silence fill their conversation for seconds before she spoke “It is always so easy to give promises, isn’t it?”

“I love her,” Yoona said “and she is carrying our babies.”

Taeyeon is looking into Yoona’s deeply “..is it that the reason why you disprove the divorce? Because she is already pregnant?”

“No, I--..”

“Because I don’t mind taking care of her.” Taeyeon cut “and her babies.”

Yoona’s heart pained “I can take care of her.” she said, her teeth clenched, obviously doesn’t like the sound of Taeyeon openly saying that loud to her “and our babies.”

“You didn’t do a good job then.” Taeyeon spoke, reminded Yoona about the pain she caused Sooyoung “I can take care of her better than you.”

“She won’t come back to you.”

Taeyeon glared in challange when she said “should we see how it go? Should I give it a try?”

Yoona’s hands fisted, but trying to remain calm when she replied “..she is my wife.”

“Yet the fact that she came here for me when she needed someone to talk to tell me that she trust me more than she trust you.”

It was such a painful truth “..but she loves me more than she loves you.” But Yoona won’t go down without fighting, heck, she is not planning to be defeated at all. Sooyoung is hers.

They are exhanging glares. Taeyeon is staring more calmly right now. Yoona’s word hurt her, but it was the truth. Sooyoung loves Yoona.

After her breath becomes steady, Taeyeon turned, looking at the table “..I won’t cheated on her.. never..”

It stabbed Yoona’s chest again, and again. She knows then, for however she made it up with Sooyoung. This, her betrayal will always follow wherever she goes.

“..it won’t happen again..” Yoona said, not turning from Taeyeon “..not again..”

Taeyeon silently sighed. If they do really divorced, Taeyeon is hell sure that she will take all the chance she was given to, and giving her best effort to have Sooyoung back. But there will be no divorce, and Sooyoung already told her her answer when she asked her that.

“..I don’t want to hurt you, Tae. You are one of the most important person in my life, and you will still hold a special place in my heart, my life, wherever you will be. And I am sure that I won’t forgive myself if I ever hurt you.. or lose you.. I love you, you are like family to me. But Yoona.. she is.. we are sharing a life now, a future together. And the thought of letting her walk away from me now, seem so terrifying. I love her so much, that I am willing to do anything to make her happy. Even if it means letting her go if she asked for it.”

Of course their conversation doesn’t stop there. Taeyeon talked with Sooyoung more. But the more words come from the brunette’s lips, Taeyeon grows to realize that Sooyoung loves her wife way too much.

“..you have no idea what you are about to lose..” Taeyeon whispered softly.

Yoona looked up from her lap “I did.” She replied after a beat “that is why, I won’t lose her..”

Taeyeon took a long breath, exhaling after “..I am planning to go back to Jeju in few days.” She said. It is time to let go “..but not before I am sure that Sooyoung is fine.” She said “so maybe still few more days.. just incase she needed someone to talk..” at some point, her fake bussines plan had to stop.

Yoona nodded, part of her wishing Sooyoung will just come to her if she wanted to talk. Yoona will listen to each words, hours, no matter how purposeless their conversation can be.

“..I will tell you the truth,” Taeyeon spoke, turning to Yoona as the woman looking back at her “..I still love Sooyoung..” she said softly “I still do love her very much..”

Yoona said nothing, letting Taeyeon finished what she wanted to say.

“...but you were right, she loves you now.” Taeyeon continued “and I don’t want to ruin someone else’s marriage.. not hers, knowing you are the only person who can make her happy..”

A sense of relief escaped Yoona’s soul at the moment.

“..so I believe you don’t need me to threat you like ‘I will come back when you hurt her, and take her away from you’..” Taeyeon continued, looking so calm and serious as ever “..you know I will do that, and I never need your consent, or your permission then, I won’t.”

None of them said anything. Yoona listened every word of it, and promised to herself that she wouldn’t need Taeyeon to come ever again to remind her about how important Sooyoung is for her, nobody needed to. And the next time Taeyeon came, they all can greet each other with genuine smiles and laughs.

“..So, I wish you happiness..” Taeyeon said quietly “you and Sooyoung..” she said.

She knows, it is time to let go.

It is time to make peace with her past, with her broken heart, with her broken soul, and herself.

And for once, after seven years of living misarably in pain, Taeyeon feels a sudden warmth hugging her every brokeness.

And at the moment Taeyeon knows, it still hurts, and maybe once in a while, it will hurt again. But it will heal.

It will be just fine.

There is so much love left in her for Sooyoung, but knowing that there is still so much way of sharing her love for the woman who will always hold that special place in her heart. Taeyeon understands, love doesn’t always mean to possess, but that doesn’t mean she has to stop loving either. Sooyoung is her special woman.

And one day, she may find someone who can make her feel like Sooyoung ever made her feel. And when the time comes, Sooyoung will become a part of her beautiful memories. Always.