The days, weeks and months that followed Tiffany's birthday came in as a blur. All I can remember was the pain, well it’s not like it left. All I see is myself curling up on my bed, hugging my knees and my head throbbing in an unimaginable pain. How did Oppa or anyone from my family survived this pain? I'm glad Umma did not go through this. She met Appa before her 21st birthday and he gave her the kiss of the promise before she even turns 21, saving her from the curse. Though she married Appa, the family insisted that we use her surname, Kim. It’s not because of power or money, it’s because of the curse. Not everyone's as lucky as her though. In our private family cemetery you will see many of our family members died at the age of 21...

And soon I will be one of them.

Ugh! ! It hurts!

The pain killer does not help much these days. They said it's already strong yet here I am still feeling the incredible pain. I can barely talk these days. I can see the tiredness and sadness getting the best of Appa and Umma. Oppa always come and visit me, sometimes Unnie comes with him but I know how busy they both are as they handle the Kim Corporation since I am here being useless. The nurses are the ones who feed me food since I can't move most of the time and too weak. Umma, Unnie and Tiffany take the job from them whenever one of them visits me. Tiffany's visits lessened these days, Christmas is just around the corner and it must be a very busy month for everyone especially in their line of business. Fashion events are ongoing here and there and they are preparing for Christmas Special. I can totally understand her and am thankful actually. She can avoid seeing the scenes this hospital experience almost every day because of me. I wish she will never see.

I woke up one day and notice the snow falling. I can see the white scenery from my window. I want to go out and maybe touch one. This will be my last Christmas after all. I was trying to reach for my phone to ask Oppa to accompany me when a new kind of pain came. It’s the pain I've been experiencing lately as my time nears but this time it came thrice as painful! ! This is the pain very much worthy of death. It’s supposed to be cold but here I am sweating like all the water from my body will disappear any minute now. My throat feels dry but something is pushing up from inside and when I opened my mouth, I threw up! Blood! Lots of blood! My vision gets blurry; I reached for the button beside my bed with all that I have left.

Ahh!!!!

I want to shout! And so I did!

"Ahh!!! God!!!!!" I shouted and seconds’ later nurses came in my room together with a couple of doctors. They tried to touch me but like a child in a tantrum, I threw my arms around. I want to feel pain in some other parts of my body just to divert my attention from this ing pain in my head.

"Just kill me!" I shouted.

"I beg you, kill me!"

Where I got the energy to shout those words I don't know. I saw one of the doctors take out a big syringe, bigger than anything I have seen them give me. Three nurses came to hold me down, while two doctors helped each other to put the needle inside my body.

"Ahhh!!!"

I shouted so hard I feel my throat hurting. This... This is hell!

~drop~

Our attention was caught by some sort of objects falling on the floor. There I saw her, I saw my best friend. Tears are falling from her eyes. Her hands are lying limply on her sides. She looks helpless, and even in pain as she sees me like this.

No! I don't care if I lose my ability to talk.

"Leave!!!"

I shouted with all that I have and all that I can.

"Leave!"

Tears are even falling from my eyes. She can't see me like this.

A nurse guides her to leave my room and she did like a weak little child.

I can't help but cry, cry in so much pain, so much pain from my body, from my head, from my heart... and so much pain because of Tiffany, so much pain for Tiffany.

Hours later I felt much better. The pain is still there but at least it’s bearable. I'm sitting on my bed. My side against the bedpost as I look through my window. I feel like I have no soul already. I feel so weak. And to think that I have at least three more months before my end, will I be able to survive all the pain?

Can't I just kill myself and end this all?

"I want to die..." I faintly whispered.

"I want to-"

A pair of arms suddenly wrapped itself around my stomach. The warmth I feel is different from the excruciating warm temperature I felt earlier. This is comforting warmth. I can smell strawberry and I don't need to turn to know who it is. I can hear whimper and sobs coming from her. I can feel my back getting wet because of her tears.

"You should go home"

I said with my low raspy voice. She shakes her head.

"Don't leave me..." She mumbled against my shirt.

"You can't l-leave me. I-I don't m-mind losing e-everyone, j-just please... Not you"

She said in between her sobs.

I can't hold it back any longer, I cried. I cried together with her. I poured all the pain and sadness I am feeling. Right now I don't care about myself but this girl, this girl behind me, begging me to live and how I will break her heart when the time comes.

"I can't l-lose you, Taeyeon" she cried. The last time I saw her cry like this was when her Mom died. I stupidly promised her that I will never leave her, suddenly forgetting about my own predicament. How stupid of me?! And now... I am breaking my promise to her.

"Fany, go home and rest"

"No, I won't leave you"

"I'm fine now"

"Taeyeon, please don't leave me"

That sincere request is killing me. I looked up.

'Why?! Why me?! Please, for her, just for her, let me live'

Our bodies are both shaking, shoulders going up and down. She's not letting go of me, instead it became tighter and tighter.

"Mom's gone, Dad's drifting away... I have no one. I have no one left but you... Please Taeyeon, live for me"

I grabbed her hands and turn her around to face me. Oh the pain! The pain is nothing compared to what I'm seeing now. Her red and swollen eyes, her chapped lips, her tears. I tried to wipe them away but to no avail since they keep on coming down each time I touch her.

'I won't leave you. I will always be by your side. No matter where they bring me, may it be heaven or hell, I will escape. They can lock me up for eternity for all I care but I will never leave you. I will stay by your side your entire lifetime'

 ... But right now I can't let you see me