2009 . 12 . 12 – 9:12PM

The friction of pants rubbing at the fold of the knees can be heard in the silent van as a figure continuously shook their right leg up and down.  She bit her lip and heaved a big sigh, slightly hunched over in her seat, the van at a halt.

Amber’s manager could hear the slight noise become a small irritation to his ears.  He turned his head to see the girl fidgeting every five seconds and could not seem to understand why.  He decided to speak out his thoughts.

“Are you…” he started, pausing to observe the girl more.

Amber heard him and turned her head.  She forced a chuckle out.  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Her manager furrowed his eyebrows.  “You sure?”

Amber nodded and tried to remain still, leaning back into the seat.  “Yeah,” she answered.  She added a shrug.  “I guess I’m just anxious to see how my friends have been later.”

Her manager nodded.  “Oh yeah, you have that party I have to take you and Krystal to, right?”

Amber agreed with a feign smile.  “Right.”  She turned her head to look out the window and saw the younger girl, as if on cue, leave the SM building after having a short meeting for a commercial shoot with Girls’ Generation’s, Seohyun.  “Speak of the devil,” Amber said.

Her manager chuckled and turned the van’s engine on as Krystal entered the front seat.  She greeted her manager as he began to leave the building, turning her head around to greet her band member.

“Hey, Am,” Krystal greeted with a smile.

“Hey,” Amber responded just the same.  “How was the meeting?”

Krystal turned back to her seat, her head disappearing from Amber’s view.  “Good,” she heard her say.  “Oh, by the way,” Krystal mentioned to her manager.  “I need to go home real quick; change clothes.”

Her manager nodded without a problem giving his assurance to drop by the Jung residence first.  Amber raised an eyebrow, biting back a small laugh.  “You didn’t bring a change of clothes?”

She heard Krystal chuckle.  “No, I forgot.”  She turned her head around to see the tomboy.  “Besides, I’m surprised I even got invited.”

Amber scrunched her face at the statement.  “Why?” she asked.  “You know Erika and them pretty well.”

“Yeah, because of you,” Krystal reasoned.

“Okay, so?”

“Am, I’m not as close to her as you are—at least, not to where she would invite me to her 18^th birthday.”

“You’re ‘cool peoples,’ as she would put it,” Amber answered with finger quotations.

Krystal laughed.  “Well, she’s ‘cool peoples,’ too.”  She gestured at the tomboy with her head.  “How are you feeling, by the way?”

Amber nodded.  “I’m good.  I’m getting better by the day; taking vitamins and drinking lots of fluids now.  How about you?” Amber answered and asked, immediately knowing what Krystal was referring to.  Her, Krystal and Sulli had caught swine flu a few weeks ago and have still be recovering from the ordeal.  Fortunately, though, the flu was completely gone, but all three of them could still sense the symptoms here and there and were ordered by the doctor to take care of their body consistently—especially with their work load.

“I’m better; doing the same as you actually,” Krystal answered.  Amber hummed as a response, nodding her head to herself.

Shortly after their conversation, they quickly pulled up into Krystal’s driveway to which the latter exited the van and ran inside her house.  Amber heard her manager rummage through his jacket pockets.

“I’m gonna go outside and smoke a bit,” he informed her.

Amber gave her “okay” response apathetically, trying to avert her non-existent superpowers to increase the speed of time for the younger girl to get dressed as her manager exited the van and walked away to the other side of the street, lighting up a cigarette.  She groaned loudly out of frustration, throwing her hands up, falling back into her seat.  She rubbed her entire face with both hands slowly, stopping at her hair—nearly pulling them out of its roots.  Amber sighed, recalling a short conversation she had over the phone two nights ago.

“Who’s going?!” Amber asked astonishingly.

“Okay, Am, you need to chill—” she heard Jay over the phone say calmly.

She scoffed.  “I need to chill?  My ex falls off the face of the earth, gets invited to Erika’s birthday party and ends up going after how long of not seeing you guys?”

“I know, but—”

“Is Erika home?  I’m gonna call her—”

“No!” Jay screamed, knowing Amber was in the process of hanging up.  He heard her sigh through the phone.  “Amber, I know that this is some crazy but you need to remember that Erika and Vanessa were—or at least, are still very close.  Erika’s turning 18—you can’t respect that?”

“Oh I can,” Amber replied.  She held her head with her free hand as she took a seat on the floor, leaning against the wall outside of her apartment door.  It was only—just only 4 o’clock in the morning and f(x) just finished their schedule and it’s not like she had to get moving again in an hour or two.  She shut her eyes as she continued to speak.  “I would work around her but did you forget that you just told me that Erika invited Krystal?”

She heard him exhale.  “I know, I know.”

“Okay then—so don’t tell me to chill.”

“Amber.”

“Jay!” Amber screamed.  “She used to hit me!  It’s not okay—none of that was okay!”

“I know,” Jay assured.  “And I know Erika feels horrible but Vanessa explained her side of the story to her and she’s changed—she’s growing up just as much as we are.”  He added another sigh.  “I’m not saying—we are not saying that you should go for her, again, but just be civil at the party—for Erika’s sake.  She wants you both there.”

“Us there,” Amber corrected.  “Me, Krystal and Vanessa.”

Another sigh.  “Okay, Am—just giving you a heads up so you don’t freak.  Will you go?”

Amber scoffed and shook her head.  Of course she was going to end up going.  Missing out on a party while being famous?  Yeah, not a chance—Amber was willing to take all the free time she could get her hands on—whether they were tangible or not. 

She groaned loudly again as the frustration and anxiety continued to build up inside her.  Can this girl get changed any SLOWER?!

As if on cue, Krystal came out of her house.  “Finally,” Amber said to herself, shaking her head.  Krystal entered the van through the front passenger seat.

“Hi, again,” Krystal said with a chipper tone.

“Yeah, hi,” the latter responded, slightly coldly.

“Oooh,” Krystal said mockingly.  “Who poked you in the butthole while I was gone?”

Amber rolled her eyes, hearing and seeing their manager enter the van right after Krystal.  “Nobody,” she replied.  “I just wanna get there already, we’re late.”

Krystal laughed and after a few seconds, Amber ended up laughing, too.  “Alright, alright.  We’ll get there, princess.”

“Har har, Krystal.”

Club M2 - 9:34PM

Amber and Krystal gave their thanks to the bouncer at the door and entered the club.  Almost immediately, their ear drums were met with the drastic change of almost silence from the outside to the bouncing of techno and modern-day club music inside.  The club they were in had its own private room in the back—somewhat of a VIP section and Erika was lucky enough to know the club owner through her older brother.  She was lucky, simply because 1) she got the area rented free of charge; free drinks, ID required if it was for alcohol and free food; and 2) because of the fact that it was a 21 and older club, she was able to talk to the owner and win their debate as to why turning 18 should be the great opportunity into “adulthood,” having a party and allowing all of her friends to come in, although he couldn’t slide with letting underage drinking occur under his supervision.  He was cool, but he was also smart about it.

As Krystal and Amber navigated through the dance floor to get to the other side of where the VIP room for them and their friends were located, Amber immediately spotted a familiar figure standing at the open bar with Erika herself.  She clenched her teeth seeing Vanessa laugh happily with her best friend, talking their lives out as they sipped on their sodas.  She heaved a sigh—not that anyone would be able to hear it, anyways.  Reaching the room, they were instantly greeted by Jay and them—also seeing a couple of acquaintances Amber had classes with that were directly friends with Erika, as well.  Krystal greeted the older friends brightly, giving each of them a hug—a wave and a smile to the people she didn’t know.  They smiled back in awe, realizing that it was Krystal from f(x)—also hitting them that Amber and Krystal were indeed in f(x) and they had almost forgotten that they all went to the same school together.

Amber caught a few looks from the gang when they were all exchanging greets, noticing that they came together.  She bit back a sigh, knowing but yet assuming what could have been rolling in their heads but what could she do?  They had to go together; they were practically inseparable from the schedules.

“It’s really hot in here compared to outside,” Amber heard Krystal to say to her and the rest of her group.

“Should I leave?” Jay asked humorously.

Everyone laughed and rolled their eyes as Krystal playfully punched him in the shoulder.  Both her and Amber started taking their jackets off; Amber needed to bite the inside of her cheek to make sure that her expression didn’t change drastically as she noticed Krystal taking her jacket off.  She has seen the girl in countless make up in different variations and her hair done in too many different ways the past few months of being idols, but this time?  This specific time for a club-themed formal party?  She had to swallow the sudden pile of saliva cultivating inside at seeing the sight.  It would be a lie if she denied straight up that she was attracted to the girl.

Krystal sported a very mellow and simple strapless tight-fitting dress, which had lacing crisscrossing from her back down to her waist.  She also had a long thin gold chain that passed her chest, ending at her abdomen, the accessories of the chain dangling along with a gold charm bracelet on her left wrist and thin gold bangles on the other.  She also wore black high heels with straps. 

Amber bit her tongue, realizing how strongly she was attracted to the girl and that if she looked at her again, it would take another hard bite to turn away and not be caught staring like a freak.  She took her jacket off and laid it with the rest of the jackets on a table.  Amber herself sported a pair of black skinny pants that weren’t too fitting, but just right.  She also sported a pair of black combat boots—the pants and boots borrowed from one of her stylists who had one too many pairs of clothing from f(x)’s performances and past photo shoots.  She topped it off with a plain black button down, her sleeves rolled up passed her elbow and added a black skinny tie.  She styled her hair, adding some material to move some of her bangs out of her face, noting that she couldn’t wait to cut more of it off for their next promotion in a few months.

Amber turned her head to her right, feeling a presence come up next to her.  She saw Krystal lay out her jacket on top of Amber’s, the latter looking up with a smile.

Amber’s face lightened up.  She said something to Krystal, but the latter couldn’t hear over the loud music, pointing to her ears.  “What?” she asked, almost screaming over the top of the music.  Amber laughed and nodded.

She leaned in closer to speak into Krystal’s ear, to which Krystal’s face blushed with a bright pink.  “I said that you look beautiful tonight,” Amber said.  She pulled back and gave out a crooked smile, causing Krystal’s heart to leap.

Krystal leaned into the tomboy’s ear, purposely letting their bodies touch, gently catching onto her arm.  “You’re not so bad yourself,” she said, leaning back with a flirtatious smile.  She swallowed hard, hoping Amber didn’t notice.

Amber played a face.  “What, that’s it?” she screamed, her hands midway in the air.  She shook her head and laughed.

Krystal blinked, slightly agape as she watched Amber continue to laugh and walk away to talk to Jay for a moment.  She swallowed hard, again.  Did we…did we just flirt with each other?  She mentally groaned to herself out of frustration, realizing how easy yet hard this whole thing was for her.

She walked over to where Amber and the rest of her friends were and joined them.  They talked about the performances and how they have all been.  Shortly after their conversation, a good night for Krystal turned into a bad one.

Noticing two figures walk into the room, one of them being the birthday girl—she did a double take seeing the one next to her.  Vanessa Nguyen.

She immediately turned to Amber and found Amber looking at the older girl, as well, but looked away and she could see the anxiety and intensity written all over her face.  She moved to Amber, quickly passing Nick and Michelle who were in between them and sat in the empty space on the other side of Amber’s on the couch.

“Why didn’t you tell me that she was going to be here?” Krystal said into Amber’s ear.

She saw Amber sigh.  The latter leaned into Krystal’s ear.  “Because it doesn’t matter.”

Confusion was written all over the younger girl’s face.  Amber groaned and grabbed her by the hand and got up.  She let go of her and wrapped her arm around her waist, causing Krystal to blush.  “Come on, let’s dance.”

Krystal couldn’t help but smile and she nodded.  Amber led her by the hand but as they were making their way to the dance floor, Erika greeted the two brightly.  They exchanged quick greetings, the two wishing her a happy birthday, the latter giving her thanks.  She promised the both of them that she would meet the two of them on the dance floor, seeing the other crew follow.  Amber and Vanessa made eye contact briefly, as they passed each other and also saw the older girl look at the younger idol next to her.  Both Amber and Krystal made their way to the dance floor and was greeted by Amber’s crew shortly after, the tomboy noticing that Vanessa stayed back behind in the VIP area with their friends.

Amber could not let one little thing mess up her one free night, especially after she’s accepted how she’s felt about Krystal—she couldn’t miss up on anything.  The dance floor was dark—strobe lights flashing everywhere, programmed to go to the beat of the music.  It was perfect because the two idols blended right in as they began to dance with each other and with the group; civilians around them not noticing two famous guests in the club.  Whatever the DJ was doing was great because Amber and everyone else were having too much, singing the songs to each other and dancing constantly. 

“y Chick” by Akon and David Guetta came on and the song perked Amber’s ears.  She couldn’t have found a more perfect song to go with the scene—with Krystal, at least.  Amber couldn’t help but grab Krystal’s attention, singing the hook to her, causing the girl to laugh; the others laughing, too.  Amber untied her tie and threw it around Krystal’s neck and brought the younger girl closer to her.  They continued to dance with each other, face to face.  She left her tie on the younger girl and s her hands around the girl’s waist, Krystal loosely wrapping her arms around Amber’s neck and shoulders, the both of them smiling at each other.

Krystal was never into this type of dancing—the type of dancing that was close to dry : grinding—nonetheless with a girl, but something in her gave her the confidence to try something new.  And she did.  To the beat of the music, she turned around and made sure her behind touched Amber’s front side.  The latter couldn’t help but be surprised and she blushed, wondering if the younger girl was blushing, too.  It’s only dancing.  We’re both dancers, Amber reasoned with herself.  Despite it all being overwhelming, she went along with it and heard Jay, Eros and Nick howl obnoxiously out of excitement.

At the change of the music, the DJ continuing to do his thing with the House/Club music, Amber broke away from embarrassment and moved to the boys.  Amber noticed that Krystal didn’t seem to notice or seem weird about the change as she herself joined them, the other girls joining the boys, as well.

The group continued to laugh and dance with each other—enjoying one another’s company; the boys “fist-pumping” as it was called on a new reality TV show that was starting in America called “Jersey Shore.”  Amber laughed at it but found herself doing it with them.  In the midst of dancing, Krystal saw Vanessa approach and tap Amber on the shoulder.  Amber immediately stopped dancing, surprise written on her face and turned to face the girl.  Krystal continued to dance, making sure it wasn’t obvious that she was trying to be nosy—not that she could hear what they were saying, anyways—she could barely hear her own thoughts.  She saw the two exchange a few words and Amber hesitate while Vanessa walked away.  Amber bit her lip, Krystal saw.  Her eyes slightly widened as she saw Amber leave to go follow Vanessa.

What the hell is going on?

Krystal continued to try and take her mind off of what she just saw, trying to joke around with Amber’s friends.  Eventually, though, after peeking to the side numerous times constantly, she told the group that she would take a break from the fun for a few minute and get something to drink at the bar and head back to the VIP room.

Krystal asked for a bottle of water, showing her bracelet that her and Erika’s got specifically for the night—the lime neon green bracelet indicating that all of them were underage and were certified to get free drinks all night—just not alcoholic ones.

“Hey,” Eros called out as he reached the bar.  He asked for a can of sprite and also showed his bracelet.

“Hey,” Krystal greeted back with a smile.  The bartender returned with the water and soda and Eros gestured towards the VIP room, which the latter obliged.

“You okay?” Eros asked, the two of them sitting down.  Krystal nodded at the question, feigning content.

Eros made a face and leaned in to her ear.  “Is this about Amber?”

Krystal heaved a sigh, taking a few gulps from her bottled water.  She had already admitted feelings to Silvia—at least to a certain extent.  Krystal knew very well that the more she admitted it and accepted it, the more she would be comfortable under her own skin.  She quickly recalled the night of the dance before her debut—back to the night where Eros called her out.

She sighed heavily this time and leaned towards her older friend.  “Is it obvious?” she asked.

Eros nodded.  “It’s okay, though.”

Krystal crossed her legs.  “I—I like her.  A lot,” she confessed.

Eros gave out a sympathetic smile and nodded.  “I know.”

She took another sip of water, noticing how much saliva dried up after the confession.  She felt a little more relief being able to say it.  Krystal shook her head to herself, thinking about what Vanessa and Amber could be talking about.  The two were nowhere to be found.  Would she hit her, again?  Of all places?

“Listen,” Eros interrupted her thoughts.  “Don’t worry about Vanessa, okay?” He paused, trying to make sure that he wasn’t too obvious knowing how both sides of the battle mapped out the war in their hearts.  “Amber is well over her.  Trust me,” he assured.

Krystal gave out a sullen smile, the smile quickly dropping after it was given.  She could feel her heart sink—her stomach flip-flopping.  The music wasn’t helping either.  It was so loud, yet so enjoyable, she was having a hard time trying to figure out everything running through her track field of thoughts.  She was scared—she knew that very well.  Krystal, however, had a hard time pin-pointing what she was scared of exactly, though.  Rejection?  People finding out?  Messing up the “Sorry Sorry” cover dance they were supposed together a few days before New Years?  It was a lot of things; too many at one time—way too overwhelming for a fifteen-year-old girl.  Krystal knew very well that Amber was gay—that was already a given and confirmed about 200 times.  So the slight chance in the tomboy liking her back was there—but what if she only sees me as a little sister?  Krystal felt her head squeeze.  The thought alone was vomit-worthy.  No one ever wanted to be friend-zoned through the sibling act.

Eros and Krystal continued to sit there in silence—a comfortable one, though.  Krystal found the house and club music relaxing almost—it was what she could work with at the moment.  The DJ calmed down on the hardcore “fist-pumping” and hard dancing for a little bit, switching to a still danceable and mellow trance/techno music.  Krystal blinked twice, squinting her eyes slightly, noticing a figure at the bar getting something to drink.  It was Amber.  And she was alone.  Vanessa was nowhere to be seen and Krystal couldn’t help but wonder what happened.

She looks okay, Krystal thought to herself.  She was expecting a more anxious Amber or an upset one—or both.  But the Amber she was seeing?  She was calm, cool and collected.  Amber stuck at the bar, she noticed, sipping on her bottled water.  Krystal got up and walked over to the bar to where her crush was, ignoring the calls from Eros behind her.

“What was that all about?”  Amber did a double-take at the screaming question that tried to overpower the volume of the music.  Krystal also did a double take seeing her reaction—realizing the question came out rougher than it was meant to be.

Amber shook her head apathetically and looked to the dance floor.  “It’s nothing.”

“Seriously?” Krystal asked, annoyance evident in her tone.

She saw the tomboy sigh and they made eye contact for a brief second.  Amber clenched her teeth, fighting her thoughts.  She turned to her right and began to walk away from Krystal and the bar.

Krystal’s mouth dropped suddenly as she furrowed her eyebrows out of an abrupt anger.  She stood still for a moment, trying to process what had just happened.  Amber was never the one to walk away out of nowhere—she had more integrity than that.  As she watched the tomboy walk away, her anger grew.  Something in the universe pushed Krystal—pushed the younger girl to go follow Amber and go after her.

Amber entered a somewhat abandoned hallway section of the club where a few extra bathrooms were.  It was all the way in the corner next to the DJ and only VIP was allowed to go through.  Krystal took note that Amber chose a good spot if she wanted to be alone considering that there was literally no one there—everybody else in the public bathroom area on the other side of the club.

“What’s going on with you?!” Krystal asked, now speaking at a normal volume as she felt her ears adapt to the intensity of music decrease.

Amber stopped in her tracks and turned her head to the right slightly, debating with herself to turn around—to turn around and say everything.

“I miss you,” Vanessa said, sadness heard in her tone.

Amber looked away.  “I know.”

“Am—”

“It just won’t work, okay?” Amber interrupted.  “Let it go.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you!”

Amber sighed.  “It’s not that simple.”

“Is it really because of Krystal?” Vanessa accused.

Amber rolled her eyes.  “Leave Krystal out of this.”

“I mean, how can I?” Vanessa asked.  “KryBer is apparently "real."”

“Shut up.”

Vanessa scoffed.  “No one will ever love you as much as I do.  Krystal is straight as a board—she would never—”

“I said, SHUT UP,” Amber screamed out of built up anger.

She took a step forward and pointed at her ex.  “Leave Krystal out of this.  This is more than about her.  You hit me; you—you abused me.  I’m not going back—I—I can’t go back.”  Vanessa opened to say another thing in defense but Amber interrupted her with a hand in the air.  “No.  Enough.  I’m done.”  She shook her head.  “I’m done with this, I’m done with us, I’m done with you—I’m done.”

“Just leave it alone, okay?” Amber asked after she was done reliving the moment shortly.

“How can I, Amber?” Krystal asked, taking a step forward.  “Now you’re closing up.”

“What?” Amber questioned.  She blinked.  “What are you talking about?”

Krystal flailed her arms.  “You were just beginning to open up to me about things—almost about everything with you.  The minute Vanessa comes back, I’m back to square one.” She shook her head, “Why?”

Amber looked away.  “Just let it go.”

“No.”

“Soojung—” Amber emphasized.

“No, okay?!”

Amber blinked twice at the outburst.  She clenched her teeth.  “You shouldn’t even be talking—you weren’t so open when you were with Aiden, anyways.”

Krystal’s mouth dropped.  “Are you kidding me?!”

Amber rolled her eyes.  “It’s true!”

The latter scoffed.  “We’re seriously back to that now?”

Amber flailed her arms and pointed at the girl.  “What else am I supposed to say?!  We have both had our shares with this—this relationship or whatever we have here—it’s been so ed up and it’s just—it’s just—” she paused.

“What?” Krystal asked.  “What, Amber?  What?”

“Confusing!” came the outburst.

The younger girl scoffed aggressively.  “You’re confused!?  Don’t even go there.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Krystal scoffed again and shook her head.  “Honestly, ever since Vanessa came into your life it has literally become a choice.  I feel that you now have to come between choosing me and her.  Whether she was your girlfriend or not, Amber—I’m still your best friend.”

Amber scrunched her face and felt her head boil.  “Choosing?” she asked with frustration.  “Are you serious?”

They stood there in silence, the trance music slowly taking over the aura.  They both made eye contact, the both of them holding it—wondering what was going through the other’s head.

Krystal saw the tomboy’s angry expression drop slightly, a weak sigh escaping along with a head shake.  “I swear—I swear you think that I wanted to lie to you about this—that I didn’t want you to know anything about me.”  Amber took a step forward, hurt and frustration written on her face.  Krystal’s face dropped, feeling tears form quickly.  She did her best to blink them away and not be obvious about it.  “What,” Amber started.  “You think that this is easy, Krys? That I was able to go to bed and sleep at night knowing that I lied to you every day about who I was?” She finished with an upset scoff.  “You have no idea.”

Krystal her lips, feeling dry.  She clenched her teeth, also taking a step forward.  “I just don't understand why you had to lie to me in the first place! From the very beginning, Amber! If you had just told me—”

“I WOULD HAVE LOST YOU!” Amber yelled abruptly with her hands in the air.  Krystal’s mouth fell slightly agape.  She saw the tomboy sigh and look down.  “I didn’t want to take the chance,” she confessed.

“You wouldn't have...” Krystal assured.  Her frustration grew.  “Things would have been so much easier to cope with if you had just told me.”

Amber chuckled sarcastically.  “Oh really now?”  She nodded her head.  “So if I just bluntly told you, "Hey Krys, by the way, I'm gay and oh! I'm dating Vanessa" things would have been totally normal?” she asked in mockery.

Krystal felt defeat.  “No but—”

“Exactly,” Amber confirmed, “things would not have been normal.”  She exhaled through her nose.  “They were never normal. Things stopped being normal to me the minute I met you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” asked Krystal, slightly offended.

Amber shook her head, seeing the younger girl’s face.  She grabbed Krystal’s stare with her own and held it for a few seconds.  The both of them could feel their heart in their throat—their stomach to the bottom and their limbs starting to freeze in place.

“You have no idea, Krystal…” Amber began.  “You have no idea how important you are to me. You have no idea how much you—Krystal Jung—how much you occupy my life; how much you mean to me.  I didn't want to lose you—I—” she paused.  “I-I don't want to lose you.”

Krystal continued to stare, her heart beating faster seeing Amber take another step forward.  They were only a few feet apart—maybe 2-3 feet apart Krystal calculated in her head.  Not that it mattered, anyways—she hated math.  She swallowed the familiar lump that formed in and felt the twists and turns in her insides, again.  And then it hit her.  Or are they butterflies?

“...Do you have any idea how important you are to me?” she heard Amber ask slowly.

Krystal swallowed, again.  She could hear her heart over the music blasting at the end of the hallway blasting—the bass still hitting the walls.

“...Why don't you ever show me?” came out the response.

Amber looked away.  She could feel her wall rising higher, exhaustion present from continuously fighting this inner war.  “Because,” she said.  “It’s complicated.”

“If it's with you,” Krystal began, “I can deal with “complicated.””

Amber could feel her heart in , knowing that was she was about to say could terminate everything in her world.  She breathed slowly and deeply and swallowed rocks that were caught in .  She her lips from the anxiety.  She could feel her heart and her mind run in never-ending marathons—looking to find the never-ending finish line to just end everything.  She rubbed her face with both hands and added an aggressive sigh.

“I swear,” Amber said.  She made eye contact with Krystal.  “You have no idea…” She swallowed dry saliva.  “You have no idea how many times in a day,” Amber paused and held Krystal’s stare.  She could feel her body go numb.

“I think about kissing you.”

Krystal blinked.  Did she just really say that?  Krystal’s head was running in circles.  She her lips, her knees trembling, her limbs practically frozen.  She was sure she could hear Amber’s heart over the music, too.

She swallowed, taking a chance. 

“...Then why don't you ever do it?”

“Because it’s dangerous.”

A pause.  Krystal looked away for a brief minute.  She could hear Amber sigh in a tone of defeat.  She looked back at the tomboy and found her now trying her best to avoid eye contact.

“...What if I want “dangerous”?”

Amber looked up.  She saw Krystal face lighten up slightly.  Is she being serious?

Amber’s limbs froze and she felt time slow down—almost taking a halt.  They continued to stare at each other, the other still trying to figure out what was running through the other one’s head.  She found it in her to take a step forward, hoping to reawaken her limbs.  She saw Krystal hug herself in anxiety.

Before she knew it, Amber felt the blood rush through her.  She quickly moved to the girl in front of her, gently grabbed her face with both hands and collided their lips together.  Krystal subconsciously fell into the kiss, immediately craving more, her body crashing into Amber’s, her hands on her back.  Krystal moved her right hand up to caress Amber’s face, as Amber moved her left hand down to hold Krystal’s waist.  The two of them both, passionately switching sides.  Amber found it in her to push Krystal into a nearby wall, causing the girl to automatically wrap her arms around her partner’s shoulders and neck, falling deeper into the kiss.

Amber stopped abruptly, her breath short.  She saw that Krystal’s was short, as well.  The strobe lights in the club were bright enough to show that the both of them had a tint of pink in their faces.

“I’m sorry—I—” Amber began.

“No,” Krystal interrupted.  “Don’t be.”

“No,” Amber emphasized.  She took a step back, shaking her head.  “I can’t—I-I-we can’t.”

Krystal could her heart sink.  A head began to form from the rough roller coaster of emotions.  “No, stop, what are you saying?  Amber—”

“We can’t, Krystal,” Amber said again, panic written on her face.  “This is wrong.  We can’t.”

Krystal could feel tears form at the corner of her eyes.  “I’m sorry,” she heard her say.

Krystal watched the tomboy quickly run away from the scene, leaving her in silence—the emotional and loud kind.  The kind that overpowered the music blasting in the club.  The kind of silence that was loud in her heart.  And she could feel it.  She could feel her heart shattering.  And to this point—she was more confused than ever.