2009 . 06 . 21 – 8:47PM

"I'm sorry."

The boy hearing the apology shook his head. He sighed loudly. "I was waiting for it to happen."

Krystal looked down to her feet. She appreciated the birds chirping faintly around the park her and Aiden were in as she felt the sun go down, quickly catching onto the coolness of the temperature.

"It's just a lot going on right now," Krystal said, finding anything that could make ends meet. But of course, she knew that it wouldn't work. Why would it? She grimaced at the thought of breaking up with Aiden not too long after they even started dating.

"Yeah," came the response. Aiden put his hands in his pockets. "It's what they all say, huh?"

"Aiden…”

"No, it's fine," he quickly interrupted. He shook his head. "It is what it is. I can't say I didn't try with you."

Krystal remained silent. She asked herself why break ups were so hard and just a pain to deal with. But she also questioned herself why she just didn't really care—wanting to leave and get it over with ASAP. That's a problem, she thought.

"I guess I'll just see you around and stuff," Aiden said breaking her thoughts again.

She nodded silently and found the courage to look at him and she could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Krystal," she heard him say, still looking down to his feet.

She continued to look at him as a response. He took the initiative to proceed after hearing the silence.  He looked up. "Be honest with me about one thing. Please."

"Okay."

Aiden his lips, feeling the humidity dry up his lips with the combination of mixed emotions. He swallowed a lump that he felt form up above his heart. Looking away, he opened his mouth slightly and Krystal could swear she heard his heartbeat in the silence. She could tell he was hesitating on something.

"What is it?" she asked, feeling her own anxiety build up.

The latter took a deep sigh as he turned back to look at his ex. He swallowed again. "Are you breaking up with me for that guy?"

Krystal furrowed her eyebrows. "What...guy?"

Aiden shook his head. "Come on. Your best friend. Joanne had a crush on him. Remember? I see the way you look at him."

Krystal widened her eyes. Amber?! She shook her head. "Oh god, no," she responded.

Aiden looked down unsatisfied. "Your actions speak louder than your words."

"What do you mean?" Krystal was a little dumbfounded by the question. Amber is a girl. Yeah she's gay but Krystal knew that she was attracted males, not females. Despite all the things happening; the confusion she was going through—especially the situation at the dance, she could never really find herself with...Amber. But there it was again—the twist in her insides at the thought of her and how she truly felt about the tomboy.

"I…I just wish you looked at me the same way," Aiden replied quietly.

Krystal blinked twice rapidly at the statement. The same way?

Her head did backstrokes in the pool of thoughts she found herself swimming through. What did he mean? Krystal was sure that she did not look at Amber in any other "special" way that Aiden claimed. Amber was her best friend, if special came out of that in some sort. Sure things have been a little uncomfortable between the both of them, but it never changed the amount of care she had for the older girl. At this time, Amber definitely gave her a headache—a migraine even and she was sure the tomboy could say the same. Best friends fought all the time, it was normal. Krystal knew that. But she knew that what they fought about wouldn't exactly be labeled "normal" in the book of "What Best Friends Fight About."

"Forget I even said anything," Aiden said breaking the girl's thoughts. The latter looked at him as a response. He gave out a weary smile. "I'll see you at school, Krystal."

The girl swallowed a lump that suddenly developed in as she began watching her now, ex-boyfriend, walk away. Krystal found herself feeling two things: guilt and relief. She didn't know which one overpowered the other but she knew that both of them were evident, with a hint of frustration—as always as it seemed. She was so lost in her thoughts, she couldn't even muster up any words to respond to the statement Aiden made. Krystal furrowed her eyebrows in frustration and looked down to her fiddling hands as she noticed her emotions building up one on top of the other. Why did it bother her so much that he pointed out she looked at Amber a certain way. She shook her head. She knew that she looked at Amber the same way she looked at Silvia, or even Sulli. Krystal sighed her negativity and only concluded that Aiden was jealous because he's always known that she and Amber have been best friends, even if “he” was a she. Deciding not to think any more about it, she forced her body to move, getting up from her seat.

"It's nothing," she told herself out loud. Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

2009 . 06 . 23 – 6:32PM

"Hey, sorry I'm late, guys!"

The group who heard the sudden voice all moved their attention to the door. Greetings in different octaves of unison was heard from the girls of f(x) as they watched Amber enter the practice room and drop her stuff onto their bench at one corner of the room. Krystal glanced at the tomboy as the other three approached her giving her bright smiles. She wiped her sweat away from her face, faintly hearing the song fighting to overpower her thoughts that suddenly bombarded her brain. Krystal knew that today was Vanessa's graduation and with permission from their instructor, Amber got special privileges to go since it was her "best friend." She found herself rolling her eyes at the thought. Krystal got up from the floor and walked over to the group, making eye contact with Amber for a split second. She felt her heart skip a beat and she blinked at the knot forming in her insides. As she got closer, she overheard the other girls asking how Vanessa's graduation went and how it was like watching. Not that the others knew, besides Luna and Krystal herself. As the others talked, Krystal quietly listened as she drank her bottle of water, slowly studying Amber. She bit her tongue realizing it was becoming a habit to look for any marks or signs of abuse from the older girl and she knew very well that she didn’t need to go to this extent. But she did anyways.

"I hope you guys are hungry," Victoria stated, getting up from her seat. "I'm gonna go pick up some food for us for dinner. Anyone wanna come with?"

Sulli volunteered and got up from her seat with a bright smile. Luna followed suit and the three began to grab their things. Krystal bit her tongue again realizing that she and Amber were going to be alone. She watched Amber open but before a sound could come out, Luna interrupted her. "I'll meet you guys downstairs, I'm just gonna fill in Amber real quick on practice with Krystal." She added a snicker. "Ya' know, practice my English."

The others laughed while Victoria and Sulli gave their approvals and headed downstairs. The door closed and there was silence in the room. Luna stared at the door for five more seconds, as if she counted an actual five seconds in her head and finally turned her head to the two Americans she was sitting in between of.

"Alright," she began.

"What did I miss?" Amber asked innocently, sitting down on the bench.

"I'm not here to fill you in on practice."

The tomboy blinked at the reply, while Krystal stared at the older girl just as confused.

Amber chuckled nervously. "Okay...so uh…"

"You two are gonna talk."

Krystal glanced at Amber and simultaneously created eye contact once again. Both of their faces read surprise and confusion, showing a tint of pink on their cheeks in embarrassment.

"What do you mean?" Krystal asked in the most monotone voice she could possibly muster up. The latter rolled her eyes. "You don't think I've noticed what's been going on between you two?" Luna questioned back.

The two Americans stayed quiet, looking anywhere but each other.

Luna got up from her seat and stretched. "Whether you like it or not, you two will talk. I will stall the other two at the food store for as long as I can just so you two can just let out your feelings and make up already." She pointed at the both of them. "Don't be stubborn and just talk. We're f(x) now. I'm just as tired as you two are about the fights I can never understand since you guys always wanna pull the English card out."

Amber and Krystal nodded lowly as a response as they watched Luna exit the room. Krystal bit the inside of her cheek feeling the not-so-unfamiliar awkward aura in the air. She took a peak at the tomboy who had her elbows at her knees, her hands at the top of her head, her head hung lowly towards the ground. She saw Amber shake her legs up and down before looking up with a sigh.

"I still don't understand you, you know," she said letting her head fall back into the wall the bench was against.

Krystal felt the ping in her heart. She didn't understand herself either. "I know."

"Why, Krystal?"

"Because I care about you."

Amber scoffed. She looked to the side, her head still leaning against the wall. She felt the pressure of someone adding weight to the bench next to her. She turned her head to the opposite direction and found Krystal sitting next to her. The latter was looking into her eyes and Amber swallowed the sudden nervousness that crept into her, noticing how close they suddenly were. She cleared .

"It's not fair that she treats you that way," Krystal mumbled. She placed Amber's hand into hers. The latter looked down to the contact, her heart skipping a beat at the small action. Why am I suddenly feeling this way?

Krystal moved her head a little lower to catch the tomboy's attention, hoping they would make eye contact. It worked.

"I care about you, Am. And I'm sorry I approached the situation harshly. You..." Krystal paused suddenly. She looked away as if she was hesitating.

Amber blinked. "I, what?"

She gathered the courage to look at her best friend. Amber caught a new look in Krystal's eyes that she has never seen before. It intrigued her and she suddenly felt the world go still. Krystal slightly opened , searching for the words she was looking for and Amber found her eyes moving south to her lips. She mentally shook her head, blinked and looked back into Krystal's eyes.

"What is it, Krystal," it came out as a statement more than a question from the amount of anxiety that built up. She looked away for a brief moment as she clenched her teeth.

Krystal's stare was genuine. "You deserve better."

Amber looked back into Krystal's eyes trying to read what was in her eyes. It was a new look she noticed. And she still wasn't over it. What is going on in her head? she thought to herself.

Amber's eyes softened. "I know."

She leaned her back against the wall and Krystal watched the tomboy sigh. She did a double take at the hand holding they were still having but realized that neither of them really cared. Best friends held hands all the time. It wasn’t anything new. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself.

"Which is why I broke up with her."

"What?" Krystal asked in surprise.

The priceless look of astonishment on Krystal's face made Amber slightly laugh which earned her a small smack to the arm from the latter.

"Hey!" the younger girl called out. She found herself stifling a laugh. "It's not funny."

The tomboy shook her head, still laughing. She shrugged and cleared . "I opened my eyes."

"You did?"

Amber nodded in response. She sighed. "I was getting tired of getting treated like dirt, too. I got yelled at for everything to nothing," the tomboy reminisced as she ran her hand through her hair in familiar frustration. Krystal hung low emotionally. "I know."

Amber turned her head to the other girl. "She wasn't my first girlfriend, you know."

Krystal looked up. She suddenly felt a little hurt. She battled herself mentally. "There's been more than one?" The question came out a little too harshly.

Ironically, Amber found it funny, not insulting and laughed. "Yeah, there’s been more than one, Krystal."

Krystal leaned back against the wall, breaking the hand contact they were sharing for quite some time. She suddenly felt the emptiness in her hand and she found herself looking at the hand she was just using to hold the other's. She couldn't put her tongue on why she felt empty about it. She peaked at Amber who she found looking down at her own hand. Was she feeling the same way?

"I was fifteen," Amber began breaking Krystal's thoughts. The latter looked at the tomboy to let her know she was listening.

"We broke up right before I left to Korea."

"That's...a while," Krystal let out.

Amber nodded with an exhale. "Yeah, we dated for a bit."

"What happened?"

"This." Krystal watched as Amber created an air circle with her pointer finger, indicating that she was talking about the practice room—more broadly, becoming a SM trainee. She shrugged. "It wouldn't work out. The time difference and all. We both knew that."

Krystal silenced herself for a minute. Contemplating the conversation they were having. Amber was opening up to her. She should feel happy. Right? Instead she felt...a little jealous. Amber talking about passed girlfriends. Of course, she thought to herself. It’s not like she had a boyfriend—she’s gay.

Krystal broke the silence before it prolonged. "Do you still think about her?"

"Yes."

There goes that knot twisting in her insides again. Krystal clenched her teeth fighting away the strange feelings she was getting. She let out a sound as a response.

"But not in the way you think," Amber added.

Krystal made eye contact with her. "Then in what way?"

"In the way that I could learn from her. Like, the mistakes I made in that relationship, I know not to make, know what I mean?"  She exhaled through her nose.  "Thinking about her recently," Amber began again, "made me realize that what Vanessa was doing was beyond wrong. So. I ended it."

Krystal nodded. "Are you happy?"

Amber gave out a small smile. "Yeah. It feels more relieving. All I'm focusing on now is this debut."

Krystal chuckled. "Yeah I know what you mean. I broke up with Aiden."

Amber rose her eyebrows out of surprise to which the latter chuckled again. "Yeah," Krystal let out. "It just wasn't working."

"Hey, as long as you're happy, Krys," Amber stated seriously.

Krystal smiled. "I am. We're f(x)—you and me. Plus the others."

Krystal watched Amber smile and saw her take her own hand into hers. She felt her heart skip a beat at the small action. She found herself mentally fighting her thoughts once again—having to remind herself that they were just like this not too long ago.

"We are," she heard Amber say. "Thank you."

After the statement, there was a comfortable silence in the air. Neither of them cared, feeling the ultimate relief in their chests for letting things out. Krystal secretly observed Amber; watching her take sips from her water bottle getting deep in thought, her face unreadable.

"You know," Krystal started, breaking the air. Amber turned her head to pay attention. "I don't care that you're gay."

Amber raised her eyebrows slightly at the phrase. She finished the remainder of her water, suddenly feeling dehydrated. She her lips and nodded. "Um…" she chuckled, nervousness seen on her face and in her smile.

Krystal chuckled at the action. "Sorry, that came out of nowhere."

Amber shook her head. "No it’s fine. I actually really appreciate it."

The latter smiled. "Good. I don't want you feeling weird now that I know and stuff."

Amber took a look at Krystal and they made eye contact. She felt a knot tie up in her insides. What is this? she asked her thoughts. Krystal gave out a gentle smile and her eyes softened. "I love you...for you," she said softly.

Amber's mouth dropped slightly and felt her heart speed up. That's not what she meant, she told her thoughts. She blinked away the devil's advocate thoughts roaming on the other side of her brain. Best friends say I love you to each other all the time. The more she stared into Krystal's eyes, the more she felt those knots form. She could swear she heard her heart beating in her own throat. I don't like Krystal, she told herself. Not that there would be anything wrong with it, feelings were feelings. But she just broke up with Vanessa and Amber was aware that any type of vulnerability was a sign of rebounding. I'll get over it. I'll get over it.

She mustered up a smile and chuckled feigning comfort.

"I love you, too, Krystal."