2009 . 06 . 05 – 6:06pm

“You look nice.”

The person receiving the compliment turned around to her door and smiled.  “Thanks, Luna,” Amber responded with a gentle smile.

“You’re going to that dance soon, right?” the latter asked taking a seat on her bed which was adjacent to Amber’s but was on the other side of the room they shared.

Amber nodded as she continued to fix her red button down shirt and her hair.  She kept twisting and turning in front of the mirror they shared, making sure that she was satisfied with what she was wearing, black skinny jeans included; her black Vans were waiting outside.  “It’s not such a big deal,” Amber said, cutting the slight silence between them.  She turned to the girl who was now lying down playing with her phone.  “But they did call for semi-formal attire,” she added.

“Ah,” Luna said.  “I think Krystal’s going.”

“Really?” the tomboy questioned.  She grabbed her cellphone and wallet and put it in her back pockets.  She beckoned her head towards the door, signaling her band mate to walk her to the front as she was leaving.  Luna followed at the signal and they walked to the front.  Amber began to put on her thin black jacket, “Last time I checked, she wasn’t going,” she said zippering up.

Luna made an “I don’t know” face.  “I just asked today since you guys go to the same school and she said she’s going.  She’s buying the tickets at the door,” she said.  She leaned against the wall next to their front door.  “Maybe a last minute thing.”

“Maybe.”

Amber’s conversation was cut short as her phone began to ring.  A smile crept up on her face seeing who it was.  Luna caught on and couldn’t help but smile either.

“Hello?” Amber answered in English.

“Hey!  The rest of us are outside, sweetie,” Vanessa’s voice rang through her ear.

Amber laughed, “Okay I’ll be down in a few.”

They said their short goodbyes and Amber automatically caught the creepy smile on Luna’s face.  She laughed again, “What?”

Luna shook her head, “Nothing, nothing.”  She continued to stare at the tomboy in the eye, hesitating if she should say what was in her head for that moment as she watched her open the door.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you later.”

“Sure.  Just let me know if I should sleep on the couch tonight ~”

Amber stopped midway in her tracks, almost slightly chocking on her saliva.  Her blush arose as she heard Luna giggle behind the half-opened door.  She opened it fully and stared at the shorter girl in front of her, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Luna rolled her eyes, a smile still plastered on her face.  “I’m not stupid, Amber,” she asserted.  “Besides, Sulli is staying with Taeyeon and Tiffany tonight and Victoria left for her short flight to China to renew her passport, remember?”

Oh yeah, Amber thought, Luna and I have the dorm to ourselves.  She quickly envisioned how Vanessa sleeping over would have been like.  She knew Korean well enough to have a conversation.  She could cook.  Plus, Luna liked her.  She didn’t think it was a bad idea.  Nonetheless, Luna was willing to give the room to themselves.

“Then why wouldn’t you just sleep in their room?” Amber asked.

Luna’s smile became bigger, “Ah…” she said lowly with a mischievous laugh.  “So you do want her to stay over tonight.”

Amber’s blush that disappeared through her thinking process quickly recovered and she exhaled through her nostrils.  “I’m leaving now,” she said shamefully as she rushed to the elevator, leaving her band mate to close the door herself.  She was encountered with three grueling minutes of waiting for the elevator to reach her floor continuously hearing Luna’s teases about the girl in a mix of broken English and perfect Korean.  The last thing she heard before the elevator doors closed after she got in was Luna screaming, “Sorry,” and “I love you!”

6:53pm

Laughs and conversations were heard between the group walking towards their high school; couples hand-in-hand, friend’s wrapping arms around each other for the continuous bro-mance many of them shared and smiles all around them.  The group entered the high school’s front entrance, lining up to show their tickets for the dance to get stamped in to go inside.  Everyone waited for each other and once their group quickly re-assembled, they walked into the gymnasium together, gathered some drinks from the snack table and chose a bleacher side to sit at.

Music was bumping all through-out the gym, Amber and the rest of her group continuing to sit together, some standing—all laughing and cracking jokes.  Vanessa sat on a seat in the bleachers one step higher than Amber, allowing her perfect access to play with Amber’s hair along with the opportunity to wrap her arms around Amber’s neck.  The tomboy leaned back automatically to her girlfriend’s touch and looked up, slowly falling into their own little world of small verbal communication and big communication through their eye contact.

Jay and Eros were seen standing in front of the group, Erika sitting in the very first bleacher closest to the two boys—Michelle and Nick sitting next to Amber and Vanessa.  With Eros’ back faced to the door, Jay continued to converse with him and Erika and then noticed a figure at the front.  His eyes widened in sudden nervousness for a second, going noticed by the two and they turned to the door.  Their reaction was about the same and Erika automatically got up, turned around and grabbed Vanessa by the hand.

She dragged her out of her seat, leaving Amber confused.  “Come on, let’s dance!”

Vanessa turned her head to Amber with a questioning look but couldn’t help but smile as Michelle jumped in and joined them.  Amber chuckled to the sight and shrugged her shoulders as, “Hotel Room Service” by Pitbull came on.  She threw her hands up in the air, rocking to the beat earning a tongue stuck out by her girlfriend.

“Girls will be girls, huh?” Nick said loudly over the music into Amber’s ear.  The latter responded with an eye brow raised causing the boy to laugh at her reaction.

Turning her head back to face the girls who were further into the gym dancing, she made eye contact with Jay unintentionally and he took the quick opportunity to beckon his head to the right.  Amber looked passed his right shoulder and saw Krystal standing a few feet away from them standing with her friends against the wall.  Her and her friends were talking amongst themselves scanning intently throughout the dance floor.  Amber could only assume that they were looking at Michelle, Erika and Vanessa at one point because she saw Joanne point into the crowd and Silvia nod to whatever she said about Vanessa specifically or the rest them as a whole.

The tomboy rolled her eyes and ran her hand through her hair.  Whatever, Amber thought annoyingly, all they’ll ever do is talk.

Her thoughts were stopped seeing Jay and Eros dance obnoxiously to the continuous change in music.  She laughed seeing their moves, Nick joining them.  They all called out to Amber to go with them further into the dance floor to join the girls.  Reluctantly, without much of a choice, she followed and was greeted with excitement by the rest of the girls.  The DJ turned to 3OH3!’s, “My First Kiss,” making their group go wild and all they could do was laugh at the craziness within their circle.  Feelings eyes on her while dancing, Amber turned her head to the right and saw Krystal looking at her from a distance.  The younger girl smiled and gave out a small wave.  Amber responded the same with an additional head nod.

The eye contact was broken once Vanessa grabbed her arm turning the tomboy back to face her and they began to dance and sing the song together.  Vanessa subconsciously got closer to Amber, teasing her every now and then, driving the tomboy insane as she watched her girlfriend swing and shake in front of her as they had continuously had eye- on the dance floor.  The song quickly changed to Britney Spears’, “Womanizer” and suddenly, Amber became the prime target of a gang seduction.  The girls circled Amber, only one giving the real attraction; the boys joined in acting extra flamboyant earning ear to ear smiles all throughout their circle and laughs heard from the tomboy.

Krystal began to laugh from a distance with her friends until she noticed the chemistry and heat emanating from Vanessa and Amber’s interaction.  She watched Vanessa lip-sync the chorus to Amber, running her fingers through her hair and down her chest.  Amber wasn’t laughing, anymore and it was the first time she has seen her band mate give off such a smirk.  It stung a little bit and yet, again, she couldn’t bring herself to figure out why.

Her friend’s began to dance with themselves, urging Krystal to join.  She reluctantly obliged, hoping to distract herself from the weird feeling.  As the DJ switched songs, her ears perking to Beyoncé’s, “Single Ladies,” she couldn’t help but glance back at Amber’s group.  She saw Amber laughing hysterically, legs shaking at the boys’ hysterical dance get up.  She smiled subconsciously, seeing her best friend so happy but the happiness she felt for her also joined with a little sadness.  I’ve never seen Amber smile that strongly around me before.  Krystal kept dancing and laughing with her friends, trying to see the positivity in Amber’s happiness.  They had an age difference so of course, some of their humor aspects would differ between the two.

As if almost on cue, the DJ switched songs once again playing Kat Deluna’s, “Whine Up.”  Watching what unfolded in front of her a few feet away, Krystal was no longer smiling.  She entered her own world as she watched Vanessa change up her expression, suddenly becoming more seductive and darkening.  Amber wasn’t complaining and whatever Vanessa was doing and Krystal heard her friends cheer the scene on with much positivity.  Krystal swallowed the small lump that developed in as she watched Vanessa turned herself around and Amber pulling her in closer by the waist, connecting their bodies together.  She swallowed another lump that formed right after the first one went down and she froze at the sight of Amber and Vanessa grinding closely together to the chorus of the song.  Vanessa ran her fingers through Amber’s hair as they danced the tomboy bending her head closer to her girlfriend’s neck and they both smiled to themselves.

Krystal has never been so confused in her life.  Girl friends dance like that all the time.  She scanned the rest of the room and found at least five more pairs of girls dancing that way.  It was common.  Teenagers will be teenagers.  But seeing how their chemistry was between them—to the cheers their friends were giving—despite not being able to hear it over the music, she could only second guess what she was told to believe.  Amber didn’t lie to her about anything, she was sure.  Yet again, the more she thought about it, Amber never straight up denied that she wasn’t with the girl either.

If Krystal thought her head couldn’t spin any further from getting lost in her thoughts, she was wrong.  fell agape as she heard Silvia go, “Oh what the hell?!” to her right side over the loud music.  Vanessa and Amber stopped dancing; the teasing was enough from each other, Vanessa turning her head to kiss her girlfriend with her back still attached to the front side of Amber’s body—the tomboy’s hands held firmly and tightly now engulfed the slender girl’s waist.

“I’m sorry I accused you of being with him.”

Krystal turned to her left, doing her absolute best to fight off whatever expression her face wanted to give from having the rush of feelings invade her body, breaking down her walls.  Aiden gave out a small shrug and a sympathetic smile.  He leaned closer to Krystal’s ear once again.  “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions; you were right.  You two are only just good friends.”

You two are only just good friends.  The words rang in Krystal’s head louder than the music booming throughout the gymnasium.  She took another glance towards the newly found couple and thankfully to Krystal’s dismay they stopped having their make out session and was only hugging each other, face to face.  Eros caught the strange feeling of stares and turned to his right, making eye contact with Krystal.  They both stared at each other for a little bit, the older boy’s mouth opening and closing, thinking of what to mouth out to the girl from the distant.  He knew that Amber was screwed and that Krystal had seen the couple.  He couldn’t read Krystal’s facial expressions but he knew that he had to go speak to her eventually.  Eros shook his head sympathetically towards her, mouthing out, “I’m sorry.”  He didn’t know what else to do.

Why is he saying sorry? Krystal questioned to herself.  She swallowed once again feeling her saliva accumulate.

“Now do you believe that the two of them are dating?” Silvia screamed to Krystal over the music.  The group was paying attention to her now.  She pointed to the upper class-men group.  “You can’t tell me that they’re not dating after seeing that…that whatever over there!”

Joanne grabbed her friend’s arm and gave her the assurance that she wasn’t as hurt as she used to be over the news.  Over time, she has learned to get over her middle school crush on the “boy” she never met.

Feeling a little dizzy, Krystal ran her hand through her hair.  “I’m going to the bathroom,” she announced unsure if anyone heard.  Either way, she didn’t care for a response, storming off in the middle of the sentence.  The group looked at each other with confusion.  “I’ll go check her out,” Silvia concluded and followed her friend.  Eros kept his eyes on the younger group and once he saw Krystal leave, he announced that he had to go to the bathroom to the group—which was obviously a lie—and followed the two girls out of the gymnasium.

Krystal’s head began to spin faster than it did inside feeling the whiplash in her ears due to the drastic change in sound, going from loud to almost total silence.  She stepped outside through the side entrance where she found a couple of students airing out the heat from inside the gym.  She passed them and sat on a couple of steps.  Krystal took off her white heels feeling her feet ache and rested them on the cold cement, instantly feeling the aching sub-siding.

“Krystal?”

She looked up to the call of her name and found Silvia walking towards her.  Silvia sat down next to her and Krystal brought her arms together, hands clasped, elbows resting on her knees as she leaned the side of her face against her fists.  She looked at Silvia who only continued to stare back.  “What?” Krystal asked after a few more seconds of silence.

Two more seconds.  “Are you okay?” the girl asked.

Krystal nodded.  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because your friend is a girl, not a guy.”

The response caused Krystal’s mouth to drop slightly.  She blinked a couple of times as she ran the statement through her head, formulating what she was taking in all in one night.  She put her white heels back on in silence, feeling her feet numb a little from the night time cool around them.  She curled herself a little further as she felt a wind pass by them.

Krystal’s thoughts were interrupted as Silvia sliced the silence with a butter knife.  “I knew the entire time.  I ran into the bathroom with her in the beginning of the semester,” she confessed.  She added a sigh, “I didn’t want to tell Joanne.  She would have felt stupid.”

The other girl nodded.  “Yeah, she would have.”

Silvia kicked a pebble she caught eyes with on one of the stairs she was sitting on.  She exhaled.  “Plus, we all witnessed solid proof that she’s gay.”

Krystal furrowed her eye brows together.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The other girl shook her head.  “Nothing.  I’m just saying that when you said she wouldn’t be interested in Joanne, I guess you were kind of right.”

An awkward silence built in between them for what seemed to be a long five seconds.  “Hey,” Silvia called out, “I didn’t mean to offend your friend.”

Krystal shrugged apathetically turning her head to look down at the floor.  She wasn’t sure how she felt, anymore, besides the sudden feeling of exhaustion.  “Well, you didn’t offend me, so it’s okay.”

“Krystal?”

She turned her head to the sound of her name, a figure standing a few feet away from her and Silvia at the top of the stairs.

“Eros?” she questioned in the same tone, getting up to be at his level.  They met each other half-way.  “What are you doing out here?” she asked as she held her crossed her arms feeling the summer evening chills greet her body through her navy blue dress.

Eros gave out a small smile towards Silvia, making sure he acknowledged the other presence in that given setting.  He swallowed and shoved his hands into his pockets.  “I’m sorry,” he said lowly, “I’m sorry that you didn’t know.”  Noticing how cold the younger girl looked, he took off his black dress jacket that he had worn over a blue plaid shirt.  He put over Krystal’s shoulders; she stayed still not knowing what or how to think of the action and just simply took it.

She re-adjusted her folded arms in the same position for the sake of finding some distraction she was voiding over the zero comfortability she was feeling.  Subconsciously, a sigh came out.  “I don’t know why you’re apologizing.”

Eros blinked.  “Amber’s going through some stuff right now and she just doesn’t know how to tell you…that, you know.”

“That she’s gay?” Silvia said standing up.  She earned a distraught look from her best friend but she shook it off.  Silvia scoffed.  “For God’s sake, it’s 2009, people are adjusting to homouality.  Krystal has been friends with Amber since the moment she got here; she has every right to feel some type of way right now.”

Eros released a puff of air through his nostrils.  He clenched his teeth at the attitude spiked from the younger girl.  “It’s complicated.”

“Complicated enough for her to not tell me,” Krystal spat out.

Eros felt a small anger boil.  He took a step forward towards the girls, shaking his head.  “You can’t even begin to understand where she’s coming from right now, Krystal.  She has been struggling since the day she first got here, especially with her ual orientation.  How can you be so selfish to—“

“Oh and you can?!” Krystal said raising her voice.  Eros blinked multiple times at the small explosion.

“No, I can’t, but—“

“But what, Eros?” Krystal questioned, “Huh?  Tell me.”  She unfolded her arms and flailed them midway in the air as Silvia and Eros watched her frustration pour out from being bottled in the entire night.  “It’s so complicated for her to figure sh*t out, but yet, she’s over here having dry on the dance floor with that—” she paused before saying a derogative term, automatically earning a look from Eros.  She groaned in replacement of the word and continued.  “And on top of that, she makes out with her—IN PUBLIC.”  She felt tears developing in her eyes, but at this point, Krystal stopped caring.  “So you tell me, Eros, how complicated it really is.”

Krystal re-folded her arms, feeling her tears fall.  She screamed out of anger and frustration and wiped her tears belligerently.  “Why am I crying right now?!  What the !” she yelled.

“Because,” Eros began.  He hesitated to finish his sentence, looking away from the girls.  Krystal continued to weep silently to herself, also continuing to wipe away the tears that kept falling.

“Because…what?” Silvia asked.

Eros looked at Silvia, swallowed, and then looked to Krystal.  He sighed.  “Because you like Amber, too.”

Silvia looked down at the statement, staying silent.  Krystal’s mouth dropped.  She blinked, continuing to wipe her tears and she furiously ran her hand through her hair.  “I don’t like Amber,” she denied firmly.

“You do,” Eros responded lowly.

Krystal’s tears kept falling and the gut feeling in her stomach she kept feeling whenever she saw Amber with Vanessa came back.  “I don’t like Amber,” she repeated pointing at the older boy in front of her.

Eros exhaled and Silvia looked to Krystal sympathetically.  He his lips, feeling them become dry at the statement.  “Krystal—“

“I’m not gay!” Krystal screamed.  She wiped more tears falling and she continued to try her best to not break down any further.  She had exposed enough in one night already.  “I’m not a lesbian,” she said.  She clenched her teeth.  “I’m not.”

“I’m not saying that you are, Krystal,” Eros reassured.

“Yeah,” Silvia supported, “No one’s saying that you’re gay, Krys.”  She reached out to hold her best friend’s arm.  “But no one’s saying that it’s not okay, either.”

Krystal smacked Silvia’s hand away from her arm and took a step back.  “I’m not gay and I don’t like Amber.”

More tears fell at the end of the statement and she repeated the process of wiping them away.  “I don’t like Amber,” she screamed, only this time, her voice cracked.  Krystal continued to repeat the statement, each and every time, the sentence becoming more and more inaudible.  The in-denial she was battling in her head was becoming stronger and stronger as it began to tug with reality.  As the tug-a-war kept going on, her voice began to become quieter and all Eros could do was to hug the younger girl.  He mustered up his pride, slowly breaking away from the frustration and anger he had felt for the lack of sympathy from Krystal for not understanding what Amber’s position was on this.  He knew that she was having a hard time, too.

Krystal didn’t hug back; her thoughts continued to run and she watched Silvia look at her with the look of nothing but sympathy all over her face.  “It’s okay, Krys,” Silvia stated.

Once Krystal’s sniffling stopped, Eros let go, seeing an emptiness in Krystal’s eyes as she just stared blankly at the floor ahead.  Krystal remained numb.  Her mind began to have a war with her heart. Figuring out which one was right became too exhausting for her, almost feeling as if she had suddenly become feeble just standing on her own two feet alone.

“Keep the jacket,” Eros said, “Give it to me when I see you in school.”

Silvia gave him a small thank you for Krystal with an additional smile.  He gave a small goodbye and began walking inside.

“Eros,” Krystal called out not long after he began to walk away.  He turned around the sound of his name.

Krystal made eye contact with him.

“We never had this conversation.”