Chapter 23 pt. 1
Never AgainA/N:
hey guys!! sorry the update took this long...
i was going to update before christmas but having three pending chapters for three different fics at the same time made me unable to...
and i was also going to give you guys a small gift but it got accidentally deleted (though thankfully, i sent it to my email but i still have to retype the rest that i did from my ipod) so it might take some time...
anywho, here's chap 23!!
- immaLocket029
Twenty years ago...
It was an ordinary day for everyone, and even though the sun was hidden behind the clouds it was not something that can stop them from doing what they needed to do. Chaeyoung was inside talking on the phone to her friend while Youngwoon was still at work together with Jongwoon who came back from the States for a short visit. Jonghyun just came back from school and was outside the front yard doing the homework his father asked him to do - reading old documents from the company that he was supposed to memorize and remember - while Kibum was playing on the grass with his nanny. Looking once in a while, five year old Jonghyun envied that his younger brother wasn't being forced to do things that he couldn't do yet.
Just like every other kid, Jonghyun only wanted to play with his toys or even play with his brother. But instead he had to read things that he couldn't even understand yet otherwise his father will scold him or even worse punish him if he didn't do them. Looking at Kibum playing with a toy car surrounded by his other toys while holding a stuffed cow, Jonghyun couldn't help but feel mad that he was the oldest child. When his brother came towards him and asked him to play, he can only yell at the latter to stop bothering him. In the end, Kibum stopped just like what his brother told him and instead sat beside him on the chair next to him, using the stuffed cow as a cushion and sat on it, his feelings once again hurt.
"Go away!" Jonghyun yelled, pushing Kibum away from him.
Two year old Kibum only sat on the chair, his little hands holding firmly on the arm rest so he won't move. "Why are you reading that? It's not yours and you can't read yet," he said, his finger pointing the old folder in front of Jonghyun.
"What's it to you? And yes I can read, Kibum. It’s why I've been going to school everyday. Besides, Dad's also been teaching me how to read when I'm not in school," he retorted back. He tried to cover the folder from his brother and continued studying, trying to ignore the other who kept peering over his shoulder. "Will you stop? You're bothering me."
"Hyung, what does this word mean?" Kibum pointed a word on the folder, "It looks funny." He giggled and mumbled it, trying to say the word properly.
"See? You're the one who can't read yet because you're only two and since I'm older than you meaning I can read," Jonghyun pointed out, pushing his brother away slightly and covered the folder with his hands.
"Who says I can't read? Dad taught me last night," Kibum said loudly, almost proudly.
"Oh yeah? Then what does this word read, hm?" Jonghyun challenged.
But Kibum only gulped and didn't say anything as he kept quiet, his eyes going over the word again and again trying to figure how it read. In the end he gave up. With a huff he got off the chair and took his stuffed toy with him and left, once again playing on the grass but with a dejected expression on his face. Jonghyun ignored it and resumed reading even though he also couldn't understand most of the things written. Briefly glancing sideways towards his older brother, Kibum can only sigh, thinking how his plan failed to catch Jonghyun's attention and play with him instead reading.
He had seen the folder his older brother was reading from the night before when he was with their father at his office, and even though he couldn't even read let alone understand what it was about, he can remember how everything looked like. The word he pointed earlier was the same word he saw last night, and even though he doesn't know how to read it or what it meant, he just couldn't forget about it for some reason. He had been trying for days to get his older brother to play with him, but each time the latter would only ignore him and he would retreat back to his room once again dejected.
But playing wasn't the only reason why he wanted Jonghyun to be with him - he wanted someone to protect him. He had been noticing strange things going on around him - shapes and numbers playing, talking, and singing; unexplainable colourful objects floating in the air above and in front him. He was scared, not knowing why only he can see and hear them. But at the same time, his fear only made him curious that he tried to focus on it more and more each time. His attention was always with it that it became the first thing he looks for each day. When his older brother told him he didn't want to play with him, Kibum became immersed in his own world when his "friend" appeared to play with him.
If only he can say it directly, Jonghyun would've said what he was really feeling about almost everything. If someone was to ask him, he would say instantly that he was angry as to why had to do things that he couldn't do, at least not yet. He wanted to play all day long just like Kibum, he wanted the freedom to do whatever he wanted, and he wanted to stop feeling like he was obligated to do things that are meant for adults only.
Jonghyun looked one more time to his brother and saw him laughing to himself while his eyes kept moving in front of him. He frowned and looked towards what his brother was looking at but saw nothing. Just like any other day since it started, Kibum had found himself a new friend to keep him company and play with him and since he was already feeling down after getting rejected he chose to play with his new friend and followed it wherever it goes - farther away from reality.
The next day, Jonghyun kept a close watch on his brother even though he had a lot of things to do including his school and other assignments his father told him to do. When he finally got a chance to corner his brother inside his room after coming home from school that was the time where he started thinking that something was not right with his brother. Inside the room he found Kibum talking to himself while facing the wall, hugging the stuffed cow tightly in his hands. He would smile and laugh for a moment and the next he sounded like he was scolding someone. "... You’re not supposed to do that. It's wrong..." Jonghyun tried to listen more but then he heard the sound of the front door opening and closing, the sound of shoes heavily clicking against the floor and the voice he knew all too well, and he knew his father was already home for the day.
During dinner, he noticed that Kibum was back to his normal self again even though he wasn't really sure with what was going on. His eyes remained locked on his brother who was sitting across from him, keeping in mind every little thing the latter do. But beside Kibum, Grandma Kim had seen everything and even though she knew that sooner or later her family will find out about the truth, she couldn't bear the thought of her five-year old grandson finding out before his parents does.
After they ate, the whole family went to the living room and did their own businesses - the brother talking about the company as usual, Chaeyoung reading her book while Kibum went back to his room with his nanny to start washing up and get ready for bed. Grandma Kim saw the Jonghyun was on his way upstairs as well and decided to talk to him and know if she was right about what was bothering her grandson.
"Jonghyun-ah," she called softly, opening the door to his room slowly.
He was sitting on his bed holding another folder in his hands. "Yes, Grandma?" he said, scooting further on his bed and grabbed his blanket.
"Can I come in?" she asked and he nodded.
Grandma Kim sat near the foot of his bed. "Is there something bothering you, sweetheart?" Before answering, Jonghyun crawled towards his grandma's lap and hugged her, throwing the folder far away from him.
His grandma hugged him back and swayed them slightly side to side just like how she always do to make her grandchildren feel comforted or fall asleep faster. "I'm scared, Grandma," he replied quietly, hugging her tighter as he closed his eyes.
"Why are you scared?" She took him in her arms and cradled him like a baby.
"There's something wrong Kibummie. I hate him because Mom and Dad love him more but I don't want anything to happen to him." Little Jonghyun started sobbing, remembering how he saw his younger earlier talking as if there was someone else in his room with him.
"What makes you think there's something wrong with your brother? And you don't hate him, brothers aren't supposed to hate each other. They're supposed to be each other's support throughout everything they go through." She said, wiping the tears on his grandson's face.
"I saw him talking to himself earlier, Grandma. Doesn't that mean there's something wrong with him? People aren't supposed to talk to themselves because there's no one in front of them." He opened his eyes and waited for his grandma's reply, wiping the new tears that threatened to fall.
"Maybe... your brother has an imaginary friend. Don't kids have imaginary friends nowadays?" To Grandma Kim, lying was a better option than to tell her grandson there really was something wrong with his brother.
"But why does he need imaginary friends? I'm here, I can be his friend. He doesn't need imaginary friends; he can have me - a real one."
When Grandma Kim brought along Kibum with her when she visited a friend, she didn't expect that she will find something. Her friend's son, who was working as a doctor, was the first one to tell that her grandson might have a disorder. From what she remember, Kibum's nanny had told her something about the boy not being as normal as other children, and even though Grandma Kim wasn't as paranoid as other people when it comes to hearing that their loved one isn't as normal there was still that part of her that wanted to be sure that there was nothing wrong with her grandchild. Therefore, without telling Kibum's parents the real reason, she had been bringing her grandson with her to see the said doctor if what he said was right.
After weeks of setting up secret rendezvous with the doctor, the diagnosis was finally made. In front of her eyes, everything was shown to her. She had heard Kibum talk about his "friends" before and she thought he was just imaginative but then seeing him talk about them as if they really were real. He was talking about them so happily, and would occasionally stop as if something caught his attention. If someone would look at him, they would think that he was just a lively child, that there was nothing wrong, but if they were to listen to what he was saying, they would know that there really was something wrong with how unreal the things he says, how they don't make sense at all to be real. And even though he was just kid, it still was something that couldn't be considered normal.
In order for them to take better care of him, Grandma Kim brought the nanny with her in one of her appointments with the doctor so that she would know how to help Kibum. Just between the two of them, they kept it as a secret from Youngwoon and Chaeyoung, and even though they were already seeing in front of their eyes they weren't aware of their son's condition. Just like how Grandma Kim thought it was, they think of his stories about his friends rather entertaining, that he was just an active, imaginative child. And Grandma Kim wanted it to stay that way until Kibum finishes his treatment.
Even though Kibum had been receiving treatment, Grandma Kim doesn't know if her grandson was getting better. He was still the same; or rather he became more active and more talkative. His attention span became short, always wanting to do things one after the other for a short time, and he became more open talking about his friends. He even talked about them to Jonghyun, and just like what his grandmother told him, he played along with whatever Kibum talked about.
"Oval really likes you, hyung. She said you're much nicer to her than Triangle," Kibum once said, referring to his friends. They had been playing with their toys most of the day since their parents were away and would be coming back late.
"Why? Does she and Triangle always fight?" Jonghyun asked, picking up a cylinder block and placed it on top of the tower he was building, somehow becoming more curious to what his brother really sees and hears in his imaginary world.
"No, not really. They just don't get along, that's all," the latter replied, dismantling a small robot he had just fixed moments ago. "She and Circle are best friends, and their enemies are Rectangle and Square. And they all don't like Triangle because he's not nice so he doesn't have any friends."
"Then, who are you close with?" Jonghyun asked again, stopping whatever he was doing and waited for his brother's answer.
"No one, they're all telling me to pick a side so I chose no one but I do play with Triangle most of the time because no one would. He's always lonely so I play with him," Kibum said simply. He had already began playing with a new toy after abandoning his other toys, taking the rest of the building blocks Jonghyun left after building his tower. Then suddenly, he dropped the blocks and squatted down in front of his older brother. "You're not going to tell them, right, hyung? Because if you do they're not going to play with me anymore, I'll lose my friends."
As he stared into his brother's eyes, Jonghyun understood something. All those times he felt left out ever since his brother came, all those attention that used to be on him when he was still the only child, all those hard feelings he kept - anger, jealousy, and misunderstanding - until that moment, all of it was easily forgotten. His brother was innocent and he had been wrong the whole time. He shouldn't have been blaming when he doesn't even know what was going around him completely. "I won't, I promise."
One day, since everyone else was busy doing their work, Grandma Kim thought of taking Kibum with her to the cemetery to visit her husband. He had been insisting that they go out since there was nothing else to do and because he couldn't see any of his friends wherever he looked. "Grandma, have you seen them? I can't find them anywhere."
Even though she had already been pretending that her grandson's friends were real, it still took her by surprise and was unable to answer immediately to his question. "No, I haven't seen them, dear. Maybe they went somewhere for a while." One thing she learned during his treatment was to be careful around him. The way to say things when talking to him, the actions, and even the smallest things that might lead him to misunderstanding what was meant to be said or done.
"Oh," he said quietly. Grandma Kim quickly caught the tone of disappointment and sadness in his voice with just that one word. She wasn't looking at him when he asked her the question, and when she turned around she saw him sitting down on the linoleum floor on a slouch with his head hung low. "I don't want to go anymore, Grandma. I'll just stay here until they come back. I promised that I'll bring them with me to grandpa, if they're not here I can't go." He pointed to the small blue bag he was carrying, and Grandma Kim immediately grasped what he was trying to say.
Not wanting to disappointment him more, she quickly thought of things to make it up to him. With a little difficulty due to her age, Grandma Kim sat down on the floor with him and took him in his arms. "Maybe... Maybe they are already playing with you."
"They are?" he asked, looking up. She noticed that his eyes were already moist with unshed tears.
"Oh, maybe they are playing hide and seek and they want you to find them," she said, hoping that it would work. And when she saw a smile forming on his lips she felt relieved.
"Really?" he asked and she nodded. "We're playing right now?" The sadness and disappointment that was evident just seconds ago was replaced with excitement.
"Maybe we'll find them along the way to grandpa." With that Kibum finally agreed to come with her grandma to the cemetery to visit. Taking his hand, they walked outside the house and took the bus that headed near to the cemetery. They bought flowers, wine, and a small portion of food as offering and even though he was just a kid, Kibum was patient enough until they get to their destination although he was constantly asking where his friends hid themselves.
"They'll come soon, dear," she replied once. When they arrived, Grandma Kim made Kibum sit near her on the grass because he was still too young to do the rites. It was the two of them therefore she didn't want to lose sight of him.
Obeying what his grandmother told him, Kibum sat with his legs crossed on the grass, still looking around for his friends. But as minutes pass, he was starting to become fidgety. Not seeing his friends made him feel uncomfortable, not knowing what they're doing made him feel anxious. Looking left and right, he kept hoping that they will finally show themselves to him. "Where are they?" he asked himself.
Just then, from the corners of his eyes he noticed something moving, and when he finally saw what he was looking for a smile appeared on his face. Without any hesitation he stood up and ran towards where his friends were and forgot about what his grandmother told him. Across the slippery grass, he kept running until he finally reached them, not realizing he stopped in the middle of the street. "Grandma! I found them!" he yelled happily.
When Grandma Kim looked behind her, it wasn't just her grandson that he saw. Not far from where they were a car was speeding towards where Kibum was. "Kibum-ah, come here now quick!" she called. But Kibum didn't listen to her and instead sat down on the concrete ground. She kept calling him as she tried get to him as fast as she could even if at the back of her mind she wasn't going to make it.
But when her hands managed to grab hold of Kibum's arm, on instinct she immediately wrapped him in her arms and tried to shield him from the car, letting herself get hit instead. In just seconds, many things had already happened. Both of them rolled upwards the car's windshield, the impact of it colliding with her body caused to glass to shatter. As they roll back down, Grandma Kim's arms weren't able to hold Kibum any longer as they fell limply on her sides. The car sped away without even stopping, leaving the two of them lying on the bloody concrete.
Chaeyoung arrive at their house, looking forward to what her youngest has for her. Each day, Kibum would tell her a story, each of them about things that aren't real and yet to her son, it was as if they were all real. So when the maid told her that someone from the hospital called about the accident, she immediately rushed to the hospital and called her husband. During the whole ride, her tears kept flowing from her eyes, her palms sweaty and her heart racing in her chest. She kept telling her driver to go faster, not bothering about the fact that they were already breaking the rules of going over the allowed speed limit.
When the car stopped in front of the entrance of the emergency room, she quickly made her way inside and looked for her mother-in-law and her son. Everywhere she looked, all she can see was the despaired and mourning faces of people who were there for their loved ones. With what she was seeing in front of her, her fear only increased as she frantically looked for someone who can tell her where her family is. After asking the nurses by the reception she instantly made her way towards the direction where they said son was, and after passing multiple beds by the ward, she finally saw her son on one of the beds sleeping with the ahjumma sitting beside him.
"What happened?" she asked, approaching the bed and held her son's hand in one hand and his hair with the other.
"Hit and run," the ahjumma replied, her voice rasped. When Chaeyoung turned to look at her in shock, it was then when she noticed that the old woman had been crying.
"What? How is he? What did the doctor say? What about mother? Where is she?" So many questions kept forming in her mind that as much as she wanted to stay calm she couldn't.
"He's fine; he only suffered mild concussion, a few scratches, and a bruise. But other than that, he's fine." The ahjumma avoided the question about Grandma Kim's health, not because she didn't want to say anything but because she doesn't know how to say it herself.
"What about mother?" she asked again. As much as she wanted to feel relieved that her son was alright, not knowing her mother-in-law's condition still kept her feeling nervous and worried.
"Madam was already dead when they arrived," the ahjumma replied sadly as her tears started falling again.
Chaeyoung was in too much that she couldn't even shed tears after hearing the news of mother-in-laws death, every question that formed in her mind dissipated and gone as she stared at the old woman in front of her. Still, holding her son's hand, she tried to grasp what she was told.
The door opened and a doctor walked in, a solemn look on his face. "Are you the patient's mother?" he asked calmly. Absentmindedly, Chaeyoung nodded. "Can we talk outside for a minute?" the doctor asked once and left the room with Chaeyoung following behind him.
"What is it, doctor?" she asked, her voice quivering.
"How long has your son been taking medications?" The doctor started skimming through the papers on the clipboard he was holding and waited for Chaeyoung's answer.
"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" she asked in confusion.
"According to his records here at the hospital, he has been taking medication and treatment for schizophrenia although it wasn't indicated how long it has been. It could be a mistake from our side therefore I want to personally fix it myself before it's forgotten again."
"My son's being treated for schizophrenia?" The doctor stood there in front of her, just as confused as her.
"Yes,” he replied.
Eventually, the doctor clarified everything concerning her son's condition. When she came back inside the room, she went straight beside the ahjumma and pulled the old woman up by the elbows. Chaeyoung didn't mean to be disrespectful, but after finding out about her own son's condition for the first time it was enough for her to be furious. "You knew about it, didn't you? You dare keep to this from me?”
"The Madam had strictly forbidden me not to tell you or Youngwoon until Kibum finishes his treatment and medications. It was her wish to keep it a secret from both of you because she knew that Youngwoon wouldn't be able to accept the fact that his son is mentally ill," the ahjumma said.
"What about me, then? I'm his mother for God's sake! I should be the first one to know about my own son's condition. Why didn't she tell me? Why do I have to hear it from someone else?" Chaeyoung was starting to become hysterical. She sat on one of chairs placed by the walls crying, and as she remembers those times she had to take care of her father who had the same illness and she wondered if it was cause of her son's illness.
The news about her mother-in-law's death was enough to depress her, then knowing her son having a mental illness afterwards was too much for her to bear. Half an hour later, Youngwoon and Jongwoon came, and when the brothers were told of the news both of them was devastated. Especially Youngwoon who had a closer bond to their mother than Jongwoon, he couldn't accept the fact that his mother had died through such occurrence.
Youngwoon stayed nearby the morgue, still wanting to be near his mother. The minute his wife told him about the news of his mother's death, he didn't waste any time and looked for the morgue and didn't bother listening about his son's condition. He didn't even bother asking what really happened, other than knowing that Grandma Kim was hit by a car, it was all the filled his mind. Jongwoon, on the other hand, stayed near his nephew and listened to Chaeyoung, and even though she told him everything just like how she felt earlier he also couldn't grasp the truth about Kibum's condition.
"He's too young to be with an illness like that," he said, looking sympathetically at the still unconscious boy sleeping on the bed.
"The doctor said even children can acquire schizophrenia although it wasn't as common as to adults it was still possible to happen. And Kibum is an example of it. It turns out mother had been taking him with her for his treatment, that he's been taking medications for weeks without me or any of us knowing. All those things he told us that we thought of as nothing were the symptoms that he's sick, and I can't believe that I let it become this serious that it led to this." The ahjumma went back to the mansion to bring some clothes for Kibum to change into, letting Chaeyoung take her place beside the child's bed. Just looking at her son peacefully sleeping, Chaeyoung couldn't help but think what if her son died as well? Will she be able to take it, or will it break her heart to pieces and change her life by turning it upside down? Those kinds of questions formed inside her head, and even though they already lost a loved one, she was rather glad that her son was fine and is still alive.
"Mother... She kept this secret from all of us until now. Why did she?"
"Because she knew that Youngwoon wouldn't be able to accept it like it was nothing. We all know what his personality is like, and as much as it hurts that she kept this from all of us, I think she did the right thing after thinking about it thoroughly."
"But why does she need to include the two of us if she's only worrying about Youngwoon hyung?" Jongwoon felt somewhat upset by what his mother did, and the fact that she's dead made him feel worse.
"Who's worrying about me?" Both Jongwoon and Chaeyoung looked towards the door and saw Youngwoon standing, his expression unreadable.
It was an ordinary day for everyone, and even though the sun was hidden behind the clouds it was not something that can stop them from doing what they needed to do. Chaeyoung was inside talking on the phone to her friend while Youngwoon was still at work together with Jongwoon who came back from the States for a short visit. Jonghyun just came back from school and was outside the front yard doing the homework his father asked him to do - reading old documents from the company that he was supposed to memorize and remember - while Kibum was playing on the grass with his nanny. Looking once in a while, five year old Jonghyun envied that his younger brother wasn't being forced to do things that he couldn't do yet.
Just like every other kid, Jonghyun only wanted to play with his toys or even play with his brother. But instead he had to read things that he couldn't even understand yet otherwise his father will scold him or even worse punish him if he didn't do them. Looking at Kibum playing with a toy car surrounded by his other toys while holding a stuffed cow, Jonghyun couldn't help but feel mad that he was the oldest child. When his brother came towards him and asked him to play, he can only yell at the latter to stop bothering him. In the end, Kibum stopped just like what his brother told him and instead sat beside him on the chair next to him, using the stuffed cow as a cushion and sat on it, his feelings once again hurt.
"Go away!" Jonghyun yelled, pushing Kibum away from him.
Two year old Kibum only sat on the chair, his little hands holding firmly on the arm rest so he won't move. "Why are you reading that? It's not yours and you can't read yet," he said, his finger pointing the old folder in front of Jonghyun.
"What's it to you? And yes I can read, Kibum. It’s why I've been going to school everyday. Besides, Dad's also been teaching me how to read when I'm not in school," he retorted back. He tried to cover the folder from his brother and continued studying, trying to ignore the other who kept peering over his shoulder. "Will you stop? You're bothering me."
"Hyung, what does this word mean?" Kibum pointed a word on the folder, "It looks funny." He giggled and mumbled it, trying to say the word properly.
"See? You're the one who can't read yet because you're only two and since I'm older than you meaning I can read," Jonghyun pointed out, pushing his brother away slightly and covered the folder with his hands.
"Who says I can't read? Dad taught me last night," Kibum said loudly, almost proudly.
"Oh yeah? Then what does this word read, hm?" Jonghyun challenged.
But Kibum only gulped and didn't say anything as he kept quiet, his eyes going over the word again and again trying to figure how it read. In the end he gave up. With a huff he got off the chair and took his stuffed toy with him and left, once again playing on the grass but with a dejected expression on his face. Jonghyun ignored it and resumed reading even though he also couldn't understand most of the things written. Briefly glancing sideways towards his older brother, Kibum can only sigh, thinking how his plan failed to catch Jonghyun's attention and play with him instead reading.
He had seen the folder his older brother was reading from the night before when he was with their father at his office, and even though he couldn't even read let alone understand what it was about, he can remember how everything looked like. The word he pointed earlier was the same word he saw last night, and even though he doesn't know how to read it or what it meant, he just couldn't forget about it for some reason. He had been trying for days to get his older brother to play with him, but each time the latter would only ignore him and he would retreat back to his room once again dejected.
But playing wasn't the only reason why he wanted Jonghyun to be with him - he wanted someone to protect him. He had been noticing strange things going on around him - shapes and numbers playing, talking, and singing; unexplainable colourful objects floating in the air above and in front him. He was scared, not knowing why only he can see and hear them. But at the same time, his fear only made him curious that he tried to focus on it more and more each time. His attention was always with it that it became the first thing he looks for each day. When his older brother told him he didn't want to play with him, Kibum became immersed in his own world when his "friend" appeared to play with him.
If only he can say it directly, Jonghyun would've said what he was really feeling about almost everything. If someone was to ask him, he would say instantly that he was angry as to why had to do things that he couldn't do, at least not yet. He wanted to play all day long just like Kibum, he wanted the freedom to do whatever he wanted, and he wanted to stop feeling like he was obligated to do things that are meant for adults only.
Jonghyun looked one more time to his brother and saw him laughing to himself while his eyes kept moving in front of him. He frowned and looked towards what his brother was looking at but saw nothing. Just like any other day since it started, Kibum had found himself a new friend to keep him company and play with him and since he was already feeling down after getting rejected he chose to play with his new friend and followed it wherever it goes - farther away from reality.
The next day, Jonghyun kept a close watch on his brother even though he had a lot of things to do including his school and other assignments his father told him to do. When he finally got a chance to corner his brother inside his room after coming home from school that was the time where he started thinking that something was not right with his brother. Inside the room he found Kibum talking to himself while facing the wall, hugging the stuffed cow tightly in his hands. He would smile and laugh for a moment and the next he sounded like he was scolding someone. "... You’re not supposed to do that. It's wrong..." Jonghyun tried to listen more but then he heard the sound of the front door opening and closing, the sound of shoes heavily clicking against the floor and the voice he knew all too well, and he knew his father was already home for the day.
During dinner, he noticed that Kibum was back to his normal self again even though he wasn't really sure with what was going on. His eyes remained locked on his brother who was sitting across from him, keeping in mind every little thing the latter do. But beside Kibum, Grandma Kim had seen everything and even though she knew that sooner or later her family will find out about the truth, she couldn't bear the thought of her five-year old grandson finding out before his parents does.
After they ate, the whole family went to the living room and did their own businesses - the brother talking about the company as usual, Chaeyoung reading her book while Kibum went back to his room with his nanny to start washing up and get ready for bed. Grandma Kim saw the Jonghyun was on his way upstairs as well and decided to talk to him and know if she was right about what was bothering her grandson.
"Jonghyun-ah," she called softly, opening the door to his room slowly.
He was sitting on his bed holding another folder in his hands. "Yes, Grandma?" he said, scooting further on his bed and grabbed his blanket.
"Can I come in?" she asked and he nodded.
Grandma Kim sat near the foot of his bed. "Is there something bothering you, sweetheart?" Before answering, Jonghyun crawled towards his grandma's lap and hugged her, throwing the folder far away from him.
His grandma hugged him back and swayed them slightly side to side just like how she always do to make her grandchildren feel comforted or fall asleep faster. "I'm scared, Grandma," he replied quietly, hugging her tighter as he closed his eyes.
"Why are you scared?" She took him in her arms and cradled him like a baby.
"There's something wrong Kibummie. I hate him because Mom and Dad love him more but I don't want anything to happen to him." Little Jonghyun started sobbing, remembering how he saw his younger earlier talking as if there was someone else in his room with him.
"What makes you think there's something wrong with your brother? And you don't hate him, brothers aren't supposed to hate each other. They're supposed to be each other's support throughout everything they go through." She said, wiping the tears on his grandson's face.
"I saw him talking to himself earlier, Grandma. Doesn't that mean there's something wrong with him? People aren't supposed to talk to themselves because there's no one in front of them." He opened his eyes and waited for his grandma's reply, wiping the new tears that threatened to fall.
"Maybe... your brother has an imaginary friend. Don't kids have imaginary friends nowadays?" To Grandma Kim, lying was a better option than to tell her grandson there really was something wrong with his brother.
"But why does he need imaginary friends? I'm here, I can be his friend. He doesn't need imaginary friends; he can have me - a real one."
When Grandma Kim brought along Kibum with her when she visited a friend, she didn't expect that she will find something. Her friend's son, who was working as a doctor, was the first one to tell that her grandson might have a disorder. From what she remember, Kibum's nanny had told her something about the boy not being as normal as other children, and even though Grandma Kim wasn't as paranoid as other people when it comes to hearing that their loved one isn't as normal there was still that part of her that wanted to be sure that there was nothing wrong with her grandchild. Therefore, without telling Kibum's parents the real reason, she had been bringing her grandson with her to see the said doctor if what he said was right.
After weeks of setting up secret rendezvous with the doctor, the diagnosis was finally made. In front of her eyes, everything was shown to her. She had heard Kibum talk about his "friends" before and she thought he was just imaginative but then seeing him talk about them as if they really were real. He was talking about them so happily, and would occasionally stop as if something caught his attention. If someone would look at him, they would think that he was just a lively child, that there was nothing wrong, but if they were to listen to what he was saying, they would know that there really was something wrong with how unreal the things he says, how they don't make sense at all to be real. And even though he was just kid, it still was something that couldn't be considered normal.
In order for them to take better care of him, Grandma Kim brought the nanny with her in one of her appointments with the doctor so that she would know how to help Kibum. Just between the two of them, they kept it as a secret from Youngwoon and Chaeyoung, and even though they were already seeing in front of their eyes they weren't aware of their son's condition. Just like how Grandma Kim thought it was, they think of his stories about his friends rather entertaining, that he was just an active, imaginative child. And Grandma Kim wanted it to stay that way until Kibum finishes his treatment.
Even though Kibum had been receiving treatment, Grandma Kim doesn't know if her grandson was getting better. He was still the same; or rather he became more active and more talkative. His attention span became short, always wanting to do things one after the other for a short time, and he became more open talking about his friends. He even talked about them to Jonghyun, and just like what his grandmother told him, he played along with whatever Kibum talked about.
"Oval really likes you, hyung. She said you're much nicer to her than Triangle," Kibum once said, referring to his friends. They had been playing with their toys most of the day since their parents were away and would be coming back late.
"Why? Does she and Triangle always fight?" Jonghyun asked, picking up a cylinder block and placed it on top of the tower he was building, somehow becoming more curious to what his brother really sees and hears in his imaginary world.
"No, not really. They just don't get along, that's all," the latter replied, dismantling a small robot he had just fixed moments ago. "She and Circle are best friends, and their enemies are Rectangle and Square. And they all don't like Triangle because he's not nice so he doesn't have any friends."
"Then, who are you close with?" Jonghyun asked again, stopping whatever he was doing and waited for his brother's answer.
"No one, they're all telling me to pick a side so I chose no one but I do play with Triangle most of the time because no one would. He's always lonely so I play with him," Kibum said simply. He had already began playing with a new toy after abandoning his other toys, taking the rest of the building blocks Jonghyun left after building his tower. Then suddenly, he dropped the blocks and squatted down in front of his older brother. "You're not going to tell them, right, hyung? Because if you do they're not going to play with me anymore, I'll lose my friends."
As he stared into his brother's eyes, Jonghyun understood something. All those times he felt left out ever since his brother came, all those attention that used to be on him when he was still the only child, all those hard feelings he kept - anger, jealousy, and misunderstanding - until that moment, all of it was easily forgotten. His brother was innocent and he had been wrong the whole time. He shouldn't have been blaming when he doesn't even know what was going around him completely. "I won't, I promise."
One day, since everyone else was busy doing their work, Grandma Kim thought of taking Kibum with her to the cemetery to visit her husband. He had been insisting that they go out since there was nothing else to do and because he couldn't see any of his friends wherever he looked. "Grandma, have you seen them? I can't find them anywhere."
Even though she had already been pretending that her grandson's friends were real, it still took her by surprise and was unable to answer immediately to his question. "No, I haven't seen them, dear. Maybe they went somewhere for a while." One thing she learned during his treatment was to be careful around him. The way to say things when talking to him, the actions, and even the smallest things that might lead him to misunderstanding what was meant to be said or done.
"Oh," he said quietly. Grandma Kim quickly caught the tone of disappointment and sadness in his voice with just that one word. She wasn't looking at him when he asked her the question, and when she turned around she saw him sitting down on the linoleum floor on a slouch with his head hung low. "I don't want to go anymore, Grandma. I'll just stay here until they come back. I promised that I'll bring them with me to grandpa, if they're not here I can't go." He pointed to the small blue bag he was carrying, and Grandma Kim immediately grasped what he was trying to say.
Not wanting to disappointment him more, she quickly thought of things to make it up to him. With a little difficulty due to her age, Grandma Kim sat down on the floor with him and took him in his arms. "Maybe... Maybe they are already playing with you."
"They are?" he asked, looking up. She noticed that his eyes were already moist with unshed tears.
"Oh, maybe they are playing hide and seek and they want you to find them," she said, hoping that it would work. And when she saw a smile forming on his lips she felt relieved.
"Really?" he asked and she nodded. "We're playing right now?" The sadness and disappointment that was evident just seconds ago was replaced with excitement.
"Maybe we'll find them along the way to grandpa." With that Kibum finally agreed to come with her grandma to the cemetery to visit. Taking his hand, they walked outside the house and took the bus that headed near to the cemetery. They bought flowers, wine, and a small portion of food as offering and even though he was just a kid, Kibum was patient enough until they get to their destination although he was constantly asking where his friends hid themselves.
"They'll come soon, dear," she replied once. When they arrived, Grandma Kim made Kibum sit near her on the grass because he was still too young to do the rites. It was the two of them therefore she didn't want to lose sight of him.
Obeying what his grandmother told him, Kibum sat with his legs crossed on the grass, still looking around for his friends. But as minutes pass, he was starting to become fidgety. Not seeing his friends made him feel uncomfortable, not knowing what they're doing made him feel anxious. Looking left and right, he kept hoping that they will finally show themselves to him. "Where are they?" he asked himself.
Just then, from the corners of his eyes he noticed something moving, and when he finally saw what he was looking for a smile appeared on his face. Without any hesitation he stood up and ran towards where his friends were and forgot about what his grandmother told him. Across the slippery grass, he kept running until he finally reached them, not realizing he stopped in the middle of the street. "Grandma! I found them!" he yelled happily.
When Grandma Kim looked behind her, it wasn't just her grandson that he saw. Not far from where they were a car was speeding towards where Kibum was. "Kibum-ah, come here now quick!" she called. But Kibum didn't listen to her and instead sat down on the concrete ground. She kept calling him as she tried get to him as fast as she could even if at the back of her mind she wasn't going to make it.
But when her hands managed to grab hold of Kibum's arm, on instinct she immediately wrapped him in her arms and tried to shield him from the car, letting herself get hit instead. In just seconds, many things had already happened. Both of them rolled upwards the car's windshield, the impact of it colliding with her body caused to glass to shatter. As they roll back down, Grandma Kim's arms weren't able to hold Kibum any longer as they fell limply on her sides. The car sped away without even stopping, leaving the two of them lying on the bloody concrete.
Chaeyoung arrive at their house, looking forward to what her youngest has for her. Each day, Kibum would tell her a story, each of them about things that aren't real and yet to her son, it was as if they were all real. So when the maid told her that someone from the hospital called about the accident, she immediately rushed to the hospital and called her husband. During the whole ride, her tears kept flowing from her eyes, her palms sweaty and her heart racing in her chest. She kept telling her driver to go faster, not bothering about the fact that they were already breaking the rules of going over the allowed speed limit.
When the car stopped in front of the entrance of the emergency room, she quickly made her way inside and looked for her mother-in-law and her son. Everywhere she looked, all she can see was the despaired and mourning faces of people who were there for their loved ones. With what she was seeing in front of her, her fear only increased as she frantically looked for someone who can tell her where her family is. After asking the nurses by the reception she instantly made her way towards the direction where they said son was, and after passing multiple beds by the ward, she finally saw her son on one of the beds sleeping with the ahjumma sitting beside him.
"What happened?" she asked, approaching the bed and held her son's hand in one hand and his hair with the other.
"Hit and run," the ahjumma replied, her voice rasped. When Chaeyoung turned to look at her in shock, it was then when she noticed that the old woman had been crying.
"What? How is he? What did the doctor say? What about mother? Where is she?" So many questions kept forming in her mind that as much as she wanted to stay calm she couldn't.
"He's fine; he only suffered mild concussion, a few scratches, and a bruise. But other than that, he's fine." The ahjumma avoided the question about Grandma Kim's health, not because she didn't want to say anything but because she doesn't know how to say it herself.
"What about mother?" she asked again. As much as she wanted to feel relieved that her son was alright, not knowing her mother-in-law's condition still kept her feeling nervous and worried.
"Madam was already dead when they arrived," the ahjumma replied sadly as her tears started falling again.
Chaeyoung was in too much that she couldn't even shed tears after hearing the news of mother-in-laws death, every question that formed in her mind dissipated and gone as she stared at the old woman in front of her. Still, holding her son's hand, she tried to grasp what she was told.
The door opened and a doctor walked in, a solemn look on his face. "Are you the patient's mother?" he asked calmly. Absentmindedly, Chaeyoung nodded. "Can we talk outside for a minute?" the doctor asked once and left the room with Chaeyoung following behind him.
"What is it, doctor?" she asked, her voice quivering.
"How long has your son been taking medications?" The doctor started skimming through the papers on the clipboard he was holding and waited for Chaeyoung's answer.
"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" she asked in confusion.
"According to his records here at the hospital, he has been taking medication and treatment for schizophrenia although it wasn't indicated how long it has been. It could be a mistake from our side therefore I want to personally fix it myself before it's forgotten again."
"My son's being treated for schizophrenia?" The doctor stood there in front of her, just as confused as her.
"Yes,” he replied.
Eventually, the doctor clarified everything concerning her son's condition. When she came back inside the room, she went straight beside the ahjumma and pulled the old woman up by the elbows. Chaeyoung didn't mean to be disrespectful, but after finding out about her own son's condition for the first time it was enough for her to be furious. "You knew about it, didn't you? You dare keep to this from me?”
"The Madam had strictly forbidden me not to tell you or Youngwoon until Kibum finishes his treatment and medications. It was her wish to keep it a secret from both of you because she knew that Youngwoon wouldn't be able to accept the fact that his son is mentally ill," the ahjumma said.
"What about me, then? I'm his mother for God's sake! I should be the first one to know about my own son's condition. Why didn't she tell me? Why do I have to hear it from someone else?" Chaeyoung was starting to become hysterical. She sat on one of chairs placed by the walls crying, and as she remembers those times she had to take care of her father who had the same illness and she wondered if it was cause of her son's illness.
The news about her mother-in-law's death was enough to depress her, then knowing her son having a mental illness afterwards was too much for her to bear. Half an hour later, Youngwoon and Jongwoon came, and when the brothers were told of the news both of them was devastated. Especially Youngwoon who had a closer bond to their mother than Jongwoon, he couldn't accept the fact that his mother had died through such occurrence.
Youngwoon stayed nearby the morgue, still wanting to be near his mother. The minute his wife told him about the news of his mother's death, he didn't waste any time and looked for the morgue and didn't bother listening about his son's condition. He didn't even bother asking what really happened, other than knowing that Grandma Kim was hit by a car, it was all the filled his mind. Jongwoon, on the other hand, stayed near his nephew and listened to Chaeyoung, and even though she told him everything just like how she felt earlier he also couldn't grasp the truth about Kibum's condition.
"He's too young to be with an illness like that," he said, looking sympathetically at the still unconscious boy sleeping on the bed.
"The doctor said even children can acquire schizophrenia although it wasn't as common as to adults it was still possible to happen. And Kibum is an example of it. It turns out mother had been taking him with her for his treatment, that he's been taking medications for weeks without me or any of us knowing. All those things he told us that we thought of as nothing were the symptoms that he's sick, and I can't believe that I let it become this serious that it led to this." The ahjumma went back to the mansion to bring some clothes for Kibum to change into, letting Chaeyoung take her place beside the child's bed. Just looking at her son peacefully sleeping, Chaeyoung couldn't help but think what if her son died as well? Will she be able to take it, or will it break her heart to pieces and change her life by turning it upside down? Those kinds of questions formed inside her head, and even though they already lost a loved one, she was rather glad that her son was fine and is still alive.
"Mother... She kept this secret from all of us until now. Why did she?"
"Because she knew that Youngwoon wouldn't be able to accept it like it was nothing. We all know what his personality is like, and as much as it hurts that she kept this from all of us, I think she did the right thing after thinking about it thoroughly."
"But why does she need to include the two of us if she's only worrying about Youngwoon hyung?" Jongwoon felt somewhat upset by what his mother did, and the fact that she's dead made him feel worse.
"Who's worrying about me?" Both Jongwoon and Chaeyoung looked towards the door and saw Youngwoon standing, his expression unreadable.
part 2's coming up next!!
Comments