Chapter 17
Never AgainA/N:
here's chapter 17 guys... its up to you if you want to grab some tissues or something...
but i suggest you should if you cry easily like me...
- immaLocket029
Kibum and Jinki were brought to their houses - Kibum to the Kim's mansion while Jinki was brought to the Lee's. From the restaurant all the way to their home, Jonghyun was by Kibum's side, once in a while wiping his brother's face with his handkerchief. Mr. Kim decided to take the other car, not wanting to be near his sons for the moment as he knew that the oldest would never let him go near Kibum in the meantime.
Even after all that happened, Mr. Kim felt satisfied and victorious that his plan of breaking Jinki and Kibum apart was successful. He knew that either of them would comply with what he wanted, especially when one's life is at stake. It did made things hard for him during all of it, but he managed not to falter in front of all those people. Instead of going back to his house, Mr. Kim instructed his driver to take him to his office and let Jonghyun know about it. The driver complied and their convoy parted ways.
When they got home, Jonghyun was the one who carried Kibum inside the house and to his own room. Their mother met them at the front door and was surprised to see an unconscious and beaten Kibum in Jonghyun's arms. Towards his room, Jonghyun gently laid his brother on his bed and asked the maids to get him the first aid kit. Chaeyoung was there beside him - concerned and confused as to why her son was in that state and how Jonghyun took him home.
"What happened to him?" Chaeyoung asked Jonghyun, taking his place as she sat beside Kibum and started cleaning his wounds and treating them when the maids came back carrying the first aid.
"Dad got him and this is what happened. He asked me to do something about his relationship with Jinki but I didn't get to do anything because he was already on the move. I just found out today he was working with President Lee from Lee Corp. and they were planning to break Kibum and Jinki apart today. They were supposed to meet at a restaurant and when I got there, Kibum was already like this. Jinki was there trying to make them stop from beating Kibum up but he can't. I had to plead at him to do it - to break everything off between him and Kibum - because if he didn't Kibum's going to die." Jonghyun said his eyes locked to his brother as new tears roll down his face.
"Your father did this to him?" Chaeyoung asked incredulously, stopping whatever she was doing as turned to face Jonghyun and her son nodded.
She looked back once again to Kibum's face as she continued cleaning him up. She felt her tears starting to form on her eyes, but since she felt hurt because of what happened to her son she let them flow freely on her face. She had the maid to clean up the dirty washcloth and gauzes while she told Jonghyun to get rest. Chaeyoung wanted to stay by Kibum's side and take care of him. She wanted to be there when he wakes up, she wanted to be a mother for him now before it's really too late.
But when Kibum woke up the next morning and found himself inside Jonghyun's room, Chaeyoung had a hard time trying to calm him down as he thrashed around. Kibum kept trying to leave the mansion, pushing and throwing everything that blocked his way. The maids and the guards that also tried to calm him down were not able to stop him - his cries and his screams resounded throughout the house that Chaeyoung decided to call the family doctor as panic and worry started building up inside her.
When the doctor finally came, they had to inject sedative to his body in order to make him stop. Minutes later, his crying was starting to die down as the sedative spread throughout his system. Kibum limply slumped down on the bed as the butlers laid him carefully. For more than an hour, the servants were finally excused as they resumed their chores and Chaeyoung was once again beside her son, wiping his tear-streaked face.
She felt wetness on her cheeks, not realizing that she was already crying after seeing her son like that which completely broke her heart. Unwillingly, she had to leave him temporarily as she had to meet up with a friend of hers. She asked the ahjumma to take care of him while she's gone, and before she left she planted a kiss on his forehead. She hadn't seen her husband since the other day, and it made her feel angrier towards him that because of him that their son was in that state.
The whole time she was away, she felt uneasy. Thoughts of Kibum thrashing again kept entering her mind that she would find herself wanting to go home immediately and be by his side. To make her worries worse, she received a call from one of the maids saying that Kibum once again tried to run away from their home. But since there were still some effects left from the sedative injected to him, he failed to do so.
Even if she wanted to go home, she can't do so because of the people holding her back at the gathering she's currently at. For hours, she was restless even when she's talking to other people. They've noticed the change in her attitude that night - from the social butterfly that she was she became the opposite, an outcast. They've tried asking her what was wrong, if it was business matters or family matters; they assured her that they are willing to help.
In return, Chaeyoung declined their offers humbly with a smile. Enduring the next hours of the gathering, Chaeyoung was finally able to go home and the minute she stepped inside the mansion, she went straight to Kibum's side. She was told that Kibum was back to his own room and that his belongings from his house with Jinki were brought back. She still saw the men carrying luggage, boxes and canvases upstairs guided by the maids. Soon after, Jonghyun entered the house looking exhausted and gave his mother a quick kiss on the cheek.
"They already have everything brought here?" he asked his mother as they followed the men and stopped in front of Kibum's room. His door was slightly ajar, and slowly Jonghyun opened it seeing his brother seating on the floor leaning against his bed and facing the large window. Kibum didn't bother turning around to face Jonghyun and their mother because even without looking he already knew it was.
"Leave me alone," Kibum said quietly in a monotone. Silently, Chaeyoung just let Jonghyun enter the room as she went to her own bedroom to change. Walking closer, Jonghyun sat down on the bed and let the silence fill the room. "I said leave me alone," Kibum repeated, his voice louder.
"Just get over him, Kibum. Sulking around all day like a kid won't do you any good so just forget about him," Jonghyun sternly. Those words made Kibum looked at him fully, his still swollen red eyes glaring hard at his brother.
"Don't talk like you know anything about me, Jonghyun. You don't know a single thing about me or anything that happened to me," Kibum spat angrily.
"I don't know anything because you won't let me, Kibum. For God's sake I've been trying to work out whatever it is that's going on between us - this conflict that's been between us for years that you won't let resolve because you kept distancing yourself from me, from all of us!" Jonghyun stood up and as he glared down at his brother, feeling his anger rise up.
Kibum also stood up from the floor as he came face to face with Jonghyun. As soon as they were facing one another he pushed Jonghyun hard towards the door, his hands shoving him on the chest as hard as he could as he exerted his remaining strength. But Jonghyun was stronger than him, grabbing his brother's wrist as he tried to make him stop. "Get out! Leave me alone!" Kibum screamed at him but Jonghyun tried not to be fazed about it.
"See that? You kept pushing me away like you always do and you won't even let me do or say something because even before I could you're already pushing me away from you. Why can't you just let us be near you, Kibum? You know that you belong to us, your family."
By now, Jonghyun managed to stop Kibum's pushing, holding the younger's wrist firmly to his side. "I don't have a family because I already accepted the fact that I don't have one by thinking that they're dead. I'm all by myself and thanks to you, the only person that stayed by my side is gone. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere near from all of you because I hate it!"
For a moment, Jonghyun stood still and so did Kibum. Once again, for the first time in a while, he heard his brother say it again: hate. Even until now, he doesn't have any idea what made Kibum hate him so much. He can probably understand of he hated their parents but including him - the one who had been trying to be close to him for who knows how long - was also hated by his brother to his very core. "Tell me one good reason why you hate us, why you hate me so much when I don't even know what I've done that made you loath me like this."
Jonghyun noticed the small change in Kibum's eyes. The anger and rage that controlled the younger was slowly dying down as another emotion replaced it and made his expression look pained and broken. He can tell that Kibum was pondering and thinking of what to say next, so reluctantly, he let go of his wrist and waited for what he had to say. "I'm jealous of you," Kibum finally said, his head hung low as he looked at the carpeted floor beneath them. "I've been jealous of you all my life and I just hate it so much."
As the words left his mouth, his tears started flowing down his cheeks. For the first time in a long time, Jonghyun saw his brother cry in front of him without running away or wiping it to hide them away. And now, he knew why Kibum hated him all this time but he just can't seem to understand what is there for Kibum to be jealous about. "You're jealous of me? But why? I... I don't get it. I mean, all these years I've been wondering to myself why you hated me so much when I didn't even do anything."
"Don't you get it? You have everything I wanted in life, Jonghyun. For years I kept trying to get them but you... You keep getting them so effortlessly while I'm striving hard just to get a part of it. All my life I was neglected by my own damn parents who couldn't even care less about me. I grew up without having any interaction with them whatsoever because they just hate me so much that they couldn't even stand me. I just wanted them to see and acknowledge me, too; treat me as if I really am a part of this family. But I guess that was too much to ask because now its too late. I already accepted that I will never be a part of it. I'm just someone with the same family name and the same flesh and blood but apparently it's not enough to be recognized. And now even Jinki hyung is gone from me..."
Jonghyun was stunned, speechless, and downright frozen on his spot after hearing Kibum's words. He saw the younger collapse down on the floor and broke down in front of him, and somehow he felt his own body weaken underneath him as his knees started to buckle and tremble. It was the first time in his life that he had seen Kibum's vulnerable side and even though he knew that he wasn't a strong type of person, seeing him like felt as if he was seeing a complete stranger not his brother. At that moment, Jonghyun realized that he had been seeing a lot of things for the first time about Kibum, finding out new things that allowed him to see the real Kibum that had been kept hidden whenever he sees the latter.
"Kibum..." gently, Jonghyun sat down beside him as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. Surprisingly, Kibum didn't push him away but instead he hid his face into Jonghyun's chest and let his real self resurface and be let out of the dark. Rubbing his brother's back soothingly, Jonghyun couldn't help but also let out his own cries of both relief and sorrow.
"So you're jealous of me getting all of mom and dad's attention is that it?" he asked Kibum, chuckling slightly. He felt the younger nod and he laughed a little bit more. "Don't you know I've been jealous of you because you're not being suffocated like me? Sure it makes me mad that they're treating you like that but... at the same time, I started feeling jealous because you have so much freedom, Kibum. You have the freedom I wanted so badly. You can do whatever the hell you want while I'm stuck here doing things that I don't even care about. You have the life I wanted so I don't get it why you wanted mine."
Kibum looked up at his brother, his swollen eyes wide enough to see and realize that they were both crying. "Why do you want mine? My life unlike yours," he said, wiping the wetness on his cheeks as he tries to sit up straight.
"Mine , too, so I guess we'll both going to have to deal with it," Jonghyun replied. Side by side, they sat together on the floor seeing that the sky outside had completely turned dark and the only light inside the room are the ones from outside. "If only we figured this out sooner, we probably wouldn't have to face so many conflicts and we could've probably avoided all those fights and shouting. By now we're probably hanging out like most brothers do."
Hesitantly, Kibum let his head rest on Jonghyun's shoulder as they looked at the huge window in front of them. Without them being aware of it, their mother who unintentionally heard everything was looking at them from outside the room. There were tears on her eyes, seeing that both of her sons had been suffering all this time because of an incident that occurred long ago that both aren't even aware of.
When she heard Kibum say all those things, she almost reached out and walked inside to tell him that she didn't mean all of those to happen to him. And when Jonghyun also revealed about his feelings, she felt worse as she started doubting herself as a mother. Both of her sons were hurt, their family broken for years after an accident that none of them expected to happen.
"You know, I noticed something about Mom for a couple of weeks now. She started becoming more interested in how you're doing and then she also found about you and Jinki. I guess she was starting to care about you because even though she knew about your relationship with him, she didn't tell Dad anything about it. Then you were brought back here and the whole time you were unconscious she's here taking care of you."
Chaeyoung was suddenly shocked when she heard Jonghyun talk about her. And then she felt anticipation about what Kibum will say next. "I know that. She was there when I woke up. But, I don't want her, Jonghyun. I... I'm scared of her just like how I'm scared of Dad. When I woke up I felt I'm imprisoned here and then when I saw her, I felt even more afraid that I lost everything now. Even Jinki hyung - he gave me up just like that when he promised he won't leave me."
"Why are you scared of her?" Jonghyun turned his head to look at Kibum, his brows raised slightly.
"I remember when I was younger, I was trying to get her attention," Kibum said. His voice was shaky but there weren't any tears flowing from his eyes and his breathing was irregular. "I called her "Mom" but then she shouted at me, saying I wasn't allowed to call her that anymore. She was angry at me for some reason and she was crying. The way she looked at me that time told me that she really did mean it and ever since then I tried to avoid her. Every time I see her, I would remember the hatred on her eyes when she looks at me."
"Kibum, that was years ago, alright? And I'm pretty sure Mom didn't mean it when she said that to you. She was probably just stressed out that time," Jonghyun reasoned out.
"Still, I don't think I can't do it right now. I don't think I can accept her just like that without feeling scared or terrified."
After hearing those words from Kibum made Chaeyoung feel the pain intensify and as she tried to hide her cries, she gently closed the door leaving her sons alone. Walking up to her bedroom, she remembered all those times where Kibum would avoid her with a frightened look on his face. She didn’t know why before, but now that she heard it from him, she felt horrible. When she got inside her room, she went to her bedside table and took out an old photo that their previous ahjumma had given her before she left their house – Kibum’s baby picture taken before their family had crumbled to pieces.
The innocence present in Kibum's eyes that time was now replaced with hatred and sadness. Those round orbs that stared at her now couldn't even stand to give her a glance because of fear. His childlike features have matured so much that Chaeyoung realized she hadn't been able to watch over her son properly. As she laid down on her bed alone hugging the picture crying herself to sleep.
The next day, as the family sat on the table during breakfast, Youngwoon noticed that Kibum had been by Jonghyun's side the whole time. His sons were talking quietly to themselves - although Jonghyun was mostly the one talking while Kibum nods his head as his reply or occasionally saying something back. He noticed the small cuts on Kibum's face caused by the slaps he gave him two days ago. He also noticed how Kibum would keep his head low, always looking down or keeping his gaze to things that are in front of him.
"Come on, I'll drive you to school," Youngwoon heard Jonghyun said as his son stood up carrying his things with him while he waited for Kibum who sat there with a blank expression on his face.
"No it's okay, Jonghyun. I can take the bus, just go," Kibum replied timidly, standing up slowly from his seat taking his bag with him. Without another word he headed towards the front door, a strange feeling overcoming him after being gone for months from the house. He even felt strange being called young master again or when the servants bow to him whenever they see him.
Outside the house, Jonghyun saw his brother walking down the street on the way to the bus stop. Although it relieves him that things between him and Kibum are finally settled, he can tell that there's still awkwardness and discomfort in their relationship as brothers. As much as he wanted to spend time with Kibum, he wanted to at least let him get used to how things are now. When he saw Kibum get on the bus, he figured he had more time to spare with his brother. As long as they get along well, things will eventually become better between them.
KIBUM’S POV
Now that I am back to this house, I felt completely empty. I can't believe Jinki hyung did this to me. I never thought that he would be the one to hurt me. He promised that he'll find a way for us to be together, but in the end he's the one who gave me up. He left me on my own - in the hands of my father - even after all that I've endured for him he can't even last enough to protect me and our relationship. I felt so betrayed for what he did to me, and I even thought that he'll be the last person on this person to hurt me. But I guess I was wrong - he'll be the one to completely hurt and break me.
Inside the bus, I managed to get a seat at the very back letting me feel some privacy from the other passengers. I let my head rest on the window, watching the people and the streets blur past the vehicle. It's been so long since I last ridden a bus and then I realize my life have changed so much that I didn't even think of what I've missed. But knowing that my life was turned upside down and into a chaotic state, pain hit me like a ton of bricks as I felt tears escaping my eyes.
Why couldn't my life be so much simpler than I wanted? I never wanted anything extravagant, impractical or surreal. I just wanted to have a normal life, happiness, and contentment but what's happening to me seemed as if I was asking for too much. I guess it just didn't occur to me that what I did to get what I wanted will have such consequences. And now I know better. I don't want to trust anyone again. I wanted to build the shell I created before that Jinki hyung managed to break when he came into my life.
I know Jonghyun and I have talked about our problems but I don't think I'm ready enough to trust him. I already let him see me in my most vulnerable state. I let him know what I really feel and that's enough. Now all I wanted is to be back to who I used to be. It may sound pathetic to say that I've lost everything but that's how it feels right now to me. It felt like everything's been taken away from me in a blink of an eye that when I opened my eyes they're all gone. I wasn't able to take hold and grasp it tight and just like that I knew I would never be able to get hold of it again.
Flashback
My last class was suddenly cancelled due to Mr. Hwang's wife being in labour a week early than expected. And since Jinki wouldn't be here for at least two more hours, I decided to spend my time at the gallery. It actually felt nice not to be followed around by bodyguards. After more than a week, Jinki hyung decided to dismiss them although he really didn't want to. I had to persuade him multiple times just so that he could let me be on my own.
Before I could come inside the building, I felt someone grab me from behind my mouth and nose covered with a handkerchief not letting me breathe. I tried to struggle and called for help but since everyone are in their classes there's no one able to help me. I was dragged towards a car, my wrists tied together behind my back and screams were muffled with a handkerchief tied on my mouth. Panic took over me as a struggled from their hold on me, fear slowly building up inside me and tears pooling in my eyes.
Just then, my eyes were suddenly covered and I couldn't see anything at all. I wasn't able to see where they were taking me, and inside my head I kept praying that all this is just a bad dream and I would wake up beside Jinki hyung. I can feel the movement of the car when it turns, when it slows down, or when it screeched to a stop altogether. I had no idea where we where and when they grabbed me again outside the car, I tried to get away only to be hit in the stomach.
I felt cold concrete when I fell to my side on a fetalposition - a parking lot most probably - and then I was once again being dragged. I tripped a couple of times and they pulled me harshly whenever I almost fell. By now, panic and fear where the only thing I could think and feel of. Once in a while, the thought of Jinki hyung would occur to me but panic and fear would manage to drown him from my thoughts. I heard a click - the door opening - and they continued dragging me until I was pushed to chair. I heard the sound of the door closing and then I felt hands untying my wrists from behind my back to be ties again behind the chair I was sitting on.
The blindfold covering my eyes was suddenly gone, and what came into view shocked me - my dad and Mr. Lee. It doesn't shock me that my dad would have something to do with this but I'd never thought that Mr. Lee would as well. Both of them were standing in front of me; my dad looking at me with a smirk on his face while Mr. Lee has look of disappointment and disgust on his face. For quite some time, they only talk in front of me as if I wasn't present in the room. Even though they were only a few feet away from me, I wasn't able to hear what they were saying.
Then I saw my dad walk towards me, his smirk getting wider as for sure he sees the fear in my eyes and helpless state. In a blink of an eye, I felt the sting from his slap on my cheek ad my head turn away from the impact. I didn't bother anymore if my tears won't stop flowing from my eyes, I don't care anymore if he kept slapping both my cheeks and the sting on my skin increases from the pain. The pain was too intense for me notice that it wasn't my father anymore that was hitting me but instead it was Mr. Lee himself.
For sure now that he knows who I really am that he's unleashing his anger out on me. Punches in the stomach and jaw were sending me into unconsciousness, my vision blacking out every now and then, and I could certainly distinguish the salty copper taste of blood pooling in my mouth. "You bastard!" Mr. Lee screamed at me as the hits continued, "I trusted you, I let inside the company and my house and this is what you'll do to me? Do you know why you're here, Kibum?" he asked as his hitting stopped, his hand gripping me by my chin making me look at him.
Even though my sight was starting to become blurry, the hatred in his eyes cannot be mistaken for something else. Despite his hold on me I managed to shake my head as "No" to his question. He smirked at me and said lowly, "Because my son agreed to give you up to your father."
With one last hit from him, I finally lost it. My whole vision blackened out completely and I don't know anything else that happened after.
End of flashback
Getting off the bus in front of the university entrance, I can already feel the changes that occur ever since back at the restaurant. I saw Taemin and Minho at the school parking lot with Nickhun hyung and the rest. My eyes connected with Taemin's when he turned his head towards my direction. He didn't smile at me or came running to hug me like he used to but instead he looked at me with a blank expression. Minho noticed it and when he turned to look and saw me, he smiled but I started to walk away.
I knew he'll be confused by my reaction but I know that Taemin was probably told about what happened between me and Jinki hyung a couple of days ago. Walking towards my class I received a few stares from the other students. My hand immediately went to my face and I felt the cuts that were probably still visible from the hits. Quickening my pace I finally found an empty classroom ad locked the door closed, temporarily isolating myself from everyone else and let myself cry silently.
Pulling out my phone from my bag, I immediately dialled the number I know by heart, hoping that he would answer my call and let me hear his voice again. Slumping against the wall, I brought my knees close to my chest and hugged them as I kept waiting for him to pick it up. Ring, ring, ring. That's all I can hear and then all of a sudden, "The number you have dialled is no longer in service." I tried calling again and again but it kept saying the same thing every time.
I wanted to talk to him, hear his voice again, and hear him say that he will take me back. I wanted to ask him why he did it to me, why he gave me up just like that. I wanted to know if he still loves me or if I even mattered to him at all after being with me for months. Had he been planning to do this to me? Did he think that I'm becoming a burden to him because of all the problems that he had to face for being with me? Was it really that easy to let me go just like that?
Giving up unwillingly, I took my phone back inside my bag and stood up, wiping the wetness from my face and exited the room. I was already late to class but I couldn't care less. Getting a warning from my professor and confused glances from my classmates I went to one of the available seats at the very back and tried to concentrate in the lecture. Every once in a while my mind would drift away and thoughts of Jinki hyung would fill my head. Gripping my pen tightly, I tried to will myself to focus on taking notes.
Most of the day, I was so out of it that I couldn't even remember things that happened during my classes. Everything seemed to have blurred past my eyes, every word uttered to me probably entered my ear and out to the other. I don't even know what I'm doing when classes ended. Instead of working on the paintings I found myself walking down the familiar streets of his house - our house. His car wasn't there; he's still at work. Taking careful steps I tried opening the front door using the keys I still have.
But the lock won't budge no matter how much I try to twist it. Looking through the windows, I saw that there's nothing inside but pieces of trash and other things. The furniture were gone, the decorations, everything. And then I saw a sign planted at the front - a for sale sign. Our house was being sold. Our house that contained so many memories but it seemed they're not important enough to be cherished. I guess Jinki hyung doesn't really want any connections with me anymore.
All contacts are cut off, the house is being sold, and the only things I have are the painful memories. Aside from that there's nothing else. I don't even know if there's something else that connects us. Maybe it's just wishful thinking? Millions of thoughts are scrambling inside my head, but only one stood out the most - Jinki hyung gave up on us and now it's just me. It's a lost battle where only I am striving to survive. There's no one to help me. The only person I hoped to be there for me till the end left me and I know for sure that in the end – sooner or later, somehow – I will lose it, too.
A/N:
for clarification, in this chapter Kibum thinks that Jinki had something to do with what happened and that he planned it with those two bastards they call "DAD" so there's some hatred building up..
sooo...... say something okay??
hate me if you want because of what's happening to our precious ONKEY but i dont think you will... mwahaha!! kidding...
until the next update guys!!
- immaLocket029
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