Chapter 35

Aisha Kim

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I nodded, fiddling with my strapless floral dress that came down to my knees. I looked up at the sign above me, reading it slowly. It was the correct address, unfortunately. I took in a deep breath and entered the jail with SunJung with me. I couldn't have Sage come with me to do this; she'd freak and probably start a riot of some sort, and when you visit a jail I'm pretty sure that's the last thing you want to do. HeeYoung would've been a nervous wreck and probably sobbing the entire time, and Minji...well...she's Minji...very unpredictable. SunJung zipped up her black leather jacket nervously as we were escorted down the hall and to the I supposed front desk.

"Who're you visiting today, Miss?" The policewoman said behind the desk without looking up at me.

"Kim Keejung. She's...my stepmother." I said as clearly as I could. The policewoman looked up at me, eyes widening.

"Not that it's any of my business, but are you Kim Aisha, the mute stepdaughter she abused for three years...which lead to her ending up in this place for...well...a very long time?"

I nodded. "Yes I am. And I'm not mute anymore. I'd like to say a few words during visiting hours." The policewoman shook her head in disbelief that I would even be here. SunJung cocked her eyebrows up at the other policemen and women watching us. I didn't have my mask on, but you could still see the faint pink line which was the only trace I had left of my port wine stain. They recognized SunJung, which didn't surprise me. How many half African-American, half Korean girls do you see normally?

"Is the...accomplice with you to talk as well? We'll need to know her name for the files."

"Just for moral support." SunJung said. "And it's Cho SunJung."

"That's why you girls looked familiar." The policewoman said.

She pushed a button on the desk which opened the door to the visiting area. She then picked up the office phone and called my stepmother to the visiting room. A policeman followed us in and had us sit down to where I would have to talk on the phone to actually speak to her. I could see her coming down the hallway through the soundproof glass. She looked distressed, but still seeped with pure hatred. She sat in front of me on the stool and suddenly she looked at me with recognition.

Her eyes widened and I could almost hear her gasp with surprise. Now she's seen me without my mask. Her gaze went to SunJung and her eyes went even rounder. SunJung shot her a dirty look, making stepmother's eyes look away from her and back to me. I looked at her too, face staying expressionless. I feel as if she was expecting Appa to come see her, for he used to occasionally. I learned that while I was on tour Appa filed for a divorce and so she wasn't truly my stepmother anymore. Nonetheless I needed to tell my abuser something very important, something that could possibly change our relationship entirely.

I hesitantly picked up the phone and bit my lower lip, knowing that I was pressed for time already. Stepmother looked at me curiously, and slowly picked up the phone too, and held it tightly to her ear. I let out a slow sigh and closed my eyes for a brief moment, feeling the key on my neck out of habit once again.

"Stepmother." I said, clearly toned. I heard her gasp in alarm.

"I forgive you." I continued. Her eyes showed that she didn't understand. But yes, I forgive her. "I forgive you for beating me, for treating me like complete trash and for making me feel worthless." I felt tears prick my eyes. SunJung rubbed circles into my back. "I forgive you for those three years of torment. And...." I paused, my eyes narrowing slightly. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Aisha..." Stepmother's voice was weak sounding, but I held up my hand to silence her, letting my American side shine through.

"I don't want you to say sorry." I said firmly. "I don't want to hear your explanations. I just want to say that I've forgiven you, and that I'll never, ever, be afraid of you again."

With that, I hung up the phone, and left her speechless. I walked out of the room with SunJung in tow, feeling the people witnessing our moment stare at me in awe. SunJung took ahold of my hand and let our fingers intertwine as we walked out of the dreaded and uncomfortably dreary place.

"Why did you forgive her?" SunJung asked as we walked to the car. We both climbed in and I started the engine. I backed out of the parking lot and didn't answer SunJung's question until we were on our way to our lanugage class for college.

"Because..." I said slowly, "It was the right thing to do."

"How could you forgive her after so much pain she gave you?"

I sighed. "To be honest, after Jon...Kai and I fought, I realized that I had a lot of problems. I have so many griefs and burdens with people and what they've done wrong to me. My first step is forgiving Stepmother...the second is the Fist...and the last one is..."

"Kai." SunJung finished. I felt tears prick at my eyes again, but again I held them back and instead nodded, turning into the campus parking lot and parking next to HeeYoung's car. SunJung looked at the time.

"You know, Aisha, you really are a Black Pearl." SunJung said. "I'm honored to call you my friend."

Background Music

After that incident, I dreaded the days to when I would see the Fist again, for forgiving him would be much harder than I could imagine. On that same day I would see Jon...Kai...as well. I believed that would be the hardest apology, but it was so simple...days went by as I went to college, did my best, did what normal Kpop idols did when their contracts were changed (which was annoying paperwork, but it had to be done if I wanted to be out of hell management), and tried to make the most of it.

"Okay, Aisha. You need to stop moping around and pull yourself together." I heard Sage say. I appreciate when we're alone so we can speak English to each other. "You said we were going to go support Exo while they go do their trial." 

I unburied myself from under the covers. My eyes were sticky from crying the night before and my hair was absolutely a mess. "That's today?" I asked weakly.

Sage rolled her eyes. "Yes, Aisha. Sheesh...you and Kai-"

"Don't say his name." I warned, for that was the very reason I was crying last night. The nightmare of him came again, the sudden slam of his fist on the wall next to my head...the jerk when he yanked my mask off of me...

"Look, Aisha. I know you're hurt. You have every right to be hurt. He was a dickhead and exploded on you. But...I see where he's coming from. You ignored him, and then told him that you didn't want the media thinking that you two were dating because of your mark being exposed and how they kept calling him a stupid boyfriend and what not. Aisha...Kai's in love with you. To him it doesn't matter what the media says about you two, all that matters is if you love him just as intensely as he does." Sage paused and I was shocked by her words.

"Sage..."

"Look at yourself. You're a wreck. You get up, go to college, come home, do your homework, and then eat black bean noodle while watching depressing dramas. And then you sit in bed and stare at your ring. Don't deny, I've seen you slip it back on. These past two weeks have been ridiculously routine and no one likes a depressed girl. You know that the boys have come over a couple of times. They all miss you. And you're missing the adorableness that's happening between HeeYoung and Tao! Everything just seems a bit quieter without you around..."

"Sage...this time last year I still couldn't speak."

"At least you were with Kai."

That shut me up.

"Aisha...please just get ready to go to the trial. At least show him that you care, because all of us, and I mean all of us, know that you still do. It's evident in everything you do."

I looked around my room, seeing that she was, in fact, right. Even though I smoothed everything out with Stepmother, everything else seemed to be put on the back burner. Clothes were thrown about, my dance shoes not in the proper place. Even dishes were piling up which I wrinkled my nose at...oh my gosh I'm nasty. I probably looked like a hobo at college since I hadn't been trying much with my outfits or outward appearance in general. The only thing that looked neat was my nightstand, which held my very full scrapbook, music box, and picture frame which had Jon...Kai and I while we were in Beijing during the tour. I had turned the picture away from my line of sight. I picked it up and looked at it, and a dull ache began to throb at my heart. 

I raked my fingers through my rats nest of hair and sat up. "Alright, Sage. You talked me in to it. And you're right. I still care. We've both messed up. I've let the media get to my head and it shouldn't be there. I didn't think rationally." I sighed, my heart feeling heavy. At least it wasn't the numbness I've been feeling for the past two weeks. "Plus...I'll be going to