Questions Without Answers

The List

    "Junhongie-ah!" Yongguk put on his best pout, whining and curling his lips down and even attempting puppy dog eyes.
    Zelo sat cross-legged in the center of his bed, arms crossed over his chest and a pout on his own face. When Yongguk would lean towards him and whimper a little, Zelo would turn his nose up and look the other direction.
    Yongguk whimpered, resting his head on the bed and looking up at Zelo. "Zelo...my bestest and most awesome friend...please???"
    "Hyung...I don't wanna." Zelo finally looked at Yongguk and sighed, reaching over to pet the older on the head. "You look like a puppy."
    Yongguk chuckled, leaning back in his chair. He shoved his hands into the pockets on his hoodie. "Seriously though, Zelo. It's no big deal. He just wants to meet you."
    "What..what if he doesn't like me, Hyung?" Zelo's pout returned to his face. He sighed, pulling himself to the edge of the bed.
    Yongguk looked up at him, smiling. "Don't worry. Himchan will like you. He's my best friend. Besides...He likes cute things."
    "Hyung!" Zelo whined, shooting a glare at the older man. "I'm not cute...I'm manly!"
    Yongguk laughed. "Yeah, yeah sure, whatever you say Zelo."
    Zelo continued to glare at him for a while, but finally just gave a heavy sigh and pulled himself out of bed. "Fine..fine. Just let me find my shoes."
    Yongguk's smile turned up, exposing his gums. He hopped out of his seat and ran to the corner, grabbing Zelo's shoes and returning with them. "Awesome! Oh, and Himchan is bringing the kid he's watching from the other unit. He says you're about the same age, so you  should get along, right?"
    Zelo tied up his shoes before looking at Yongguk. "He's the one from the mental ward, right?"
    Yongguk nodded, opening the door to let Zelo walk out ahead of him. "Deh.."
    Zelo huffed, shoving his hands in his own pockets. He wore a light blue hoodie today over his hospital scrubs. Yongguk fell into step next to him and they continued to talk as they walked down to the cafeteria.
    Himchan and Jongup were already sitting at one of the tables when the other two appeared. Jongup wore the same kind of scrubs as Zelo, only in a light green color that matched the bracelet on his wrist. 
    "Yonggukie Hyung!" Himchan grinned when the two took a seat. He looked over at Zelo and his eyes widened. "Hyung! Why didn't you tell me he was such a cutie!!"
    A bright blush appeared on Zelo's cheeks. He looked to Yongguk for how to respond, but Yongguk looked back at him with a subdued smile.
    "Don't scare him, Himchan." Yongguk said, pulling a tray of food close to him and grabbing one of the fries on it.
    "I'm not scaring him!" Himchan pouted. "Am I?"
    Zelo gaped, stuttering. "An..ani..ani hyung!" 
    Yongguk chuckled, glancing up at Zelo from where he sat. Zelo pouted, shrugging down lower in his chair and pouting.
    "Oh..You must be Jongup?" Yongguk looked over to the other boy. The boy, not as tall nor as adorable as Zelo, was still rather attractive. Except the way he smiled at Yongguk was just kind of...off.
    "Deh..It's nice to meet you, Hyung." Jongup's voice was soft, his smile strange and shy.
    The awkwardness between the group didn't last long, though. Something for which Yongguk was very thankful. He had started to regret bringing Zelo down to spend time with the other boys. Zelo seemed to be much more shy around Jongup and Himchan than when the two were hanging out alone together.
    They ended up playing a game of cards at their table, however, and the tension slowly dissolved. Jongup had no problems at all chiding Himchan for attempting to cheat, slapping the older lightly on the back of the head. Yongguk watched with fascination at Himchan when he responded with a glare and a threat, used to having Himchan tackle him out of his chair if he'd attempted such a thing.
    Zelo hadn't said much for a while, sitting in his seat with his knees pulled up to his chest, pressed between himself and the table. He rested his chin on his knees and looked around, watching the others. Yongguk had felt Zelo's eyes on him several times and turned to give him a small smile before looking back at Himchan. 
    "Hyung." Himchan whined. "I'm hungry...can you go get us some snacks?"
    Yongguk stared at Himchan, expression blank. Himchan pouted, turning out his bottom lip in an attempt to be cute. "I don't want to, do it yourself.
    "I can go, Hyung." Zelo suggested. "I'd like to get some juice for myself, anyways."
    Yongguk turned his eyes to Zelo, watching as the boy untangled himself and stood up. With a heavy sigh, he also stood up. "Let's just go together."
    Zelo's entire expression lit up and he nodded, curls bouncing. The two walked off as Himchan started ranting again about how adorable Zelo actually was.
    Yongguk shoved his hands in his pockets as they turned the corner to find the food. There were several aisles of candy, a few coolers with ready to eat sandwiches, and one area with ready to eat hot foods. Zelo grabbed a tray.
    "I'm sorry about Himchan." Yongguk spoke up, reaching for another tray.
    Zelo shrugged. "He's not so bad."
    Yongguk chuckled, following Zelo around while they both grabbed things they thought the group would like. A bag of chips, some candy bars, two sandwiches, juice and some sodas. 
    "He can be a little...overzealous..sometimes." Yongguk said.
    Zelo glanced up at Yongguk, a small smile on his face. "He keeps calling me cute."
    "You are cute." Yongguk responded before he even realized. 
    Both of them paused, Zelo looking up at Yongguk with a shocked expression and pink tinged cheeks. Yongguk cleared his throat and looked away, studying a section of sliced fruits as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.
    After a moment, he felt a small weight against his arm. Zelo had moved next to him, leaning gently against him. Still with the blush on his face, Zelo wouldn't meet Yongguk's eyes. "Thanks, Hyung.." He muttered softly.
    Yongguk's lips turned up into a smile. He gently pushed Zelo, moving them forward through the rest of the food. When both of their trays were full, they took them over and Yongguk paid for everything.
    Each one of them carried a tray back to the table, in silence. The blush on Zelo's cheeks hadn't completely faded when he sat down, nor had the smile on Yongguk's face.
    "What happened to you two?" Himchan asked.
    "It looks like they've been making out." Jongup leaned towards Himchan and whispered loudly.
    Both boys chuckled to themselves while Zelo squeaked, his blush getting brighter. Yongguk's smile turned into a glare and he picked up a bag of cookies, throwing them at Himchan's head.
    "If you don't shut up, I'm going to smash your face." He threatened.
    Himchan rolled his eyes. "What? It was just a joke, Hyung. No need to get so testy."
    Yongguk stared at him, glancing over at Zelo, then looked down at the tray of food. He pushed some of the stuff around and found a candy  bar. He pulled the wrapped off and shoved it into his mouth.
    "Anyway, while you two were off flirting." Himchan paused to dodge another candy bar Yongguk tossed at him. "We thought of another game we could play."
    "What's that?" Zelo spoke up, looking at Jongup.
    Jongup gave Zelo a small smile. "It's a secret game. Like Truth or Dare, only instead of Dares, if you don't answer a question then you've got to drink coke and soy sauce." He held up a bottle of soy sauce from one of the other tables. 
    After some persuading, they agreed to play. Yongguk poured some coke into a cup and Jongup added some of the sauce, stirring it for a bit. It had been decided that Himchan would go first. He spun the empty bottle they put in the table and it landed on Zelo.
    Zelo squeaked, waiting for the question Himchan would ask. Yongguk stared at Himchan, as if warning him not to ask anything too outrageous. Himchan sighed, pursing his lips together. After a moment, he asked an innocent question.
    "Have you ever dated anyone?"
    "Ani." Zelo replied, obviously happy that his question hadn't been too awkward.
    He spun the bottle and asked Jongup a question. Jongup spun and asked Himchan, and it continued like that as they played and laughed. Yongguk liked the game, aside from the awkward question and the few times that he'd chosen to drink the foul liquid instead of responding with an embarrassing answer.
    Himchan had spun again, the bottle landing on Yongguk. The younger boy was grinning at Yongguk, his lips.
    "What's the question?" Yongguk asked, narrowing his eyes at Himchan. 
    "My question is..." Himchan paused for a moment. "Is there a person right now that you like?"
    Yongguk glanced at Zelo out of the corner of his eye, finding the younger staring intently at a candy bar. Yongguk his lips and eyed the cup of coke and sauce. His stomach would turn if he had one more sip of the nasty drink.
    "There might be." He responded after a while, looking anywhere but at the people he sat with. "I'm not really sure."
    Himchan's eyes narrowed, studying Yongguk, but he chose not to press the matter further. Or, in fact, he hadn't had a chance to press further when two boys tumbled up to the table.
    One of them, Yongguk recognized easily as Youngjae, pulled Zelo up out of his chair and curled around him in some kind of a full body hug. Daehyun, the other boy who'd walked up, leaned against the table and looked down at Yongguk.
    "We came to visit Zelo, but the nurse said you'd brought him down here." He told Yongguk. Daehyun and Yongguk still didn't get along very well, but they got along tons better than he and Youngjae.
    "Yeah." Yongguk responded. "I thought it would be more fun to socialize and get out of that room for a while."
    Daehyun studied Yongguk's face for a while before looking at the other two sitting at the table. "Well, do you mind if we join you for a while?"
    Yongguk shrugged, looking to Himchan. Himchan watched Youngjae and Zelo with a raised eyebrow. After a while, they pulled up two more chairs and all six of them sat together. Youngjae pushed his chair between Yongguk and Zelo, giving the older boy a glare.
    "What's up, Criminal?" He asked, just to be able to insult Yongguk.
    "Hyung..." Zelo immediately responded.
    Yongguk said nothing, and Himchan glared daggers at Youngjae.
    "Do you even know what respect is?" Jongup had been the one to speak up suddenly. He was looking at Youngjae with rage in his eyes.
    Himchan bit his lip, reaching over and touching Jongup's arm lightly. "Jonguppie...keep it calm.."
    Jongup turned to look at Himchan, his lips turned up into a sneer. His eyes twitched back and forth, looking around quickly. When he finally focused back in on Himchan, his entire expression changed from angry to scared in a matter of moments.
    "Hyung..." He whimpered.
    Himchan nodded, looking to Yongguk. "I think I should get Jonguppie back upstairs." He muttered, standing and pulling Jongup away from the table.
    "Is he alright?" Zelo leaned over to watch them leave, chewing his lips nervously.
    Yongguk nodded. "Jongup isn't well in the head, but he'll be fine. Himchan is taking care of him."
    Zelo smiled and Yongguk returned it. Daehyun watched the entire thing, then glanced at Youngjae, who was glaring at Yongguk again.
    "So...What were you guys doing?" Daehyun asked suddenly, moving his chair around so he could see everyone better.
    Yongguk shrugged. "Playing games, talking."
    "What games?" Youngjae asked. "You haven't been teaching Junhongie anything illegal, have you?"
    "Youngjae." Daehyun leaned over and hit the boy between the eyes. Youngjae whined, grabbing hold of the spot, a red mark forming on it rapidly. "Seriously, stop being an ."
    "It's alright." Yongguk shrugged. "It's not like he's the only one."
    "But you don't deserve it, Hyung." Zelo spoke up. "You're not a criminal or a bad person." He turned to pout at Youngjae. "Youngjae hyung is just being mean for no reason and I don't like it, hyung."
    Youngjae shot a glare at Yongguk and then sent a tortured expression to Zelo. AFter a while, he sighed and turned to Yongguk. "Fine, fine...I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so mean to you."
    Yongguk shrugged. His eyes followed Zelo, watching the younger boy smile. It seemed to Yongguk that Zelo was happier about  the apology than he was. Yongguk had long since stopped caring about being insulted or how poorly he was treated because of his reputation. Though it did make him happy when Zelo would stand up for him.
    "Let's go back upstairs." Daehyung suggested after a while. Everyone agreed. Zelo yawned. Yongguk chuckled, reaching over and ruffling the boy's blonde curls.
    "Zelo-ah.. are you sleepy?" He asked, all gums and teeth in his smile.
    "Deh...hyung...carry me!" Zelo smiled, batting his heavy lids. He raised his arms up to Yongguk, like a small child asking to be held.
    Yongguk rolled his eyes, but moved around to hoist Zelo up onto his back. The younger wrapped his long limbs around Yongguk and hid his face in the older's neck. Despite his height, Yongguk was a bit unsettled to find how light Zelo actually was. 
    Youngjae glared in silence as he watched the entire sight. Daehyun sighed, watching the way Youngjae reacted. He grabbed the other boy's wrist and tugged him forward. "Come on, you dunce." He muttered. "Let's get going."
    The three of them walked, Yongguk carrying Zelo the entire way, back up to the hospital room. Zelo had fallen fast asleep almost immediately. Yongguk laid him down carefully on the bed and tucked him in, forgetting the other two were even in the room. 
    "Sleep well, Kid." He muttered, brushing Zelo's hair out of his eyes and tugging the covers up over him.
    When he turned back around, his smile slid off his face. Daehyun and Youngjae were both staring at him, arms crossed over their chests.
    "Let's talk." Daehyun spoke quietly.
    Yongguk nodded, motioning out of the room. If he had to deal with these idiots, he was at least going to make sure they didn't wake Zelo up. 
    The three of them walked out of the hospital, into the garden where Yongguk and Zelo spent a lot of their time since Yongguk's attitude had changed.
    Yongguk turned around and leaned against one of the trees standing there, watching the other two. "Well, what do you have to say this time?"
    Youngjae chewed his lip, eyes still shooting daggers at Yongguk.
    Daehyun sighed, running a hand through his hair. "We don't like you." He started off and Yongguk rolled his eyes. Daehyun threw his hands up. "Now, hold on. Let me finish."
    "If you're just going to tell me to stay away from him again, then I don't want to hear it." Yongguk responded.
    "No." Daehyun responded, sighing loudly. "That's not what I've got to say. I can see how much you being around makes Zelo happy. I wouldn't try to take that away from him."
    "Well, I want you to leave him alone." Youngjae spat out.
    Daehyun turned to Youngjae, glaring at him. "This doesn't have anything to do with you, Youngjae." His voice was harsh, angry almost. "Zelo isn't just some toy you can keep locked in that room just because you're afraid someone else will take him away from you."
    Youngjae's eyes widened, he took a step back. "Dae...that's.."
    "The truth." Daehyun growled. Yongguk's eyebrows rose up as he watched the exchange, somewhat surprised by Daehyun's behavior.
    Youngjae's expression fell. His eyes went to the ground. "I just don't trust him, Dae." He muttered after a while. "What happens if Zelo gets hurt because of him?"
    "I don't trust him either." Daehyun responded. "But it's not up to us who Zelo spends time with, is it?" At this, he turned to look at Yongguk.
    Yongguk swallowed, clearing his throat. "Ani. Zelo can choose himself who he wants around. And until he tells me never to show up in front of him again, I'm going to be here. Every day that I can."
    "Why?" This time, it was Youngjae who spoke, and the question caught them all off guard. He looked at Yongguk with a curious expression, clearly not understanding. "What reason do you have to want to be with him?"
    Yongguk his lips, looking between the two of them. "I don't have to explain myself to either of you. Do you even care about Zelo at all, to try and run off the only friend he's made in years?!"
    "He was the center of my life since the day he was born!" Daehyun's anger got the best of him and he yelled the words at Yongguk, his eyes blazing anger at the older. "Don't think for a second that he didn't mean anything to me!" 
    Youngjae reached forward and grabbed Daehyun's arm. Yongguk took a step back. Daehyun sighed, taking a calming breath before he continued speaking again.
    "Look at it through my point of view." He told Yongguk. "My little brother, my only little brother, who has lost all of his friends, who has to suffer every day in a hospital room knowing that he'll probably  never get to see the outside world again before he dies. That little brother of mine has found someone who makes him happy. That little brother who I've cared for and loved from the day he was born has put his happiness into the hands of a stranger, a man much older than him that I know nothing about."
    Yongguk's expression softened at Daehyun's words. The way the younger explained it, Yongguk understood his concern. 
    "You're afraid that he's going to get hurt by me." Yongguk told Daehyun. The younger boy nodded. 
    "My little brother is spending all of his time with a man who was supposed to be in jail. How would you feel if that was the only thing you knew about your little brother's new friend?"
    Yongguk sighed and nodded his head. "I understand, I really do. I'm used to it. But let me tell you something, and if you don't trust me with anything else, trust this to be true." He took a step forward, looking into Daehyun's eyes. 
    He hoped that his sincerity and the conviction of his following words would ring through to Daehyun, if not the overly jealous Youngjae, Yongguk just wanted Zelo's brother to know this.
    "For as long as I live, my number one priority is to see Zelo happy. If I can't do anything else for him, I will make sure of that."
    Daehyun looked back at Yongguk in silence, thinking about his words. After a long pause, he spoke. "Can you promise me that? Promise me that you will never do anything to hurt him."
    "I can promise that." Yongguk responded, a small smile starting to form on his face. 
    Daehyun nodded. "I still don't much like you, and if you ever make him cry I will hunt you down and feed you to the sharks, but for now..." Daehyun nodded solemnly. "For now, your promise is good enough."
    Youngjae stood beside Daehyun, staring at Yongguk. "I still want to know why." He spoke softly. "Why someone like you would want to spend your time with someone like him."
    Yongguk looked at Youngjae for a moment, debating on whether or not he should answer that question. On whether or not he actually had an answer to that question. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak.
    "Zelo is like sunshine." He spoke softly. "He's the only pure thing in my ed up life. I just like to pretend, for a while, that things aren't as bad as they seem. For me, Zelo does that." 
    "Does life really that bad?" Yongguk watched the door swing shut as Youngjae and Daehyun left. The familiar voice called his attention behind him. 
    Himchan stepped out from his hiding spot, walking over to Yongguk. "I heard the whole thing." He told the elder. "But does it really that bad?"
    Yongguk shrugged, "How is Jongup?"
    Himchan sighed and the two started to walk. He shoved his hands into his pockets. "They had to sedate him. The doctor is thinking about upping his dose of meds. He's in isolation right now. They told me to go home, but I thought I'd just wait for you."
    Yongguk nodded. "Should we go out tonight?"
    Himchan shook his head. "I just want to chill on the couch tonight. Doctor Choi said he would text me when Jongup is doing better."
    Yongguk chuckled, glancing over at Himchan. "You care, don't you?"
    Himchan's eyes narrowed. He turned to give Yongguk a sort of glare, lips pressed tightly together. "You're one to be talking."
    Yongguk shrugged. "Zelo makes everything better."
    Himchan stopped walking for a moment, looking at Yongguk. "This is because of your mom, isn't it?"
    Yongguk stopped walking as well, not looking back at Himchan. "Himchan.." He spoke after a while, all happiness drained from his voice. "I couldn't be there for my mom...but I can be there for Zelo. I'm not going to let him down the same way I let her down."
    Yongguk felt Himchan's hand in his own, the grip warm and reassuring. "Hyung...you didn't let her down. Your mom loved you. She understood."
    Yongguk shook his head. "I need to do this, for them." He told Himchan, pulling his hand away. "For me. I'm going to stay with Zelo until the end."
    Himchan sighed, a sad smile forming on his lips. He gripped Yongguk lightly by the shoulders and turned the older boy to face him. "I don't care what they said." He told Yongguk. "I know you better than anyone else, and you're the most wonderful human being ever put on this earth." 
    Yongguk rolled his eyes at Himchan's praise. The younger boy leaned up and pressed his lips to Yongguk's cheek. When he pulled away, both of them had formed soft smiles. Yongguk wrapped his arm around Himchan's shoulders.
    "How about I buy us some noodles on the way home?" He suggested.
    Himchan wrapped an arm around Yongguk's waist, walking with him. "Well duh. You need to make up for stealing my moterbike the other day anyway." He glared at Yongguk with a smile.

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tryingtoread
#1
Chapter 32: This is so sad! TT </3
NewHaven
#2
I'm just going through all my old subscriptions to find the stories, that really meant something to me. This was one of them. Not sure what I'm trying to say, but good job, author-nim.
Joycielein #3
Chapter 32: Btw: that" 10. LIVE " killed me
Joycielein #4
Chapter 32: You know what? Fck you!!! Why did you have to write this story? Why did you have to kill my Gukkie...? Why did this story have to be so beautifull? Why did I have to cry? Why did you make me and probably everyone who read this story cry? Huh? You moobster... you meanie... My heart hurts but i cant cry alot because im sitting next to my parents and how tf am i supposed to explain why i suddenly started crying? Huh? You... you... I hate u... no I dont but you are so evil.... i love the fact that you made Gukk and Himchan buddies.... why did he have to die that way? And Jongup? Poor guy .... Hung himself? You big fat meanie..... you are a great author.... I am so upvoting this and reading all your other ffs but i still hate you!
SoyUnDorisho
#5
my favourite ff ever... im gonna read it again <3
zelosmile #6
Chapter 32: im bawling my eyes out. i rarely ever cry while reading fanfics but this one, this one was like a sword constantly stabbing my heart ;-; and when i read the list in the last chapter i cried even harder.
author-nim, this was wonderfully written. good job.
pam2391
#7
Chapter 32: So beautiful and so sad... i saw this end coming >_<
jaya3ali
#8
Chapter 32: One of the best stories I read. I cried so hard
notes_of_hell #9
Chapter 32: omg... i had to cry so hard
2haruko
#10
Chapter 32: I've been crying non stop since chapter 6, this is such a wonderful story. I can't even describe all the emotion it's made me feel. The ending ... wow, I really really did not see that coming. I was preparing myself for something totally different. During the last chapter I was sobbing so hard and trying not to throw up hahaha. Please continue to write, your work is beautiful.
During the banghim parts I found myself enjoying it even though that ship is my notp, your the first author to ever make me like them together!
Just I could go on forever about how amazing this story is.
Thank you so much for writing it.