Music blasted so loud through the speakers that Yongguk could barely even hear himself think, much less hear the voice of the whiny girl sitting next to him. She should thank god that she's pretty, he thought, and took another sip of his drink. The bitter flavor was unfamiliar, but it served its purpose.
    Yongguk scanned the bar once more. The dark lighting made it hard to see, but Himchan's neon green shirt could be seen anywhere in the club. It took a few seconds for Yongguk to find him, dancing with a group of boys near the center of the dance floor.
    He finished off his drink and put the cup on the bar. Within a few moments, the bartender came and replaced it. "On me this time, Hyung." 
    Yongguk gave a smirk at the tall man, one that would have made the girl go wild. "Thanks, Minho."
    The bartender chuckled, looked between Yongguk and the girl, and shook his head. "Go find that kid that was flirting with you earlier. He was less annoying."
    Yongguk looked at the girl, who continued to speak as though someone were listening. Obviously, she was too drunk to even notice. Someone would pick her up, Yongguk thought, but it sure as hell wasn't going to be him. He was easy, but he had standards.
    Minho laughed when Yongguk nodded and got up to walk off. Another man took Yongguk's seat soon after and the girl continued to talk, not even noticing that the person next to her had changed. 
    Yongguk wandered around the club for a while. It was dark and loud and smelled like sweat and alcohol. There was a time when Yongguk lived for that smell, but those days had long passed him.
    A few people walked up to him and asked him to dance, but he turned each of them down. He spent a while leaning against the wall, ignoring everyone, and a few more drinks later, he decided he needed to go to the bathroom.
    Pushing past a few people, he made his way around towards the back of the huge room. Himchan spotted him and called to him, waving from around some stranger wrapped around him. Yongguk gave him a nod and then disappeared through the bathroom door.
    The bathroom was mostly empty, except for a few guys who had the same idea he'd had and one man, too old to even be hanging out at this kind of club, who was passed out in the corner.
    Yongguk pushed past him and into one of the stalls. He finished his business and washed his hands, turning to walk out of the bathroom. Just as he opened the door, someone else was trying to get in. The stranger fell on top of Yongguk, knocking them both back into the bathroom.
    The kid immediately stood up and bowed, apologizing. Yongguk watched his long auburn hair fly around his face as he did so. It reminded him of something, but he couldn't exactly place what it was. Yongguk recognized him as the kid from before. 
    The boy smiled a little when he recognized Yongguk as well, his cheeks turning pink as he apologized. 
    Yongguk tilted his head as he observed the boy. The stranger looked up at him, obviously intimidated, but he spoke anyway. "Can..can I buy you a drink?" Yongguk was surprised with the nerve, and amused at the boy's cuteness. "To..to make up for knocking you onto the floor.."
    Yongguk laughed a bit, maybe it was the alcohol...or maybe it was the puppy of a boy standing in front of him, but he nodded. "Sure thing, Kid."
    Unlike someone else Yongguk knew, this boy just grinned at being called a kid. 
    "I'm young, but I'm legal." He winked playfully. Yongguk's grin returned, wider. The boy grabbed him by the hand and pulled them through the crowd of people back to the bar. 
    Yongguk got a look at Himchan on the dance floor  as they walked past. His friend was dancing to some American song Yongguk didn't care for. He had a girl pressed to his front and a man pressed to his back, all three of them dancing and grinding each other in ways Yongguk was surprised were allowed in public.
    He tore his eyes away from his friend when the boy spoke to him again. "What do you want, Hyung?" The boy asked him. "What do you drink?"
    Yongguk shrugged, leaning forward on the bar. "What do you drink?" He gave the boy a predatory smile. 
    He was cute. Not as tall as Yongguk, slender with a great figure. His shirt showed just enough of the muscles underneath for Yongguk to know he was toned. His cheeks were a little chubby, as if his face were just growing out of the baby fat stage. His long hair was messy, but still looked just fine. The boy had a look about him.
    "I prefer shots." The boy shrugged. 
    "Shots it is then." Yongguk smiled once more, raising his hand to call over the bartender.
    "Yah! Minho-ah!" Yongguk called. "Get your Bastard over here and set us up, huh?" 
    The bartender looked up from pouring a drink, flipped Yongguk off with a giant grin, and then finished up his drink. The doe-eyed man gave one look to the boy, standing a little closer to Yongguk than most people would dare, and rolled his eyes. 
    Yongguk glanced down at the boy, watching as his hips swayed to the beat of the music. Yongguk would dare to infer the boy danced, probably professionally.
    He was saying something to Yongguk, but he was barely paying attention. He watched the bartender grab some bottles and make two shots. He wasn't sure what it was, but it looked like a shot glass full of blood when he was done.
    He brought both shots over to Yongguk and the boy. "Hey, Kid. Haven't I told you to stay outta here?" The bartender spoke to the boy, his expression stern but his tone betraying his teasing nature.
    The boy laughed and winked at Minho. "You're just jealous you've got to stay behind that counter all night and can't come play with me like all the y boys do."
    "Yah!" Minho gasped. "Are you trying to say I'm not y?"
    Yongguk watched the conversation, shot in his hand, and tried not to laugh. The stranger took his shot all at once and looked between the boys. 
    "You're not as y as Hyung." His head tilted towwards Yongguk. He then turned around and grabbed Yongguk's hand. 
    Yongguk quickly finished his shot. It tasted like cherries and fire. He let the boy pull him away from the bar, but eventually stopped allowing himself to be pulled.
    The boy turned around to look at him, questioningly. Yongguk his lips, a sudden rush of alcohol hitting him. What was even in that shot? It didn't seem to be affecting the boy.
    "Let's dancce?" He slurred a little, and watched the boy laugh and pull him to the dance floor.
    Yongguk let the boy pull him onto the dance floor. He had been right, of course, the kid could dance better than anyone in the place. Better than anyone Yongguk had ever seen dance, even. He watched the boy get lost in the music, smiling to himself.
    He stumbled off the dance floor, leaving the stranger behind. He made his way back over to the bar and sat down, his head spinning.
    "The was in that shot?" Yongguk asked Minho when he walked back up. The bartender pushed a bottle of water towards him.
    "Just stuff. It's what the kid normally orders when he's here." Minho shrugged, his eyes roaming out to the dance floor to watch the boy, who'd stolen the center of the floor and now seemed to be performing.
    "And how many of those does he normally have?" Yongguk asked, his lips and taking a large gulp of water. 
    "Twelve?" 
    Yongguk choked on his water. "ing hell...that's beast."
    Minho laughed and shook his head. "You planning on taking that one  home tonight?" 
    Yongguk looked at the kid, then at Minho. It was obvious that the  bartender had some kind of crush on the dancer. Even drunk, Yongguk could tell that much. It was almost like Minho wasn't even trying to hide it. 
    Yongguk shook his head. "Nah."
    Minho's eyebrow rose as he looked back at Yongguk. "He's in to you, though."
    Yongguk shook his head. "Doubt it. Anyways, I've got more stuff to worry about than getting my wet."
    Minho rolled his eyes. "Like what?"
    Yongguk shrugged. Actually, he couldn't think of anything better to do that have a nice lay. He just didn't want to. For some reason, having just didn't seem appealing at the moment. Maybe he should stop drinking now, he thought. 
    He chuckled and nodded to himself, slapping his hands down at the bar. "I should go home."
    "It's only half past midnight." Minho told him, looking at his watch.
    Yongguk shrugged. "Then maybe I'll just go get some fresh air. Tell Channie that I went outside for a bit when he comes...where did Channie go?"
    Minho's eyes scanned the bar for a moment. "Uh...It looks like he's...I'm pretty sure he's about to initiate a three way..."
    Yongguk rolled his eyes. "Himchan, you useless ." He muttered to himself. "Tell him he's paying my tab, too." Yongguk laughed.
    He made his way towards the door, swaying on his feet a bit. The air outside stung at his sweat-slicked skin. The music dulled from a pounding in his head to a muffled thumb, the sounds of the street becoming louder. He felt like he could finally breath, standing in the street and taking a few deep breaths.
    He didn't know where he wanted to go, but he started to walk. Thinking to himself as the world spun around and he staggered through the streets. His phone buzzed a few times, but he ignored it, and found himself at the last place he expected to come.
    The graveyard had long since been forgotten, a small patch of land with high walls and a busted gate. The grass covered most of the headstones, but two of them had been meticulously cleaned recently.
    Yongguk stopped in front of these and sat down next to one of them, closing his eyes as he tried to get the world to stop.
    "Mianhe, Umma." He spoke into the wind. "I'm a little drunk."
    There was no answer.
    Yongguk opened his eyes and rolled his head around to look at the gravestone. His mother's name carved into it in bold seemed to glare at him. He hissed.
    "Happy Birthday." A long sigh fell from his lips and he continued to speak. "It's been a while, hasn't it? It looks like Yongnam has already been here. That's good."
    Yongguk opened the  black plastic bag he'd gotten from a gas station on the way there. He pulled out the bottle of beer he'd bought and popped it open, starting to drink it.
    "I bet he's already told you that I got in trouble, huh?" He asked the air, leaning back against his mother's headstone. "Did he tell you what happened? I guess it doesn't really matter..."
    He trailed off, staring up at the stars in the sky. He sat there in silence for quite a while, sipping on his beer. Every now and then he would say something, speak as if he were talking to his mother. Simple things, Himchan is doing well, I got a new job, I haven't heard from Natasha in at least a year. 
    Beer bottles accumulated at the base of the tombstone, three when Yongguk finally spoke again.
    "He reminds me of you..." He said, just watching the bottle in his hands. "He's going to die and he knows it, but he's still so positive. I hate it...I really hate it.."
    He wasn't sure when he started to cry, but he wiped away the tear with the back of his hand and took the remaining sip of beer. "Aish...I'm too old for this .." He muttered to himself. 
    Out of alcohol, and still feeling like crap, Yongguk chewed on his lip. He tossed the last beer bottle down and scratched the inside of his arm, just staring up at the sky. 
    "I really want to hate him." He muttered. ", what's wrong with me?"
    Yongguk had hit his final straw. He'd tried too long to avoid it, but he couldn't hold back any longer. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small black box. Balancing it on his knee, he opened it up. Inside, nestled inside of a red satin lining, sat a small, thin needle filled with clear liquid.
    This wasn't something Yongguk did often, not anymore. But still, old habits died hard and as long as he didn't do it all the time, he was fine. Or, he tried to make himself believe that. 
    He held the needle between his teeth and pulled out the satin ribbon, tying it around his arm. "Mianhe, Umma." He muttered once more before driving the needle into his vein.
    Everything burned all at once. His veins lit up like they were set on fire, his eyes opened wide and everything seemed to become clear. The world started to spin just a little bit faster, and for the first time in months - and it had been months since the last time Yongguk had shot up - he felt alright again.
    It seemed to be hours before he moved again, just laying on the ground and relaxing. He waited for the high to fade, but nothing happened. He knew he wouldn't make it home on his own.
    Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he dialed Himchan's number. After three rings, he picked up. Yongguk spoke before Himchan could answer him.
    "Yah. Himchannie..." He slurred his words. "I'm at the graveyard..I'm too high to come home...come get me."
    He hung up his phone, eyes closed, and fell asleep waiting for Himchan.