With a heavy heart, I inhaled deeply and exhaled as I let out a sigh. Trying to stabilize myself as I cried like a child. Suho slowly rubbed my back without saying anything. He probably want me to calm myself and afraid to say anything as if he knew how I felt. I slowly opened the enveloped and slide out a piece of folded A4 paper and read it.

"Annyeong Hana... this is so awkward. I never wrote any letter for anyone except for my english essays hahah. I never knew the time I left you will be the last time I'll ever met you. Actually, 6 months before that, I knew I was diagnosed with brain cancer. I'm afraid to tell you because you would be sad if you knew about it because I remembered, one time when I was having cold, you were dead worried and you couldn't even sleep to take care of me. So I kept it a secret only for myself and Suho hyung. I was a trainee along with Suho hyung and the others, he did realized I often had an headache, I had difficulty in walking and my vision are blurry. I thought it was just a mere headache that will washed away as soon as I swallow a panadol. Suho hyung took me to a hospital for a check up and from that day I was so depressed and I couldn't think properly. Suho hyung told me to call mom and tell her about this so I did, that's why she came. I quite from being a trainee and from that time I started to lock myself in the room. To be honest, since I was staying with mom and her family it was uncomfortable being with them so I just sit in my room or go to the hospital for chemotherapy. Sometimes Suho hyung visited me and told me an unexpected news about you being a trainee in SM and how he is quite close to you. You know... I miss you a lot and it was hard for me to leave you, thinking how would you survive without me. You know, you can't even order you own food :p

As time passed, my health was getting critical and all the thing that kept me happy is to reminiscing the old days where we went to the beach with mom and dad, having a picnic with them and being the only one who always stood by yourself when you're having a hard time. All this time, I feel like I'm the older brother so I have to do all the responsibility a brother should do. Seeing your condition, I am satisfied with my work. You owned your own apartment, you're studying in a university, you have friends who will take care of you, you will debut soon and you're happy with things surround you. Hana-ya, I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to see you perform on stages as I know my time will come soon. I'm sorry for not being the one among your fans to cheer for you and sing and dance along to your songs. I'm sorry if you think me as a bad guy and as a betrayal who is selfish and think about his own happiness. Sorry, I have to do this or else you will not able to be grow up as now and being a happy sister I wish you would. I do this for your own happiness, I'm scared if I tell you earlier, you would be depressed and scared if you lose me. I know your fears, but I am deeply sorry that I'll be the one who will be leaving you so soon. Hana, I wish you all the best in life, don't think of me too much, look for your dreams and set a target to reach it. Be kind to people around you, appreciate everything in life before it's too late

p/s: Don't be sad. Dad and I will look after you from above. Just look at the stars as if you're gazing out for us. I will be the stars that will shine bright for you from above and I will always believe you."

I could feel my blood flows slowly and how everything around me just stop in time. I cried, and cried, and cried. I never thought this day will come to sudden without me realizing it. I didn't know you will leave me Ha Neul. I don't know.....

My head went blank and all I could do is crying. 

This pain in my heart is indescribable and the pain is really strong as if it ate my soul alive. 

If only I search for you earlier, if only I was not being oblivious about your health. 

I regretted. 

But I can't do anything about it anymore because you left me.

"In this world, we might not know the consequences or the blessings God has given us. But rest assured that the blessings are within our surroundings, starting from the person that care for us. Treasure the people within our reach because we might never know when they will unexpectedly leave us"

The story almost come to an ending! thank you for reading so far, and I would like to apologize for any errors.

Check out my  friend's story. "Beautiful feeling: the lost boy" starring You/Luhan/Exo/Got7 Mark/Girl's day Sojin.

The story's plot is really amazing and it will not dissapoint you, I hope you will subscribe and upvote to her story!

(click the the poster)