‘she what?! She cant leave!!’ I wailed as I got out of my room with the letter Alyssa wrote for me.

I walked outside of my room wearing my pj’s and dragging with me a pillow as I made my way into the living room where I found yesung hyung and siwon hyung sitting on the couch munching on some cheese crackers while eunhyuk hyung had earphones on and swaying to some unknown beat. Yesung and Siwon hyung looked up at me from eating and motioned for me to sit down, but I didn’t, I just showed them the letter I got from Alyssa and made my way near the window.

We just got back from a series of promotions and photoshoots and we were dead tired but still we didn’t want to sleep just yet, we want to relax for a bit before going to bed…but instead of wanting to go to sleep all I wanted to do was get the first flight to New York and follow Alyssa-sshi, even if I had to drag her out of New York I would, although the dragging her out of New York and all the way back to Korea didn’t sound quite nice, but she has to be here…she has to be with me. Its killing me, knowing that she’s in some other continent and not in Seoul…its freaking me out already.

‘did you call her wookie-sshi?’ siwon asked me ‘her reasons are valid…her appa needs her, you can always ask her to come back…you know that.’

‘but I want her to stay here hyung!’ I wailed as hugged the pillow closer to my chest making yesung hyung chuckle softly ‘bwoh…what’s funny hyung?’

He smiled and shook his head ‘if you want her to stay then make her stay…or ask her if she can work things out with her parents and just work here…’

‘or you can always talk to her parents if you’re that serious about her and the relationship that you have…’ siwon added

I must agree that all of their thoughts had merit and I must take into consideration her situation with her family, I must also know my feelings more…if I really did want her to stay and commit to our relationship, but then again I haven’t felt so strong for someone before. It was as if her presence brought something out in me…everyone noticed the changes. I was smiling and laughing more, I was still a bit conscious about my appearance but it lessened considerably especially when she told me that make-ups would make my skin dry. She was the ray of sunshine in my idyllic life, and now that she’s in another continent I’m at lost and I didn’t know what to do.

I could talk to her first and then talk to her parents…but am I ready to meet them? Alyssa and I were only starting…and then this had to happen, why is loving someone so hard sometimes? When all I wanted was for her to be with me, and she had to leave, so what do I have to do now? I stared outside and watched the falling rain, it suited my mood, I know I should be asleep but how can I sleep when I know I’ll be thinking about Alyssa…I was so tempted to give her call but then a part of me was scared what if she wouldn’t answer me or she didn’t love me anymore, her letter was dated 3wks before I returned and I know people change and feelings doesn’t really remain forever, what if I was just some boy she met in korea and she decided to have fun with me and now she’s back in New York she doesn’t need me anymore.

‘what are you waiting for wookie, go give her a call’ yesung hyung told me as he handed me back Alyssa’s letter.

I stared at it as if it was made of gold but I took it and stood up from where I was sitting ‘I’ll go to sleep hyungs…’

Siwon sighed and nodded ‘call her…you look so doubtful wookie-sshi…save yourself the agony’

I nodded and walked inside my room unsure of what to do or what to think of at that moment.

-alyssa’s pov-

‘hey Alyssa, its lunchtime, are you going out to eat??’

I looked up from my laptop only to see the smiling face of my colleague at work Mrs. Greene, she was standing up from her table and only then did I notice that our floor was almost empty of employees…morning passed without me noticing it, that was my life in Manhattan.

‘I’ll just take lunch in a little while Mrs. Greene, thank you…enjoy your lunch with your daughter’ I told her with a smile

‘nonsense child’ she told me as she walked over to my table give me a hug ‘don’t over work yourself…I’ll bring back something to for you to eat…ta ta dahling’

I had to stop myself from giggling at the way she would treat me as one of her own children. She was my 2^nd mother whenever I’m in the office and I guess if she had a choice she would ask me to stop working and start enjoying myself, she was a bit like my mother minus her ‘healthy’ figure and the fact that she’s always smiling and my mother is always reserved.

I guess I was more like omma who rarely smiles and who would rather show affection in private rather than letting the whole world know about it.

Here I am back in my old life in New York, and old life that I never really missed except for seeing my family and a couple of people at work I consider friends I never missed anything about it. Truth be told I miss my simple and easy life in Korea, my new found friends and of course my new found love, and right now that new found love is nowhere to be found. From what I’ve heard from Yna-unnie last night or rather early this morning the guys were already back in Seoul and would rest for a couple of days to a week at most before resuming their busy schedules again and I was expecting a call from oppa today or if not later this evening. I know that he got my letter but the question is why isn’t he doing anything about it? Did my decision make him mad?

I stared at my phone and at the wallpaper on my screen it was our first picture together and one of my personal favorites among all of our pictures together. He looked so cute despite the fact that he was tired and I just woke him up because I so wanted to take a picture with him, his cute round eyes resembled those cute cherub paintings that my omma really liked…he was as innocent as them.

‘oppa…why aren’t you calling me?’ I whispered in frustration as I was hesitating whether to send the message I was typing for him earlier…’to send or not to send, that is the question’

Oppa, I miss you so much and mianhe if I didn’t tell you that I needed to leave right away. I know my letter isn’t enough to suffice an explanation for what I did…I’m waiting for a call.

Mianhe oppa, saranghae.

I looked at the message once again and decided to send it…whatever his reply will be I’ll accept it, I mean I shouldn’t have left him like that, I would take the blame for everything…