A storyline by the4thisstrong
Synopsis
"Don't bother, Kris, he's probably too used to looking down at the filthy soil while gardening that he doesn't even know where to direct his eyes," snorted a shorter male, sporting a spiky hairstyle, staring at Jinki like he was a piece of gum stuck to his white shoes. "Just go back to your teensy weensy hut of a house!"
Psh, typical jocks, thinking they own the school. You may be popular, but not everyone in the school is going to be intimidated by you. Jinki thought, breathing deeply and barely managing to keep himself from rolling his eyes.
"Says the one who doesn't even know how to use a hose properly, Oh. Se. Hun," Taeyeon retorted, enunciating the last three syllables with her hands on her hips, leaning closer with furrowed eyebrows. "And it's not called gardening. The proper word is farming. Get your words right before you try to insult somebody, otherwise you'll end up being the idiot." She was referring to the water fiasco a week ago, where Sehun didn't plug the hose properly to the tap when he wanted to wash his football, and turned it on with the open end pointed to his face, causing him to get drenched. A large part of the female population in the school was there, their cameras all out to take pictures of their "handsome oppa". They had managed to snap pictures of him after the incident, and those photos were spread everywhere in no time. It dealt great damage to Sehun's pride, and ruined his image of being cool and nonchalant. Surprisingly, Sehun got even more popular afterward, as the girls thought it was adorable, contrary to his beliefs.
Jinki held back a chortle while he glanced at his best friend. Sehun's cheeks turned a slight pink, although he tried to cover it up with a smirk, moving his face closer to Taeyeon's. "That's exactly what I like about you, sweet on the outside, spicy on the inside, Kim. Tae. Yeon," he chuckled, imitating the girl while twirling his index finger around her dark brown locks.
"I'm not the type of girl who'd fall for you just like that," she huffed and slapped Sehun's hand away, staring dead straight into his eyes, "You might want to take a lesson on how to keep your hands to yourself as well."
"Stop playing hard to get, you're only making me more interested in you..."
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Title
First of all, let me say my first impression. I thought the comma was unnecessary because the placement of it made it appear awkward in structure. It also kind of foretold me that there would be some issues on grammar in the story. And when I started reading the first chapter, I was proven wrong. Very wrong. You have good grammar. In fact it made me wonder about the title. And when I finally read Taeyeon’s note from Chapter 2, I understood why you had chosen that title. It was a salutation.
It is a simple title and it relates to the storyline. In fact, I think it is really unique of you to have come up with that one. Those letters really have significance to the storyline since it’s the characters’ way of exchanging their feelings.
The only setback, however, is the first impression. Like what I’ve mentioned, my first impression is that it has awkward structure. Well, I was proven wrong. But the thing is that readers who are browsing titles may skip it thinking that the story has bad grammar structure. It’s a shame, really. Personally, I really think that the title fits the storyline but if it is okay with you, you could change me into Taeyeon. So, instead of Love, Me, we have Love, Taeyeon. But that is entirely up to you. Maybe the suggestion is not so fitting because maybe there will be an upcoming moment wherein Jinki will also include that salutation in his letter?
Description
It’s short and well done. However, I’m not really sure about the character profiles. They reveal a lot. I think it would be better if you will just remove the character descriptions. But the photos are fine.
Foreword
Nothing to criticize here. You are free to say what you wanted to say.
Poster/Presentation/Appearance
[graphics] I really applaud those who make their own posters. A little suggestion though is the incorporation of a letter/note in the background to show what is happening in the story.
[Type Script] Wow. Very consistent. Well done!
[Chapter Titles] I agree with you. Those titles are subtle in a way that they don’t really summarize what is happening in the chapter. But that’s not a bad thing. I think the titles are well done as well.
[Paragraph Breaks] When setting changes, put three asterisks (***).
[Author Notes] You kept it short yet very mindful of your readers. I really appreciate the fact that you engaged them through some questions and analysis. I really like writers who appreciates their readers.
Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary
Let me just say that you have really good grammar. There are some issues but they are so minor that they could be easily forgiven. You have good vocabulary and your choice of words is correct and exceptional. There aren’t any misspelled words. Overall, I think you’ve done an excellent job.
Characterization
The two main characters are written so well that readers can fit themselves in their characters. Both the leads are very relatable and they are written realistically. They way you portrayed their emotions was subtle in a way that readers tend to question their feelings. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s effective actually in creating the emotional tension between the characters. Just don’t overdo it. Try to describe their range of emotions more in the upcoming chapters in order for readers to know them more.
The way you portrayed the minor characters is good too. What amazed me is that there are so many characters but I am not overwhelmed by them. I get to know them. I am not confused with them at all. You’ve taken the time to introduce them without bombarding us with too much information. Good job!
Plot
Sometimes, a simple story that is written well can be a good read. And I think you’ve managed to do that, authornim. Your plot is simple and yet the way you’ve written it dragged the story from the norm and made it stand out for me. Best friends falling in love in a plot is common, yes but what I really appreciate in your storyline is the fact that the girl falls for her good best friend rather than the bad boy bully of the school (which happens to lots of stories here in AFF). It is very realistic because people really tend to fall in love with a good guy rather than someone who consistently bullies people and has bad attitude. Lastly, I really find the exchanging of notes really cute. That is also some nice touch there.
Pacing
The goodbye moment for me seemed a little hasty. Try to add more details about their feelings of the parting. Aside from that, no further issue.
Writing Style
Like what I’ve mentioned, the simple story really stands out for me because of the way you’ve written it. You’re descriptive yet subtle. The dialogues are very witty and engaging. They way you introduced all of the characters are not overwhelming, considering their large number.
Personal Enjoyment
I really enjoyed it a lot. I love the dialogues and I even started to dig Sehun’s character despite his attitude. Personally, I really think that this story should have more subscribers. I’ve mentioned it and I’ll mention it again, even the simplest story can be a good read if written well. Because of that, I will recommend this story. Don’t be surprised, authornim. Rather, take this as some sort of inspiration to continue your story. I read your feed and I admit that it’s sad to see your idols suffering. But do not let it dishearten you. Rather, gather your thoughts and put your sad feelings for EXO into your writings. You’ll be surprised with the result. Anyway, congratulations with the feature! And also another congratulations for being picked as the lucky (?) recipient of free poster. Well, I made a poster for your story. I’m a terrible graphic artist so please forgive me. I’m not really sure if you’ll like it but I tried my best to incorporate what I’ve envisioned in your story. It’s okay if you won’t use it.
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