Ornaments of Prosperity

A storyline by AnabelleJoshine

Title

It is actually a very unique title and I am very curious why Ornaments of Prosperity.

The title is vague in a good way. I only understood why you use the title after I read your description. Even after reading the description, it is still unclear to me. But that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it is somehow a mental exercise. It is an opportunity for readers to speculate why the title is like that.

After reading the description, some ideas are formed off the top of my head. I am thinking maybe these ornaments are your characters. Correct me if I am wrong. The word prosperity means wealth or affluence. It is somehow relevant because reading between the lines, you could actually see prosperity. I don’t know if what I’m saying makes sense and if I even have it right. But that is how I see the title. Anyway, I know we will discover the title’s significance later. Sometimes, an effective title is not the most obvious one. And sometimes, the title only makes sense at the end of a story.

Description

You give details without revealing the plot. You pointed out that the story will center on the four characters, the ornaments. I am actually curious about the lines: They are ornaments, each uniquely crafted as a speculation of prosperity. It is a game: a mental battle of power and struggle. Who would win and who will fall? The outcome is all but dependent on the beholder. Thus begins the gamble for eternal happiness, and ultimate destruction.

Now, I am really intrigued. Who is the beholder whom the prosperities will depend on? What is happening in the story? Your description gives off enough pull for readers to subscribe to your story.

Using different colors to emphasize words is acceptable only in the description or foreword. The use of pink color to emphasize the word fate is accepted and it complements the theme of your poster. Just don’t overdo the color. Do not change anything with your font color.

By the way, if you’re planning to incorporate some character profiles to introduce your characters, I advise you to not consider it. You don’t need to introduce to us the characters. Let us know them through the story.

Your word trailer is misspelled, by the way. And yes, you could put the trailer in the description.

Foreword

I have no complaints when it comes to this. This is a free space for your brief introduction about yourself. Always put the credits at the end of your foreword.

Poster/Presentation/Appearance

I applaud you for making your own poster authornim. It looks promising and I really like how you incorporated some decorations/ornaments giving some relevance to the title. Even the theme is so good. You can even do a graphic shop here in AFF if you want because believe me when I tell you that you have the skill. Can you make some posters for me? LOL

Anyway, always be consistent with your font. As much as possible, use black font. Aside from the fact that it looks professional and appropriate for an angst story, it would even look awesome in contrast to the pink background. Although gray color is acceptable as a font color, it is more preferable to use black because it is not too irritating to the eyes. Use size 12-14 only.

I noticed from your note that you’re not very confident with your second chapter title? Try to think of a better one. You could still change it authornim. No complaints about the other chapter titles. They are good enough.

Characterization

Krystal. The way you introduce her character is really good. From the very first moment, I think she is somehow bitter when it comes to her mother. She is somehow disrespectful towards her mother but I think something happened between mother and daughter for her to behave that way. I can’t really deem her as a totally disrespectful daughter because of the way she cares for her ailing father. I am really curious what happened. What made her turn that way? What happened between her and her mother? How is her relationship with her father before he became that way? What prompted her to give Taeyeon a task to complete? I’m actually thinking that the task will be relevant to her mother or something like that.

Taeyeon. My first question: Who is this girl? You introduced her as a poor girl, whom is kind enough to help vulnerable animals, replace students during exams as a sideline, and picks coins from the fountain. Honestly, this girl is really interesting. People really like her and even call her the fountain fairy. So far, I can picture her as a very strong girl trying to make a living. Adding an invalid mother to the story is just, what’s the word? Astounding. I know that she will accept Krystal’s proposal because of desperation. I think that begins the game.

Plot

The first chapter is the bomb! Not everyone could pull that off. One could even see it as the prologue of the story. It’s a good thing you didn’t give the name of the pregnant woman. It would make your readers very curious in their seats, making them want to read more. It’s quite obvious that the madam is Madam Jung. But I am really curious why she said that the child of the pregnant woman is hers? Artificial insemination? Or did Madam Jung’s husband have an affair with the woman? So many questions already. I have some speculations that the woman didn’t die on the road although it was described that she died along with the life of the child inside her womb. By chance, is she Taeyeon’s mom? Is the child inside the woman’s womb perhaps Taeyeon? Is Taeyeon’s mother become what she is now because of that incident?

There are only few chapters but somehow we could see where the story is leading us. I am actually thinking that Taeyeon and Krystal are two of the four ornaments. We don’t know the other two yet but it’s okay to not introduce them immediately in order to give way for a good characterization of Taeyeon and Krystal.

Anyway, what I really dig in your story is the family concept. Most of the stories here in AFF forget that parents exist. LOL. I even liked the fact that the parents have great impact and significance to the storyline.

Even though the story doesn’t seem to focus much on the romantic side, the story has its own beauty by incorporating family drama, mystery, and the hardships that they are all experiencing.

Going back to your description, it still doesn’t look very clear. But that is not a bad thing. It will make endless questions run through the readers’ heads: What is happening in the story? What is the game? Who is the beholder? What happened in the past?

Thumbs up!

Pacing

It has the right pace authornim. Even if the other two ornaments are not introduced yet, it gives the readers time to immerse in your story, to warm up with the characters. Sometimes, it’s not really good to introduce them at once because it will be too much to take immediately.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary

Is English your first language? I don’t have any complaints here. I cannot even see misspelled words. It looks as if you have taken the time to proofread your chapters before posting them. You also have a very wide vocabulary. Well done!

Writing Style

You’re very descriptive without bombarding us with too much information. It is as if the scenarios are happening right in front of me. I could just grab a pop corn and start picturing the scenarios off the top of my head. 3-D glasses anyone? It’s like I am watching television right in front of me, minus the changing of channels because I won’t change the channel. LOL.

You mentioned that you’re new to fanfiction but are you new to writing? I’m thinking not. I’m actually thinking that perhaps you’re an experienced writer. You could even post your story to Wattpad and be discovered by some publishers, authornim. That’s how great you are.

Overall Enjoyment

I am really a er for a heavy drama tinged with mystery. Though I cannot see the romance in your story yet, it didn’t stop me from enjoying it. This will definitely going to my recommended list because this is a must read!

I am really sorry for the late review. I am very busy but hopefully, this is of great help to you. Anyway, welcome to asianfanfics authornim! Good luck with your story and hopefully, you could create more stories in the future.

Reminders

Don’t forget to credit me by copying littlemisshappyify @ Good Review Shop and pasting it on your foreword. Please link my username and shop.

Upvote if you are satisfied with your review.

Please comment below.

Feel free to ask for a redo. I will do it after you have made the necessary changes that I suggested.

Thank you for requesting!