Chapter Ten

I apologize for any mistakes and any typos or any grammar or whatever errors in this chapter. Please bear with me

I arrived at Gimpo that night. I was welcomed by pa’s sour face while ma was quite happy about my return but worried at the same time. Two different types of expression showed by my parents at the same time. They both were surprised by my sudden return.

Even though both of my parents gave their full support to my decision but I still felt sad. I seriously have lost someone to depend on and a place where I can tell my problem. It wasn’t like I don’t have ma, or pa or even both of my brothers, but to me, Taecyeon was the first person I will look for if I have problems or anything. With him, there’s nothing I would keep as a secret. We would be so straightforward with each other even it was a small, simple things. He always consoled me every time I felt sad and down especially regarding to my work.

He knew me. He knew my likes and dislikes. For seven years I’ve been in a relationship with him, but what can I do right now? Only our memories left and last forever but it will never can be repeated ever again.

I walked in ma’s room when I saw her busy arranging some stuff. It’s turned out that ma was packing the wedding gifts from me to Taecyeon in boxes. I sat down at the edge of the bed as I watched ma arranging those gifts.

“Let me keep these gifts in the boxes. Who knows we can use it later.”

I watched as ma moved those gifts onto the boxes. Suddenly I saw my wedding dress. I just picked up that dress a week ago from the bridal dress shop. I quickly stood up and walked to the closet, looking at the dress more closely. Taecyeon chose this color. It was mini skirt, cream-white organza with long tail. I never get bored looking at this dress.

I already dreamt how beautiful I was when I wore this dress. We spent a lot of money to get this dress. Because it was too beautiful, Taecyeon and I agreed to buy it even though it’s clearly exceeded our budget. Now all my hopes and dreams were crushed. I had to forget what I wished for. The dress we bought, only to be a display in this closet.

I didn’t realize my tears fell down slowly down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry, Sooyeon-ah. You still can wear that dress in the future.” ma said as if she understood what was playing in my mind.

I wiped my tears, “I know, ma. It’s just.. I feel so regret because Taecyeon couldn’t see me wearing this dress. He’s the one who chose this dress.”

I strengthened myself so I won’t cry in front of ma anymore. Then I sat back at the edge of the bed.

“Why don’t you go out. I don’t want you to see this stuff.”

I refused to do that, I still wanted to see those. This time, ma was pulling out a bunch of shopping bags. I already know its content; limited edition Harley Clifford wakeboard and boot, together with the bindings, and limited edition ski designed by Jason Levinthal. Those were for the Groom and Bride gift exchanged. I bought those because I know, Taecyeon loved wakeboarding and skiing.

My tears ran down my cheeks for the second times. This time it was joined with a sorrow and painful sob. Ma walked closer to me, sitting beside me.

“Please be strong, Sooyeon-ah. Don’t listen to your emotion too much. It will hurt you more if you do,” ma consoled me as she rubbed my back softly.

“I miss him, ma. I am incomplete without Taec,” in the end, I cried in her lap. All this while, people around me thought that I was so strong facing this trial, but look at me now. How weak I was. How suffered I was.

“It’s enough, Sooyoen-ah. Don’t cry anymore,” ma whispered.

“It’s only 2 weeks left, ma,” I cried.

“I know.”

“Everything is settled. I think Taec already knew it, that he’s gonna leave.”

“Sooyeon, stop it. Don’t be like this.”

I got up off ma’s lap and looked at her face, even my eyes were blurred by the tears, “actually, Teac really wanted to see me wearing this dress, and he said to me once.. If he can, he wanted those limited editions wakeboard and ski as a gift for the exchanged gift event. But, I said I don’t know yet since it’s kinda pricey. So he said, it’s okay then. But he didn’t know that I bought those after that for a surprise. But.. now.. and.. and.. he wanted to buy the rings for me too, and yet he hadn’t made the order for our invitation card.”

Ma stayed quiet.

“Why I’m such an idiot, ma? I should have known. I should see his changes, but I thought he changed because he’s gonna be my husband. I’m so stupid. I should be with him.”

Ma rubbed my back, consoling me.

“I miss him. It hurts so bad, I don’t think can take any much longer.” I still cried.

Ma sighed in sadness, “God has written everything for us, Sooyeon-ah. He knows something we don’t know. Be strong. Don’t be like this, there’s plenty ‘someone else’ for you out there.”

“Seven years are not a short time, ma. It ended just like that. There’s no other person who knows me better than Taec.”

“I know, but this is his fate, no one can do anything about that. We don’t even know what’s gonna happen to us tomorrow or after this. When Taec died, there will someone else comes to you. Maybe this is God’s way for someone that better, and perfect than Taec to become your half later.”

“It won’t be the same,” I cried.

“Of course it won’t, but don’t be so sad, too upset.. every cloud has a silver lining. Just be strong for now.”

I chuckled in sobs. If only I know..