Chapter 8: February 23^rd 2013

“Sooyeon-ah, honey you there.” The older woman says softly through the phone. Sooyeon was Jessica’s Korean name that her mother had given to her. She was called Sooyeon at home but Jessica at work and everywhere else. Jessica held the phone close to her ear she hadn't had time to check the caller id. This was the first time that she had been on the phone or spoken to her mother since the funeral. Her mother had called several times since after the funeral but never could get through to her. Jessica had distanced herself from her mother not being able to be around her because of the guilt she felt. “Jaejoong-ah, says you’re busy. Are you that busy that you can’t make time for your mother?” Mrs Jung questions playfully. Resulting in Mrs Jung calling Jaejoong in desperation, wanting to know something or anything about how Jessica was or is. Jessica’s grip on her phone tightens as she tries to suppress the tears that are now flowing down her face. “Sweetie you ok,” There’s a pause on the other line and Jessica knows from what her mother says next that she can hear her crying. “I’m coming to see you.” Her mother says rather adamantly. “No,” Jessica words come rushed and loud. “I mean, I’m fine.” She lies. She’s been doing that a lot lately. Her mum lets out an unconvincing sigh. “I promise you mum. I’m fine.” The words that leave Jessica’s mouth don’t sound very convincing to her or to her mother and she knows that. “Okay.”  Mrs Jung says un-satisfied with the results. “I love you. You know that right.” Jessica knows that but she doesn’t say anything. “I have to go mum.” Mrs Jung just hums in sadness. “I love you.” The older woman says in hopes that she can hear it from her daughter too. “Bye.” But she doesn’t hear it. Instead she hears a rather cold goodbye and a long beeping noise from the phone when her daughter hangs up. Jessica holds the phone close to her heart. She didn’t mean to be rude or come across as a bad daughter. She loves her mother she loves her a lot. Was it the guilt? The guilt that she felt over what happened and how she could have prevented it.

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