A F R A I D    T O    L O V E

Lee Hongbin    |    Kang Yoonhee   

requested by Eyesmile-Jiyu

Crap, crap crap crap crap crap. Yoonhee, argh you idiot. I raced down the corridors, pushing strands of loose hair away from my face. My bag banged against my back, and my heels skidded around corner after corner.

While everyone was casually making their way to their classroom, most already seated, I was still running around like a mad person. I overslept, again. Panting, I yanked open my locker. I grabbed the books and stash of papers I needed for my first class, and stuffed everything else I didn't need into the messy space.

I slammed the door shut, books half hanging out of my bag and papers crumpled in my hand. I sneaked a glance at my watch, blindly running in the direction of my classroom. 2 minutes left. I can make it! Just gotta run!

I looked up just in time to see a broad chest, before I ran into it face first. The force from running so quickly combined with the weight of my bag pulled me down to the ground, and I landed on my . For once, I was glad there was a bit of cushioning down there.

My papers dropped to the ground, scattering in the corridor. I scrambled to my knees and messily scooped them back into a stack. A pair of hands joined me on the ground, collecting the white sheets, but being much more successful and gentle than me in my frantic state.

As I grabbed the last piece of paper, a hand stretched out into my vision. I grabbed it, thankful, and they pulled me up to my feet. They handed my sheets back in a single neat stack, and I took them.

I bowed endless times, embarrassed and desperate to go to my class.

"I'm so so sorry. Thanks so much for helping me. Sorry again, really."

"It's okay. But are you hurt? You fell down pretty hard."

"I'm fine, thank you." I looked up at whoever I had bumped into, and my eyes widened. He was extremely handsome yet cute at the same time. He seemed to be pretty nice too. And I had just ran into him. Literally. Immediately, I felt even more guilt, and I apologized again.

He let out a little laugh, and as soon as it reached my ears, I decided it was the prettiest thing I had ever heard.

He walked a few steps behind me and bent down to pick up my textbook. It must have fallen out of my bag.

"Oh, thank you! If I left that there, my teacher would kill me. I keep owing you. Thank you so much, um…"

"Hongbin. Lee Hongbin."

"Ah, thank you so much Hongbin-ssi."

"You can drop the formalities."

I nodded, blushing a little. Yeah, he was nice. My moment of admiration was broken when the bell went off, happily reminding me that I was supposed to be in the classroom already.

I let out a sound that was a mixture of a gasp and a shriek. CRAP.

"Oh my gosh, I'm late. I'm so sorry! And thank you again!!"

I raced my way down the corridor, scolding myself for getting distracted by a guy. A quite perfect guy, that is.

"W-wait!!"

I stopped in my tracks, and looked back at him.

"Yeah?"

"What's your name?"

I grinned. "Kang Yoonhee!" Without waiting for a reply, I took off again, leaving him standing there muttering my name to himself over and over.

When I reached my math classroom, I stopped momentarily to fix up my appearance. I opened the door, glad to see that the teacher's back was to me. As silently as I could, I tiptoed to my seat.

Eunjoo, my best friend, who was two seats in front of me rolled her eyes and mouthed 'subtle'.

"Miss Kang Yoonhee."

I froze mid-step, sighing as I turned around to face my teacher.

She raised an eyebrow. "Tardy again? That's the third time this term. You know what it means, right?"

"Yes, miss." I said in a monotone.

She nodded approvingly. "Now go back to your seat."

I sighed again as I walked towards my seat. That was the third time I'd been late, guaranteeing myself a call to my parents about my punctuality. I'd also gotten myself detention after school again. The first two times, my brother had turned off my alarm as a prank. Now that had been unfair; it wasn't even my fault. But then I smiled to myself. This time, it was definitely worth it...

* * * * * * * *

Eyeing the clock on the wall, I fidgeted in my seat as I sat through detention. The teacher droned on about our behaviour, none of her words making it into my brain. I found my thoughts wandering off to a certain someone. It was the guy I'd bumped into just this morning.

The more I thought about him, the more he looked like someone I knew. I didn't know him personally, but I was pretty sure I'd seen him once or twice before. From where, I had no idea.

Well of course you’d seen him before. He goes to your school.

But that didn't ring a bell. He didn't seem to be just another student...I shook my head, groaning in frustration. Why are you even thinking about him? You've only 'met' him once. Yeah, what was I even doing.

I tried to distract myself, looking outside the window, counting the seconds along with the clock, ripping up a piece of paper I'd found in my pocket. Thinking about food, holiday plans, books I'd read before. Anything.

But everything seem to find its way back to Hongbin. No matter how hard I tried or what I did, I couldn't stop thinking about him. Eventually, I gave up, and just let him overrun my mind.

I was still thinking about him when the teacher dismissed us, but there were other things in my mind as well.

Giddy from being released, I bounded my way out of the corridor. I had sat for way too long and all the sugar I had eaten at lunch didn't help. I rounded a corner recklessly, only to bump into someone. Again.

A pair of hands shot out to stop me from falling, and I instinctively grabbed them. They caught me by the shoulders, and I gripped their upper arms, blushing when I realised I could feel they were well-toned.

"Wow, steady there. Yoonhee?"

That voice…

I looked up and cringed in embarrassment.

Why do I keep bumping into him?! Literally!!

"H-Hongbin…"

"Are you okay?" He crouched down a little so he could look at me in the eyes. For a moment, I was afraid his gaze would penetrate through me and see how fast my heart was beating.

"Y-y-yeah, I-I'm fine." I managed to blurt out.

"That's good." He smiled and ruffled my hair, and I felt my heart stop. "Fancy bumping into you this late. That's already twice today. Are you sure you're not following me?"

"N-no! I swear!"

"I know. But why are you still at school?"

"Detention...I overslept, and so I was late."

He let out a chuckle. "No wonder you were running around so crazily this morning."

"Hey! You were late too! You were still strolling around when the bell rang!"

"I was on an errand for a teacher."

I nodded slowly. "Then what are you doing here?"

"I was in the library. Studying. I'm on my way home now"

"How fun." I .

"Better than detention." He shrugged, a smile dancing on his lips.

Touche.

He slung his bag over his shoulders, ready to go on his way. "So...I'll see you around?"

"Y-yeah…"

* * * * * * * *

I paced back and forth outside the cinema, clutching two tickets in my hand. I stopped momentarily to fish my vibrating phone out of my bag.

Without looking at the caller, I held it up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Yoonhee-ah! Where are you right now?" It was Eunjoo.

"I think I should be the one asking you. I'm already at the cinema with the tickets. The movie's starting in 10 minutes! Where are you?"

I heard her gulp over the phone, and my heart sank as I guessed what was coming.

"You're already there? Dang it. Look, I am so sorry, but I have to stay at home tonight and babysit my brother."

"You parents have another meeting?"

"Yeah...I'm so sorry! I promise to treat you for lunch som-"

"No, it's okay. It's not your fault anyway."

"Gosh, thanks for understanding. But still, I'm so sorry. Make sure you get home safely, okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me. Just have fun babysitting your brother." I laughed at her.

She snorted over the phone. Not long after, she hung up, yelling at her younger sibling to keep his hands off her food.

I sighed, sitting down on a nearby bench. I wasn't that surprised our plans had to be cancelled again. It had become the norm, but I still couldn't help feeling disappointed.

"...Yoonhee?"

My head snapped up at the sound of my name. I looked around, trying to find the owner of the voice, when my eyes landed on one particular person. My heart fluttered at the sight of him, and my breathing hitched. I stood up as he walked towards me.

"A-ah, H-Hongbin. W-what are you doing here?" I cursed myself silently for stuttering.

He lifted his hand, revealing two movie tickets. Of course, you idiot. We're standing outside the theatre. Why else would he be here.

I coughed awkwardly, fiddling with the bottom of my shirt.

"Are you waiting for someone?" The sound of his voice was enough to give me butterflies in my stomach.

"U-um, yeah, I guess. Well, I was. They kind of...something came up, and yeah. They had to cancel their plans. So it's just me, and I'm left wondering what I should do with these...yeah…" I looked at the tickets in my hand.

"You too?" He ran his hand through his hair. "My friend ditched me last minute for his girlfriend. So it's just me as well…"

I nodded, wondering where this conversation was going to go.

"Would you...um...mind if I joined you?"

"Huh?"

He motioned us two. "Well, we've both been left hanging...and it's a waste to not use these tickets anyway...so why not?"

"Okay." I shrugged. Honestly, I was a little disappointed by his reasons. Part of me had hoped he would say he wanted my company. I rolled my eyes mentally at my thoughts. Psh, what are you even thinking.

I shook my head clear of my thoughts, and followed him towards the cinema.

* * * * * * * *

He's so close to me…

I couldn't concentrate on the movie at all, and I was restless for the whole 2 hours. All I could think about was how pleasant his cologne smelt, how loudly my heart was pounding, and how he was sitting right next to me.

I frowned at my behaviour. Why was I so distracted and nervous?

When the movie ended, he insisted on taking me home, claiming it was dangerous for a girl like me to be out late at night. I had let out a little snort, outwardly telling him I was old enough to take care of myself, but inwardly melting at his thoughtfulness.

In the end, I had lost, after I told him I didn't want to be a bother and him retorting that it would be a pleasure. He literally held onto my jacket, saying he would hold on until I got home.

We walked silently, side by side. It was a little awkward at first, but after all, it was only our third time seeing each other. Suddenly, he let out a chuckle.

"Isn't this the first time we've met without you running into me?"

I scratched the back of my head in embarrassment, letting out a laugh.

His comment broke whatever awkwardness there was, and we started conversing. We talked about ourselves, our likes, dislikes, hobbies. Trivial things. By the time we reached my house, it seemed like I'd known him for years, when in reality, it was only a week.

As I walked up the stairs to the front door of my house, I could feel him watching me. I turned around, breaking out into a timid smile when he gave a little wave. I opened the door, when he stumbled up the stairs after me.

"W-wait."

He had a habit of saying things last minute...didn't he…

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the ground sheepishly.

"C-can I, um, have your number, maybe? L-like it's fine if you don't want to, like, I-I mean we've only met a few times, I'd understand, but you know, um, well, like, since we're friends and all now...I thought, maybe...a  means of communication when we're not together would be nice...you know…"

I widened my eyes at him. Did he say...friends? I bit my lip to stop myself from squealing, and tried to act as composed as I could. Play it cool, Yoonhee.

"Y-yeah, you're right. Here."

I handed him my phone, telling him to add his number. When he tapped in the numbers, I took my phone out of his hands and made my way back into the house.

"Huh? Is that it? But...I don't have...your number…"

I grinned at him. "I know. Goodnight!"

I closed the door to my house, and watched him through the peep hole. I covered my mouth with my hands, stifling a laughter at his priceless reaction.

Almost sensing my gaze, he looked at the little hole in the door, staying still for a second so that I could focus on him. He stepped back a little and mouthed the words 'good night', waving and smiling.

My stomach flipped, and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks. I turned away from the door, slapping my face lightly.

What is wrong with me? Get a grip, Yoonhee!

I took a deep breath, and looked back through the peep hole, but to my dismay, he was already gone.

* * * * * * * *

"Eunjoo?"

"Yeah?" She kept her eyes on her book, but I knew she would be listening regardless.

"Well...I-I...I kinda have a problem...and I don't know what's wrong and what to do…"

"Enlighten me."

"You know Hongbin, right?"

"Yeah, he's the flower boy in our school. Everyone knows him."

Well that's new...I didn't know.

"Why?" She lifted her head from her book, curious as to what I was going to say.

"U-um...well...lately, we've been bumping into each other quite a lot. Like, not as in bumping bumping, well actually, that too, but like, coincidently seeing each other. And, I guess you could say we're friend-"

"WOW! You're friends with him?!"

I stared at her with an expressionless face, and she shut up.

"Either way. E-every time I see him...my heart beats faster. I hadn't been doing any physical activity or anything...yet I feel myself blushing. And it seems like all I can ever think about now is him. I want to see him, I want to know him better, I want to talk to him. What's wrong with me, Eunjoo?!" I whined, pouting at my best friend. I looked at her, but she was void of any emotions.

Suddenly, she squealed, clapping her hands. "It's love!! You're in love with him, Yoonhee! You're finally growing up! And here I was starting to think you weren't straight!"

"Hey!" I punched her playfully on the arm, but she kept a goofy grin plastered on her face. She scooted closer towards me on her , leaning forward so her face was nearly touching mine.

"Well? Does he know?"

"Huh?"

"Hongbin! Does he know you love him? And does he love you back? Oh my gosh this is so cute! You two would make such a cute couple!"

"W-wai-"

"Yoonhee, I'm so proud of you for snagging such a handsome guy! In fact, I'm a little jealous. I'm older than you but I'm still single. Why do I never get any of the good guys?"

"Hello?!"

"I guess that's because there's no one who has a high enough of a standard to notice me. My other half is out there somewhere! I just have to be patient. Yes. I will meet him one day."

"Eunjoo!"

"Oh, whoops! Sorry! Of course! Back to you! So, has he asked you out on a date yet? Did you say yes? You had better, otherwise I will smack your hea-!"

"I don't love him."

She stopped her rambling and looked at me with an eyebrow raised up.

"What? What did you say?"

"I said, I don't love him."

She stared at me for a couple of seconds, before she grabbed my shoulders with her hands and shook me back and forth.

"What are you saying?! Are you crazy?!"

"No I'm not. It's just th-"

"The way you act, the way you think, the way your heart beats around him is all evidence that you love him!"

"It's probably just some silly high school crush. Not even." I said dismissively.

"Well have you ever felt like this with your other friends?" She snapped at me.

I was silent. I was happy around my guy friends. I blushed sometimes when they teased me. I looked forward to seeing them. But I had to admit, there was something different. I never got wobbly knees when they looked at me. Their voice never gave me butterflies. They never took over my daydreaming.

All these feelings were...strange...unfamiliar…I couldn't place a finger on what it was.

"No...I...haven't…" Unconsciously, my eyes started tearing up. This was too much to take in.

"Yoonhee, it's okay. It's normal! There's nothing to be ashamed of. Don't cry, yeah?"

I shook my head, sniffling. "I'm not ashamed...I'm...I don't know...nevermind, Eunjoo. Don't worry."

"You're what?" She tried to coax an answer out of me.

"I'm scared. Okay? I've never felt like this before. It's...weird. It's changing me, and that's what scares me. I don't want to become a person that I'm not. I don't want this...love thing to change who I am!"

"Loving someone may change the way you think or act. But it'll never change you; you yourself. If he loves you, Hongbin will never try to change the real you either."

"I don't care. I'm not going to fall in love."

"Denying and running away from your feelings won't change anything."

"No...it will...you'll see."

"Gosh! Why are you so stubborn? Can't you see you love him?!"

"Maybe. But that won't be true for long. I'll fall out of love."

However, unbeknownst to my brain, my heart had already fallen for him.

And it had no plans of letting go.

* * * * * * * *

After my talk with Eunjoo, I was bent on proving her and my feelings wrong. It didn't do any good when I realised Hongbin was actually in my photography class, which would explain the sense of familiarity I had after I'd met him.

I'd catch him endless times eyeing me from across the room, and when I did, I would swivel my head back to the front, where the teacher's lecture had suddenly caught my full attention.

After classes, I would see him catch sight of me and hurriedly apologise to his friends, before running after me. Being smaller and nimbler than him, I would weave my way around people and through corridors before he caught up with me.

When he had free periods, he would walk around the corridors, trying to find out which class I was in. I sat in the corner of my classes, and ducked down whenever he walked past. When he started waiting near my locker, I took all my textbooks and notes home, instead of stashing them at school.

I took every opportunity I could to avoid him. I thought that this would stop my feelings for him, and the time away from him would clear my head.

But it did nothing to ease the emptiness I felt in my heart. Instead, it made me feel like something was missing from my life. The happiness, giddiness, eagerness I once had when I looked forward to seeing him disappeared as I distanced myself from him. It was painful.

It wasn't until two weeks later, when I received a text from him, did I realise how desperate he was to talk to me. And how much I'd missed him.

Hongbinnie

Unread Message     [6:58]

> Why are you ignoring me?     

Even without his contact details rolling across the screen, I didn’t need a detective to work out who it was from. There was no one I was intentionally avoiding, except Hongbin.

His question was blunt and direct. I could almost imagine it coming from his mouth along with a hurt expression. I started feeling guilty. He must have been so confused the past weeks, wondering what he had done wrong, and why I was acting like this.

I hurt him because of my stubbornness.

How'd you get my number?     [7:05]

He replied almost immediately.

What did he do? Stare at his phone 24/7?

Hongbinnie

Your friend, Eunjoo, was more than happy to give it to me.     [7:06]

I gritted my teeth. Of course it was Eunjoo.

My phone buzzed again.

Hongbinnie

Can you come out for a few minutes?     [7:06]

I cocked my head at the message. Come out? He couldn't be right outside my…

It was possible though. He'd walked me home after the movies, so he'd know where I lived. But that was only once.

I hopped lightly down the stairs, a peculiar feeling stirring up inside of me. It was a little bit of everything. Shock. Excitement. Happiness. Shame. Embarrassment. I tried not to get my hopes up though. The last thing I needed was for me to rekindle whatever feelings I had for him that I had messily stamped out, without Hongbin even trying.

I opened the door to my house, and sure enough, he was standing there, phone in hand.

"H-hey…" He stammered out.

"Hey…"

It was awkward.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

Because I love you.

I shrugged, avoiding his gaze.

"Are you angry at me?"

I shook my head.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Another shake.

"I-is it...that time of the month?"

I gawked at him. Seriously? Of all guesses?

He blushed beet red and looked at my feet, tousling his hair.

"I-I know this might not be the best time to say this...sorry if I startle you...but, um…"

What he said next stopped me mid-breath.

"I like you. No, love. I love you, Yoonhee. I know it's really sudden. But, I just...feel attached to you. Like, you're the right one. From the day you bumped into me, I just felt something stir inside of me, and I started growing these feelings for you. Could you maybe...be my girlfriend?

I love everything about you, and I love it even more learning about you. I love hearing your stories, I love listening to you talk, I love watching you, I love how you look, I love how you act. I love everything. I love you.

I don't know if you've been ignoring me because of insecurities, but I can say right here, confidently, that you're the most perfect girl I've ever met. Ever since you've stepped into my life, you've left little footprints in my heart. I'm hoping...if you're willing...that you'll run a marathon in my heart. Forever."

Love really is scary...how can it make one so cheesy?

Regardless of my thoughts, it was enough to blow away any doubts I'd ever had. In love. In myself. In him.

I stepped closer to him, and he wrapped his arms tenderly around me as I rested my hands on his chest. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "I was scared...about falling in love. I'm sorry I pushed you away."

"Don't be scared. I'll be here with you, today, and every day into the future."

* * * * * * * *

Turns out I had never buried my feelings for him. I'd only turned away from them.

But something brought me back to my senses. Fate. Destiny. Whatever it was, I was thankful.

Because even before we knew each other existed, we were meant to be.