L O V E    T H E R A P Y

Luhan    |    Im Nina    |    ft. Kim Myungsoo

requested by ninakai

"Where are you going?" Luhan said from his place on the couch.

I grabbed a pair of socks, hopping along the corridor as I tried to put one on. "Oh, just, you know...out."

He stood up, walking over to steady me. I looked at him as he held onto my arm, blushing. "Thanks."

"You've been going out quite a lot lately." He said.

I hummed in response, still battling my socks.

"Are you...meeting someone?" He asked cautiously. "A friend?"

I looked at him, thinking. "Yeah...I guess you could say that."

"Girl? Boy? Do I know them?"

I coughed awkwardly. "G-girl."

He nodded, watching my stubborn socks finally slipping on. "Are there going to be other people?"

"Just me and hi- her."

"Are you walking there?"

"Most likely."

"Is she picking you up?"

"No."

"Are you going to the park?"

"I don't know, Luhan." I sighed.

"When will you be back?"

"Since when did you become my mother?" I snapped.

He looked at me with wide eyes, before letting go of my arm. He stepped back, clearing his throat.

"S-sorry, Luhan. I...I didn't mean t-"

"No. It's okay. Have a good time." He smiled bitterly, before walking back to the living room.

I watched him turn his back on me, my emotions in a wreck.

"Sorry, Luhan. I don't know what to do anymore."

I opened the door and walked out.

* * * * * * * *

I placed one foot in front of another, the street getting blurrier as tears clouded my vision. I bumped into something hard and lost my balance, letting out a soulless cry of shock. It was more out of instinct than realisation of what was happening.

An arm slipped around my waist, halting my ungraceful descent. "Are you okay?"

His voice was full of warmth, concern and sincerity. It was different from Luhan's, in which I found myself constantly questioning.

Remembering what I was doing out in the streets in the first place, a tear escaped from the corner of my eye.

"Hey, are you hurt?!"

I nodded as the tears continued to fall. "Yeah."

"Where?!" Despite the fact that he didn't know me, he scanned my arms and legs, before realising just how awkward his actions were.

He straightened himself, clearing his throat. "Sorry…" He mumbled.

I was probably running high on tears, but his cute blunder brought a giggle to my lips. Only then did I realise who he was. Cautiously, I stuck out my hand and poked his chest, pulling back when I realised it was firm, hard, and real. I gasped in shock, trying to regain my composure.

He looked at me in concern, muttering to himself. "Did she hit her head?"

"Are you okay…?" He ventured again.

I looked at the ground again, my escape from reality cut short.

"Where are you hurt?"

The tears pooled in my eyes again, and lifelessly, I placed a hand over my chest.

"My heart."

* * * * * * * *

"Are you going out to meet...her again?"

"Y-yeah."

Luhan nodded stiffly. I gave him a quick smile, before opening the door.

"Wait!"

"Mm?" I turned around to look at him.

"Actually...never mind."

I looked at him, wondering what was wrong. He shooed me on good-naturedly, and so I shrugged it off and walked out. Luhan closed the door for me, but just before it creaked shut, I saw his face harden in disapproval.

* * * * * * * *

"I've always wanted a fan as a friend."

"A...friend...M-me?!"

He nodded. "I like you. So why not? Do you not want to?"

"No! No! That's not what I meant...It's just…" I sighed, smiling at him. "Thank you."

He ruffled my hair with a dimpled smile, before holding his hand out in my direction.

"E-eh?"

"Your phone, silly."

"Oh…" I took my phone out, looking over his shoulder curiously as he tapped away at the screen.

"Here." He gave my phone back to me. "It's always better to talk to someone about your troubles."

He tapped on the contacts icon, where his name was now on my speed dial. "I'll be your someone. So don't be afraid to call me. Got it?"

* * * * * * * *

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. I'm glad you're telling me. I'll meet you in an hour?"

"Yeah…"

"And, Nina?"

"Mm?"

"Don't forget. I'll always be there to support you."

"Thank you, Myungsoo."

I hung up, sighing as I felt a bit of weight lift off my shoulders.

"Luhan?" I yelled.

He appeared from around the corner, smiling slightly. "I'm right here. You don't have to shout."

"I, uh, I'm going out for a little."

His eyes narrowed. "By yourself?"

"N-no. With my friend. Again."

"How long are you going to lie to me for?"

"Huh? I'm going to meet her. You kno-"

"Since when was Myungsoo a 'girl'?" He shouted.

"What the hell, Luhan? Have you been listening to my phone conversations?"

"Why does it matter? Why are you meeting him?"

I shrugged off his arm. "Because I want to."

"Well I don't want you to."

"Stop being so childish, Luhan. I have other friends too."

"Well, you can be friends with other people. Just anyone but him."

"No. I like him, and I want to be friends with him."

"No. You're not going, and that's that. You're staying with me tonight."

His words irked me . Who did he think he was?

"Why are you caring now? You never cared about me." I shouted at him.

"I did!"

"Oh, then I suppose you conveniently chose not to care about my feelings?"

His face hardened. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I stepped forward, annoyed. "You know very well what I'm talking about."

Unable to stop myself, I snarled at him, ignoring the brief flash of pain in his eyes as I turned around.

"I'm going out." Without bothering to look at him, I twisted the doorknob open.

He grabbed my wrist, pulling me back. He slammed the door shut and stood in front of it.

"Damn it, Luhan! What is your problem? For two years, I liked you. You knew. But what did you do? You pretended you didn't know. You acted like there wasn't anything between us. Did you know how hard you made it for me?

Every single time I saw you, my heart sped up. Every time you looked at me, I blushed. When you smiled or laughed, I felt like the happiest person on earth."

* * * * * * * *

I dialled the number that had now become my therapist. He picked up after the fourth ring, and I heard the chatter in the background fade away.

"Hey…"

"Yeah?" He was panting.

"Did I...interrupt your dance practice?"

"We're nearly done anyway. It's okay. Is...something wrong? Do you want to talk?"

I nearly burst into tears right there and then, talking to him over the phone.

"Are you busy after practice?"

"No. I'll change and then I'll meet you. The usual place?"

"Yeah…thank you..."

"It's okay. I'll see you soon."

 How was it that he understood me better than the person I liked?

* * * * * * * *

"But it was wrong! I didn't want that! I didn't want my feelings to ruin our relationship. Because, obviously, you didn't look at me that way.

So I tried. I tried for you, Luhan. I tried to fall out of love. To tell my stupid heart to be quiet. For me to calm down and stop thinking about it. I tried to act normal. I tried to be normal around you.

But do you know how much it hurt? It hurt that you didn't like me, but you still acted so friendly and close with me. The moment I realised I liked you, it was like I'd cut myself. You were the medicine I needed for it to heal. But you were also the salt on the wound."

* * * * * * * *

"Hey, don't cry. What's wrong?"

"Why does it hurt so much? I thought liking someone was a good thing. But why is it so hard? Do you understand?"

He looked at me with sad eyes.

"I understand. I like someone too, but she...I don't think she knows."

I chuckled, and he joined in. We sighed as we looked up at the night sky, the stars seemingly duller.

"Aren’t we both unfortunate?" I asked.

Though it was more of a statement than a question.

* * * * * * * *

"Did you know how hard it was for me? How much I was suffering every single day and minute you were with me?

Then Myungsoo came along. He knew I liked you. He listened every time the pain I was feeling was too much. When I wanted to cry, he was there, comforting me. When I needed someone to talk to, he was willing to listen. He gave me something to lean on."

* * * * * * * *

"I don't even know anymore!" I looked at him with pleading eyes. "You're a guy! You should know! Does he?"

"I-I...honestly don't know. Even I'm confused."

He looked at me sadly, before wrapping his arms around me. "Hey, but don't give up. Okay? Come on, smile for me."

I gave him a weak smile, and he frowned. "Ey, not like that. Look at me." He grinned widely, showing his cute dimples. His smile was radiant, and I felt the corners of my lips curving upwards.

"There we go." He pinched the bridge of my nose. "That's more like my girl."

* * * * * * * *

"He was the reason I was able to bear liking you. But as much as I liked you, there was a limit. People grow tired, Luhan. I grew tired.

Did you know how mentally draining it was to like someone, but not have them return your feelings? And you. Your actions, your words. You were always giving me mixed signals. I felt stupid, because every time you were nice to me, I thought I might still have a chance. That maybe one day, you'd stop pretending, and you'll come out and tell me you like me too.

I waited for those three words. It came, but it wasn't from you."

* * * * * * * *

"Nina?"

I turned around.

"I know I shouldn't be saying this now. It'll only make things harder for you. But, call me selfish or whatever, I want to tell you this before it's too late."

He swallowed, looking me in the eyes. "I...like you."

And just as suddenly as he had appeared on our first meeting, he turned around and disappeared into the darkness of the street.

* * * * * * * *

"Myungsoo. He likes me, and I feel so guilty that I can't return his feelings, because I know just how much it stings and hurts to be in a one-sided relationship. I tried forgetting you and giving him a chance. But I just couldn't. I didn't want to force myself. I'd only end up hurting him."

* * * * * * * *

"Myungsoo…" He looked up from the cup of coffee in his hands.

I bit my lips, not knowing how to express my feelings without hurting him. I knew that was impossible, but I at least wanted to try and make it less painful for him. After all, I knew exactly what it was like.

"I'm so thankful and grateful that you walked into my life. I was just a fan with love problems, but you gave me a person to talk to, a shoulder to cry on and a wall to lean on. I didn't deserve any of it, but yet, out of the kindness of your heart, you did it."

I took his hand in mine.

"Myungsoo...thank you so much for liking me. Out of all the things you gave me, this is the one thing I don't deserve the most. B-but...I...I'm so sorry. I don't think...I can return your feelings."

I looked at him, eyes getting teary despite the fact that I wasn't the one getting turned down. I could see it in his eyes. The pain, sadness and loneliness. I could see myself in him, and it broke me. I hated the feeling, yet I put it upon someone else.

"I-I'm so sorry." A tear ran down my cheek.

* * * * * * * *

"But you know what he said after I rejected him? He told me not to let you go. He gave me strength to keep fighting for you."

* * * * * * * *

Myungsoo gave me a bitter smile, blinking rapidly. "Don't cry, Nina."

I shook my head. "I'm so sorry." I repeated.

Reaching out, he wiped away the tears on my cheeks. "Don't be."

He chuckled, sniffling. "I'm happy for you. I really am. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. So don't cry. I understand, okay?"

I nodded, wiping at the tears.

"Promise me something, Nina."

He forced my chin up so that he could look at me in the eyes.

"Don't let go of him. Don't stop loving him."

I smiled. I was truly blessed to have him as a friend. I nodded again as more tears sprung into my eyes.

"Promise."

* * * * * * * *

"Till now, I'm still waiting and hoping and wishing for the day you confess to come.

So Luhan, please. Don't take away the one person who tells me to love."

Before I could stop it, the tears came running down my cheeks. At that moment, I wanted to crumple to the ground and cry my heart out.

Luhan stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me, keeping my knees from giving way. I put my arms between us, and pushed myself away from him.

"Do you still not get it? Luhan, when you do these things, you just make it harder for me. Please. Let me go."

I took a step towards the door, turning away from him. As my fingers touched the cool surface of the doorknob, Luhan wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me towards him. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, hugging me tightly from behind.

"No, don't go."

"Luhan. Please. I'm begging you." The tears were running uncontrollably down my cheeks, and my heart was aching so badly. I tried removing his arms from around me, but he only tightened his grip.

"Please…" I whispered.

My body grew slack and I stopped fighting against him. I stood in his arms, sobbing silently.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I was a jerk, pushing your feelings away. I was afraid that if we took it to another level, and it didn't work out, our relationship would never go back to what it is now. I thought that maybe if I pretended for long enough, your feelings would eventually fade away, and we would continue as best friends."

He sniffed. "But I was wrong. When you started getting closer to Myungsoo, I found myself getting jealous. I didn't want you seeing him. I didn't know what you were doing with him, and it frustrated me. I felt hopeless. I realised, I too, liked you. Every time you went to meet him, it felt like you were slowly slipping out of my grasp.

You always went out upset and came back smiles and laughter. But as soon as you saw me, your expression would harden. I thought I was losing you. Even so, I could never bring myself to confess to you.

I was stupid and weak. I protected myself by denying my feelings for you, but hurt you in the process. I honestly didn't know how much you were suffering, and for that, I am so sorry. If I could do it again, I would choose not to run away."

He grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around so that I was facing him. "I think it's time for me to step forward and face my feelings."

Before I could react, he leaned forward and pecked my forehead. My eyes widened in shock and I felt the heat rising in my cheeks. Luhan pulled back, his face tainted pink as well.

He smiled shyly. "Nina, I-I like you."