B R I N K    O F    I N S A N I T Y

Kim Myungsoo    |    Park Eunji

requested by oshvns

Eunji's POV

"Leave." He stared at me angrily, his voice harsh and cold.

I gritted my teeth, fists clenched by my sides.

"I said, leave." He pointed to the door. "Now!"

I flinched at his tone, and I felt the tears pooling into my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of him. I took a step forward, trying to reason with him.

His eyes were dark, swirling with emotions of rage.

"I hate you, Eunji."

The venom behind his words made me take a step back. I my heel and yanked open the door.

Walking away from his house, my steps became quicker until I was sprinting, the icy wind burning my cheeks. In the quiet of the night, I could hear the crunch of gravel underneath my shoes, echoing through the dark streets. Not really caring where I was going, I let the tears fall freely.

My eyes stung and I swiped at them, but the tears were constant.

I turned a corner when my foot caught on the uneven path, sending me tumbling towards the ground.

I stared incomprehensively at the cuts on my palms and knees, mesmerized as the thick, deep red liquid slowly seeped through the open wounds.

'I hate you, Eunji.'

He hates me.

He hates me.

He hates m-

A hand grabbed my shoulder roughly, jerking me out of my thoughts.

"Are you okay?"

I looked up, a man smiling down at me. I shivered.

It wasn't a nice smile - it was a sneer.

"Are you alone?" His hand trailed down my arm, and I scrambled away, ignoring the pain from my grazed palms.

"W-what do y-you want?" I looked at him in fear, chest heaving.

He smirked at me, straightening himself, hands reaching up for his tie. With a quick tug, it dropped to the ground.

I stood up, wrapping my jacket tightly around myself. I threw a quick glance behind me, only to realise with horror that I was trapped in a dead end.

I took small, frantic steps back as he approached me lazily.

There was no need for him to run.

He knew I couldn't go anywhere.

He knew I couldn't escape.

"Stay still, and I won't hurt you."

Myungsoo's POV

It was my fault. It was all my fault.

Argh. What was I thinking?

I ran through the dark streets, heart heavy with worry and anxiety. I cursed silently at my phone.

Why is she not picking up? Dammit, Eunji. Where are you?!

My head snapped upwards when I heard an ear-piercing scream.

No. No, it can't be Eunji. No!

"H-help! Someone! H-h-help!"

That voice. It wasn't hers. It was older. Raspier.

My steps came to a sudden halt when I saw a figure in the side alleyway. Walking closer, I tried to keep my voice steady.

"A-are you okay?"

The figure looked up, revealing the terror-stricken face of an old woman.

"S-s-she...I-I...s-she-"

Slowly, her arm moved, pointing and landing on another person a few feet away, further down the alleyway.

I inched my way forward, heart pounding furiously. Nothing could ease the unsettling feeling in my chest.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw the familiar locks of hair and worn-out joggers.

Everything in my body screamed defiance.

It can't be her. It can't be her. It can't be her.

My foot stepped on something and I looked down, only to see the sleeve of my grey jacket.

My jacket.

Rushing forward, I shook the figure by her shoulders.

"Eunji! Eunji!"

My breathing grew rapid with every passing second.

"No, no, no! Eunji!"

"D-do you need any help?" The older woman stepped forward, shocked and frightened, but determined to help.

I nodded, gulping back the flurry of emotions I was feeling.

With a shaky voice, arms wrapped tightly around Eunji, I looked at the woman.

"Call the ambulance."

* * * * * * * *

I walked into the room, where a lone figure was lying on a bed pushed up into the corner of the room. Each step I took broke my heart further.

Her eyes were vacant and soulless with dark eye bags. She was pale and emotionless. Just a day ago, her laughter had been brightening up the house, her eyes like crescents and smile blinding.

Now, the Eunji before me was almost foreign. She took no notice of my presence, and stared into empty space. The girl before me was broken and scarred.

And this was all my fault.

"...Eunji…" I reached her bed, footsteps soft, as if I was afraid of disturbing her.

I looked at her hand, shaking slightly even though it was warm inside the room. Slowly, I reached for it. Her long fingers, her small palm. The hand that I was so familiar with.

Just as my fingers started ghosting over the back of her hand, she suddenly snapped out of her stupor. She jerked her arm back, frantically bringing it in towards herself. She grasped for the covers, but they slipped out of her shaking fingers.

She retreated, scrambling to the corner of the bed, pressing herself up against the walls. She dragged her knees towards her chest, hugging them tightly and curling up into a fetal position. She whimpered cowardly as she tried to get away from me.

Her eyes were wide and a thousand emotions were racing through them. They seemed to bore right into me, yet they were unfocused at the same time.

I recognized the strongest emotion.

Fear.

She was more than scared. She was absolutely terrified.

"E-Eun-" I held back a sob. "Eunji, it's me. Myungsoo!"

I stepped a little closer, heart shattering, as I desperately tried to find some sign of recognition.

"Eunji! Please!" I raised my voice, distressed and anxious.

That was when she let out a scream. Another came, quickly followed by others, until she was howling uncontrollably.

The tears started running, not only on her face, but mine too. The pain I was feeling could not be described.

A nurse ran in, yelling for a doctor, who came seconds later with another two nurses.

I was pushed aside as they surrounded the bed, and I watched them. It was the only thing I could do.

Watch.

I felt hopeless as I watched the nurses pin Eunji down on the bed. I didn't even know if it was her anymore. She was struggling with all her might, the mass of people only causing her more panic. Her screams were filled with pain, desperation and terror.

Each one sent a wave of grief through me. I wanted to block my ears. I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted to walk out, because it was just too much for me to handle.

But I couldn't, because the woman in the room was the same woman I loved with all my heart, and would always love no matter what happened.

* * * * * * * *

Eunji's POV

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I reached for the sleeve of my gown with jerky movements. I grabbed the thin fabric, willing myself to pull it off.

My breathing turned ragged as I tried to fight off the memories. I gritted my teeth until my jaw hurt, fingers trembling and useless. I closed my eyes and pulled slightly on my sleeve, but it sent a wave of nausea through me.

I held down the urges to gag as I forced myself to undress, black spots dancing around in my vision. I slammed my hands down on the sink, heaving in frustration and exhaustion.

I c-can't do it.

Counting to ten, I stepped into the shower, fully clothed. Hot water poured out, the little room quickly filling up with steam. The humidity was starting to grow thick, and I felt my chest constrict as I battled the panic attack creeping up fast.

I struggled to breathe. I couldn't breathe. I was choking. Someone was choking me. He was choking me.

He was here.

The feeling was all too familiar. I could smell the breath of the man. I could feel his gritty hands on me. I could hear his insane cackling.

The desperation. The hopelessness. The weakness I felt.

There was no one there to help me. No one to hear my screams and pleading. I was all alone.

I was there again. In the dark alleyway, trapped and defenceless.

I was living in a nightmare, but I couldn't wake up.

I let out an agonised scream. I felt disgusted with myself. I felt used and dirty.

Ashamed didn't even come close.

Biting my lip until I could taste blood, I scrubbed and scrubbed at my skin. My body was bruised, red, raw and abused, but no matter how much it hurt, it would not compare to the pain I felt in my heart.

My knees gave way, and I crumpled to the ground, hands covering my ears to block out the noise of the world. I curled up underneath the scalding shower, the steady stream plummeting down on my sore body. I let out a wild, guttural shriek, salty tears running down my face.

I trembled with emotions. Hatred. Anger. Disgust. Shame.

When my voice gave way, throat hoarse and burning, I reduced to choked gasps, violent sobs racking through my body. I cried and cried, until I ran out of tears. I had emptied myself, leaving only a shell.

I was on the brink of insanity.

I stayed under the scorching shower, wet clothes clinging onto my trembling frame. I was no longer aware of the heat. My body was numb and unresponsive.

I may as well have been dead.

* * * * * * * *

Myungsoo's POV

Fight, Eunji. Fight it.

Ever since it happened, I saw her undergo dramatic changes. She refused to eat, talk and sleep. She basically refused to live.

Her fears swallowed her up, leaving her lifeless or exploding with emotions.

Every day, I watched myself lose her. Every day, I watched her tremble and struggle to awaken from the nightmare, fighting off horrors only she could see.

She was right in front of me, yet she was so distant.

I went to the hospital to see her every day. Slowly, the screams upon sighting me quieted down, until they were no longer the normal greeting.

Her eyes would follow me around the room, tracking my every movement with distrust and insecurity, until she was comfortable with my presence and grew to expect it.

It wasn't until three months later that she first initiated a conversation.

"You're not, going to hurt me, are you?" Her voice was quiet and raspy from disuse.

It pained me that she was struggling so hard to trust again.

I shook my head, slowly pulling a chair beside her bed and sitting in it. "I would never think of doing such a thing."

She scanned my eyes, before wordlessly slipping back under the covers and closing her eyes.

When she was stable enough to be released from hospital, the drive back home was silent. Her eyes were always looking out of the window, her hands fiddling with a small metal ring, rubbing the outer edge in one continuous motion.

I opened the door to our shared home, watching her carefully as she stepped in, eyes flitting here and there cautiously. It was the first time in months since we'd stepped into the house together.

Nothing had changed, but at the same time, everything was different. We were right next to each other, yet it seemed like there was an ocean between us.

No matter how hard I tried, some part of her was unreachable. Closed off and kept only to herself.

I took her to the therapist three times a week, dwindling down to two, and eventually, one. She was making progress.

She talked a little more. Smiled a little more. Gained a bit of healthy weight.

Things were slowly going back to normal. It was painstaking; for every three steps, she fell back two.

It took months for a little progress, but only seconds for it to come crashing down.

Just one little reminder, one little spark, and her worst nightmares would burst up into flames, consuming her.

Every day was a mental battle for both of us. 

But no matter how hard it was, I was willing to fight.

Even if it meant fighting for two.

* * * * * * * *

Eunji's POV

"Hey…" I said softly.

Myungsoo turned around from the reception desk, lips curving up.

"Done?"

I nodded.

"Just sign this, and she can go." She turned slightly to face me. "And your next therapy session is in two weeks."

He nodded and scribbled on the piece of paper, thanking the receptionist as she turned around.

We walked out of the building, stopping outside the door.

"You're getting better. Your therapy sessions are slowly reducing."

I hummed in response. "I guess…"

Were they really helping? Why did I still feel insecure around people?

"Don't bash yourself, Eunji. It takes time to heal. Okay?"

He looked at me, his eye bags visible.

"Let's go."

He extended his hand towards me. I looked at it, my breath hitching. I flinched as the memories clawed at the back of my mind, screaming for attention, bits resurfacing and flashing before my eyes.

I stared at his hand, fighting and pushing back the thoughts.

Myungsoo retracted his hand, though his warm smile wasn't enough to mask the pain in his eyes.

"It's okay. Take your time."

Take your time.

I realised how selfish I was. Ever since it had happened, I was blinded by my own fears. I pushed everyone away, especially Myungsoo.

But he was patient and understanding. Not once did he give up on me.

When I was lost and struggling, he stood in front of me, leading the way.

When I was broken and depressed, he stood beside me, offering his hand even when I refused to take it.

When I was angry and self-willed, he stood behind me, ready to step forward at my first sign of weakness.

He was always there for me, ready to persevere until the end, even if it meant no progress for months.

I can't keep running away from my fears. I need to face them, knowing that Myungsoo will be on the other side.

Taking a slow, deep breath, I stepped forward and linked my fingers with his. He looked at me in shock, eyes wide with pleasant surprise.

I smiled, tugging him forward a little. "What are you waiting for? Let's go." I walked down the street, his fingers still laced with mine.

I realised just how much I had missed the way my hand fit perfectly in his.

* * * * * * * *

Screaming, my eyes flew open. I jolted awake, springing up and flinging the covers off. I looked around, fear coursing through my veins.

"It was just a dream…I was just dreaming…" Rapidly breathing, I tried to calm myself down.

It had been so real.

The door to my bedroom flung open, Myungsoo stumbling in. "Eunji!"

I looked at him, biting my lips, trying to stop the tears gathering in my eyes.

He flicked on the lamp, the bed dipping under his weight as he sat himself on the edge.

"Are you okay?" His voice was heavy with concern.

Slowly, making sure I could see what he was doing, he moved closer and placed an arm tentatively around me. "Another nightmare?"

I nodded. Two years later, and I was still haunted by the same memories.

"T-they're not as frequent anymore, b-but...t-they still-" My voice wavered as I tried to keep myself from breaking down.

I had already shed too many tears the past months. Too many days were wasted crying.

Myungsoo clambered into bed, wrapping both arms around my shoulders and bringing me into a warm embrace.

"Don't hold it in."

I buried my face into his shirt, balled hands resting on his chest, as a sob escaped my lips. They were quickly followed by more, and I cursed at myself for being so weak.

He rubbed a hand up and down my back soothingly. "Shhh, it's okay. Nothing's going to happen to you." He kissed my forehead softly, whispering words of reassurance.

When my sobs slowly died down, I was tired and mentally-drained. I leaned against Myungsoo's chest as he rocked us back and forth, humming a lullaby.

With every passing second, my eyelids grew heavier, until I was listening to his soft voice with my eyes closed.

"Eunji?"

Myungsoo was a blessing from heaven.

"...Mm?" I mumbled sleepily.

He was the one who healed me, stitch by stitch.

He brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face, not saying anything.

I'm no longer broken and depressed. I'm in love and happy.

"Yeah?" I asked again, yawning and struggling to open my eyes.

And now, in his arms...

"Let's get married."

...everything was perfect.

"Okay."

And for the first time in years, I finally felt safe.