Sungmin shifted uncomfortably in his bed . Its late and dark outside, he feels tired and all energy drained from the very core of his body. Though, his eyelids and brain had beg to differ, Sungmin had been trying to lull himself to sleep ever since a few hours ago. 

Especially after he had stared death right in the eye today, if it weren’t for Donghae who had saved him. 

The day began well, Sungmin was beginning to grow attached to the band. They treated him like family and had cared for his well-being. Even Kyuhyun who kept apologizing after his struggle in the sea and blamed himself for inviting Sungmin to race. 

But largely it was his own fault. He should have known that the lack of soccer or any sort of sports lately would have affected his muscles, and truly, they gave way when he had raced with Kyuhyun. Being too busy with school during the morning and the afternoon naps that he had frequently took so he could learn music with Donghae and stay awake in class the next morning had took all of his time. 

He thought he would be a goner for sure, until he felt someone strong had caught hold of him. Donghae had saved him, then there was the heart to heart talk where the elder had opened up to him. 

Sungmin felt a wave of sadness and pity wash over him as he remembered Donghae’s vulnerable face, staring out at the ocean as he confessed his family’s sudden death. Now Sungmin had truly understand how Donghae had became an orphan. 
Then, there was the confession, and the kiss. 

Donghae had kissed him. And the worst part was, he had kissed Donghae back. Sungmin let out a frustrated muffled groan into the pillow as the kiss repeated itself like a broken record at the back of his head. 

After the kiss, Sungmin had been avoiding Donghae the whole time. The car ride home was spent playing and talking with Kyuhyun who was more than happy to entertain him. The elder had tried to start a conversation and to loosen up the tension, but Sungmin had gave him no room by answering in one syllable or one sentence. He feels bad for ignoring and avoiding Donghae, especially after he had saved him. 

But he’s a guy. Donghae is a guy. Which makes them both gay – homouals. 

All his life, Sungmin had been taught to avoid committing sins, to follow his religion strongly. To believe that if a person does not commit any sins, then he would be blessed and loved. And God would not be angry. 

He also remembered that his father had strongly warned him about homouality. About how dirty, how disgusting and revolting of the idea. And that his father would disown him if he dares to commit such sin. Sungmin shuddered at the thoughts of what his father is capable of doing once he finds out. 

But there was Hankyung and Heechul. They were nothing like his father had describe them. Hankyung and Heechul did not disgust him at all, infact, it had made Sungmin admire them. At how protective and caring Hankyung was to Heechul and how Hankyung’s name would always slip from Heechul’s mouth every time he talks. There were also the loving stares and quiet conversations the both shared. 

Donghae had told Sungmin that he loves him. Sungmin had fallen for Donghae as well. Because Donghae had always been there for him. Donghae listens, Donghae laughs at his jokes, Donghae’s gentle touches, Donghae’s patience in teaching, Donghae’s tears at the beach, and of course, Donghae’s soft lips. 

Everything in his mind was Donghae lately. 

And he had to stop. Because he knows the world is cruel. 

The whole world would turn against him if he and Donghae were to be together. 

He was afraid of the rejection, the disgust and the discrimination. 

But he had seem forget that there was one person who would stand by his side even if the universe is against them. 

And that person is Lee Donghae. 

+++

“I’m such a ed up idiot hyung!” Donghae sighed in frustration and slumped moodily on their blue sapphire sofa in the apartment slash studio. 

Heechul who was busy polishing his guitar collections at the corner of the room looked up at his brother, surprised by Donghae’s sudden outburst. 

“Sungmin still hasn’t contacted you?” Its been a week since their beach trip. And Donghae had never seen Sungmin since. When Sungmin hadn’t come for the first lesson of the week, Donghae had shrugged it of, thinking maybe the younger was busy. But the second and third day had confirmed his suspicion. 

Sungmin was avoiding him. 

Donghae let out another sigh again, “I shouldn’t have kissed him. What was I thinking?” 

Heechul looked at his childhood friend in pity, “You love him Donghae-yah. Its not wrong.” 

“I bet he thinks it is. He isn’t like us. And we’re a bunch of s trying to influence him. Do you know how innocent and naïve he is Heechul?” 

The lead singer rolled his eyes, “Of course I do. Who gets drunk over a can of beer?” 

“That’s besides the point, hyung.” Donghae crossed his arms in annoyance. The truth was, he was losing his control. Losing his patience with Sungmin. After Donghae had got to know him in person, he couldn’t help but fall more in love with Sungmin. Every smile, every frown, Donghae could feel his heart break. And every pout, Donghae had to restrain his whole body from jumping Sungmin and kissing him senseless. 

He thought he had mastered the art of refraining, until Sungmin had almost drown. Donghae had really panicked that moment, fear of his past repeating again. He cursed as the let himself breakdown in front of Sungmin. Most of all, he had finally kissed him. It felt good, but he rather it not happened if Sungmin was avoiding him after that. 

“I shouldn’t have, Heechul, now he’s afraid of me. I’ve ruined our friendship with that stupid kiss. Everything that we had build for the past weeks is destroyed, thanks to my stupid action!” Donghae burried his face in his palms as he groans in frustration. 

Heechul paused from his polishing as he let gently set the blue Gibson on the coffee table to take a seat beside Donghae and patted his head, “It’s only been a week. And trust me, he’ll come around, didn’t you say he kissed you back? That’s good sign because I won’t return someone’s kiss unless I like them. And cause nobody can resist our Donghae. Araso?” 

Donghae sighed and nodded. 

“And someone had to confessed right? You did right by doing it first. Look at Hankyung and I, heck, if I didn’t confessed, we would still be sharing the same awkwardness, and playing the avoiding game. That idiot, I don’t understand how he could be such a genius in business and fighting but a clueless idiot when it comes to love.” Heechul rambled as he intertwined their legs together, giving silent encouragement to Donghae. 

Donghae laughed at Heechul’s description about his lover and began to relax comfortably on the sofa, enjoying the lead singer’s warmth. 

Maybe Heechul was right, he needed to give Sungmin some time. And give both of them time. 

But Donghae didn’t know how long he had to wait, because his patience is wearing thin by the minutes. 

+++

Donghae stood quietly behind the tree as he looked up. Hoping to catch a glimpse of Sungmin in his room. 

He didn’t know how long he had been developing this habit of watching the younger at his house. But he missed Sungmin terribly. The past week without him was a torture to Donghae. Having adjusted and loving the presence of Sungmin beside him. 

He loved the sound of Sungmin singing while he played his keyboard. 

If only he had controlled his feelings, he and Sungmin would still be good friends. He knows that he should be grateful, but his greedy heart had yearned for more. 

He saw how happy Hankyung and Heechul were. Part of him was happy that Heechul, who was like a brother to him. And part of him was envious, he wanted to feel happiness as well, he wanted to feel, to be in love. He wanted his loneliness to go away. 
And that part of him was so strong that Donghae could do nothing but act along. He sighed inwardly as he slumped against the tree and gaze at Sungmin’s window. 

Then he saw Sungmin leaving his room. In a few seconds, his silhouette was already slamming past the front door and running away from the house. 

His made no hesitation and went after Sungmin. 

+++

Sungmin stared blankly at the algebraic formula in front of him. He’s been having a hard time concentrating lately, in class and on the field. 

After willing himself and shutting off from the band, he thought he would have more time for himself and in soccer again. But the truth was, he was missing them terribly. 

Especially Donghae. He knew he should at least call or tell the elder that he had been missing classes lately and wanted to quit from the band. But he didn’t have the guts to. 

He was a coward. 

He had to avoid Donghae, at least for now, because he dared not disobey his parents and he was afraid he would anger his father. 
His thoughts were disrupted when his room door slammed open and his father standing at the entrance with a very angry expression on his face. 

“Lee Sungmin! Where were you last Monday?!” he father asked angrily. 

Sungmin panicked in fear and looked at his father alarmingly. 

“Tell me, why were you not at school?! Your school’s teacher had called me today and told me your medical chit was taking a long time to process. Had you called in sick that day? I remember seeing you just fine that morning!” 

“I went for a walk. Then I fell asleep in the park and didn’t know time passed,” Sungmin lied. It Didn’t help when Mr. Lee’s eyes grew even redder and Sungmin had very hard tried not to tremble. 

“Sleep?! Haven’t you gotten very much of that lately? Your mom had told me of your frequent afternoon naps! First you grow lazy, then you learn how to play truancy?!” 

Sungmin bit his lip, tears threatening to pour out at any moment. 

“Is this because of your new friends lately? What kind of family background do they have?! I forbid you to talk to them anymore!” 
In an instant, the band’s face began to flashed in his mind and he felt protective, “No!” 

It wasn’t painful to him, the instant his father’s palm had collided with his cheeks. It felt numb, and the echo of his mother’s shriek became silent to him as his mind tired to block out all coherency of things that had just happened. 

He said nothing, he gave no reaction whatsoever when his father stood there while his mother yelled for him to come back. 

All he remembered was running as quickly as possible down the stairs and slamming the front door with as much strength as he could, all anger and sadness began to wash over his emotions. 

+++

His fists were curled up into a tight ball as Sungmin huffed and puffed angrily ignoring the tears that had been flowing since he had left the house. 

It was already dark and the park was beginning to grow cold. The grass was soft and moist from the spring showers that was already disappearing from Fairview. The lake shore was deserted as always, because nobody knows of its existence. It had been his favorite hiding spot since he was young. 

A place where he could run and hide, where he could stop pretending and listening to people’s judgment. Sungmin was beginning to grow sick of his life, he yearns for the life that Super Junior has instead. 

They could do whatever they want, whenever they please. 

After a while, his tears had stopped flowing but his anger did little to subside, he resorted to kicking the pebbles laying innocently by the shore towards the cold waters instead. 

“You should be careful, Sungmin. The grass is wet, you might slip,” A voice, all too familiar that had been haunting Sungmin for days and nights startled him. 

Sungmin made no move to look at the person, he was too shy and embarrassed to anyway. He was ashamed at himself for avoiding Donghae when all the composer had ever done was love him. And had cared for him. 

“I’m sorry, Sungmin” Donghae had decided to utter his apology, saving whatever that was left of their friendship. He missed Sungmin and would desperately settle for them being just friends. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you the other day. I’m sorry I scared you”. 

Sungmin blushed at the mention of their kiss. But he had liked it, he liked kissing Donghae.

Donghae had noticed Sungmin tensing as the younger had his head down, smiling shyly and tried his best to make Sungmin feel better. 

“I was hoping we could be friends again. And you wouldn’t leave the band because of what happened between us.” 
Sungmin shook his head, “I don’t want to be friend, Donghae” 

Donghae couldn’t have describe how his heart had break the moment Sungmin had uttered those words. But he would respect the Sungmin’s decision no matter what. 

“Why?” 

The younger had stopped staring at the green grass on the ground and he moved forward towards Donghae, snaking his arms around his neck pulling him closer as Sungmin tilted his head upwards to give Donghae a peck on the lips. 

“Because friends can't do this,” He said shyly as he buried his head in Donghae’s chest, his arms were now around the elder’s waist, hugging him tightly. 

Donghae had lapse into a state of mortified shock as his brain tried to process the events that just happened and the fact that Sungmin was nuzzling his chest, hugging him tightly. Maybe this was a dream, or his mind was playing tricks on him again. 

“I’m sick of listening to people telling me what to do. For once, I want to do something with my own decision,” Sungmin explained as he caught Donghae’s very confused but very cute expression. 

Sungmin had decided he didn’t care anymore, he had tried to obey his father. But no matter how hard he tries, Mr. Lee would never be satisfied. Donghae is! He’s always happy and satisfied with just how he is and Dongha’s all that matters now. 

Donghae broke their embrace and stared into Sungmin’s eyes in concerned, “What happened just now? Did you get in trouble because of our beach trip?” 

“Screw it. I don’t care anymore. Just kiss me.” 

Donghae laughs and gives in easily. Kissing Sungmin, slow and deep. Sungmin smiled inwardly, holding on tightly to Donghae as he returned his kisses eagerly. The week of tension melting away and now it was just Donghae and Sungmin. Sungmin and Donghae. No one else. 

One more thing, Kyuhyun has to stop teaching Sungmin all these things. 

===