The cool crisp morning air greets Donghae’s face in soft comforting waves, caressing his tired features and ruffling his morning hair. He kept his gaze towards the horizon, where the beaming sun paints the still dark sky with shades of orange and yellow creating a blend of purple between the colours perfectly. It was a breathtaking sight but few people would stop to appreciate its beauty. The moon was still visible, barely as it slowly sets itself to the background waiting for the sun to take over, signaling the beginning of another day. 

As darkness slowly fades into clear blue sky, Donghae reaches for his cigarette tucked between corners of the ashtray before breathing in the tobacco. He watches as the morning breeze sweeps the mixture of his breath and smoke away from the balcony of his apartment. He then observes the quiet streets below. The street lamps were yet to be turned off, illuminating the huddles of figure who were already making their way to work as they travel hurriedly down the streets. On the opposite building, neighbours were still tucked in their peaceful slumber unaware of the change in the sky or the bustling of people downstairs. 

Abandoning his cancer stick by the ashtray again, Donghae lets out a sigh before sliding into his rattan chair. He eyed the sketch book lying neatly on the table next to his ashtray and made a reach for it. The composer then flips for a blank page, white and untainted. He then closes his tired eyes easing the search for the memory of Sungmin crouching by the lake the night before. 

Sungmin had looked beautiful then and for the composer, it was a sight meant to last. And by putting it down on paper, Donghae would never forget. Black streaks of line disrupts the peaceful white on paper as the composer continues to draw. Every and line that forms Sungmin’s hair were of Donghae’s memory. He imagines the scent of powdery vanilla lingering in the air every time he kisses the younger’s hair. Donghae wonders if Sungmin would still smell the same. The composer bolded the moon and shades Sungmin’s silhouette in a soft glow hoping that the moonlight would give him warmth and comfort. 

There was a short pause as Donghae props one of his leg up and places the sketchpad on his thigh, making it easier for him to shade. Dark lines were smoothed into patches of grey as the composer work his fingers across the paper. He stops at Sungmin’s back, who was slouching while he hugged his knees. It reminded Donghae, the first time he met Sungmin. It takes all his courage to shade Sungmin’s frail back, caressing it intently like it was real. He miss holding the younger boy, he miss Sungmin’s voice, he misses the cute blush formed on his cheeks to Donghae’s teasing, he misses Sungmin’s pout, he misses Lee Sungmin. He shuts his eyelids when a familiar sting rose in his eyes, willing himself to block his tears from falling. 

Donghae’s nostalgic trance was broken when he hears a soft whine behind the glass door. Donghae smiles as he catches sight of Bada sleeping peacefully on the black rug inside the house. No matter how depressed or down the composer was feeling, the huge Alaskan Malamute would always manage to put a smile back into him. 

Bada was only a little puppy when Donghae first brought him home. He smiles as he remembers hearing noises behind his workshop during a stock check one day. He was then met with a pair of beautiful blue eyes, staring at him cutely as it tilts his head to the side in curiosity. The composer had then spared his lunch for the stray puppy. Donghae’s heart soften when the Malamute began following him wherever he went, occasionally nuzzling into his leg and wagging his tail excitedly when Donghae looks at him. 

Donghae carried Bada home that day. Ever since then, he had pampered and dote on his only friend. To the composer, the Malamute was family, he was like Donghae’s baby, nursing and bringing up his mischievous dog. And the composer had witnessed the tiny wolf like puppy growing into a big ball of grease and love. 

Bada did not judge his background or his social status like others did. The dog would love genuinely and give Donghae big puppy eyes despite his growing form when he’s sad. Bada also had the ability to sense and share Donghae’s moods. 

Just like now, the dog was wide awake as he sits obediently beside Donghae and staring at him with his big blue eyes. Donghae smiled and reaches to pat Bada’s head, massaging the dog‘s ear. The dog leans in to Donghae’s touch as he occasionally darts his tongue to the composer’s hand. Donghae chuckled to the dog’s innocence. The Malamute then snuggled himself closely against Donghae’s leg before falling right asleep beside him, unknowingly giving the composer silent comfort. 

Donghae was thankful for that and reaches down to pat his soul mate’s head and got a happy tail wag in response. He then leaves his dog to its slumber as he continues his work on the sketchpad. 

The morning passes by as Donghae enjoys his day off with his two year old puppy right beside him. 

+++ 

Donghae stares at his newest artwork with full concentration. After checking that the lighting, shading, space and lines on the drawing are perfect, he makes his way from the balcony towards his bedroom. 

At one glance, a normal person would have thought his bedroom is an art studio, over the past years, the composer had developed a habit of sketching or drawing whatever that came to his mind. Majority of memory that invaded his mind was either Sungmin or things related to the boy himself. As time passes, one side of the wall was not enough to hold so much artwork, expanding to the other corners of Donghae’s room.

He still remembers the first few months of Sungmin’s lost, he would sit in his room for hours. Going through heaps of pictures and photographs he had taken the past few months they had been together. 

Photos were neatly arranged in large wooden frames in all shape and sizes as they hang on the wall. Some were of the younger eating, sleeping, playing the guitar, pouting or just simply smiling as he stares off into space. There were pictures of them together as well. His favourite sat in a rectangular oak wood frame on his bedside table. Sungmin was grinning cheekily towards the camera as the elder gave him a peck on the cheek as an encouragement for Sungmin‘s wonderful debut performance. It was taken during the night of Sungmin’s debut as Super Junior‘s latest band member. Heechul had randomly stole a snapshot, catching Sungmin off guard. Donghae had pestered the lead singer for the copy of the photo the very next day. 

He fingers reached out to touch Sungmin’s cheeks on the photo, caressing it gently like he did earlier with the drawing. He would give anything just to feel Sungmin again, even if its just for a day. 

Ironic, Donghae thinks. How it takes weeks, months and even years to build trust and love, but all it took was one night to break and destroy everything. 

He sighs and pins his latest drawing on the little unoccupied space on his wall. He decides to go for a walk, the memory etched clearly in every single sheet of paper and photograph were too much to bear for now. 

+++ 

Bada isn’t getting any smaller, and with that enormous weight and size, he was practically dragging Donghae down the streets mercilessly. Donghae was glad that working in the garage had kept his arms fit and strong enough to hold his growing baby in place. Sometimes, the huge Alaskan Malamute barely knows its strength and every little insect or moving thing would distract his attention. 
“Slow down boy,” The composer ordered his dog gently as he tugs on the leash.

Bada panted in excitement as the dog looks back at its owner, its wagging tail makes up for the dog’s lack of ability in speech. Donghae smiles back in reply and he couldn’t help but pat the dog’s head, ruffling his soft fur and giving his ears a massage. The dog makes an affectionate sound before setting out to drag Donghae down the streets again.

Donghae groans half heartedly in annoyance and finally gives in to the dog’s larger strength. After a few random turn down the blocks, the composer finds himself in the more posh and elegant side of town. The building were painted in light pastel colors, doors were made from fine hand carved mahogany and every curtain decorated with lace. 

Fairviewers often cater their fashion needs here, one boutique however, catches his eye. The composer squints his eyes for a better vision of the familiar figure he comes to know as Mr. Lee entering one of the expensive boutique on the opposite road, the bell chimed in a high strung tune when the cream colored door was pushed by the elderly Lee for entrance. 

Curiosity had got the better of him, and he made his way nearer towards the shop. 

‘Wedding Bells and More Co.’ 

The sign taunts Donghae in a mocking manner. Although he was down the opposite side of the road, he could clearly catch the movements and even the faces walking about in the shop, thanks to the large clear window panes. 

His heart flutters when Sungmin exits the dressing room in a suave black tux. He smiles as he sees Mrs. Lee fussing over his bowtie and flower on his left pocket. The younger of the two had never looked so handsome and perfect, the black suit practically screamed elegance and authority on every inch of his body. His hair was cut and styled into a more sophisticated manner. 

His heart clenched in pain when a much younger girl he had seen in Sungmin’s party and at the supermarket appears beside Sungmin. Her wedding gown was flawless white and were no less elegant or expensive as her fiancé. She had her hands over the sides, lifting the material up as she twirls in a circle, basking in the Lee family’s approving gazes. 

As the petite girl made her way towards Sungmin, she had accidentally stepped on the long dress, leaving her to meet face first with the ground but her fiancé had caught her on time making her land on his broad chest instead. The girl smiled shyly as she held on tightly to his arms in hopes to support herself. The share a brief but very sweet eye contact while the elderly Lee couple watches in contentment. 

They were like a perfect family, Donghae concluded. His body shivered in uneasiness as he forced himself to smile at the perfect scene in front of him. He then tugs Bada to follow along as they make their way back towards Clintwood. He had not bother to wipe his tears at all, allowing his heart to numb at the twists of events that had happened. 

He doesn’t belong in Lee Sungmin’s life anymore. 

+++

“You what?!” Heechul asked loudly again, hoping that his ears were lying to him. 

Donghae loaded his last luggage into the car trunk and nodded, “I’m just going to be off for a couple of days.”

Heechul’s brows knitted in confusion, “You had never leave Clintwood at all the past four years, and suddenly you decide to go? When we obviously came back to visit you?” 

“Exactly why I need this break. Besides, I’ll be heading to the mountains. We’ve been there tons of times. You guys don’t have to worry.” The composer assured his best friend as he closed the old creaking trunk hood harshly.

Heechul tails his best friend to the front of the car as Donghae checks the engine intently, “Donghae-yah, are you okay? You want to talk?” 

The composer faked a smile, “I’m fine. I just… I just need time for myself.” 

He didn’t want to tell the older man that he accidentally passed by the wedding boutique and saw Sungmin. After a night of drowning in alcohol and smoke, Donghae had decided to pack up and head somewhere quiet. Somewhere where he could run away and hide, he thought he was strong enough to stay. To go through Sungmin’s wedding easily, but he was proven wrong. Even the small scene at the boutique yesterday had broke his heart, what would he feel if he actually sees them marry? 

And so, running away was the best choice now. He didn’t know how long he would have to hide, but he just needed desperately to avoid Sungmin. And the best was for him to leave. 

Heechul pulls his best friend for a tight hug, “You idiot. You stupid idiot. I hate seeing you suffer like this.” 

Donghae smiles into the vocalist’s shoulder, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, hyung” 

“You have to leave now? Why don’t you stay with us for dinner? Kyuhyun managed to book the posh French restaurant in town. Just the four of us.” 

The composer shook his head to decline, “I have to head out now. I plan to reach the bottom by evening. At least it gives me time to hike up and check in.” 

“Why is it I can’t do even a damn simple thing for you, when you were always there for me instead? You don’t know how grateful Hankyung and I are to you, you saved us from tearing apart so many times.” 

“Do me a favor then hyung” 

Heechul nodded desperately, his eyes red and moist, “Anything” 

“Appreciate and stay with Hankyung hyung” 

A light slap was landed on Donghae’s arm, “Can’t you think of yourself for once?” 

“Why don’t we talk to our manager and company? We could get you a composing offer,” Heechul suggests promptly. Though he already knew Donghae’s answer. 

The composer shakes his head, “No thanks, Hyung. I’ll never be fit for the entertainment industry anyway.” 

“Its time for me to go. Or else it will be dark when I get there.” A shared handshake soon turns into a tight hug.

“Take care, Donghae-yah.” 

“You too, hyung” 

Donghae then turns to whistle at the yard, “Come on, Bada. Time to go.” 

The huge dog charges excitedly to Donghae and proceeds to hop in the car as it took the front seat happily. Bada who remained oblivious to everything panted and wagged his tail happily in Heechul’s direction before the car exited the parking lot of the neighbourhood and into the road. 

Heechul’s watches until the old red beat up car disappears from his view with a heavy heart. 

+++

“Hyung, come on. Stop sighing and lets enjoy our meal,” Kyuhyun comforted the ex-lead singer who played gloomily with his cream soup. 

Hankyung nodded in agreement with Kyuhyun, “He’s right Chullie. It took weeks for Kyuhyun to get us a reservation, lets not put his effort to waste.” 

Seeing his lover and former band mate beaming at him happily with puppy eyes soften the sulking vocalist heart immediately. He then finally dips his spoon in the soup, scooping up a spoonful before sipping it into his mouth. 

This wasn’t bad at all. In fact, it could even beat half of the food Hankyung and him had tried during their tour around the world, promoting their work and music. 

Kyuhyun catches the change of expression in Heechul’s face and smirks in triumph,“Told you the food here’s good. Eunhyuk told me about it when I asked for Sungmin’s number the other day.” 

“Guess who‘s the head chef here?” 

Another knowing smirk as Hankyung and Heechul looked at him curiously, “Eeteuk hyung.”

“He just got his French culinary arts certificate in France. He misses home, decides to work in a posh restaurant nearby and has put this place on the map ever since.” 

“Impressive. No wonder you nailed the reservations easily.” Heechul nodded as he took another sip at his soup. 

“Too bad Donghae isn’t here to join us. I swear that guy has been living on take outs and sandwiches for too long. He needs a proper meal, like a decent person,” Heechul continued rambling in dissatisfaction. He was angry at Donghae for leaving them. 

“You know how sentimental Donghae is, hyung. He just doesn’t want to face Sungmin hyung, or the wedding or even us now, although he smiles and laugh in front of us. Truth is, I can see him crumbling inside every day as Sungmin hyung’s wedding draws closer,” The ex-drummer explained calmly, now that he had emptied his bowl of soup and was waiting for starters to be served. 

Hankyung nodded calmly in agreement, “Kyuhyun’s right. Donghae needs time alone. And we as his friends and band mates should respect his decision. No matter what it is.” 

There was a short moment of silence in the atmosphere as Heechul reluctantly takes in the truth in his two band mates’ words. 

Heechul smile barely lasted a few seconds when he sees the Lees and Shinae’s family walking past through their table. To their dismay, Mr. Lee had spotted and recognize them.

“My, my, if it isn’t the riff raffs of Clintwood,” The older man chuckled, “What a surprised to see you here.” 

Hankyung smiled calmly as he patted Heechul’s thigh under the table in hopes to calm fuming lover. 

Kyuhyun could see Sungmin standing behind the his parents as his petite fiancé stood by his side. He smirked when he catches Sungmin’s eyes darting left and right quietly in a searching manner for the unoccupied fourth seat on their table. 

“Are you offering dinner set meals now?” Mr. Lee asked the waiter sarcastically, purposely mocking the three seated on the table. 
Heechul continued to glare at him and if looks could kill, Mr. Lee would be dead meat by now. 

“Oh,” Sungmin’s wasn’t the only person that noticed Donghae’s absence, “Where’s your friend? Still busy selling drugs and beating people up for a living?” 

If Mrs. Lee have not intervened that moment, Heechul would already leaped of the table and made a lunge for Mr. Lee’s neck. 

“Why don’t we head to our room? I bet our dear guests would be hungry by now.” 

And with that, she made a grab for her protesting husband sending apologetic smiles towards the other three. She knows that her husband would never tarnished his image, more so in front of their precious guests and would leave the conversation behind. 

Sungmin had made no move to acknowledge them as he continued following his parents towards the private room.

Hankyung continued rubbing his thigh in a soothing pattern to help calm Heechul down, “I hate that man.” 

The ex-drummer smirked, crossing his arms as the couple glared at him, “And you said Donghae hyung absence tonight was a bad thing.” 

Despite the fact that he was right in a way. 

===
 

Extra XD :