Sungmin sat in his car calmly. The engine was turned off and the numbing cold was beginning to slowly seep its way to Sungmin’s skin despite the thick coat he was wearing. He hated the cold. Literally and figuratively. He preferred the warmth of summer, even when he was a little boy, summer would always bring a smile to his lips. He would look forward to going to the beach with his cousins, a picnic in the park, endless soccer games with his friends, even the sun would stay longer during summer. 

Most importantly, summer was the time he had spent together with Donghae. Those memories would be the one that he would treasure most in his life. Even when the elder had destroyed everything in one night. Sungmin hated Donghae’s guts for doing that to him. 

And that couldn’t explain why he was doing there, in front of the elder’s apartment at seven in the morning, where the sun had barely risen together with the rest of town. He learnt from Eunhyuk who had kept contact with Kyuhyun that Donghae still lives in the same apartment, works in the same workshop and still plays in Liquid every Thursdays and Fridays. 

Sungmin stole a glance at his Rolex, seven-o-five. 

Donghae usually leaves to work around seven. As if on cue, Sungmin catches the rustling of the lower front gates to Donghae’s apartment. His stomach began making flips and his heart thumped loudly against his ribcage as he caught sight of Donghae walking down the streets. Its been four years since he last seen Donghae, the meeting at the supermarket the other day had him boiling with anger and hatred. But the elder had looked so thin and worn out and Heechul’s words the day before had hit him hard. The elder only had on a thin white t-shirt underneath his black sweater, his usual dark denim and a black beanie over his head to keep warm. Just like Heechul had describe him. Donghae had one hand tucked in his sweater’s pocket to keep warm while the other held on to a cigarette. 

Sungmin watched from his tinted windows as Donghae’s thin frame traveled down the street with streaks of smoke trailing the composer as he continued breathing in more nicotine and tobacco. Heechul had quipped that Donghae began puffing again shortly after Sungmin left, sometimes so much, that the whole house reeked of tobacco and his eyes would be bloodshot red from dehydration to the smoke. 

Sungmin frown unpleasantly. He hated it when Donghae smokes. 

*F l a s h b a c k*

Sungmin wrinkled his noise in disdain and pushed Donghae‘s chest, breaking their tight embrace. “You stink Hae.” 

The elder chuckled as he lean in for a whiff of Sungmin, “You don’t smell so good either.” 

A non-too-gentle slap was landed on the composer’s right arm, “Ouch!” 

“I’m serious!” Sungmin bit his lip to hide his forming smile at the sight of Donghae pouting and rubbing his right arm. 
The elder grinned sheepishly, “And you thought I was joking?” 

Donghae laughed when he heard a loud scream as Sungmin lunged in to strangle him. 

“You’re mean!” It was Sungmin’s turn to pout as he straddled Donghae‘s waist and is currently sitting on his stomach, hands never leaving the elder’s neck. 

Donghae rolled his eyes, “Says the one who called me smelly first.” 

Sungmin frowned and he looked at his lover with concern, “You’ll get cancer, breathing problems, a bunch of other health problems and die a painful death.” 

“You’ve been hanging out with Kyuhyun too much Minnie,” Donghae teased and it didn’t help when Sungmin’s frown only grew deeper. 
Donghae’s heart softened at the sight of Sungmin pouting above him. He sighed and reached for the younger hands which were still on his collar in a tight death grip. 

“I promise, babe. Never again.” His thumb rubbing soothing circles on Sungmin’s much smaller hands. They shared an intense gaze before Sungmin leaned down to peck his lips. Donghae grinned happily as he catches the obvious tint of red on the younger cheeks. 

Sungmin only smiled shyly before climbing off his boyfriend, leaving the couch and the living room in search of Heechul who was having dinner ready in the kitchen. 

“So, I get more kisses now for quitting?” Donghae laughed when Sungmin’s head emerged from the kitchen and the younger stuck his tongue out playfully.

*E n d o f F l a s h b a c k*

Sungmin couldn’t help but smile at the memory. True enough, he had come home from his cousin’s wedding to find that Donghae quitted smoking. Kyuhyun even praised Sungmin for his persuading skills and teased them calling it the power of love. 

When Sungmin had looked out again, the elder was already making a right turn towards the end of the street. Without hesitating, Sungmin quickly turned his keys in the ignition sending the engine to a start before driving his Mercedes out of the quiet Clintwood neighbourhood and after Donghae. 

+++ 

Donghae is good, Sungmin concluded. He had been observing the elder working since early morning. From changing tires, to fixing radiators, engines, removing and attaching bumpers and car seats and things Sungmin had never even knew existed in a car. 

Basically, Donghae could remove every part of the car and reassemble the car again with his eyes close. Then again, his knowledge of cars is as limited such as getting from point A to point B and refueling gas. Other than that, his father would have everything to be taken care of. He would often deem himself doom if he was ever stranded in the open road, either with an over heated radiator or a flat tire. 

Sungmin’s hold on his latte tightened hoping for a little more heat as the day began to grow colder despite the presence of the sun. He took another sip of his favourite caffeinated drink while his gaze remained locked to Donghae who was busy tending to cars in the workshop. He wondered how Donghae could stand the cold clad only in his thin dark blue uniform and sleeves folded above his elbows while Sungmin’s stuck in his Mercedes with three layer of clothing to shield him from the freezing cold. 

Oblivious to the Mercedes parked right opposite his shop, Donghae continued in his task in replacing the engine crankshaft. He had been working on the Porsche for the whole morning. The previous crankshaft was damaged beyond repair, the owner hadn’t bother to change its oil in months. The valves had also been leaking and tires were worn out to its maximum. 

What has this person been doing? NASCAR? Rally racing? Or homicidal mission? 

“Are you done with the Cayman? The owner’s here to pick it up.” Siwon nudged Donghae’s leg while his torso remained hidden under the red sports car. 

“Give me another minute, I’m going to replace the spark plugs as well.” A muffle voice could be heard from under the red Cayman’s engine. Siwon hummed in agreement and walked away. 

Sungmin remained seated in his car. He rested his forehead against the tinted window pane, observing the fog formed by his exhaled breath, occasionally drawing smiley faces and random alphabets with his index finger. After a while, he sighed in boredom, Donghae had been working on the car the whole morning, barely taking a break. 

He was about to fall asleep when he caught sight of a familiar figure walking into the workshop. He squinted his eyes for a clearer vision and in a second, his eyes widen in recognition. It was that guy, Sungmin’s ex-football captain and the person responsible for breaking Donghae’s leg. Sungmin immediately exited his black Mercedes and quietly sprinted down towards the workshop. 

“I’m done,” Donghae announced proudly as he rolled out from under the sports car. 

His grin turned into a frown as soon as he saw the owner of the car beaming at him in mockery. The latter had on a black suit topped over a white shirt and red tie, his very expensive black bally shoes greeted Donghae’s vision first. 

“Oh, Lee Donghae,” Donghae made no move to acknowledge the other man’s presence as he reached for his cloth hanging by the rack. He wiped away any grease and oil that was stuck on his hands. 

“Its been like what? Three years? And you’re still stuck here in Clintwood.” The guy shook his head teasingly. 

“I heard about your lover boy’s engangement on my way back. It’s the talk of the town,” Just like the last time, Donghae completely ignored the latter’s teasing. He lost his patience the four years ago and it got him a broken foot. He wasn’t going to be stupid again. He directed all his boiling anger into cleaning his wrench instead. 

The guy smirked despite the lack of response from Donghae, “I thought they’d mistaken the bride. Or did Lee Sungmin forgot to ask you to marry him?” 

Donghae flinched at the mention of Sungmin’s engagement. He had not seen the younger since the meeting at the supermarket the other day, Sungmin had not even looked at him apart from the initial eye contact. And seeing him with another woman in his arms had broke Donghae’s heart. His body shivered uncomfortably and he felt a churn in his gut, Donghae looked down pretending to take interest in his own shoes to avoid the other guy from seeing him at such a vulnerable state. 

He then turned to walk towards the office and made a grab for the Cayman’s keys hanging by the wall along with the other car keys in the garage. 

“Here,” the other guy chucked a hundred dollar bill into Donghae’s pocket as soon as the composer handed him his car keys. 
“Think of it as a compensation for your broken leg. It should be worth less than that, but keep the rest as your cigarette or crack money or to buy food.” 

The richer of the two then proceeded to unlock his car door and slipped in, he then inserted the key into the ignition sending the newly repaired engine to a roaring start. 

“Pathetic loser,” He shook his head and grinned smugly before reviving the engine and shifting gear sending the red Porsche out of the workshop and into the streets. It disappeared from view a few seconds later. 

Donghae stared at the bill in his pocket, another person marked on his list that sees him as a junkie. Of all the others in his list, it was Mr. Lee’s impression towards him that mattered most. He sighed tiredly in defeat to what fate had offered him. 

A sudden jolt of pain ran through his body, the composer cursed as he grabbed right ankle in pain. The doctor had warned him about the relapsing pain every now and then, the screws in his ankle remains a foreign matter in his body. 

Sungmin had witnessed the whole scene from the moment the Porsche’s owner had walked in to the shop until Donghae kneeling on the floor and clutching his ankle in pain. He hesitated for a moment but decided to help the older man but retreated behind the wall immediately when Donghae’s colleague had beat him to it. 

“You alright? Need painkillers?” The man asked with concern. 

Donghae nodded curtly, he was in too much pain to speak. 

“Get some rest alright?” The man draped Donghae’s arm over his shoulders supporting the composer as he limped towards the couch in the reception area. 

From his line of view, Sungmin could see his colleague patting Donghae’s thigh in concern as the latter sat on the couch with his eyes closed. He frowned and began to see green. So this was the Bada that Heechul and Hankyng were talking about? 

Sungmin had the sudden urged to kill but turned to hide when Bada had caught sight of him. 

Siwon had assured Donghae that the Porsche’s owner was a bored rich bastard and told Donghae to keep the money for charity. 

Donghae had laughed and nodded despite the pain still evident in his leg. 

When he had exited the reception area in search of water for his best friend to drink, he had a feeling of being watched. He immediately looked up in search of anyone that fitted his suspicion but found none. He then shrugged absent mindedly before continuing his task. 

Sungmin’s heart thumped rapidly, he was almost caught by Donghae’s colleague or so to say now, his new soul mate. That thought was enough to erupt his boiling jealousy as he stomped his way back to his car. 

+++ 

Liquid hadn’t changed at all. Sungmin concluded as he made a quick sweep of the bar with his eyes. The black stage was still there, as though undisturbed by its growing age along with the tables and chairs. The only thing that changed was the shot counter, Kyuhyun’s parents had extended the length and it was currently housing more alcohol than before. 

True, Sungmin had been angry and jealous earlier this morning, but as soon as he started his engine and began heading back to Fairview, did he begin to feel stupid. And so he made a u-turn and the rest of the day had been spent spying Donghae working and eating lunch which involved cigarettes as his dessert. He wished he still have the authority to strangle him and ask him to stop. But Heechul told him that Donghae smoked partly because he was lonely. 

He hated the guilt that was beginning to crawl onto him now. 

He stood hidden behind one of the pillars covered immensely by darkness. He smiled when he realized it was impossible to spot or recognize him through there. Just then, the crowd began clapping and Sungmin snapped his attention to the black shiny stage. 
He shivered as Donghae’s low voice echoed throw the bar in soft chuckles, “This is a song I wrote for someone dear to me. Even till now, he still is.” 

He heard the composer clear throat as the clapping and cheering died down and began playing a soft tune with his keyboard. 

//It was a clear summer day
When I saw the tears in your face
I knew that our time was up on us//

Donghae closed his eyes, remembering the day he first saw Sungmin. He had gone to the park for a breath-taking, why bother to go to school anyway when all he does is fight? He didn’t know when he had stumbled on this particular lake in the park. Maybe it was his curious mischief in middle school that brought him here, all he know was the lake itself offered Donghae a little comfort. That’s when he saw Sungmin, crouched at the edge but not to near to fall in the waters. The composer could tell he was crying. And when Sungmin looked up to the horizon, eyes still moist with tears, thats when he realized, he was in love. 

//Our moment of end was so fast
But the kiss of goodbye always lasts
Not even time could fade it away//

Both of them winced as the night Donghae had pushed and hurt Sungmin began flashing through their minds. 

//Even though you are no longer here
There is still something between us
Even though life isn't fair
I'd never lose my trust//

Differently but yet similarly, four years had brought both of them so much pain and loneliness. Both struggling to move on. Both struggling to pick up the pieces of their lives when they know they were failing miserably instead. 

//Just another lesson to be learned
Gotta move on and not lose faith
Just another obstacle to face
Live my life before it gets too late
I won't give up
I won't stay down
This is what life's worth living for
(Life's worth living for)
I still believe in love//

Sungmin quietly gaze at the man on stage as Donghae sang every line in the chorus sincerely. 

//I'm holding the warmth of your lips
It feels like the time we first kissed
When all of the stars lined up for us//

Their first kiss was at the beach, when Donghae had saved Sungmin’s life. When Sungmin had realized he fell for Donghae.

//But like the wind, you said goodbye
And left me alone here to cry
We shouldn't have gone our separate ways//

Sungmin felt anger, disappointment and hurt coursing through his veins. He hated that night, how much he wanted to pound that memory into nothing but dirt and dust. He hated Donghae and his father for making the decisions for him. He hated Donghae for making him leave that way. 

//Even though you are no longer here
There is still something between us
Even though life isn't fair
I'd never lose my trust// 

//Just another lesson to be learned
Gotta move on and not lose faith
Just another obstacle to face
Live my life before it gets too late
I won't give up
I won't stay down
This is what life's worth living for
(Life's worth living for)
I still believe in love//

By the end of the song, both of them were trying desperately to hide their tears. Donghae had only sang one song that night. He wrote the song a few months ago, but every time he sings it, it was too much too bear. 

Sungmin had manged to run to his car before Donghae or even Kyuhyun’s parents could catch him, he didn’t want to believe that he had hated the wrong person. That he had wasted his four agonizing years coming up with revenge, because deep down, he would never have the heart to hurt Donghae. 

And he loved every single word that Donghae sang. 

+++ 

The sight of a pair of blue eyes staring back at Sungmin with so much enthusiasm that it was scaring him. The owner of the blue eyes panted heavily, wagging its tail as he took a clearer look at Sungmin. 

After the performance had ended, Sungmin had decided to head towards his favourite spot by the lake at the park to think and breathe. Before he could even crawl through, Sungmin was greeted with a black and white fur. Lots of it. It had scared the hell out of him, seemingly that the size of the dog’s head was as large as his own and that it was panting and poking at Sungmin’s face with his wet nose. 

“What do we have here?” Sungmin froze at the familiar low voice. 

The huge wolf like dog finally tore his attention off Sungmin and to its owner. He then playfully charged at Donghae and rubbed his huge head affectionately against Donghae’s legs. Sungmin’s heart soften at the peels of laughter emitted by the composer. 

Before he could even turn his head and make a getaway, the pair of blue eyes were back staring at him again. 

“Oh, you found something boy?” obviously, Donghae’s playful tone wasn’t meant for him. 

The Siberian Marlette was caught between his owner and the new stranger as he ran back and fourth, wagging his tail happily. As though he made a new friend. 

“I see you found a new friend, Bada.” 

Sungmin froze and blinked in stupidity. So the whole time, he was jealous over a dog? He wanted to bury Heechul’s head for pulling his leg and bury his own in embarassment. 

Bada whined happily in reply, he had chosen Donghae instead and was now using the hem his sweater to play tug of war with his owner. Sungmin stood up as Donghae smile at him, he had never seen Donghae this happy the whole day. 

Heechul was right, Bada did have the power to make him happy. 

“Hey,” Donghae was first to break the awkward silence. 

Not knowing what to do, Sungmin nodded and smiled in return, “Hey.” 

“Congratulations on your engagement,” Donghae continued staring at him while Bada had stop tugging at the hem of his sweater and proceed to rub himself against Donghae, oblivious to the tension around him. 

“Thanks,” Sungmin smiled as he looked away. The elder’s stares were always too intense to bear. 

Donghae faked another smiled, “I’m glad you’re happy.” 

Before Sungmin could even reply, Donghae was already tugging at the huge dog’s collar, “Come on boy, lets go home.” 

Bada wagged his tail even harder in response, he then trotted around Donghae and ran all over the place. Donghae laughed in response. 

“I’ll see you around then,” And with that, Sungmin was met with Donghae’s back as he and Bada walked further away from his line of vision. 

Sungmin’s lower jaw quivered as he tired desperately to hold in any stray tears as the truth of Heechul’s words slapped him hard. 

*F l a s h b a c k*

"You know how talented Donghae is, Sungmin . He would have made it big, he wouldn’t have to be stuck here while everyone else is moving forward"

*E n d o f F l a s h b a c k* 

*F l a s h b a c k* 

“Remember Sungmin, you had everyone beside you. You have your family, you have your friends, even your fiancé. Who does Donghae have?”

*E n d o f F l a s h b a c k*

He bend down to hug his knees as his shoulders shook violently to his constant sobbing. 

+++ 

Donghae tore his gaze away from the shaking figure crouching by the lake and turned to lean against the tree, his head resting tiredly on the trunk as he swallowed down his own batch of tears. 

===