His head was spinning, body numb, throat dry and chest constricting painfully with every breath he took in. The weight pinning down on his lower back and waist was gone, it was the only sensation that felt different after being trapped for so long. 

He forced his heavy eyelids open, blinking a few times to adjust to the lightings around him. It was dark but with the moonlight casting an illuminating glow to his surroundings, it was enough to provide him with a vague knowledge of things around him. 

A weak smile formed on his face at the sight that greets him. Though his vision was hazy and cloudy, he could recognize that silhouette anywhere. Sungmin had a beanie over his head and was staring at him cutely, puffy red cheeks and red button nose complimenting his features had Donghae channel all his strength to let out a weak chuckle. 

This was how he always imagine what Sungmin would look like in the winter. 

“Sungmin…” It was barely a whisper but the younger caught on immediately. If this was a dream, he would never ever want to wake up.

With all the strength he could muster, he reaches for Sungmin’s face. Taking in as much as he could as his thumb rubbed soothing circles around his cheek, the contrast of his cold fingers against the younger’s soft warm cheeks had his heart tingle and flutter in comfort and in happiness. 

Something that he had never felt for a very long time. 

Sungmin closes his eyes and leans in to the touch. His own hand reaching for Donghae’s that was resting on his cheek. The composer’s fingers was cold to touch as Sungmin held on tighter, trying to channel more warmth into Donghae. 

“I would give anything for this moment…” Sungmin heard the elder mutter tiredly. Fatigue was evident in the composer’s eyes but the smile fails to falter from his face. 

“You’re going to be okay, Hae,” Sungmin used his smaller hands to cup Donghae’s larger ones. He brought them close to his face, simultaneously rubbing the ice cold skin and exhaling more of his warm breath to the elder’s palm. 

Donghae watches contentedly with heavy lidded eyes, his body was too weak to respond in any way. He closes his eyes to savior the warmth Sungmin has to offer as the latter pulled him tightly for a hug. His forehead resting on Sungmin’s cheek as he continued whispering encouragements to Donghae’s ears. 

The elder was just too tired to make out his words. He seizes the opportunity to take a better look of Sungmin. 

Sungmin looked beautiful, ever since he set eyes on him four years ago until now. The only change that took place was that the younger looked even more beautiful, and that it was not his place to love him anymore. 

This...

This would be the memory that Donghae would treasure forever. No matter what he did or where he was. 

“Anything…” 

His breath was shaky and coming out short and Donghae finally gives in closing his eyes, losing himself into black oblivion once again. 

+++ 

Sungmin huffs and puffs as he gathers the last batch of firewood along the circle of rocks that would help prevent the fire from spreading. He grins cutely when the arrangement of the woods and sticks finally pleases him and assures him that he won’t burn down the shed or him and Donghae. 

The grin was short lived when he remembers that he didn’t have anything that could start a fire nor did he had the skills to start one manually. 

He then begins to regret not paying attention in boy scouts when he was younger. He looks around in a searching manner before glancing at the still unconscious Donghae lying on the floor. 

He rushes to the elder side as a light bulb flashes in his head. Sungmin fumbled carelessly with the elder’s pockets and the grin reappears when he successfully fishes out the lighter. 

This was one of the days when smoking does have its perks. 

It takes a while for the fire to finally spread from one stick to another and with a great amount of smoke beforehand. But when it finally does, Sungmin rushes back to Donghae’s side and began stripping the elder off his clothing. 

He throws the wet materials aside by the fire to help make it dry. Sungmin frowns when he catches the sight of Donghae’s ribs which were evidently visible under his skin. Donghae had grown thinner since the last time Sungmin saw him. The bracelet on the composer’s right hand catches his attention.

Donghae had been keeping his bracelet? Even for after so long? 

*F l a s h b a c k*

“Now you’re mine. This seals the deal,” Sungmin grins smugly and crosses his arms. 

“This is my first gift in a long time,” Donghae continues unsurely. 

*E n d o f F l a s h b a c k*

Guilt. 

An all too familiar feeling that he had been experiencing since he was back in Fairview. He thought he would be the one to show Donghae, to hurt the older man, to prove to Donghae that it was a mistake to push him away, to let the composer see that he was living fine off without him. 

He wanted Donghae to hurt as much as he did, sometimes even more than he did. 

But now, he could clearly see the truth, his dad wasn’t the savior he thought to be. His dad was a liar. And his father had made a convenient blame on Donghae. 

And Sungmin had stupidly believe in his father’s lies. He called Heechul a liar, he even called Eunhyuk a liar. 

The composer began to shiver uncomfortably as soon as Sungmin had removed his pants. He then managed to shift the elder nearer towards the fire and removed his own clothing as well. They lay in a heap of mess together with Donghae’s clothes. 

Donghae’s trembling fails to cease even with the heat radiating from the bon fire. Sungmin laid their winter clothing neatly on the floor before proceeding to carry the elder to lie on the pile. 

Realizing that he hasn’t much choice, he laid quietly beside Donghae. The first few minutes was spent on looking at the patterns formed by the burning flames and it somehow sets Sungmin at ease. The clattering of teeth and Donghae’s constant shiver startles him and without even thinking twice, he reaches for the composer’s waist and leans in slowly. 

His body flinches as soon as his skin comes in contact with Donghae’s cold one. But it all feels so familiar, it was still Donghae and he misses it. He lifts his head up to look at the other man’s face, from his long eyelashes, his sharp nose, his soft warm lips to the lightly formed stubbles on his chin. Sungmin couldn’t help but run a finger over those beautiful features and smiles cutely when he pushes the bangs covering the composer’s forehead. 

He traces the black circles under Donghae’s eyes and rubs it gently in hopes it would fade away, along with his crinkles. 

He lets out a sigh of contentment and rests his head on the older man’s bare chest, he closes his eyes and listens intently to Donghae’s heartbeat. It was like music to him, a reassuring rhythm that reminds Sungmin of the things he almost lost today. 

The events of today had taken its toll on his body, he snuggles closer to Donghae and closes his eyes tiredly. 

The steady thumping of the composer’s heart gently lulling him to sleep. 

And a small smile crept onto his face unknowingly. 

+++

Donghae lifts his heavy eyelids and blinks several times. His brain still groggy from sleep. He looks around wearily as he tries to recall his previous and most recent memory. There were blocks, sticks and planks of wood everywhere, it seemed like he was in a shed. A woodshed. During summer, woodcutters chopped down trees and store their supply of wood to keep warm during the winter here. He catches sight of a softly lighted bon fire and Bada sleeping snugly on the other side of the cabin. 

All he could remember was getting caught in an avalanche and buried partially in the snow. Then Sungmin, the younger man. He remember dreaming about Sungmin. How he had been here earlier to save him. He wanted to laugh at his own stupidity for dreaming up such nonsense. Sungmin was probably married by now, enjoying his honeymoon. 

The cold numbness in his body had subside, only to be replace by warmth that did not belong to him. He tipped his head down only to find the object of his dreams lying peacefully on his chest. 

A sense of déjà vu washes over him. Sungmin had his whole upper body on Donghae’s, his head resting on the elder’s bare chest, one of his hand on Donghae’s waist and the other resting on his chest, right above his heart. 

His restrain was failing miserably when he uses his free hand to run through the soft auburn hair gently. He leans in for a whiff of Sungmin’s scent, his soft French vanilla scent was still strong and bold as he always remembered it to be. His heart swell in happiness when Sungmin’s brow twitches and a small pout forms on his lips. 

He would still give anything for this moment. Even if things changes when Sungmin wakes up later. All questions would wait, all Donghae wanted to do was appreciate this moment. 

For a while, Donghae just closing his eyes and relaxing to their intimate positions. 

Bada’s soft whine stirs Sungmin from his slumber, Donghae releases his embrace immediately as the younger man rubs his eyes groggily to regain his alertness. His eyes widen when he remembers falling asleep on Donghae’s chest. He pushes himself up urgently but only to meet with the older man’s brown orbs. 

“Are you okay?” Sungmin’s voice was laced in concern as he looks away blushingly, realizing the close proximity they had just shared and the fact they were almost bare and , except for their underwear. 

Donghae nods dumbly, still too mesmerized by the beauty of the blush on Sungmin’s cheeks to talk coherently. 

Silence hung awkwardly around the atmosphere and the only sound that could be heard was the crackling of the firewood being burnt and Bada’s occasional soft whines at the other side of the shed. 

“You weren’t suppose to be here,” The elder commented as he finally broke the silence. 

“I owe you my life. You saved me four years ago from drowning,” He mentally scolds himself for coming out with such a dumb excuse. 

“Then I owe you an apology. I‘m sorry I could not do more, other than apologize for my mistakes,” He began slowly. 

“For hurting you. For not considering your feelings, for being selfish and pushing you away. Everything I said that night, none of it was true. You are my family Sungmin, and I hated myself for yelling at you. For calling you all those names you so do not deserve.” 

“But when I think about your future, about us. I knew I had to let you go, your parents loves you and for running away like that. For taking you away from them, it was selfish. I don’t hate your father for disapproving us because he is right, I would never be good enough for you. You don’t deserve someone like me.”

Sungmin turned to look at Donghae. His glare failing miserably, his eyes b with tears, “You know what? I hate you, I hated you for being a jerk that night. For calling me a .” 

The last few words pierced through Donghae’s heart painfully. 

“And then I spent four years, four ing years plotting on revenge. I was so angry, I wanted you to hurt as much as I did. I wanted you to regret for calling me names, for leaving me. I was so angry, I wanted to destroy you. To destroy every memory we shared.” 

Sungmin paused to wipe his tears away, “But then I came home, I come home to see you like this. I come home to hear from Heechul that you broke your leg twice and rejected every good career opportunity that came by. And then when I see that rich guy chucking that bill down your chest and calling you a junkie, I didn’t know what to feel anymore, the hatred was gone. It vanished into thin air. And I felt something else, I felt guilt.” 

Sungmin’s voice was breaking and he finally let his tears flow freely, “I pretended like I didn’t care, I even call my best friend a liar for telling me the truth! I didn’t want to believe that I was wrong, that I hated the wrong person. When I heard about the news from Kyuhyun, I felt scared. I wanted to cry, I didn’t want to care about anything else, I just wanted to see you again. I wanted to make sure you were okay, even if I had to freeze to death tonight, I will.”

“I spent four years hating your guts and wanting to hurt you when all you did was love me even more.” 

“And I want to apologize for that. For being so naïve and stupid!” 

Sungmin was sobbing uncontrollably and Donghae took his cue and reaches to hug the younger tightly. Sungmin hugged him back as he buried his face on Donghae’s shoulders, Donghae cooed for him to relax and brushed Sungmin’s hair lovingly. 

“We all made our own mistakes, Sungmin-ah. I would never blame you or hate you for what you did. I should be sorry, if we never had met, none of this would ever happen. Then I would not have the chance to hurt you.” 

The younger tugged his hand violently, “If we hadn’t meet each other, I would never spend the best summer of my life with you. I would never have learn music and to sing in the best band ever.” 

Donghae released himself from their embrace and grasp Sungmin’s chin gently instead. He looks into Sungmin’s eyes, drowning himself in those lovely soulful orbs, “I love you, Lee Sungmin. I still do, and my heart would solely beat for you only.”

“You paint my life with hope and happiness.” 

Sungmin closed his eyes as he relished the familiar feeling of Donghae’s soft lips on his own. 

He then giggles when Donghae kisses every part of his face, his nose, eyes, cheeks, his forehead and lips. 

“I love you, Sungmin,” Sungmin doesn’t miss the tears forming on Donghae’s eyes when he shares a heated gaze with the composer. 

Sungmin tilts his head up and leans in for a peck on Donghae’s forehead. “I love you too, Donghae.” 

Their bodies were still intimately pressed together, while Bada was curled up far away at the door of the shed as if guarding them.

Bada was their new guardian, and had unknowingly unite the two souls together. 

Donghae smiled as he and Sungmin shared another loving kiss. He has never felt warmer in years. 

===