“You’re acting weird,” Jongdae whispers to Yixing. They’re in the middle of eating lunch, with Amber, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo with them.

“Am I,” Yixing asks, a small frown making its way to his lips.

“Yeah,” Jongdae says, nodding softly. “I don’t mind you staring, but did something happen?”

“Why did you go to Junmyeon’s party,” Yixing finds himself asking. The question has been haunting his thoughts for a while now, really everything dealing with Junmyeon and Jongdae has been on his mind and even though he wasn’t going to bring those terrible memories up to Jongdae, he really wanted to ask that question. He watches as the grin slips from Jongdae’s face and the boy’s eyebrows furrow together.

“What brought this up,” Jongdae asks, his eyes flickering swiftly to Kyungsoo and Baekhyun.

Curiosity," Yixing says, but the way he says it makes it sound more like a question then a statement. He feels bad for bringing up the question in front of Baekhyun and Kyungsoo but with a quick look around he notices that the boys are too preoccupied with what they're discussing with Amber.

"Minseok is friends with his friend, and I was his plus one," Jongdae answers, staring down at the table in front of him.

"But doesn't that cancel things out," Yixing asks. "I feel like you not being friends with the person the party's for kind of trumps Minseok being friends with Luhan."

Jongdae frowns and lets a sigh slip pass by his lips, "okay maybe I had ulterior motives which were kind of crushed when you kissed him." His voice takes on a teasing tone and Yixing pouts at the accusation.

"He kissed me," Yixing whispers his eyes shifting to Kyungsoo and Baekhyun once more.

Baekhyun is pretty silent about his opinion of Yixing, but he's inquisitive. If he found out that Yixing and Junmyeon kissed he'd probably ask question after question until he came to a conclusion and then he'd fix Yixing with look that said what he thought of the situation. Yixing had seen him do it once before, the boy was bubbly and kind on many occasions with just a hint of feistiness, but the look he'd set a fellow student with on one occasion had been so full of his less than kind thoughts and emotions. Baekhyun wasn't the problem, any judgmental look would make Yixing feel terrible for a few hours but he'd get over it.

Kyungsoo was who he was worried about. Just like Baekhyun, Kyungsoo was also pretty kind and seemed to keep all judgment to cruel looks and a blunt word here and there. What worried him about Kyungsoo was the fact that Yixing was more than sure he'd left terrible a impression on the boy and anything worse would lead to him attempting to have Kai stay away from him. Not that Yixing wanted Kai back beside him or anything. It was just unsettling that he had a lot of things that could paint him as the bad guy, while the only thing wrong with Kai was his understandable trust issues.

"Why are you suddenly asking about him," Jongdae asks, becoming serious once more. "Did you run into him or something?"

Yixing can't tell Jongdae that he had in fact run into Junmyeon and talked about his past. Well he could, but he didn't want to. He knew that if he brought it up Jongdae might seem cool about it and press for more information, information that would make him feel that pain all over again. There was also the chance that Jongdae would just try to brush it off, changing the topic with fake smiles and distracted words. Yixing didn't want to witness any of that, a hurt Jongdae was a painful sight to see so to prevent it, Yixing lies.

He simply shakes his head, and mutters that "it was a random thought."

The pout on Jongdae's lips show that he doesn't believe Yixing but he doesn't press it. "Fine, is that all that's bothering you? I can't imagine that's the only thing that's been on your mind these past few days. You've been pretty distracted lately."

"That's all," Yixing says, there are tons of other things bothering him, things that have nothing to do with Jongdae's and Junmyeon's past. Yixing thinks he should invest in a diary, something that can help him sort out his thoughts and make his own decisions. He's tired of talking to the same people about the same things, and he's sure they're tired of hearing it.

Things with Kai are currently like a complicated math problem, there are different ways to solve it but only one solution. It's hard and confusing, but if done correctly, if solved properly then the outcome may be something they both can look forward to.

Yixing finds himself at Kris’s workplace later in the day, waiting for his meal and for Kris to get off of work. In front of him his notebook sits open, with his pen in his hand.

“What are you doing,” Kris asks sitting across from him and glancing down at his paper.

“Solving a problem,” Yixing replies. “Are you done with work?”

Kris nods his head and looks down once more. “That’s a pros and cons list.”

“It’s stupid,” Yixing replies pouting slightly, “isn’t it?”

“It’s not stupid,” Kris replies, straining to read the upside down words. “What exactly are you trying to decide?”

Yixing narrows his eyes at the paper and then looks to Kris, “Nothing important. I already ordered, it’s enough for us to share if you want.”

“What are you even doing here,” Kris asks with a fond smile on his lips.

“You keep complaining that I don’t ever spend enough time with you so I decided to visit you,” Yixing explains. He takes a look around the restaurant, it’s not busy and Yixing smiles as well. “I wish I worked here.”

“Only because you don’t know what it’s like to work here,” Kris replies wrinkling his nose in disdain.

"But wouldn't it be fun to work together," Yixing asks with wide excited eyes. "Plus everyone's already so kind to me."

"When you graduate, if you still want to work here part-time, I'll put in a good word for you."

"Thanks," Yixing replies. When the food arrives a tense silence falls over the table. Yixing sits lost in his thoughts, barely eating while Kris watches him in worry.

"Are you okay Yixing," Kris asks, breaking the boy out of his thoughts.

"Yeah," Yixing says nodding his head. "I'm... a little confused by things."

"What kind of things," Kris questions. "Love things or future things?"

"Both," Yixing says softly. "It doesn't involve me though."

"Who does it involve," Kris asks.

"You," Yixing answers, "and Tao. He's going back to China after he graduates. What will you do?"

"I," Kris starts grimacing slightly. "You're very critical of our relationship."

"It's because I care about the both of you," Yixing replies. "Tao's my family and I'd hate to see him hurt, but I also worry about you. If he left, what would you do? I know you've thought about it before."

"Your cousin and I aren't dating as seriously as you think we are," Kris replies. "When he leaves we break up."

"Just like that," Yixing asks frowning when he watches Kris nod. "Tao suggested that right? He wanted things to be casual for you."

"It was for the both of us," Kris replies.

"No it isn't" Yixing says with a shake of his head. "Are you really going to pretend like you and I don't know that Tao's going to be hurt the most in the end? Even if he's the one that says, ‘let's break up’ first he's still going to be hurting."

"What do you want me to do," Kris asks leaning forward and straining his voice. His eyes are swamped with confusion and hurt as he stares into Yixing's unreadable orbs. "Are you asking me to break up with him again? Do you really want me to end things with him, Yixing?"

Yixing feels his heart rate speed up at the sight of desperation in Kris's eyes. He drops his gaze to his food and shakes his head.

"No," he mumbles. "I'm sorry. I was just voicing my thoughts. Your relationship is between the two of you. Will you do one thing for me though?"

"Anything," Kris replies.

"Tell me about the guy before Tao."

"The guy before Tao," Kris asks, another look of confusion flashes through his eyes. "The one I dated?"

"No," Yixing says shaking his head, "the one you liked, or did you date him as well."

The frown on Kris's face is really prominent as he speaks. "We didn't date. Why are you even asking about him?"

Yixing has a lot of answers to that question, one being that he wanted to hear about the guy that his rightfully confident cousin still felt bursts of insecurity about. It was also because he wanted to make sure that Kris didn't still have feelings for him. Yixing had been so wrapped up in his own life, that he'd started slacking in his watching over Tao. Sure Tao was old enough to care for himself and make his own decisions. And yeah Kris said he cared for Tao, but Yixing wanted to make sure Tao was all he cared about, because as strong as Tao may seem if Kris was to leave him for that other guy it would leave him with a deep scar.

"Curiosity," Yixing says a moment later, sounding exactly like when he'd talked to Jongdae.

"What do you want to know," Kris asks. He's obviously still uncomfortable about the topic and Yixing isn't sure if it's because he's talking to his boyfriend's cousin or if he just finds talking about his former crush uncomfortable.

"Was he like Tao," Yixing asks, because he knows Kris can answer that with ease. If Tao got involved with him while he was still thinking about the other, then Kris had probably compared the two often.

"No," Kris answers. "They have similarities, but they've completely different people."

"How so," Yixing asks, pressing for more information.

"Do we really have to talk about this now," Kris asks with a groan. "What if someone overhears us?”

“Let’s take a walk then,” Yixing suggests. Kris splits the bill with him, even though Yixing tells him that it wasn’t necessary, and afterwards they walk out of the restaurant together, heading in a random direction, so they can talk uninterrupted.

"Well," Kris says, “to answer your question, they're two completely different people. I didn't start dating Tao because I settled. They both have straight-forward characters, and both are really cute and kind of innocent. Tao doesn't think he's innocent but he is. I guess they're different because Tao's more outspoken about everything and he's easier to read. He’s still a bit child-like, which isn’t a bad thing. There are many things different about them, it’s hard for me to stand here and summarize it."

"What about appearance," Yixing asks.

"They're completely different," Kris says with a fond smile. His gaze flickers to Yixing once more. “What brought this up? I thought you were okay with me and Tao.”

“I am,” Yixing says, “Tao was trying to look out for me when I was dating Kai, and even though I found it annoying, I understand it more and more now. Since I’m the older cousin, shouldn’t I do the same? I know you care deeply about Tao, but do you care just as deeply about the other guy?”

“I…” Kris says, trailing off as he frowns deeply, refusing to look in Yixing’s direction. “It’s complicated, but I would never hurt Tao.”

“I know,” Yixing says, “you would never hurt Tao intentionally, and you can’t be stopped from hurting him unintentionally, but if you think that your feelings for the other guy may be stronger then leave Tao. If you think that you’d give him a chance if he ever came to you while you were with Tao than its best to just end things now. I don’t care if you like them both, but if you think you might like the other guy a bit more then I don’t think you should be with Tao.”

“You two are really similar aren’t you,” Kris muses softly.

“Are we,” Yixing asks with a smile. “You two don’t act like a couple when I’m around. I understand why, but I guess it worried more than it probably should have.”

Kris wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls Yixing into him. “I’d be the same way, if I were in your shoes. Heck, Tao was a lot worse about your relationship.”

Yixing grins brightly when he sees Tao upon arriving home. He's still a bit curious about the mystery male Kris had been pining for, but he'd gotten answers to questions he had no idea he even had until he was asking them.

Kris was right when he said that he and Tao were similar. Like Yixing had kept secret about his relationship, Tao was doing the same, and now Yixing was really beginning to see the frustration the younger male felt when Yixing had been hiding and dealing with things alone. They usually told each other nearly everything, but recently Yixing was starting to learn that they might have had a lot more secrets than he first realized.

"Where were you," Tao asks, when Yixing sits down beside him.

"With Kris," Yixing replies, smile faltering. He purses his lips slightly, at Tao's suddenly cold attitude. The younger usually only got that way when it involved Kai and Yixing hadn’t even mentioned that he’d met Kai the other day. "I visited him at work."

"What did you do," Tao questions and Yixing frowns deeply.

"We talked," Yixing replied, eyes staring intently at Tao. "About you and other things. Why are you acting so cold? Did something happen?"

"I'm not acting cold," Tao replies, "nothing's wrong."

"Don't lie Tao," Yixing says sharply. "Are you acting this way because I was with Kris?"

"No of course not," Tao denies.

"Don't lie," Yixing repeats. "Every time I do something alone with him, you act strange. Do you not trust me?"

"It's not that," Tao says with a sigh.

"Then what is it," Yixing presses. "I get that you're dating, I try not to intrude on your time together. I don't like him in that way, I never have, and I'm not going to have a lapse in morals just because I ended my relationship."

"It's not you I'm worried about," Tao exclaims suddenly.

"So it's Kris then," Yixing asks with a frown. "You don't care when he's with his female friends, or guy friends from college. You only seem to care when it's me and him. Why?"

"I can't tell you," Tao says suddenly dropping his gaze. "It just scares me."

"Maybe you should just ban me from seeing him again," Yixing suggests with a bitter smile. Yixing can kind of understand Tao’s apprehension, Yixing had been Kris’s friend first and Tao was worried that Kris would choose that friendship over him, but it wasn’t fair to Yixing. Yixing had been a terrible friend to Kris and he was trying to make that up and show that he was supportive of his relationship with Tao.

Happy Valentine's Day <3 I have a few updates to get through, so this might be a bit long. First I want to say sorry about how late this is, my computer isn't working all that great and it was supposed to be fixed yesterday but that didn't happen. I'm trying to work through things so the latest my next update should be is two weeks from now but hopefully it will be earlier. Second, I created a new outline and according to that I only have three seemingly long chapters left before the actual ending and a possible epilogue. Three is the very unlikely mininum, I might end up with five or more chapters excluding the ending if things get ridculously long, but everything's been planned out.