The buzz of summer still lingers in their bones on the very first day of school. That's why people like Zitao who usually preferred sleeping till noon were awake and prepping for school without much complaint.

Unlike his cousin Yixing doesn't feel an ounce of eagerness. The day had yet to begin but as he stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom tying and untying his tie over and over again he could already feel the beginning signs of weariness.

His mother coos the moment the cousins head down stairs. First she fusses, fixing hair and straightening ties, then she steps back and coos, her honey brown eyes glazing over with nostalgia.

They leave her to ponder over when both of her boys managed to get so big.

"You're frowning," Zitao tells him. Yixing blinks and relaxes his face.

"I was thinking," he explains. Zitao frowns then.

"Thinking," he repeats, "about what? Your ex?"

"No," Yixing says shaking his head. "I'm nervous. This is my final year."

"You'll do well, go to a really good university and major in something like education or whatever."

"You have my life planned better than me," Yixing says. "Am I going to marry a Chinese girl or a Korean?"

"Neither, you're gay" Zitao replies. "You're the type to spend your whole life alone than settle down with a woman just for show."

“And you’re the type to marry for appearance,” Yixing asks, looking at his cousin in confusion. Zitao never really struck him as the type to marry just to marry. His hopeless romantic cousin seemed more like the type to live with his lover under the guise of two single bachelor roommates.

“No,’ Zitao says. “There’s more than just alone and married.”

“Then why do I have to be alone,” Yixing asks frowning.

“It’s too early for my words of wisdom,” Zitao says, teasingly. “Ask Jongdae. I’m sure he tell you why.”

“Whatever,” Yixing mutters, taking his cell phone out after receiving a text message. The pair continue their walk in silence until Zitao lets out a low annoyed mumble. They’re only a few steps from the school gates, and Yixing stops on the sidewalk to question his cousin.

“Hmm,” Yixing asks, bodies of students push pass him, but he ignores them in favor of talking to his cousin. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Zitao replies, the lie so obvious, Yixing has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Zitao’s frown is utterly visible under the glow of the sun, and his eyes are narrowed as he gazes at something ahead. Yixing turns his head, to see what Zitao is gazing at and stiffens once he comes across Zitao’s object of fixed annoyance.

“Oh,” Yixing mutters. Standing near the school gate stands Junmyeon, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo. He still doesn’t know which is which, but he doesn’t exactly care.

“He graduated,” Zitao says bitterly, “why is he coming back?”

“He’s probably helping them,” Yixing says, beginning to walk once more. He watches as Junmyeon hands each of them papers, before waving goodbye at them.

“Why would he be helping them,” Zitao asks.

“They’re all close friends or something,” Yixing shrugs. “I don’t really remember.” Junmyeon doesn’t walk away, he scans the crowd and catches Yixing’s eye in the process. Yixing drops his gaze, and speeds up his steps, entering the confines of the school as quickly as he can.

Yixing isn’t in the same homeroom as Jongdae this time, nor is Amber in his class. He’s alone, and even though the three of them had joked about it last year when Amber had a different homeroom, it still saddens him a bit.

Yixing’s friends aren’t only Amber and Jongdae, but they’re the only ones that weren’t reserved when talking to him. He was supposed to have graduated before the summer, but instead he had to wait, and that left him in a strange place where he was once a sunbae but was now an equal, but not exactly an equal.

Neither of Junmyeon’s friends are in Yixing’s class, which he’s thankful for. He’s not sure what they were told about him, but he definitely doesn’t want to play friendly with the boys.

The day drags on slowly. After spending days of nonstop action and reworked schedules so that there was never a dull moment in his life, coming back to school was the worse. His mind was still muddled, the summer cobwebs keeping him distracted in class. The slow lull of teachers’ voices going over the easier lessons has him nearly falling asleep.

At lunch, Yixing heads to the school’s cafeteria. He still hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Amber nor Jongdae, and he knew he needed to do it soon.

His initial thoughts are to go, rip off the Band-Aid as soon as possible, and let his friends worry about him, because according to Zitao, he couldn’t possibly be okay after ending his first real relationship.

That thought changes through, and he finds himself forgoing lunch, instead he spends the time in the library, browsing half-heartedly through book stacks, and flipping through pages of history, science, and math.

School ends. The first day back is over and done with, and Yixing’s happy about it. He’s in the midst of packing his things to leave when Jongdae enters the class room.

“You didn’t come to lunch,” Jongdae tells him, a giant frown apparent on his lips.

“Sorry,” Yixing says. “I had to run an errand for a teacher. We’re doing the picture today right?” Jongdae nods and leans against the door, the strap of his camera bag hanging off his shoulder.

“Amber’s getting Tao,” Jongdae says. “I talked to Junmyeon this morning. He said you ended things with…” He trails off then. “I don’t like talking to Junmyeon. Why’d you break up?”

“Who else will be in the picture,” Yixing asks, when he notices Jongdae’s frown he quickly amends his question. “I’ll tell you why we broke up. It’s not a secret, just tell me who else is going to be in the picture.”

“You, me, Amber, and Tao,” Jongdae lists off his fingers. “Who else would be in the pictures? It loses sentiment if we’re just throwing strangers in the mix.”

“Haven’t you made friends yet,” Yixing asks. “Why haven’t you asked them to be in the picture?”

“Do you have someone specific you want in the picture,” Jongdae asks back. “It’s traditionally the four of us, new friends or not.”

“I was just curious,” Yixing explains. “Originally it was just us three, and then Tao came.”

“Tao’s family,” Jongdae explains. “Family is an exception. No one but you has family in this school, so it’s the four of us. Now tell me about Kai.”

‘I’ll tell you when we’re out of school grounds,” Yixing says. “I’d rather not have people overhearing.” Jongdae frowns again but agrees nonetheless.

There are voices coming from Jongdae’s class and Yixing tenses subtly. He’d known what he was walking into, and even with the brief reassurance that the people in the room would not be in their official picture, Yixing was upset.

Jongdae leads him over to Kai’s friends, the boys were in the midst of a conversation with Amber and Zitao and it annoyed Yixing even more that the each of them seemed to be enjoying themselves.

“This is Kyungsoo and Baekhyun,” Jongdae tells him, gesturing to each boy respectively. The boys are both around the same height, but Kyungsoo seemed to be the smaller of the two. Kyungsoo also seemed to be the one that recognized him first. The boy’s round eyes widen as he gazes at Yixing, yet Yixing ignores it as he says his greeting.

“Nice to meet you,” he mumbles softly. Kyungsoo’s low and smooth voice matches his appearance, Baekhyun’s voice does as well, but Yixing finds himself focusing on Kyungsoo.

In his mind Kyungsoo was competition for something he’d given up on, and even though he tried his best to be open to the boy, he still felt an ounce of hostility in gut. Kyungsoo was nice to look at, and from the few words spoken directly to him, he seemed nice to listen to. Kyungsoo also had Kai now, and Yixing didn’t like the idea of possibly surrendering his friends to him and Baekhyun as well.

It was childish, but he couldn’t help it.

They take the picture with just the four of them.  Jongdae hands his camera to Kyungsoo and gives him a quick run through on what buttons do what and how to take the picture and then he Zitao, Amber, and Jongdae crowd together in the front of the class room to take their first picture. Yixing smile is fake. He can’t help it when It’s as if he’s staring into the eyes of his insecurities as he looks into the camera lens.

After the first picture, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo join. Jongdae has them squeeze in with everyone and then two more pictures are taken.

“So what are we doing,” Zitao asks as Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae start to gather their school belongings.

“I’m going to the library,” Yixing says on instinct. The library had always been his place to gather and organize his thoughts and at the moment, Yixing needed to slowly file through his thoughts and put them in the right place.

“No you’re not,” both Jongdae and Zitao say almost in perfect sync.

“School just started,” Zitao continues. “You can’t lock yourself up in the library.

“You also promised you’d talk with me,” Jongdae says.

“No, no,” Zitao says shaking his head. “We have to do something together, plus Baekhyun-hyung and Kyungsoo-hyung are new. We should take them sightseeing.”

They don’t take them sightseeing. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun both excuse themselves saying that they needed to be home right away, but promised to let Zitao take them sightseeing another day, and while Zitao was in the midst of trying to convince them to stay, Yixing and Jongdae both snuck their way out of the class room.

“So are you going to tell me what happened,” Jongdae asks. The pair are on the school’s rooftop, both sitting on the ground. When Yixing doesn’t speak up, Jongdae leans into him, and rests his head on Yixing’s shoulder. “Hyung, are you still sad about it?”

“I’m not sad,” Yixing says, wiggling so that Jongdae lets go. “What do you know about Kyungsoo and Baekhyun?”

Jongdae purses his lips together and blinks twice before widening his eyes. “No, don’t,” he exclaims.

Yixing slips stretch into a frown as he gazes at Jongdae. “Don’t do what?”

“You kept staring at Kyungsoo,” Jongdae explains. “Hyung, you’ve only just broken up with Kai, dating someone so soon won’t help things. I don’t even know if he likes guys.”

“I don’t like Kyungsoo in that way,” Yixing replies. “I kept staring because…” He trails and instead rests his head on Jongdae’s shoulders. Yixing doesn’t like the idea of voicing his major insecurities. “Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are Junmyeon’s friends.”

“What do you,” Jongdae begins, before pausing as if something clicks in his head. “You mean, Kyungsoo was the one in Kai’s room?”

“Yeah,” Yixing says.

“Is he,” Jongdae begins but Yixing shakes his head.

“They’re friends I guess,” Yixing says. “It doesn’t really matter either way.”

“If you didn’t break up with Kai because of Kyungsoo, why did you break up with him?”

“Why are you dating Minseok,” Yixing asks in return.

“Why do you keep avoiding my question,” Jongdae frowns, “I’m dating Minseok because I like him.

“Are you sure you like him,” Yixing asks. “Why do you like him? How are you sure you don’t still have feelings for Junmyeon or something?”

“Junmyeon was my first love,” Jongdae states, “but Minseok-hyung is my first adult love.”

“You’re not an adult,” Yixing reminds him. “You still live with your parents and read comics in your underwear.”

“If I can’t read comics while in my underwear then I don’t want to be an adult,” Jongdae retorts. “Seriously though, Minseok-hyung was my first everything, we complement each other. When I’m with Minseok-hyung I don’t even think about Junmyeon.”

“How do you know Minseok feels the same way,” Yixing asks next. “What if he just feels obligated to be with you?”

“Have you met me,” Jongdae retorts. “I’m way too clingy for someone to be with just because they feel like they need to be. Minseok-hyung isn’t as affectionate as I am, but he still does things that shows he loves me I guess. Can’t you normally tell?”

“I couldn’t tell,” Yixing admits. “That’s why we broke up. There was a lot we couldn’t communicate well.”

“Are you sad,” Jongdae asks. Yixing pauses at the question and thinks. He’d let time pass and allowed himself to fully process that there was nothing temporary about his break up. There still wasn’t a hint of heartrending anguish in his bones, he didn’t want to cry, or scream, or be alone.

He did feel something however, it was maybe a twinge of heartbreak, or… he wasn’t sure. He did know that whenever his thoughts drifted to Kai, or Kyungsoo, or anyone and anything dealing with the younger his stomach lurched. It felt as if he in the front seat of a rollercoaster as it plunged downward at top speed.

That wasn’t sadness however.

“No,” he says a moment later.

“Good,” Jongdae says, a wicked grin spreading across his lips. “I’ve got something for us to do.”

I'm on hiatus. There's a blog post that I made about it for those who didn't know. Despite my hiatus I managed to finish this and decided to update.