Yixing’s eyes are trained on his cellphone; he’s playing a mobile game and is losing badly. Kai’s sitting right beside him, and Yixing can feel the intensity of his gaze on his skin.

“I can’t do this,” he hears Kai huff softly and Yixing pauses the game and looks over to the younger male.

“What,” he asks, at his lips nervously. Kai blinks up at him, surprise momentarily flashing across his eyes, before he cools his features and lets a soft smile grace his lips.

“Tell me a secret,” Kai demands.

“What,” Yixing repeats, as Kai reaches and takes his phone from his hands.

“Tell me a secret, something you’ve never told anyone before.”

“Anything,” Yixing asks slowly.

“Anything,” Kai tells him. “It doesn’t have to be anything major, it can be silly. Just tell me something I never knew about you.”

“My favorite season is winter,” Yixing tells him.

“You’re supposed to tell me something I don’t know remember,” Kai teases.

“I was getting there,” Yixing huffs, throwing a small glare at the younger male, “I like it because of the snow. When I came to Korea, the day after, it snowed so I’ve always seen snow as a good sign. It was a promise to me that things were going to change for the better. The last time it snowed I spent so much time watching it that my fingers became completely numb and I looked like Rudolf with how red my face and nose got.”

“Only you would do something as silly as that,” Kai teases him. “You came to Korea in the winter? I didn’t expect that. Isn’t it better to transfer in the summer?”

“Maybe,” Yixing shrugs. “We didn’t really have a choice and it’s not like much would change between summer and winter. I would have still at Korean, and I would have still needed to repeat the year. What about you?”

“What about me,” Kai asks tilting his head curiously.

“Innocent doesn’t work for you,” Yixing teases. “Are you going to tell me a secret or is this one-sided? What can’t you do Kai?”

“I can’t do a lot,” Kai tells him. “I can’t speak Chinese. I can’t cook. I can’t curl my tongue.”

“Just tell me a secret,” Yixing tells him with a laugh. “I told you something you didn’t know now tell me something I don’t know about you. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot.”

“If it is, it’s because you never ask,” Kai tells him. “I’d tell you anything if you asked.”

“In a snarky way,” Yixing retorts.

“But it’s an answer,” Kai tells him. “I wanted to be a dancer when I was younger.”

“What,” Yixing asks.

“Is that your favorite word today or something,” Kai asks in return. “My secret, the thing that no one else knows, I wanted to be a dancer. When I was like seven or eight I saw this idol special where this guy from a boy band was dancing and he was so cool and everyone seemed to love him in that moment and I wanted to be that.”

“Wanted,” Yixing asks. “You don’t want to anymore?”

“I don’t want to be an idol,” Kai tells him. “I can’t be an idol, but I still want to dance. I used to copy the idols on the TV, and sneak lessons at this school near the orphanage. One of the assistant instructors used to teach me the basics because you need at least the basics to be taken seriously. The bigger academies, the audition process it’s all based on what you learned and from where. I was told it’s not like the movies, the underdog doesn’t get in unless that person’s a prodigy that was recruited.

“Do you still dance,” Yixing asks, sitting back in his seat and leaning his head on Kai’s shoulder. “I want to see you dance.”

“I still dance,” Kai tells him. “It’s not about the future anymore, it’s just something I do for fun. One day I’ll take you with me.”

“I can dance,” Yixing tells him. “Probably not like you, but I can follow a beat a little. My parents used to talk about me auditioning to idol companies. I even used to be a minor child star back in my hometown.”

“What happened,” Kai asks, taking Yixing’s hand in his as his thumb runs over the older male’s knuckles.

“I faded away like every other child star,” Yixing says with a shrug. “My dad died and my mom fled the country as if she was a fugitive. You don’t need to be an idol to be loved. You’re already loved for you are now by so many people. The industry, the fake love and support they give, you’re better than that.”

“I know,” Kai tells him, lifting Yixing’s hand up to his face and kissing it gently. “Your love is enough.”

Yixing swallows thickly as he lifts his head to stare at Kai, whose hair had fallen into his face. “You’re right because I love you more than anyone else.” Kai lifts his head, and quirks his lips just slightly.

“I know,” he mutters, and Yixing barely hears him, he sort of hopes he didn’t hear him because those two words are scary than anything he’s ever heard before. Kai knows that he has utter control of his heart and all Yixing gets in return is another closed mouth grin and scarily intense eyes.

The days pass and the growing warmth of spring begins to show it’s self in the neighborhood as April approaches. It’s a rainy Sunday afternoon and Yixing is lounging in Zitao’s room with the younger male resting face down on his bed.

Yixing hadn’t talked face to face with Kris since Zitao had asked him, he still exchanged Kakaotalk messages, but those were always brief.

Yixing was partially thinking of gift ideas for Luhan and Sehun since both their birthdays were slowly approaching, while he was talking to Zitao. Zitao on the other hand was mumbling sleepy muffled words to contribute to the conversation, and at that moment he realized that something was up with his cousin.

“Yah Tao don’t you have a competition coming soon,” Yixing asks, as he turns the desk chair around so that he’s facing Zitao’s bed.

“Next week,” Tao mumbles. “If I make it then I’m going to China in June.”

“You’re still going to China,” Yixing reminds him.

“Yeah but the semifinals and finals are in Beijing, and if I win we get to go on vacation early,” Zitao tells him.

“Then you better win,” Yixing tells the younger male. “When is it, do you still want me to come?”

“Why wouldn’t you come,” Zitao asks him.

“Won’t Kris be there,” Yixing asks. “I’m still avoiding him.”

“Don’t come,” Zitao tells him. “You don’t have to avoid him anymore; just for the competition can you and auntie not come?”

“Are you together now,” Yixing asks. “Are you celebrating together after you win?”

“Was that an innuendo,” Zitao asks with a laugh. “We’re still at a delicate stage but I don’t think It’s right of me to keep you two from seeing each other. Every time I bring up you in front of him or vice versa I feel really guilty. I’m sorry gege.”

“Don’t be,” Yixing tells him with a reassuring smile. “I wanted to help you in any way I could. Are you two really not together?”

“Do you want the honest truth,” Zitao asks him.

“Of course Taozi,” Yixing states, “I’ve been waiting for you to tell me what’s going on with you two since…a very long time.” Zitao laughs at that.

“I guess we’re kind of friends with benefits,” Zitao admits. “I want to say most of what we have is physical but I don’t know it seems a bit more than just that. Maybe I’m just being stupid.”

Yixing’s at a loss for words, sure he expected to hear something about them in some type of relationship but he hadn’t expected that. He wants to comfort his cousin of course but his thoughts keep drifting to the fact that his younger cousin has slept with his older friend repeatedly.

“You slept with Kris,” Yixing says slowly.

“Is that really the only thing you heard,” Zitao asks with a huff. “It’s not a big deal, it’s not like I was a complete before him.” Yixing barely hears the second statement as he gets lost in his thoughts. He doesn’t like it, he doesn’t want to imagine his best friend sleeping with his cousin, but then he remembers Luhan and Sehun. They had been a couple for a year, and they obviously did that, so if he was okay with them doing it, then he guesses he can be okay with Zitao doing it. It’ll just take a while, Zitao’s probably not as innocent as Sehun once was anywhere.

After all Zitao was older than Sehun and had a lot more relationship experience than Yixing himself did.

“Okay,” he says slowly. “You’re at that age; it’s not too strange besides you being my cousin and everything. Kris isn’t the type that would do something like that with you without any feelings attached to it. If he was really desperate for it, he would find one of those pretty girls at his school.”

“That’s what I think,” Zitao admits. “It’s just that part of me thinks he’s only continuing this because he doesn’t want to hurt me.”

“Talk to him,” Yixing shrugs lazily, “Kris can be a bit clueless when he wants to, but he wouldn’t continue something like this just because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. He should know that it’s better to end it than dragging it on before someone gets hurt.”

“You think,” Zitao asks with a small smile. “I think that if I win the competition next week, I’ll confess.”

“When you win you’ll confess to Kris and then you’ll go on a date,” Yixing states, “I’ll probably get a text like three hours late with you telling me you’re dating not that you won the competition.”

“Well that text means I won the competition too,” Zitao tells him.

Sulli’s holding pink and purple flowers in her hand. Yixing watches as she dips her head every now and then and breathes in deeply, smiling contently.

“Is that a type of aromatherapy,” Yixing asks, sitting back in his chair and gazing at her curiously.

“No,” Sulli replies, reaching a leg out and kicking him underneath the café table, “It’s a present from a guy. Primrose, I looked up the meaning for it and most websites says it means ‘I can’t live without you’ how sweet is that.”

“Completely sweet,” Yixing mumbles, taking a sip from his milk tea, “you must be the happiest girl in all of Seoul.”

“I am,” Sulli states, “I won’t date him though.”

“The guy that gave you the flowers,” Yixing asks. “Why not? You don’t like him.”

“I like him good enough,” Sulli states. “He’s just too sweet. When a guy gives you flowers like these without a true purpose behind it that means that he likes you too much. He hadn’t even confessed he just said ‘I was thinking of you and I brought these’ it’s cute but silly.”

“So you want him to confess first,” Yixing asks her.

“No,” Sulli says, shaking her head harder than necessary as she gave Yixing a look as if to tell him he was hopelessly stupid. “If he can’t say something as simple as ‘I like you’ then I have no business with him. I can’t date a guy that can’t even gather the courage to confess to me and uses flowers to do the job. I like boys that can be confident when they need to.”

“What if he does have the courage,” Yixing asks. “Maybe he was going to do it today but you looked exceptionally beautiful and he choked on his words. Maybe he’ll do it tomorrow or the day after.”

“Aww Lay-oppa, you think I look exceptionally beautiful today,” Sulli asks a smug grin on her lips as she eyes him happily. Yixing supposes that he could tell her it was just a suggestion and not his actually thoughts but he doesn’t mind petting her ego for the time being. “Anyway I don’t like stringing guys along that’s why I liked Kai. Before you came around we knew what we were to Kai there were boundaries that we never crossed.”

“What were you to Kai,” Yixing asks a small frown taking over his features. He tries to appear unbothered by the thought of Kai being involved with her or her friends or anyone that isn’t him for that matter, but he can’t help but be a little annoyed by it. Imagining Kai with those girls, doing all the same things he does with him, it hurts.

“We were friends,” Sulli states, “and experiments. I kissed Kai once in my entire time of knowing him and he didn’t react the way I had wanted him to. He didn’t like me in that way so I retired to being just his friend. All the people I know, all the ones that had wanted to be in your place had received similar reactions from him when they truly tried to pursue him.”

“So I should be happy,” Yixing asks.

“You should be more than happy,” Sulli tells him. “Kai had so many options, from girls to boys, people prettier than me and you, yet you’ve won him. He doesn’t string people along either, he either likes you or he doesn’t.”

“Crap,” Yixing mutters, eyes straying pass Sulli as he catches sight of two familiar figures in front of the transparent café’s doors. Sulli turns her head and lets her eyes roam towards the two people walking into the café.

“You know those people I assume,” She states, turning back in her seat to face Yixing. “Friends?”

“They were there the day you approached me in school,” Yixing states, he wants to look up, see where they’re at in that current moment but he’s afraid that if he see them then they might see him, and he doesn’t know what’s worse catching their eyes or being surprised if they walk over.

“They’re coming,” Sulli tells him. “You’re in trouble.”

“Choi Jinri stop talking,” Yixing tells her half-heartedly.

“I’ll leave,’ Sulli states. “I have things to do and you have to see Kai later right?”

“Of course you’d leave me,” Yixing says with a playfully annoyed huff. “I should have listened to Suho and not became your friend.”

“Those aren’t my friends,” Sulli tells him with a small smile. “I’ll see you at Sehun and Luhan’s party right?”

“Of course,” Yixing states with a small grin.

“Bye Oppa,” She calls out as she stands and heads towards the café’s exit, just as Jongdae and Amber approaches.

“Oppa,” Amber asks, sitting in the chair Sulli had occupied. She’s grinning at him, trying to gauge his reaction as Jongdae grabs an empty chair and sits right beside him. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard a girl call you oppa.”

“She’s a friend,” Yixing says, eyes dropping to his drink. “Younger friends tend to use honorifics when talking to older friends, I just let you get away with it because I like you.”

“Still,” Amber states. “It’s strange.”

“Isn’t that the girl that came to the school before,” Jongdae asks. “The one that’s friends with Junmyeon-hyung? I wasn’t aware that you were close.”

“Yeah it just sort of happened,” Yixing shrugs.  “We met through mutual friends.”

“Your boyfriend right,” Jongdae asks. “You don’t have many friends.”

“I have a lot of friends,” Yixing says with a pout. “Sulli is one of them.”

“Whatever,” Jongdae teases, “Hyung, hyung. What are you doing this weekend?”

“Zitao has his competition but I can’t go,” Yixing tells him. “So nothing as of yet.”

“Good,” Jongdae says. “You don’t hang out with us, you never do but it’s okay because you can come with us this weekend.”

“Depends,” Yixing says where are we going?”

“Hongdae,” Amber says. “This this show in this club, like a mini-music fest or something. Our favorite groups are going to be there so you’ll come right? It’s Saturday.”

“I’ll come,” Yixing tells her. “They’re indie right?”

“Of course,” Jongdae says taking over. “You just have to pay typical club fee to get in, which is $15 dollars. Since you’re a minor they won’t let you get anything but water at the bar though.”

“I don’t drink,” Yixing tells him. Jongdae nods a bright smile spread across his lips as he hums a song that Yixing doesn’t know.

“You should dress up,” Amber tells him. “I know you’re seeing someone but you never go to Hongdae and to a club at that, so treat it like a special occasion and wear something that will get you looks.”

“Wear something that will be hidden underneath my coat you mean,” Yixing jokes.

Yixing’s face is close to the mirror as he pulls softly at his fringe, eyes narrowed and focused. Zitao’s behind him dressed in mostly black, and times like these with Zitao looking so effortlessly flawless Yixing can’t help but feel the slightest bit jealous of his long-legged cousin.

“You look fine,” Zitao tells him with a grin. Yixing pouts, and pulls away from the mirror to face his cousin.

“Don’t talk to me if you look like that, don’t stand next to me either,” Yixing tells him, pushing the younger when he gets close to him.

“Gege this is a joyous day,” Zitao tells him with a laugh, taking out his cellphone from his back pocket, “let’s take a selca.”

Yixing pouts but moves in close to Zitao, posing in the mirror, his lips quirk at the corners and his eyes focus solely on the mirror as Zitao snaps a picture. “I don’t like this one,” Zitao says with a sigh, “let’s take another.”

“No thanks,” Yixing says with a laugh pushing the younger away. “We can’t miss the train or else we’ll be late.”

“I should have had Kris take us,” Zitao states as he exits Yixing’s bedroom behind the older male. “He’s going to get me later anyway.”

“Tao you’ve only started dating yet you’re already so demanding,” Yixing teases. Hours earlier before Yixing had gotten ready Tao had sent him a selca of Kris and him grinning brightly with a trophy in between them and Yixing had proudly texted the pair his congratulations.

Yixing’s never rode the subway so late into the evening before. Riding into the middle of Seoul, with Zitao and other people in their neighborhood is the nicest thing he’s ever experienced. They have to transfer from one train to the next and then they’re in side a subway car with other people close to their age all heading to Hongdae and it’s this anticipation that has Yixing smiling brightly as he rides along.

He’s so use to mundanity and the few times when he’d broken from the normal everyday life of his Korean suburb it still wasn’t like this. Going somewhere, doing something so far from what he was used to, it was all really nice and Yixing only wished he could do something of the sort with Kai.

“Are you performing tonight Tao,” Amber asks when Yixing and Zitao meet the pair in front of Virgo, the club with the cheesy name that Jongdae had made a point of texting to him.

“I thought we were doing our duet tonight Amber, don’t tell me you’ve chickened out on me,” Zitao jokes following Jongdae to the line. The line’s pretty long but not as long as Yixing had expected it to be so he shuffles closer to the others and slips his hands into the front of jeans, as he bounces from foot to foot.

“It’s cold,” Yixing tells his friends. He’s wearing a jacket but it’s more for fashion than warmth so it doesn’t close. He also has a scarf wrapped snuggly around him to protect the area the loose neck of his shirt leaves exposed, but he can still feel the chill of spring air freezing his bones.

“You get used to it,” Jongdae tells him. He has on a black sweater with white writing on it, and red skinny jeans. “Amber and I do this all the time.” Yixing then turns to Amber who seems the be the warmest in her layers upon layers outfit.

“Why is the line so long,” Yixing huffs as the line inches up just a bit.

“If you would’ve came earlier, we wouldn’t have to wait so long.”

“You said be here by 7:30, we got here by 7:25, it’s not our fault.”

The club is spacious, a lot more spacious than he expects it to be, and the music isn’t too loud so he can hear everything the others tell him. They’re closest to the stage, standing off at a corner as they wait for the first performer.

“We’re going to get separated, “Jongdae tells him. “It ends at like 11 so we should meet outside at 11:15pm. If anything happens text all of us just so we don’t freak out okay?”

Yixing nods his head, and Zitao mumbles a soft okay, and that’s that.

They do get separated, Yixing somehow gets moved from his edge of the stage to the middle where he’s situated between a pretty girl with short hair and a mockingbird tattooed onto her neck, and tall male with unruly hair sticking up in all directions. Yixing leans back and and cranes his head, looking for either Jongdae or Zitao. Amber had been the first to go, meeting up with a person that neither Yixing or Zitao knew.

Instead he catches sight of a girl that looks a lot like Sulli. He stares off in the girl’s direction for a second longer before refocusing on the stage, if it’s Sulli then he’ll text her later.

He turns back to the stage just as the girl with the tattoo moves, and Jongdae takes her place.

“Let’s get out of the crowd,” Jongdae tells him, voice straining over the music to be heard and Yixing nods his head, pushing pass the people facing the stage as they struggle to get close to the bar.

Yixing finds an empty table and Jongdae buys two overpriced bottles of water, sitting in front of him.

“It’s really heated out there,” Jongdae states, as he sits beside Yixing. “They haven’t even performed yet.”

“The group you like,” Yixing asks.

“Yeah,” Jongdae nods. “Rumor is they’re fifth or sixth. There’s only six bands so I guess they’re closing.”

“What are you and Amber doing after this?”

“Amber and I are going to get food then head home. You’re going with Tao right? He left earlier but he said he’s coming back for you.”

“Probably,” Yixing shrugs, “If not then I’ll just go home.” Jongdae nods his head slightly distracted as he stands.

“I have to go Hyung, text me after the show,” Yixing doesn’t get to say anything before Jongdae’s disappearing into the crowd, leaving him behind.

“Someone’s been abandoned,” he hears and turns his attention towards his front where a grinning Sulli is standing beside Chanyeol and Kai.

“Stalking me again Jinri-yah,” he teases as the girl takes a seat in front of him, lazily gesturing for the other two to join her.

“I’ll have you know that I’m here to see my boyfriend,” Sulli tells him.

“Boyfriend,” Yixing asks, “is this the one that gave you flowers earlier this week.”

“No,” Sulli says, grinning brightly. Sulli has a really childish smile, it’s innocent and feminine, and it makes Yixing feel like she’s the younger sister he never had. “This one is the lead guitarist of a band…”

“That isn’t aware of her existence,” Chanyeol supplies helpfully. “What are you doing here hyung? This isn’t really your scene.”

“I came with my friends, their favorite group is supposedly closing,” Yixing explains. He can’t think of the group’s name or rather or not he was even told the name but Chanyeol nods anyway, a grin plaster on his lips as he compliments Jongdae and Amber’s taste.

“Channie-oppa let’s go,” Sulli tells the tall male. “You said he was performing next right? We have to get closer; I need you to get me close.”

Kai makes to stand too but Yixing stops him, grabbing his hand and smiling at the younger male.

“You don’t want to go right?” Kai looks down at him, then towards the crowd near the stage, he looks utterly conflicted and Yixing can’t figure out why he seems so keen on keeping them secret if Yixing’s more than willing to take the risk.

The younger sits back down, fixing their hands so that their fingers interlock.

“Where are your friends,” Kai asks.

“I don’t know,” Yixing shrugs, “lost in the crowd.” Kai swings their hands back, as they dangle at the sides. Yixing watches him with wide wondering eyes just as he begins standing and tugging Yixing away with him.

“Let’s go,” Kai tells him. “we’ll be back before the last band.” Yixing doesn’t question him, he just follows, a smile playing along his lips as he exits the club right behind the younger.

They don’t hold hands in public, they rarely ever touch, and Yixing’s not sure if it’s because it’ll be odd for two guys to walk down the street, fingers interlaced and swinging to and fro between them or if it’s Kai’s way of keeping them a secret.

They go to a food stand because Kai’s hungry, and Yixing wants to spend all the time he can with him. They each order separate dishes but end up splitting it, Yixing passing most of his food onto the younger.

“When are you going to show me your dancing,” Yixing asks.

“If you had asked earlier I would have showed you today.”

“Then show me today,” Yixing tells him, grinning slightly.

“You’ve filled me up on mostly your food, and now you expect me to dance for you when I’ve probably gotten extremely slow. What about the show?”

“We’ll miss them,” Yixing shrugs. “This isn’t a farewell performance, I’ll see them some other time.”

“How about I show you tomorrow,” Kai suggests. “It’s late and I want to give you the best performance ever.”

They’re walking back to the club, side by side and not speaking. Yixing’s got his hands in his pants pockets as he stares ahead. Kai’s silent, more silent than usual and Yixing figures he’s thinking. Kai thinks a lot whenever Yixing’s around him, Yixing knows because he loses a bit of his guarded look, and he frowns a lot.

Yixing doesn’t like it, so when he sees a decent sized gap between two buildings a few feet ahead of him, he grasps Kai’s hands and pulls him into the tight space. Pressing him roughly against the bricks of one building, Yixing doesn’t think, he just leans in and kisses him.

It’s soft and hesitant, only the second kiss he’s ever initiated and when he tries to pull away from the closed mouth kiss, Kai prevents him. Kai tangles his hand in his hair and leans forward to bring them back into a kiss.

When they start to kiss again, fervently, Yixing can feel Kai sigh into his mouth, as Kai’s other wraps around his waist pulling him closer.

Kai lets him take control, as he leans against the building and Yixing kisses him, the taste of sweet potato clings to the younger’s tongue and all Yixing can think as he’s pressed against the boy in front of him is that maybe he really does love him.

When they pull away Kai smiles down at him and Yixing has to lean in really close to see the sprinkle of his eyes in the dark. “What was that,” Kai asks him.

“I don’t know,” Yixing shrugs, the hand that Kai had in his hair had moved to join the other wrapped around his wrist. He leans and rests his head on the younger’s shoulder, swaying softly as if he’s listening to music. “I just really wanted to kiss you.”

Another really long chapter completed! I don't think the next one will be long so don't get your hopes up, The next few chapters are going to really change things within this story. The next update should be no later than next week if I stick to my schedule for writing!