‘Holding On’

Book 1

When The Film Reeled: The Second Chance

“Don’t hold on to someone, when you are already holding someone else’s hands.”

Chapter 5: I Love You

Part 1

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Kyuhyun clutched his forehead.

He had been getting restless and tired recently and he only has one thing in mind as the cause of it.

Sungmin had an unborn child? Why didn’t he hear about that? When did that happen? With whom? How?

He wanted to ask, but he didn’t think it was appropriate especially after what had happened; Sungmin kissed him, as to why the director did? Well, he didn’t know yet he did feel what he hasn’t felt in such a long time. He felt loved.

That’s why he just can’t understand why the other left just like that.

After that event he had never seen Sungmin, he visited the filming sites yet the director is still nowhere to be found. He couldn’t make big moves to search for the other man since he knew that eyes are on him at the moment, watching his every move as to when or where he will make a mistake of letting his emotions get the best of him.

Kyuhyun sighed heavily. It was sure that Sungmin’s avoiding him, yet again. Sungmin had done so in the past when he learned about the engagement, what he’s afraid of is the threat that Sungmin might disappear from him again, off to somewhere very very far, somewhere out of his feeble reach.

A knock on his door resounded removing him from his reverie.

“Mr. Cho.”

His secretary called over apprehensively waiting for the man’s confirmation. Kyuhyun, on the other hand looked up to her over the hands covering his eyes and his heart gave an involuntary jolt at the person next to his secretary.

“Mr. Lee is here to see you.”

Sungmin looked at him, lips pursed but nevertheless still stunningly beautiful in Kyuhyun’s eyes.

“You can leave us.” Kyuhyun managed to utter and his secretary hurriedly scampered and close the door.

There was silence for a few second before Sungmin sighed the pent up air caught in his throat.

“Hi.” Sungmin greeted walking closer. “I’m sorry to barge in like this. I know you’re busy and such.”

“It’s okay.” Kyuhyun readily answered without even digesting the words Sungmin said. He raised his hands pointing the empty seat in front of Kyuhyun’s desk. “Please sit down.”

Sungmin shook his head slowly. “No, I won’t be long.” The director spoke carefully making Kyuhyun’s dread come to the pit of his gut.

“I’m just here to hand over this.”

A white envelope came into view, Kyuhyun frowned at the sight of the envelope, his instincts told him to not even look at the small piece of parchment. Instead, he looked at Sungmin.

“What is that?” Kyuhyun asked a bit stern but the other man didn’t seem to mind the sudden change of the producer’s mood.

“My resignation letter.”

***

It seems like the world stopped for a moment and his ears cannot register anything it hears other than Sungmin’s plea of resigning.

“You can have the assistant director worked on the last few bits of the filming, She already knew what to do and-”

“Why?

Kyuhyun cut off Sungmin’s incessant blabbering and the other looked at him with that blank expression.

“I need to go back to the states, there are some really good offers and Henry’s lagging behind his comeback. There are more important things to settle and I don’t think the movie is worth me being held back. So-“

“What the are you saying?” The producer slammed his fist on the table startling Sungmin. “Just don’t speak anymore because the more you reason out the more your reasons became ing unrealistic.”

“Are you really that desperate to run away from me?”

Sungmin’s expression became dark, placing the envelope at the table. “Don’t make this all about you Cho, I have decided and it’s not because of you.”

“Oh really? Then I’ll accept this resignation if you tell me why did you kissed me the other day, if you tell me straight to my face that you didn’t have any feelings for me. Tell me that I didn’t affect you in any other way.” Kyuhyun challenged the other man.

“Why did you always believe that everything is rotating around you, I have a new life Kyuhyun and you’re not a part of it anymore.” Sungmin said and Kyuhyun’s anger suddenly was changed into something closer to sadness. It’s one thing to feel that you aren’t needed anymore and it’s another when you hear it directly.

There was a moment of silence to the thick air inside Kyuhyun’s office.

One last chance. Then he will let go.

“Then give me one last night, let’s talk this out tonight, let’s go somewhere we could talk freely then after that I’ll let go of you, I’ll stop bothering you… just give me this one last favor.”

Sungmin’s just hanging on the last thread, he hated how Kyuhyun begged him and he hated how hurt he is about what he said. Yes, he is leaving because he cannot stand another minute near the person who he just can’t get over with. He was stuck, and escape is the only route for him, to disappear yet again from Kyuhyun’s world.

But, a night to talk won’t be so bad.

Sungmin sighed.

“Okay. Just one night then this has to stop.”

***

The elevator of Kyuhyun’s office floor opened and Sunkyu stepped out. She stopped over since her filming schedule finished earlier than expected, a surprise visit for her husband isn’t necessary yet she feels like she needed to see Kyuhyun, talk about things they missed.

She may not look like it, but she love Kyuhyun and she’ll do anything just to keep the man beside her.

The truth is the excuse she gave to Sungmin a few days ago was all a lie, in fact she wanted to have a child with Kyuhyun, but she was a little selfish, a child will probably take Kyuhyun away from her so she refused.

Now, thinking about it, a child may have provided her a good hold of the husband she loved so much.

She approached the assistant’s desk but it seems like she went out for a while, she checked her wrist watch and the clock reads 6 in the evening, Kyuhyun’s probably still inside his office since the man won’t go home till late in the evening. She proceeded to the office and held the knob, without knocking she turned it only to see an empty room.

She frowned and looked from left to right yet there were no sign of the occupant.

Pulling out her phone, she dialed Kyuhyun’s number and when the call connected she heard a ring around the room.

Walking towards the desk she found Kyuhyun’s cell phone lying on the desk, Kyuhyun left the office earlier but leave his cell phone behind.

Her gaze travelled to the messy paper works scattered on the desk which is so unlike her husband, there were a few unfinished works and contracts, an a white envelope sealed perfectly well.

A frown painted her face as she reached for the envelope.

It was wrong to read someone else’s letter but her instinct told her to forget manners for a moment and see who gave this envelope and why is her heart telling her the answer to her previous question about the whereabouts of her husband.

***

Kyuhyun stopped.

The night already lay out on the city and the two of them were walking silently on the park where they separate 4 years ago. They were silent, as if it was somehow sympathizing to Kyuhyun’s broken heart.

Being in love with someone and suffering the consequences when it was lost is one thing. He had pathetically endured every waking hour contemplating on the ‘what if’s’ and ‘what could’ve been’, time had stopped for him while it has moved on for everyone else, especially for Sungmin.

It is really that hard to accept that while you were stuck, the other person had already continued with his life, though he hoped for the best for the one person he cherished, as human as he is, he’s still hoping that in one way or another Sungmin had been stranded in time with him.

He looked over his shoulders and he met Sungmin’s eyes, unlike the strong ones the other man had sported before, Sungmin’s eyes is shaking, quivering in some unknown facts Kyuhyun didn’t understand, he wanted to wipe the soon to be falling tears on those beautiful brown orbs, but he knew he could not come closer, not anymore.

“I understand that… you already have a life and that I’m not already a part of it.” Kyuhyun smiled before he sighed. “I know this may be hard to ask but, even if you don’t believe me anymore…”

“ I am hurting, more than you’ll ever know.”

Kyuhyun stated with a sad chuckle. “But, I guess it is too late for me to say these now. I’m 4 years too late.”

Sungmin looked at the other man, heart pounding relentlessly as to what the younger was about to say.

“You said you’re leaving… Aren’t you already contented? Do you still need to hurt me some more?” Kyuhyun’s voice broke. “Because I don’t think I can handle it for much longer…”

“Do you think I’m purposely hurting you?” Sungmin retorted clutching his fist, not letting go of the chance he had when Kyuhyun paused. He stared right up to Kyuhyun’s eyes, the frown deepening. “Did you really think I want to hurt you?”

His fist finally let out the frustrations he’d been hiding, he smack Kyuhyun’s shoulder making the man flinch backwards at the impact.

“Do you actually think I like to see you on the ground, in pain? Do you think of me as a person like that Cho Kyuhyun?” Sungmin bellowed, his voice rising as well as the anger boiling up inside him. “You… you know better than anyone else how painful it is to give you up, to give more than my life up when you chose to marry my cousin with that ed up excuse of yours… you know how much I love you… you know it but still you accuse me of wanting to hurt you…”

Sungmin’s voice broke as well as his strong façade he held himself up on that lone lamppost, his breath shortened by the minute and he knew that another attack may occur, but he couldn’t care less about that right now.

“You didn’t know how much I endured, just to learn to hate you, just for me to forget about loving you but I can’t Kyuhyun, I-I just can’t…”

Sungmin felt the attack seeped in his system and his sight out for a moment before a pair of strong arms catch him, in a tight embrace, something so so warm, a familiar scent, a familiar feeling.

“Sungmin, just please… don’t let go for now, don’t push me away just this moment please….”

Sungmin wheezed and Kyuhyun was quick to pry open Sungmin’s bag,fishing out for the inhaler before settling on the bench, cradling Sungmin, his chest against the director’s back. He placed the inhaler next to Sungmin’s mouth and the director puffed on to it as if on reflex.

Kyuhyun held the man close to his chest, he let himself inhale Sungmin’s blonde hair, allowed himself to bask on the warmth he missed, and Sungmin’s not pushing him, the man actually held his hand close, as if not wanting to let go.

When the attack died down and all that was left is Sungmin’s breathing. Kyuhyun became afraid because in any minute, the other man may let go, the other man would have enough strength to push him away, he wanted to stay frozen like that, in the arms of the man he loved the most.

Sungmin sighed his last labored breath and the rising and falling of his chest became normal and Kyuhyun’s just counting the seconds before the other let go.

“Kyuhyun…” Sungmin’s voice echoed through the silent night and Kyuhyun closed his eyes in dread for the next words.

“I was there… on your engagement day…and on your wedding day also.” Sungmin chuckled and the surprise was written all over Kyuhyun’s face. He never saw Sungmin on either of the event, how come he didn’t know about it?

“I was there the moment you said your vows. I was there to witness you be taken away from me completely…” Sungmin’s voice became hoarse through the obvious tears spilling out the director’s eyes.

“I didn’t saw you… I have no idea you were there.” And before Kyuhyun can stop it the tears trickled down his cheeks, resting his head on Sungmin’s shoulder.

“Why did you leave me back then, we could’ve run away, we could’ve-“

“I didn’t want to but I have no choice…” Kyuhyun muttered.

Sungmin wouldn’t want another mistake nor would he want another thing to hurt him in his life. He moved on yet there was a huge chunk in his heart that just won’t let go of the man crying against his shoulder.

Sungmin turned to face Kyuhyun, held the man’s face and lifted it as to meet those tearstained eyes.

He had initiated it before and he didn’t regret any single moment of it, where his lips would meet Kyuhyun’s and they would kiss without a care to the world.

Simple acts of affections that will surely lead to another probable mistake, yet it was so sweet for him to disagree and too loving for him to refuse feeling it once again.

The next moment he found himself, against Kyuhyun’s old apartment’s door arms grabbing Kyuhyun’s nape pulling him closer with their lips dancing in sync with each other, catching up to the years they spent apart.

Sungmin sighed as his thighs brushed up to the producer’s crotch; Kyuhyun kissed him once again, prying his shirt open with one forceful sweep.

Yes, indeed. He’s in the arms of his perfect mistake.

TBC

***

A/N: It’s been so long, I didn’t update for 20 days >.< Sorry guys, I’ve been really busy and been struggling :( I just hope this update isn’t crappy. Thanks for all the support ^^

BTW. This song is really… TT_TT Did you know where I got this… huhu