‘Holding On’

Book 1

When The Film Reeled: The Second Chance

“Don’t hold on to someone, when you are already holding someone else’s hands.”

Chapter 2: Meaningless

Part 2

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Kyuhyun sat, staring blankly into nothingness. His mind were arranging thoughts as it is at the moment and it seems like no one else can bother his train of thoughts. There were too many question as of the moment, how did Henry and Sungmin met? Where? Why are they kissing? Are they together? How long? And so on. One question leads to another and it leads to another, his mind can only take as much and the urge to shut himself from the rest of the world is seemingly over powering him at the moment.

He just needed an explanation, he just needed an answer.

His eyes finally able to register the look Sungmin’s giving to him at that time. It was unidentifiable, blank, expressionless and full of defense, yet when he looks at Henry before they went out it was of pure gladness, a smile he had never seen for so long was well written in Sungmin’s lips, and he felt what he had never felt before. Jealousy.

Back then he was sure that he’s the only man in Sungmin’s life and Sungmin’s eyes were always on him that he never once thought that any other person can take that precious love away from him. Now he know, and it was merely killing him.

He said before that it is okay if Sungmin had moved on, but, he’s clearly a hypocrite. He can never see Sungmin with another man, it will kill him.

“Kyuhyun… what’s wrong?”

Kyuhyun stared at his wife, she was currently combing her hair and she might’ve seen Kyuhyun’s expression of dread in the mirror. She’s currently telling Kyuhyun about something the man didn’t understand, Kyuhyun looked at her and as stupid as he is all he can see is the proof of the pain and regret in his wife. He knew that it wasn’t fair for the other but his remorse might’ve been genuine if his so called wife even had the guts to stop her own husband’s suffering. She could’ve saved him earlier if she was brave enough, but she too had been locked by fear.

“Nothing.” Kyuhyun finally answered closing his laptop; he was just reading the script, tomorrow will be the first day of filming and he was sure that things would go more tragic and difficult for him, and in case Sungmin still has a tiny bit of feelings for him, it would be as equally painful for him.

“You’re not listening to me.” Sunkyu stated bluntly. “I was just telling you that you should have not taken that drama under our productions, it causes great stress to everyone in the family, especially uncle.”

Kyuhyun frowned. They had this talk over dinner days ago and he couldn’t understand why Sungmin’s father felt threatened by the son he abandoned.

“We had this talk Sunkyu, there’s nothing more we could do, and I knew it’ll be a huge hit, you yourself auditioned and aimed for the part right?”

Sunkyu hummed annoyance in her face as she remembered how humiliated she felt when Sungmin rejected her.

“Yeah, well. It doesn’t matter now. Sungmin oppa is just the director of the film and I can say that he had no sense on which actors would be playing on that prestigious drama of his, they’ll only ruin it.”

Kyuhyun narrowed his eyes. It was not fair for Sunkyu to bad mouth a film well made just because she didn’t get a part, and it wasn’t such a good manner to bad mouth someone who had been her cousin and friend for a really long time.

“I think that’s very immature of you to think that way just because you didn’t get the part. He is still your cousin.”

The woman pursed her lips and eyed Kyuhyun. “Are you siding with Sungmin oppa again? Come on Kyu. He’s not that perfect, he too had some flaws and I’m just stating that flaw.” She muttered. “And you should stop siding with him all the time. Uncle wouldn’t be too happy if he found out that you’re rooting for his former son.”

The constriction of his temper almost reaches its limit. He stood up from the bed taking his laptop and his phone with him walking towards the door of their room.

“Where are you going, it’s late already.” The woman reprimanded him but he rather not talk to her now. She’s acting really spoiled and if another word slip out of her tongue then he might not be able to contain himself. It’s better to leave now while he still can hold in the anger.

“Sleep first. I’ll still be doing some reviewing of the proposals.”

Kyuhyun closed the door behind him ignoring the questioning his wife is throwing at him.

He hurriedly went to the one spot on the Lee Mansion he could think well, the man made garden in the terrace. This place holds really precious memories, he would like to drop himself to the grass behind the bench and he would remember a familiar sight of someone in need of an escape. Slouch shoulders of a frail man trying his best to breathe in air of freedom. From then on, if he clearly remembers, was the day he met the most wonderful person in the world.

He looked at the number on his laptop, Sungmin’s current number is posted with his script with the note that if anything’s the matter with their project he should give him a call.

It was just like that, Sungmin didn’t even flinch when he told Kyuhyun earlier that day, right after he saw what he didn’t want to see. He said it’s for business matter but his heart tells him to come up with excuses to call the other, he wants to hear Sungmin’s voice. Even for just a second.

Throwing all caution in the evening wind he typed in the number to his phone, looking at it for a second before he typed in the call button.

***

Sungmin sighed he had just made the final arrangement, his head hurts a bit but the neck pillow had been a great comfort. He leaned on the back rest and closed his eyes for a while.

Behind his closed lids he saw Kyuhyun’s face earlier that day, and he didn’t know why he wanted to explain to Kyuhyun what he and Henry’s relationship is, but he was dead on cut off right away by Henry’s stare. That kid really knew what was running on his mind and he had prevented him from doing the same mistakes over again.

“Min-hyung. You have moved on do not let him get to you again. Finish this and we’ll return to New York immediately.”

Henry smiled at those words and he can’t do anything but agree. He didn’t have anything in Korea anymore, his life and fame is on the US, he shouldn’t be held back and imprisoned once more on the false hopes and reassurances of meeting Kyuhyun once again. He had been hurt and he didn’t want to even remember the pains he went through just to forget.

But he knew also that that’s one of things that didn’t heal, his memories won’t remove Kyuhyun from it. No matter how much he wanted to get away, he simply can’t.

He sighed deeply and once again opened his eyes on the blank ceiling. It would be difficult but he needed to endure, he needed to be strong.

Cutting the silence his phone rang startling him in the process. He looked up at the clock and it is indeed late in the evening. Who would call for him?

He think about Henry who’s been out with Hyukjae probably bar hopping or something but then he realized that Henry purposely left his phone for the lame reason that his agent and manager might call and he didn’t want that.

With a frown, he stood up from where he was seated and went towards the table on their living room where his phone is located.

He didn’t know why his heart pounded for a simple phone call, there was this feeling, the need to answer the person waiting on the other line.

He picked it up and the caller info flashed an unknown number. A frown fell deep on his brows.

He was about to press the answer button when a loud knock break the silence once more.

“Min, It’s us open the door, Henry’s ed up drunk!” Hyukjae called out from the intercom and Sungmin placed his phone hurriedly on the table going towards the door.

The ringing stopped and the director also halted in his steps for a while, somehow feeling a huge loss together with the stopping of the persistent call.

***

“Hey, I’m not fat, stop saying some unnecessary things.”

“Yes you are!”

“Stop being such a bully, let’s just watch this film. You need to finish that reports right…”

“Yah! You’re my bestfriend right. Stop being like my fiancé.”

“CUT!” The director shouted a pleased grin written on his face Hyukjae groaned as he leaned towards Donghae who seemed exhausted with the fast pace of their filming.

“That’s alright, but there is still something missing… we will take it from the top.”

“Director Lee, why don’t you just tell us what is missing so that we won’t need to repeat this part again.”

Kyuhyun looked at the determined director; it’s true that Hyukjae and Donghae pulled it off quite faster than normal that’s because those two become bestfriends before having a romantic relationship. Sungmin had picked up a really good cast, what is lacking is the director’s proper instruction.

Sungmin sighed and his eyes averted to the two towards Kyuhyun, he sighed again before looking at the screen shots on the camera screen.

“Okay, why don’t we take a different angle while-“

“Tell them what is wrong, Director Lee.” Kyuhyun said professionally walking down from his stool chair, startling everyone in the room.

Sungmin’s eyes widen at the sudden interruption, narrowing by the next minute as his annoyance from Kyuhyun’s involvement rise up from his core.

“Producer Cho, as far as I’m concerned you’re business is not on how I instruct my actors, your business is our sponsors and promotion, please do not involve yourself.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes narrowed at the stubbornness. The filming won’t move on with this attitude, Sungmin had some issues in vocalizing the truth, the real feeling of loving someone from the shadows, but somehow, he too felt guilty. After all, It’s hard to verbalize something that you used to feel.

“I’m sorry for not minding my own business, Director Lee, but you need to tell them exactly how you picture out the situation or else you won’t get a fair result.”

Sungmin bit his lips. Of course he knew what he wanted to see, it’s just hard. To say that you need to look and have an expression of pure adornment to a person who is for somebody else. To verbalize how painful it felt.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, please prepare for the next set.”

All people in the room halted to look at Sungmin with an expression of disbelief. They all knew that it was hard to change and prepare everything that’s why they were working on all the scenes inside a studio designed as a manor.

“Stop being unprofessional.” Kyuhyun sighed walking passed Sungmin. “Everyone take a break for now, I think Dr. Lee needs to be alone for a while.”

There was stretching silence for a while. Hyukjae sighed loud enough for Sungmin to hear.

“You know Min, the producer has a point.” Hyukjae started. “Come on; tell me what you wanted to see?”

Sungmin looked at Hyukjae for a while, then towards Donghae who understands the situation laid in front of him.

“I don’t have anything that I wanted to see.” Sungmin said with lowered voice. “I don’t want to see how I looked at Kyuhyun back then. I-I don’t want to see how painful it must’ve been to watch the person you love belong to someone else.”

***

It wasn’t mature to walk out of the filming either but he think that any moment his heart would crack seeing how good Sungmin hides what he needed to hide, just like on the plot.

He had called the other but Sungmin didn’t answer to his disappointment, the foul mood he sported this morning resulted from sleeping outside the terrace after thinking of so many conflicts before going to the first filming, followed by the persistent nagging over breakfast on how Lee Sungmin is incapable of doing these film.

“That was nice.”

Henry’s voice echoed through the empty hall just outside the studio, Kyuhyun stopped in his tracks, the images of his cousin kissing Sungmin seemed to have brought back the boil of jealousy inside him.

“Henry…” Kyuhyun muttered through gritted teeth, containing his urge to knock that stupid smile out of the other’s pretty face. “Why did you come here?”

“I’m visiting my Min.” the younger smugly replied emphasizing the ownership he had over the other and it made Kyuhyun hate him even more. “I didn’t get to send him to work today; I became tired from last evening’s activities… you know… he just misses me that much.”

Kyuhyun’s mind tried to shake off the pun intended behind those words. Instead, he tried to concentrate on purging out of hi the strength to be the Kyuhyun everyone is intimidated of.

But, even though he think like that and he tried so hard to hide the burning annoyance inside him, the younger already saw it.

“Well, it doesn’t look like Sungmin is that tired, he looked as if he had some pretty good sleep. Are you sure you’re not hallucinating? Though, I can’t blame you…” Kyuhyun smirked. “Sungmin’s worth hallucinating for.”

“Oh! Don’t worry about it. I don’t need to hallucinate to get him to sleep with me. We’ve known each other for quite a long time now… and we do it often…” Henry chuckled triumphantly as he saw the color drained from Kyuhyun’s face. “Don’t imply your situation to my situation. Sungmin and I will never be some stupid mistake.”

In a blink of an eye, Kyuhyun were at Henry’s throat hoisting the younger man’s collar gritting in anger, hands itching to punch the other’s face for mocking on his situation. Shaking he tighten his hold on that fabric. “Don’t talk as if you know everything. You have no right to-“

“Oh but Hyung, I know everything.” Henry replied his expression turning from confidence to anger as he recalled the suffering Sungmin has underwent just to be what he is now, he knew the detail Kyuhyun never had the chance to know. “I know every detail, unlike you who’s just angry for a very shallow reason. You don’t know everything Cho… You’re still oblivious to that one little fact-“

“Henry!” Sungmin called out eyes widen at the close revelation of his secret. Kyuhyun’s eyes were full of questioning now, his eyes were asking him what he missed out.

But Sungmin didn’t want him to know. He doesn’t have to know his abnormality.

The director pried Kyuhyun forcefully away from Henry who looked reproachful beneath Sungmin’s gaze, he knew that he went too far but, Kyuhyun deserve to suffer.

“Sungmin-“ Kyuhyun called out but the other took Henry’s hand before looking at his former lover.

“I don’t want to see you near Henry.” Sungmin spat at Kyuhyun who felt stuck up that instant.

“Let’s go.” Sungmin ushered the younger towards the private rooms leaving the producer on that defeated spot, trying his best to hide the pain plunging him into another depression.

My question is what is love all about?
Your answer is love has already gone

So you can only feel sorry for me for words that can’t be said

TBC

A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for waiting for my updates and  I hope you like this chapter!

I just want to request something from my good readers. Please, do not mention Sungmin’s enlistment as of now, I still am in the process of digesting the reality and I don’t want to be depressed by this, because my fics will be greatly affected. I hope you understand. Do not ask me what will I do by then… I still have nothing yet, I still don’t know what I will do.

Thank you and I hope you enjoyed reading.