Holding On’

Book 1

When The Film Reeled: The Second Chance

“Don’t hold on to someone, when you are already holding someone else’s hands.”

Chapter 2: Meaningless

Part 1

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Can you describe the happiness you felt when you caught the person you had longed for your whole life in your arms, the warmth that had once shared with yours under the blankets, bare and willingly wrapping you on a sweet embrace, the scent that you had grown used to along with the smell of the air when the morning comes. This was all Kyuhyun had begged for to feel after all these years and he was willing to plunge himself to the pit of this momentary bliss when a push snapped him towards the nightmare.

He didn’t want to but he had to.

He let himself be pushed away from the confinements of that fantasy to be able to meet Sungmin’s pained expression.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

That was Sungmin’s response and he had difficulty swallowing the lump that stuck in his throat, all he can do is ponder on how stupid he had been for making himself be droved by impulse. It had been 4 years, what made him stupidly think that Sungmin would allow him to embrace him or to even go near him, what made him think that Sungmin’s still the Sungmin he once loved.

To think that he made Sungmin suffer.

He had let go

He had accepted that Lee Sungmin will just be a love that will forever carry his heart, that Sungmin will never ever come back, he had accepted that in this world, the two of them didn’t deserve another shot. He made himself believe that he won’t have another chance…

Yet here they are, standing face to face with each other, the affection he felt towards the other, burning inside of him, fiercer than before.

And it extinguishes the moment he see the look of utter disbelief from the other’s eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Sungmin repeated distancing himself further away.

“I-I just think that…” Kyuhyun cursed himself for being a coward, a downright weakling and a total idiot. He tried his hardest to come up with an acceptable excuse but none seems to surface.

“Producer Cho, I think you’re in a wrong room, hugging the wrong person.” Hyukjae interrupted much to Kyuhyun’s dismay.

“We haven’t seen each other for a long time, I’m –“ Kyuhyun looked reproachful towards the director but his eyes were stone cold. “We-We’re friends.”

As he declared the relationship he and Sungmin supposed to have, a scoff escaped from Hyukjae’s lips, clucking his tongue as he reached for Sungmin’s arms.

“Well you had your way in meeting an old ‘friend’ of yours. As you can see were busy, so we need to leave.”

Hyukjae grabbed Sungmin’s hand and tugged him. Giving him the signal to walk and ignore Kyuhyun and he followed Hyukjae when a hand stopped his other arm.

“Wait.” Kyuhyun’s immediate response halted the director in his tracks making him turn around to see once again Kyuhyun’s face.

The other was tired, he didn’t want to but he immediately know.

“Let’s talk, please.”

Kyuhyun begged and God knows how much he tried to stop himself from giving the other the chance to explain but as soon as his love for Kyuhyun crosses his mind the death of someone entered his mind, the loss of his child.

“I’m sorry.” He responded as a smile slowly lifted his lips, thankful to have found his voice and the courage to not look away and see Kyuhyun suffer under his eyes.

“I don’t want to linger here much longer and there’s nothing to talk about. All filming issues will be discussed on meetings. It isn’t necessary to meet outside conference room’s doors.”

The professionalism in Sungmin’s voice tore every hope Kyuhyun had and his hands painfully let the other go, crestfallen, sinking deep into the pit he didn’t intend to make.

“I’ll be leaving, Mr. Cho.”

That was Sungmin’s word of goodbye before the whole world turns his back from Cho Kyuhyun.

***

The elevator ride were quiet, Hyukjae let the other go and just stand to watch the smile, Sungmin sported moments earlier fade as the other stared to the blank stainless doors of the lift.

Deciding that it’s for the best, Hyukjae lifted a piece of garment, handing it to the blonde man beside him.

Sungmin looked at him startled at the gesture, looking at the object before looking at its owner

Hyukjae sighed a sad smile crept his lips as he hoisted the garment towards Sungmin, urging the other to take it.

“Wipe your tears.”

Sungmin pursed his lips as his hands reached up to his cheeks, wet with fresh hot tears that never stopped even if he wiped it up with the back of his hands.

Hyukjae looked at his bestfriend before closing their distance and voluntarily wiping those droplets of tears.

“You’ve done great, you hid it well. Now, stop crying already.”

“I don’t know why I am even shedding tears...” Sungmin choked on a laugh accepting Hyukjae’s handkerchief. “… when it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Do you really want to know the answer to your question?” Hyukjae smiled genuinely patting his bestfriend’s head. “It doesn’t hurt because you’re already numb of the pain, but that’s the main reason why you’re still crying…it’s because you’re supposed to feel hatred towards that person yet, you can’t.”

Hyukjae was right on the spot. That’s exactly why he felt a hole in his heart the moment he saw Kyuhyun, he should feel anger, be colder, make Kyuhyun suffer but all he can feel are emptiness. He can’t hate Kyuhyun and it makes him more anxious than he already was.

Sungmin’s tears finally stopped yet his eyes were still carrying the remnants of the past minutes when the door of the elevator opened to another person he least wanted to see.

“Ah, Sungmin- oppa.”

***

Another glass crashed against the perfectly wallpapered room, another scream, another shot of that alcoholic drink.

Kyuhyun gasped as his fist bleed.

He didn’t know what had dampen his face, is it tears, some spilled alcohol, sweat, whatever it is he didn’t really care.

It was painful, so so painful.

“Kyu, that’s enough.” A voice echoed and a soothing hand rubbed his back trying to alleviate the pain he was currently feeling.

“I can’t.” Kyuhyun sobbed wiping messily the tears that blurred his eyes. He wanted another chance, just once more. Let fate give him a second time to correct all mistakes, to just please let him feel Sungmin against him.

“I can’t let him go.”

“Maybe you should let yourself go first…” the small framed man answered fixing the spectacles he sported that was unleveled by Kyuhyun’s rampage. 

“You’ve been blaming yourself all the while when it wasn’t entirely your fault.”

“Yes it is, Ryeowook.” Kyuhyun answered unable to steady his feet on the ground sliding his arms to the counter.

Regrets do hold a person back from moving on, and Kyuhyun have too many of them. There were questions left on his mind, there were ‘What if’s’ and ‘What could’ve been’, ‘What should’ve been…’ and promises he failed to fulfill. He loved Sungmin, and he still loves Sungmin even after all this years.

But the look in Sungmin’s eyes proved his theory that Sungmin could not forgive him.

“Sungmin will eventually forgive you, Kyu… just please stop this.” Ryeowook pleaded trying to soothe Kyuhyun who had been suffering all this time.

If Sungmin would know that it was not just him that hurt the day he left Korea, if Sungmin would know how Kyuhyun would try to survive everyday of his life like a zombie, if he know how strangled Kyuhyun’s life had been… would he understand?

If he knew that it wasn’t only him that died the day he said goodbye, would he find it in his heart to take Kyuhyun back and do what they did back then… would he help Kyuhyun escape forever?

“Would you want me to talk to him? Do you want me to tell-“

“Don’t you dare!” Kyuhyun snapped at Ryeowook. “ I beg you… he doesn’t need to know…”

***

“The first episode would be crucial; it should catch the viewer’s attention, leaving questions on their mind like ‘how did the story ended up like that?’ ‘what happened to the characters?’ so it will be a scene-“

“Wait, Director Lee.” A sophisticated voice interrupted him.

They were on a meeting regarding the creation of the first episode of the drama, and it was Sungmin’s turn to explain what the three main characters would portray when he was cut off by no other than the main female lead.

“Miss Jung, what’s the matter?” Sungmin looked at her questioningly as well as the rest of the cast, she was after all, one of the most casted stars and among a handful of actresses who auditioned, she fits the role of the main female lead perfectly.

Sunny were the original candidate of the board but he refused his own cousin’s plea the last time they saw each other on the way out of the building after the first time he faced the board of directors. She said that she wanted the role and she was readying herself for it but Sungmin interrupted her, he didn’t mean to be harsh but it seems like she took it quite the opposite of what Sungmin wanted to deliver.

But, Jessica is different, she was nothing like Sunny. Yes, they were both heirs, they were both sophisticated but, Jessica Jung is strict, direct to the point, professional and an actress of high caliber, that’s the reason why even if Sunny wished, more like begged him for the most controversial leading lady to their time, he didn’t budge.

Of course working with her and with Kyuhyun would be so awkward but if she was fit for the role, he would gladly endure it. But, she isn’t, because she didn’t know the true meaning of sacrificing everything for love.

How did he know that Jessica would be the one perfect for the role? Simply because when she first read the script, the role she would play, an air of superiority were written on her face mixed with the hurt and humiliation the true character would portray. She walked out of the script reading and came back right after to apologize for her misbehavior.

She’s perfect.

“I would like to ask why you cast a real couple to be my husband and his affair.” She glared towards Hyukjae who’s arms were fling towards the opposite side of the couch while Donghae sat on the other stool.

“Because it will make your acting more real.” Sungmin answered the young actress who puffed her cheeks.

“But, let me see… how will this thing take place, did the two of them fell in love out of the blue, that’ll be absurd, or did they start out as friends and then they developed into something more, did they have a common denominator like they have the same familial background or same circumstances?”

Sungmin registered all the words and the presumptions felt like a hard slap on his face, he wanted to stop the incessant blabbering when Jessica asked a very crucial question.

“Hey, Director Lee, having a man as an affair is really genius, it’ll attract more viewers, but, if you’re going for an all out angst, why would you choose a man who can’t bear a child?”

“Jessica.” Hyukjae’s once playful expression turned serious, he knew that Jessica has no idea about Sungmin and Kyuhyun’s past affair but that time all he can see is the color draining from Sungmin’s face.

“Why?” Jessica’s curiosity peaked. She wasn’t a tactless person but in the way that Hyukjae reprimanded her, there was something more inside the words she just said and she straightened up to move her eyes around the room looking for the answer to her question. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Nope, it’s a very nice suggestion but, I think Sungmin can make the film as interesting and as heartbreaking even without that detail.”

It was the voice of the person who just opened the meeting room’s door without warning, barging in on the closed door meeting. His bleached bronze hair, designer sunglasses, laid back leather jacket over a white v-neck, black pants and accent all shouts foreign for the native Koreans inside the room, it was a surprise that he can say their language quite flawlessly.

Sungmin stood up, his previous color coming back as he recognizes the man who’s been with him for 4 years.

“Look who’s here!” Hyukjae exclaimed and all of the people in the room turned to look to their visitor. “The bad- finally came…”

The foreigner chuckled. “You jerk haven’t change.”

“When did you arrive?” Sungmin asked still in trance when a small smile draws up his beautiful lips.

The foreigner removed his glasses, his small eyes smiling as he saw the delight in Sungmin’s face.

“I told you. I’ll come as fast as I can…” he said moving closer towards Sungmin. “But… this isn’t the welcome I assume I will receive.”

He s his hands around Sungmin’s hips taking the director in surprise drawing their bodies closer to meet.

“Hyung, I’m so glad to see you…” the foreigner smirked before he used his other hand to grab Sungmin’s neck, tilting his head as he zeroed the distance, letting their lips meet, making Sungmin surrender to the form of possessiveness this dongsaeng of his have over him.

It took a little over 20 seconds before Sungmin pulled out of the kiss, his vision catching someone over the door, hair disheveled and mouth almost gaping. Looking at the site he arrived at with widen eyes and broken façade.

The foreigner noticed Sungmin’s surprise and he turned to look at the man who arrived after him.

“Hey Kyu! Long time no see?” the foreigner greeted, but Kyuhyun doesn’t seem too pleased to the shock he had just seen.

It is his cousin, kissing Sungmin and Sungmin willingly letting the other kiss him.

“Henry…” Kyuhyun managed to utter. “W-What are you doing here?”

***

TBC

A/N: I just dropped a bomb!! Kkkk anyways, thanks for all of those who commented last time. I like to hear it from you as always… and if there’s something bothering you or you don’t understand, feel free to ask…