‘Holding On’

Book 1

When The Film Reeled

“Don’t hold on to someone, if you’re already holding someone else’s hand.”

Chapter 8: My Thoughts, Your Memories

Part 1

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How can everything be so out of control, in just a matter of minutes?

Kyuhyun’s rage had passed on but he still can’t get himself together. Sungmin’s father didn’t even flinch, how could someone be that cold towards their own flesh and blood? And then Sunkyu had to be there, just when he can’t get himself to conceal what he was feeling.

His grip on the steering wheel tighten, he wasn’t sure what he should do first but it seems that he needed to be with that one person who needed him right at the moment, someone whose presence would calm and soothe the worries and fears he was hiding.

Yet, his heart would still conflict on to the hypocrisy.

Is he really what Sungmin need? Isn’t he the cause of every pain the other has, isn’t he the root of every suffering Sungmin endured?

If he didn’t plan on gaining the Lee’s trust, marrying into the family to ruin it from inside out, if he didn’t intend to hurt those who have hurt him, he and Sugnmin would have met differently. They would’ve met on one of the films, they would have started as friends, they would have developed differently, maybe he and Sungmin would fall in love spontaneously, maybe they would have discovered how Sungmin could bear a child at the right time, maybe their child won’t die, maybe Sungmin wouldn’t have run away…

The regrets and ‘what if’s’ filled Kyuhyun’s heart and the overflowing emotions finally rested upon small droplets of tears, blurring his vision.

If he had been a little mature back then, then he wouldn’t have sacrificed so much for a simple revenge.

Sungmin had lived a very painful life because of him; he had sacrificed the happiness offered in front of him for something not even worth an ounce of his time.

How can he even say ‘sorry’, is it even acceptable, is he even worth forgiving?

But Sungmin, even knowing all of this accepted him once again, held him close, kiss him like he had not done anything to hurt the other man, how can he even deserve that kind of person?

Because humans are selfish.

The voice from his head ranted, mocking him for how selfish, a human being is. A bitter laughed escaped his lips. He is selfish indeed, he is very human. He will gladly take it once again even if he didn’t deserve it. The love that Sungmin offered him… he would gladly, selfishly claim once again.

It isn’t too late. He can undo everything; he just needed the right method to do it.

A divorce.

That’s the first step, he needed to free himself first, and he needed to start from where it all began.

The train of thoughts suddenly struck him and he stepped on the gas, unknowing of the black van that blocked his way.

He swerved to the fly-by, avoiding the vehicle in a mere inch, landing himself at the side of the road, tires screeching at the friction from the cold pavement.

He docked forward from his seat, a searing pain starting to bloom from his forehead, hot liquid trickling to the side of his eyes, to his cheeks.

He was conscious, aside from the probably small bump and a cut on his forehead he was fine. But his visions are yet to adjust when a harsh pull made him tumble out of the car.

His eyes adjusted first to the darkening sky, before some unknown force pull him once again.

Two bulk figures made into his hazy mind and a scene from one of his distant memories made it back to him.

As if on cue, he struggled from the grip, trying to turn towards his car, to escape was his only option at the moment, he can’t let it happen… not again.

“Let go of me!” was Kyuhyun’s attempt to shake off the figures but a huge painful blow on his mid took his breath away.

Crouching forward helplessly, another blow landed on the side of his face, the images out and next thing he knew he was faced down the cold cement.

He was mercilessly pulled away from the floor and when he finally felt his shaking legs, he attempted to run once again, pathetically fleeing when another blow made its way to his chest, followed by another on his left cheek.

The pain from the cut begun to sear, seeping to his hazy thoughts.

A smile was formed on his mind, a smile so bright it would take his pain away. A smile he needed in order to live.

It seems that forever has passed since he last saw Sungmin smile. Those warm touch, those opened arms, welcoming him back no matter what he had done.

“Kyuhyun…”

Sungmin’s voice numbed him from the enraged voices of the man kicking his gut. Taking another ounce of the oxygen he needed but he doesn’t care, Sungmin is calling for him, he needed to respond.

“Kyuhyun, come here, I’ll forgive you so please…”

“Come home to me…”

Despite the pain Kyuhyun managed to kneel spouting blood on the grey ground, he crawled towards the voice and a blow from his nape shut everything away.

Then the world turned black.

***

“Kyuhyun…”

Sungmin called out but Henry was quick to catch him before he even see the man.

“What are you doing here, you should be resting. Why the hell did you rush in here…” The younger man snapped at the other, holding Sungmin at arm’s length.

“Henry, what happened? Is he okay? Can I see him now?” Sungmin pleaded, while Hyukjae tried to hold him in place.

“Hyuk, I think I told you not to say anything to him.” Henry ignored Sungmin’s pleading, looking at the other man with contempt.

“He needed to know.” was Hyukjae’s plain answer.

“Henry please, what happened to Kyuhyun!” Sungmin harshly asked removing Henry’s hold with rage-filled eyes. “Keeping me out of it won’t help me.”

“And letting you know his condition would?!” Henry retorted. “You’re in no position to offer him help right now, the doctors are giving him the treatment he needed, there’s no use for you to go emotional.”

Sungmin’s tears brimmed to the corner of his eyes, yet he blinked it back and held it in. Henry’s painfully right no matter how much he struggled and flail, it won’t help. He can’t help.

“At least tell me what had happen?” Sungmin asked resolve breaking at the sound of his voice.

Henry looked at Sungmin with pain; he hated how Kyuhyun can make the man he loved vulnerable and strong at the same time. He hated how Sungmin can be everything he ever wanted but what Kyuhyun really needed.

He despised how he can see that he lost to that man over and over again.

Henry sighed.

“He was mauled pretty bad, he’s really not in good shape right now. I asked the doctor and he said a few bones might be broken…”

Sungmin’s strength were drained by every single word he said, he can see it…

“His car was seen on the side of the road, it looks like he avoided something but if it was from an accident his wounds won’t be like that, plus, it looks like he was dragged out of the car so…”

“Who’s the relative of Cho Kyuhyun?”

A voice from behind the emergency room curtain echoed and it piqued Sungmin’s attention. His mind was blank, all he wanted was to see Kyuhyun,all he wanted was to know what happened to the man he loved, he took a step forward, towards the place where Kyuhyun is…

“Me!”

A voice rushing from behind him stopped him.

“I’m his wife!”

Sunkyu ran pass him towards the doctor who ushered his cousin towards the closed curtain.

His cousin’s eyes looked at him for a moment and there was something akin to pride and hatred written all over it before the curtain blocked it from his view.

And the reality seared through his heart like a branding iron.

Henry looked at how Sungmin’s eyes quivered.

“I told you…” he whispered endearingly, holding Sungmin against his chest.

“You should not see this, just close your eyes and let’s walk away.”

TBC

**Author’s note: It’s been sooo long, I hope you like the update, I miss you my readers… Hope you’re still reading this…please comment below ^_^