‘Holding On’

Book 1

When The Film Reeled: The Second Chance

“Don’t hold on to someone, when you are already holding someone else’s hands.”

Chapter 5: I Love You

Part 2

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When was it wrong to own someone? When was it right to possess something that is never yours to begin with?

When Sungmin held the man that is kissing him, he felt so sure that he owned him, he is his. There were no questions about it yet, it was like his heart is being pierced out of him. Every touch burns like a hot fire, every caress felt like he was being hit by thorns; every felt like something's stabbing him.

It hurts, like hell.

But it made him feel alive. It made him sure that he had not loved anyone else as much as he loved Kyuhyun.

His moans were of pleasure and pain, it was like he was calling out on the heavens, blaming someone from up there for putting him into such misery.  He never deserved being tortured inside out, he never deserved being left alone, stuck into loving someone who have been owned yet when he looked at Kyuhyun's dark eyes all he can see is a mirror of what he had been feeling, a reflection of  what was torturing him.

Yes, Kyuhyun suffered too. It's because that man loved him also, that man went through his own hell.

Kyuhyun chanted his name like a worship, it made the fire inside him burn like crazy. A part of him that died when he left Seoul 4 years ago was revived by making love with Cho Kyuhyun.

At that moment he had forgotten his worries and doubts and fears, at that moment he only has Kyuhyun, and that's all that matters.

"Sungmin..." Kyuhyun breathed out against the director's bare neck, running his lips through that damp skin. The brunette cradled one of Sungmin's legs on his arm, his hips positioning in line with Sungmin's entrance.

As soon as the director felt the hardened tip a shiver run down his spine, it was a mixture of lust and longing, he wanted to feel Kyuhyun inside him, filling him up, his heat washing over his body.

But he remembered the painful abnormality, if he let Kyuhyun release inside him then there's no guarantee that the will not bear fruit, if he will be able to conceive again and if he loses him again, he can't even imagine what would've happened to him.

"Kyuhyun..." Sungmin huffed slightly pushing Kyuhyun's hands from his waist. The brunette looked at him worriedly, eyes pained with the sudden hesitance Sungmin is showing.

"W-why? Is something the matter? You don’t want to do this anymore?" Kyuhyun bombarded in with anxious questions. He would not force Sungmin into doing something he didn't want to do, even if it means breaking his own heart.

Sungmin looked directly at the frown sported into the man's eyes. Kyuhyun is worried and he still has given him a choice: to push further and stop their momentary bliss, or to continue with the knowledge of putting himself in line with another jeopardy.

The hands that were supposed to push the man away hold on to Kyuhyun tightly, closing his eyes for a moment, Sungmin sighed. "Nope, lets do this... everything else doesnt matter anymore. Just... for this moment... make me remember what it feels to be owned by you."

Hearing those words a smile crept on his lips, bringing Sungmin's hand closer to his lips, he planted a soft, lingering kiss. "I love you Lee Sungmin.... i have always loved you. It has always been you.

Sungmin tried everything his will power can at that time to stop the tears from falling, doing intimate acts and crying isn't really the best combination, Kyuhyun might think he was hurt and it'll add to more complexities and more questions, he didn't have that time, that's why he swallowed hard, brace himself for the shooting yet thoroughly satisfying pain and let Kyuhyun enter him.

He shamelessly screamed and moaned as he was coaxed by Kyuhyun's large warm hands, like the man always did before all the things happen, one of the things he loved about sleeping with Kyuhyun, the man always would want to make up for whatever pain he had caused, it was evident on the small gestures of care and love. That's why he cannot understand why Kyuhyun would hurt him, the way he did 4 years ago.

"... Min." Kyuhyun moaned trying to resist the urge of pounding right into Sungmin's entrance. Knowing his struggle, Sungmin wrapped his legs around Kyuhyun's waist, heels digging at the small of Kyuhyun's back, pushing down slightly on Kyuhyun's member, making a signal that he was done with adjusting, that he was ready for him.

It was an absolute bliss, feeling Sungmin's heat around him, the warmth he had longed for all these time. The warmth he had never thought he will have the pleasure of feeling again.

after , Sungmin would release sounds of pure ecstasy, making him anticipate for nothing less than that sweet sound of release from those precious lips, he saw how the sweat trickle down slowly on the director’s neck, how those eyes flutter close when it just feels so good, those eyes that would look at him with so much affection and with so much ardor.

But he couldn’t held that resistance to release for that long, he too will eventually need to relieve himself, so he leaned down, pried open Sungmin’s lips with his own mouth, taste that sweet cavern one more time before he sped up his pace, building his .

Sungmin knew that it would happen sooner but he just can’t do anything to push off of him the man he had loved for so so long. So he bit his lips muffling the cry of pain and endearment, held Kyuhyun’s arms and felt the man’s seed inside him, filling him up like never before.

***

“CUT!”

Sungmin’s smile were ear to ear as he saw the perfect bed scene his two actors had portrayed,  Hyukjae straightened up his torso, helping his partner to sit down, covering Lee Donghae’s torso with the blanket.

“Yeah, I know this is weird and a bit disturbing for every man who’s practically straight, but please, can you hand us over our clothes, my Hae- baby can’t move.” Hyukjae laughed and the crew scuttled in a hurry to tend to his needs.

“Everyone, please be ready for the editing, the filming will cease for now, call Miss Jung for the next scene for tomorrow.” Sungmin commanded and the staffs hummed in agreement.

“You look satisfied… we did good I presume?” Donghae asked walking closer to the grinning director who’s currently flipping over their schedules and time frames.

“Yeah, you two were amazing. Just need to fix a few angles and were good to go to the next part. We only have about two and a half months for the finalization.” The director said fixing his stuff.

Donghae sighed, he was sure that there is something else behind that smile. He was scared for Sungmin, but seeing his friend so so happy made him held back on his inquiry, Sungmin was never that happy before, not since…

“Hae, we need to go, Mi-young’s still waiting for us at her recital. Min, you sure you don’t want to go?” Hyukjae approached them tugging his lover for a kiss before addressing his bestfriend.

“Sorry, I need to pass for now, so much editing and were filming Jessica’s part tomorrow, it’s an intense part so, I need to come up with good ideas, you two send my love to Mi-young.” Sungmin smiled tossing his sling bag on his shoulder.

“You’re such a workaholic, you know that.” Hyukjae laughed. “Anyways, I’ll call you for the next schedule. See you…” Hyukjae bid his goodbye tugging his boyfriend along with him.

His phone vibrated on his pocket and Sungmin fished it out to read the message. He smiled, typed in his reply and walk to the elevator leading to the parking lot.

Two weeks ago, he had made another mistake. Surrendering himself to Kyuhyun all over again, letting himself be swallowed by his undying desire for the man, letting his selfishness and heart win over is logic and mind. It was a risk he shouldn’t have plunged himself into.

After their night together, he slipped away from Kyuhyun’s binding arms and snuck out of the apartment, and never again walked into that pit of misery that comes along with loving Cho Kyuhyun.

If only he had done that then maybe, just maybe. He would not be settling himself inside that black car, sitting at the passenger seat, smiling, heart-pounding and leaning in to kiss the same man who had become his death and his resurrection.

Because unfortunately, he had let himself be wallowed to the addiction of hurting himself, he had allowed his defenses to breakdown, just to feel Kyuhyun against his lips.

“Shall we?” Kyuhyun’s voice was deep, his eyes were so pure of the same happiness his own eyes have at the moment.

And now, he’s a part of the greediest love affair the world will ever know.

***

I love you, I need you

My Foolish heart is loving you again

Come a little closer.

And my foolish love won’t let you go.

TBC

A/N: HAPPY JOY DAY EVERYONE! Hope you love my update!