‘Holding On’

Book 1

When The Film Reeled: The Second Chance

“Don’t hold on to someone, when you are already holding someone else’s hands.”

Chapter 4: Every Moment of You

Part 1

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"!"

The curse rang out loud inside Sungmin's apartment. Henry had been in the brink of throwing a fit and sending some police to find the director who had been missing since the night before, his calls were never answered, his text messages were never replied. The fact that he is worried is an understatement, Sungmin is not someone who never texted where he was going or someone who never informed him where he will be. This is just driving him insanely crazy.

The last time he had heard from Sungmin or anyone had seen Sungmin is after the shooting, his assistant director said that Sungmin himself wanted to pass the files to the production office, and the moment he heard that his heart give a jolt, it is after all where Kyuhyun works.

That's why he was beyond pissed off at the moment, Sungmin will never do anything out of the custom except when Kyuhyun is involved.

***

He checked his phone, it has been flashing non stop the previous hours and had eventually drained it's own battery. He sighed to the umpteenth time. Why did he do what he did last night? What is he thinking?!

After he kissed Kyuhyun the man smiled sadly then embrace him tight, pleading for him to stay for a while, it was like the other is dreaming and he was so careful to do anything since he might cause something that will stop his beautiful dream. Seeing the producer so out of it, he presume that it's okay, he's not that heartless to leave the man all alone in a dark disheveled room.

Especially a man he used to love, or so he thought he used to love.

The kiss were nothing passionate, he did it to calm Kyuhyun down, what he didn't expect is for him to hold on to the kiss longer, snaking his hand on Kyuhyun's nape tugging the soft brunette hair. It was as if on reflex, as if he still memorize the way he used to kiss the man.

He hated it, at the same time he missed it.

Then Kyuhyun laid down to his lap and after quite some time fell in deep sleep. He can move out if he wished to but he decided otherwise, there were so many things troubling him at the moment and their momentary position unexpectedly relaxes him. So then he decided to stay for as long as he can.

Kyuhyun must have been tired because he can clearly see the evident darkening under the other's beautiful eyes, the wrinkles that have formed through the other's forehead. Remembering what he heard earlier he cannot help but worry what was that? It sounds so serious and offending, did something happen to Kyuhyun while he was away? 

He pondered on to the things that happened until he too fell asleep some time after midnight and was woken up the next day by the noise of the busy streets his hand entangled to Kyuhyun's hand.

He needed to leave, before the streets became busy and the office is filled with so many people, no one should know that he spent the night beside someone he shouldn't spend even a few hours with.

So with uttermost difficulty he folded his jacket into a lump as a made up pillow, lifted Kyuhyun's head slowly before moving his leg away replacing it with his jacket, he sighed heavily, seeing that Kyuhyun didn't even stir awake at his action. A small smile crept to his lips as he watched how peaceful Kyuhyun sleep

But, every dream have an end, and when Kyuhyun wake up he will again consider having him near as nothing more than just an illusion, just like what he always felt years ago when he woke up without Kyuhyun beside him.

He sighed pushing away a single strand of Kyuhyun's hair.

"I'll be going now." He muttered lowly.

Fixing himself, brushing off his pants he crept out, looking over his shoulder towards the sleeping Kyuhyun a dread fell through his heart, squeezing him painfully. He closed his eyes for a while.

Kyuhyun should always believe that he's just dreaming. He shouldn't know that he really stayed with him.

"Bye." He whispered before closing the door before him.

At the moment he heard the door close, his eyes poured a single drop of tear, for the dream he tried so hard to keep even when he close his eyes, had already left welcoming him again to their painful reality.

***

The elevator door pinged signaling that he had reach the ground floor, he's thankful that no one’s at the building yet so no one would pry or ask why he is there, the guard is someone he knew and was fortunately close to, so he's sure that he will mind his own business.

He was close to the front door when someone snapped him from his trance.

"Sungmin oppa? What are you doing here so early.?"

Sungmin looked up but he hid his surprise with the coldness in his eyes. His cousin had been his closest friend and relative, he didn't even held a grudge against her for marrying Kyuhyun because he knew that she is just another victim of their system but she too became like them, if the last time he talked to her was any indication, she became someone so different, and it kinda irked him to think of what she would do if she knew the real deal.

"I need to pass up some reports but I think Kyuhyun's still not around."

The excuse came as swiftly that even him didn't know where it came from. His heart just dictated him that he didn't want Sunkyu to see Kyuhyun's state. That vulnerability isn't for someone like her to witness. He didn't want her to be the one who's there when Kyuhyun wakes up.

Unconciously, the possessiveness and jealousy paved its way to his heart, and his mind right away told the other, Kyuhyun's legal wife and lover, a straight faced lie.

"He's not here?" She frowned with worry. "He never came home last night, he never answered my calls too... Usually when he does this he'll be staying here at work..."

"Well he's not here." Another lie came. "I just checked."

"Oh..." She sighed. "Well I guess I just need to wait for him to call."

Sungmin never said anything. It was Sunny who broke the silence.

"Uhm oppa, I know our last meeting isn't that good and I'm really sorry for being a ." She started making Sungmin stare at her intently trying to decipher the intent in her attitude. She didn't sense the atmosphere so she continued with her preposition. "But I wanted to talk to you again with less sarcasm. You won't mind having a coffee with me right, then after that we could both go and check Kyuhyun's office if he already arrived."

 At that moment he just wanted to get out of that awkward atmosphere, he didn't want to spend the time talking with her for now but the urge to stop Sunny from visiting Kyuhyun's office is greater than his discomfort.

"Okay then." He muttered still with a blank expression. She giggled lightly before tugging him, leading him to the coffee shop next to the office.

***

“So, where have you been oppa? You disappeared 4 years ago, without even a trace or information of your whereabouts.” Sunny smiled sipping at her coffee.  

Sungmin’s view went pass the girl towards the street. How could he tell the truth about him and Kyuhyun. His dilemma seemed to keep his defenses up and made him look stiff, Sunny saw the uncertainty in her cousin’s eyes so she chuckled lightly to brighten up the mood.

“Oppa, If you don’t want to tell it to me, then it’s fine.” She smiled genuinely making the director looked at her thankfully, making her conclude that the question is really important. “I was just curious. A year after that uncle disowned you, and I don’t have any clue what had happened.”

Sungmin pursed his lips as the hatred for his own father clenched his heart, but then he was used to this, it is after all a topic he cannot forever run away from. He sighed taking a sip of his coffee. “I made something that Mr. Lee cannot forgive so I got disinherited or disowned.”

He said it in a matter-of –fact tone a smile followed his statement. Sunny looked at him blankly, a moment of silence stretching on.

“How about you, how have you been this past four years?” Sungmin asked his nervousness slightly ebbing away since it felt like there was nothing to be anxious about. It feels like he is still talking to the little actress that ended up as one of his closest relative.

“I’ve been fine, a few dramas and movies.” She answered with a smile. “Me and Kyuhyun had been busy for the wellfare of the company.”

“Hmm.” Sungmin nodded looking away for a while. Kyuhyun is brought up yet again and he can’t help but feel deeply concerned since the flow events last day gave out too much questions to be answered. “But I haven’t seen you two together ever since I came back.”

“Ah about that.” Sunny smiled. “We seldomly see each other because we’re both busy with work, he’s very hardworking.”

“How about your children? Who takes care of them?” as much as that question hurted Sungmin, he dared ask about it. He haven’t heard anything about Kyuhyun’s child with Sunny. At least, he wanted to see their offspring, because maybe if his child had been born, he could see what could’ve been his own.

He was ready to hear the things he wanted to be cleared before his jumbled mind go back into trying to forget his romantic feelings for the producer when Sunny broke out into a tiny heaps of laughter.

“Oh, oppa. We didn’t have kids.” She said as if it’s the most natural thing in the world for married couple.

It was a momentary shock for him. How can that happen? Kyuhyun’s a pretty capable male, and a legacy such as a child is needed, why?

“Y-you didn’t have any? Why? Did Kyuhyun refuse to-” the dissapointement in his voice made Sunny stop laughing. She fixed with a mocked cough before she face Sungmin.

“oppa, I was the one who refuse to have children, Kyuhyun might’ve wanted one but, I guess I stopped him from having that Idea,we do spent nights together but I just don’t want to have a child.” She replied with a smile.

Sungmin’s heart clench, he didn’t know where the pain is coming from, is it from hearing that Sunny and Kyuhyun actually sleep together or is it because Kyuhyun might’ve wanted a child but he was deprived from having it.

The first statement sound so immature , if he would feel what he is feeling at that moment because of the obvious fact that the two married couple slept together then he’s so superficial he would despise himself, but the second option fitted the rage he was experiencing.

Sunny would be able to bear a child normally, Sunny had been given the privelege to have a legitimate child that wouldn’t be lacking in everything he wanted. She would be able to bear something without fearing that others considering her a freak. Unlike him…

Tears threaten to fall but he pushed it with his pride as usual. His hands on his knees clenched into a fist.

“Oppa-? What’s wrong…“

“What’s the reason why you decided not to bear a child?” he asked. He knew it was weird for him to act the way he was acting at that moment but some emotions cannot be contained.

“I- I just think that for me and Kyuhyun, a child would become a hindrance, we were on the peak of our business and we just can’t bear having a kid on our-“

Sungmin’s mind had been blocked by a downpour of emotion that he stood up abruptly, grabbing his things, storming towards the door.

“Lee Sungmin-ssi, what are you doing? Stop!” Sunny shouted. “What’s wrong with you all of a sudden? Is it so wrong for me to choose not to have a child? It’s not like I’ve committed a crime?!”

Sunny’s voice turned annoyed as she begun blurting out something to defend her choice making the director stop on his tracks.

“I, happen to have a child once… but I lost him.” Sungmin looked over her from his shoulder. “You’re very lucky… do you know that?”

And at that he left the actress pondering on the possibilities of how Sungmin would have a child.

***

Kyuhyun sighed leaning back through his chair as he tried to fill up the empty spaces the broken furniture left. The office room had been cleaned already by the janitor whom Kyuhyun paid to get the work done without anyone noticing, there are quite a few spaces that still needs to be filled up so that it won’t look suspicious but it can wait for later, his mind is currently pondering on the last night’s kiss and Sungmin’s concern towards him.

He wouldn’t want to expect since he had hurt the other man and maybe Sungmin’s just doing those things to try to comfort him, he shouldn’t jump to conclusions; he shouldn’t get his hopes up.

Sungmin cannot forgive him, not yet.

The door bursts open and a huffing and obviously angry Sunkyu throwing her back on the small couch ignoring the change on the room’s design it is as if she was so angry, her mind blocks out everything else.

“The nerve of that!” she spat trying to calm herself.

“Why did you come here? It’s a long way from the area where your movie is being shoot.”

“Can’t you just pretend that you’re glad to see me?” Sunkyu spat at Kyuhyun who was taken aback by the spontaneous action.  Sunny realizing her outburst sighed and apologizes.

“I’m sorry, I just had a very bad day.” She slumped back on the couch.

“I can see that.” Kyuhyun answered settling in his own chair. Sunkyu studied him for a while in silence, since Kyuhyun never made a move to ask his secretary what she should get for his own wife. Her brows furrowed. Kyuhyun really is cold, and aloof. Totally different from the man he married 4 years ago.

She stood up and walked towards her husband wrapping her arms around Kyuhyun’s shoulders. “You’ve been too busy. You didn’t even inform me that you’re not coming home last night.”

Kyuhyun can feel the pout in her voice but he had so many thoughts right now and Sunkyu’s cuteness will only lead him into his dilemma, remembering Lee Sungmin.

“I’m sorry about that. I forgot my charger so my phone went dead before I even had the chance to message you.” That was Kyuhyun’s stiff reply.

Her lips pursed. “Have you been here all night?”

“Yes.” Kyuhyun answered making Sunny straightened up in confusion.

“But… Lee Sungmin-ssi told me that you’re not here when he visited this morning.”

Kyuhyun halted on what he was doing at once. He looked up to his wife. “Did you two meet?”

He screwed up. He should’ve asked first or let Sunkyu blabber about her retort earlier so that he would have an idea about Sungmin’s excuse. He never thought that there was a chance that Sungmin and his cousin met before Sunkyu visited her.

“I must’ve been asleep when he visited, that’s why I didn’t answer his knock.” Kyuhyun answered with straight face covering up the panic.

Sunny nodded still not looking convinced. She stirred away from the working Kyuhyun towards the pack of breakfast she brought.

“We met earlier. But, I don’t think it went well.” She opened up and Kyuhyun looked up from his paper works to look at her. “Why do you say so?”

“Well, he became an , he just stood up and left after I mentioned not having a child.” Sunkyu huffed but her husband’s brows focused on her story and hearing that Sungmin did that kind of immature act without even thinking straight.

“Apparently, he felt offended since he had lost a child.”

At that new found information, Kyuhyun gaped, perplexity written all over his face. He knew, better than anyone else that Sungmin is gay, and he wont use or rather sleep with girls unless he liked her very very much.

“He had a child and he lost it?” Kyuhyun repeated. “But? How come?”

“May be he impregnated someone in New York and the child died of miscarriage? I don’t know what exactly happened he never explained it to me well.”

Miscarriage

The word made Kyuhyun’s stomach churn into a knot and his heart jolt. That is a very hard thing, to lose a child, but his reaction to this information somewhat affected him in an unknown way, like some dread.

Sunkyu distributed the food she brought when she saw something unfamiliar, a dark blue jacket that clearly didn’t belong to her husband.

“Kyuhyun? Whose jacket is this?”

Kyuhyun’s still in a trance when he saw his mistake. He should’ve locked it away from mysterious, speculating eyes.

“It’s from a friend he gave it to me.”

There was silence or rather a long pause before  Sunkyu broke it with a smile, placing the jacket that was neatly folded back to its place.

“Well, I should get going, I need to be on the filming in a few minutes.” She hurriedly shuffled her things before running towards Kyuhyun for a kiss. “Sorry, I need to go.”

She smiled sweetly making Kyuhyun wonder what happened all of a sudden.

“Give me the list of who came in yesterday.” Sunkyu inquired to the secretary, authority evident on her voice.

“M-Mam… here.” The assistant handed over the list and Sunkyu almost snatched it off her hands.

Scanning through the papers the once cheerful façade turned to serious. Pursing his lips in a thin line she clutches the paper in her hands.

TBC

A/N: I don’t think it’s a fair enough chapter because I know you expected more Kyumin BUT I can’t do that, I need to make the story full, I hope you understand why it’s not pure Kyumin and the progress is a bit slow. You see, I’m trying to make it as believable as it can be. If you were in Sungmin’s situation will it be easy?? Just think about that.

Sorry for ranting, I just got some personal messages saying that the fic is slowly progressing, and they want more Kyumin. Sorry to dissapoint you but I’m writing angst not fluff.

Thank you my loyal readers I hope you enjoy.

A/N 2: For all of those who took time to comment, I’m sorry if I can’t reply to all of it. I really wished that I can reply to you all. But, unfortunately I’m an awkward person and I don’t know how to keep conversations interesting so I’m kinda sad and I feel really sorry for not interacting much. If you really want to ask me some questions, anything under the sun (except updating schedule because I really have no definite date) you’re free to ask. If you want to criticize my work do it so privately, ‘Private Message’ is there for a reason. Thanks so so much everyone of my supporters.