A/N: OMG! I put this upfront, but I wanted to say a few things before you read this… It’s been long but I updated again! Kkk did I surprise you? Actually this chapter isn’t that long as it used to but nevertheless its one of my favorites… my emotions are so filled when I wrote this… I hope I conveyed it to you well… Tell me your reactions or comments?

P.S. Follow me on instagram (@jarieschii0709),  I post fic banners… I especially made one for this, and please play the song while you read it…(Agape)

‘Holding On’

Book 1

When The Film Reeled

“Don’t hold on to someone, if you’re already holding someone else’s hand.”

Chapter 6: Agape

Part 1

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Simply holding someone close to you, especially that person who you cared for the most makes you feel invincible, makes you feel that anything can happen now and you wouldn’t give a damn. It can make you feel like you can do anything, and you can face anything… because what’s important is the present. Not the future… not even the past.

So as Kyuhyun brushes Sungmin’s hair, the scent of the man’s shampoo teasing his nose, he wondered if time could stop. If time could be frozen then he will be grateful to whoever is up there. For bringing the person he loves so so much back in his arms.

A sigh escaped his lips, wrapping his arms around the other, burying his nose on to Sungmin’s crown. Closing his eyes and before he knew it a single tear escaped him.

Why is he being so emotional? He didn’t even know why… he was just thankful and happy.

There’s still so much he didn’t know, there’s still so much he can never figure out, and he has still so much he never told this man sleeping in his arms, but that could wait, in fact that doesn’t matter. Past held little of what they have right now. The past would only hurt them so in order to keep things as stable as it is he needs to keep himself from breaking down once again to that force that kept them apart.

Is happiness this blinding? If you’re happy you couldn’t see anything else, all you could see is that one person who’s the source of this very selfish feeling. He had forgotten that he already had a wife; he had forgotten that he had suffered a great deal just to keep the love that had once been so far away.

Sungmin shifted in his arms and he automatically adjusted. That’s how it is. Like a piece of puzzle, if one changes its shape, the other will follow so that they will be able to fit perfectly again. A smile appeared on his lips.

“H-hey…” Sungmin called out. “You’re suffocating me Kyu…”

The light laugh that followed Sungmin’s voice made his chest pound harder, it’s like every blood in his body came back to his heart. His chest swelled for a moment.

“Stop complaining…” he whispered endearingly. “Let me hold you close… we had years apart, let me savor this moment.”

“We’re too old for cuddling.” Sungmin laughed but nevertheless, wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun.

“No we’re not.” Kyuhyun replied. “Let’s think that were like those youngsters, helplessly in love, just like this…let’s not let the time took toll on us.”

“Hmm… that’s a nice suggestion.” Sungmin shifted so that he was now looking down on Kyuhyun, using his arm as a support to hold his place, giving Kyuhyun a simple kiss. “But I still need to go home and finish some stuffs, were dilly-dallying so much. The production is close to its , we can’t be that distracted.”

“Tch. How did you become such a workaholic?” The producer grumbled under his breath, opening his eyes to meet Sungmin’s doe-like orbs. “Can we meet again tomorrow?”

Sungmin shrugged before he sat up. “I have a 24 hour shoot tomorrow. I’ll be busy… you should go check our production schedule so that you wouldn’t need to ask me every now and then…” the director teased Kyuhyun who groaned in defeat.

“I know, I know… I get it.” Kyuhyun watched Sungmin walked around the room, trying to fix himself on the dresser mirror. “But we can meet the morning after right?”

Sungmin sighed with a sad smile. “You need to go home… someone’s waiting for you…”

Kyuhyun sensed the sudden changed in the other’s voice and he made no second thoughts about going towards the man he loved, wrapping his arms around Sungmin’s waist, placing a chaste kiss on Sungmin’s cheek.

“I love you…” he whispered endearingly. “I love you with everything I ever had and will ever have.”

Sungmin relaxed on Kyuhyun’s embrace.

“But we have places we ought to be…” he replied caressing Kyuhyun’s arm. “Were already being selfish as it is…”

“Love is selfish itself.” Kyuhyun murmured. “I’ll do something about it… after all this… let’s run away. Let’s run away and this time… we won’t be stopped.”

A frown appeared on Sungmin’s brows. Turning himself to face Kyuhyun, he lifted the man’s chin. “Is there something you wanted to run away from? What really happened Kyu?”

The question was threatening, this is what he feared. It can’t be helped after all. There are too many loop holes, too many questions that needed answering and he’s afraid… afraid of the reality that may hunt Sungmin.

Their situation is okay. The revelations can wait.

“I’ll tell you someday… when we can already laugh about it.” Kyuhyun replied holding Sungmin’s cheeks with his hand. “I promise… this time we will make it through…”

Sungmin nodded. “Don’t promise, let’s just do it… okay?”

Kyuhyun couldn’t be more thankful to the understanding that he had received. He leaned in for a kiss that can last for a day, his only reassurance that this dream won’t end like it did before.

***

“I love you… I love you with everything I ever had and will ever have.”

Remembering those words, the hold Sungmin had on his steering wheel tightened. He knew Kyuhyun and those are his words of reassurance, something he never heard from the man before.

It was difficult. Their affair is something he never imagined, he was supposed to stay away, to steer clear from the instances of falling in love and claiming that love for himself, especially a love that should be owned by someone else, but he can’t stop. He can’t stop loving Cho Kyuhyun.

“I’ll do something about it… after all this… let’s run away. Let’s run away and this time… we won’t be stopped.”

The offer the man had refused before came up. He was surprised that it will came out from the other’s own mouth when he had rejected it before, but there is still something he didn’t know. Kyuhyun’s words held so much more meaning, so much more secrets and it made him nervous. Something happened that day, something that made Kyuhyun turn away from him. Something he never understands.

His turned his car into the opening beside his apartment building and find his usual parking spot, a smile on his lips when he picked up the coat that Kyuhyun lend him. The other said it was getting colder these days so he needed thicker clothes, the concern lighted his heart, making the butterflies inside him flutter, something he had never felt in a long time.

His thoughts were like a child, so happy and in love. He knew that it was in a wrong way but still he couldn’t help but feel genuinely glad. It’s like an oasis on a desert.

But once you’re happy you forget everything else, once you are happy… you forget that you could hurt someone.

And when he meet Henry’s pained expression the moment he opened the door to his apartment he was pulled back again to the reality that his love story is not one that came out of the story books. His love is something that can inflict and cause pain not only to himself… but also towards the people who he cared for the most.

***

“Where have you been?”

It was his first question, though he knew the answer he still dared ask.

The look of utter horror in Sungmin’s face made his heart clench in a mixture of pain and disappointment. He knew all along yet he didn’t believe it and pushed his doubts aside because somehow he expected that Sungmin would know better than to dive himself to that same mistakes again.

But it seems that he was wrong.

He had left 2 weeks ago because his manager had bothered him over and over again about his next album, he had trusted that 2 weeks is such a short time for something to happen, that two weeks is a small loop hole on the years he had spent protecting Sungmin.

But it’s a wide space, for someone who never stops loving another person two weeks is just a blink of an eye that could turn his whole world upside down.

“I ask you where have you been?” He questioned rather harshly, keeping the pain locked up inside. He won’t lash out, he won’t…

“H-Henry… when did you return?”

He closed his eyes, calming his nerves, he hated to see Sugnmin so distressed yet he cannot feel any tinge of remorse.

“I asked you first.” Henry replied. “Where have you been and what are you doing these past few days? Are you that busy? I called Hyukjae a couple of times but it seems like even in the production you aren’t present. Tell me what had kept you too busy?”

Sungmin pursed his lips, his grasp on the coat that belonged to someone he shouldn’t been with in the first place tightened, but it was a wrong move because Henry’s vision strayed towards it.

“Who owned that?” the younger asked once more and the atmosphere turned iced cold. The suspicion is there, and he cannot lie, Henry knew that Sungmin can never lie, especially not to him.

“!”

“Henry I can explain-“

“What the ! What’s wrong with you? You’re dating him again? Didn’t you learn anything?!”

“I- I think I misunderstood him Henry, I’m sorry but I think he deserved a chance to explain himself…” Sungmin gasped.

“Really? You already had that conclusion? What about those years that you suffered because of him! You’ll forget it just like that? Oh come on Min. What the hell are you thinking?! He’s married now!”

Sungmin stood frozen as the slap of reality hit him.

“You knew that right? He was married now… what made you think that you had a chance to someone who’s legally tied to someone else… are you going to keep hoping for the love that cannot be yours?” Henry’s voice broke for a while but he kept his composure. Sungmin looked devastated and he despise that he’s the one who has to say those hurtful words, but he needed to wake up from this dream.

“Bring that coat back to its owner, and try not to leave your heart with it.”

It was his words before he grabbed his car keys from the coffee table, walk pass the stunned man and slammed the door behind him.

He was rooted from that place for a while, restraining the tears that betrayed him when he heared the painful sobs that followed with the cruelty he imposed

tbc