‘Holding On’

Book 1

When The Film Reeled

“Don’t hold on to someone, if you’re already holding someone else’s hand.”

Chapter 9: Cry Again

Part 2

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Kyuhyun had a faint smile, worn out yet he’s happy and Sungmin can see himself feeling the same way, reflected in Kyuhyun’s eyes.

He took an unconscious step forward but was held gently by the person beside him.

He looked back at Henry smiling at him.

“I knew you would immediately go towards him, and you would forget that I’m here.”

Sungmin faced the man he was deeply thankful for. He hated how he can see how the pain was masked by the younger’s sincere smile. He hated how he could be the one hurting the person that did everything to help him get up on his feet.

He loved Henry but not the way the other loved him. He’d rather risk another heart break than to choose someone for granted.

“I’ve booked tickets, apparently, they’re for two, maybe you want to escape with Kyuhyun? Leave all this behind.”

A very tempting offer.

He was packed, all his belongings are already with him, and Kyuhyun was there waiting for him at the end of the line. What could he ask for?

The image of his father appeared before his eyes, yes, he will be leaving his father and his mother behind. Hyukjae, he will leave him too, without goodbyes.

It was the very obvious thing to do, the happiness of escaping from the hell he once lived in but…

Sungmin shook his head.

“I have things to finish here. I rather leave when everything was settled.”

Henry hugged him sorrowfully, he could feel it on how tight the other held him, it’s a silent plea but nevertheless selfless.

“Are you sure?” the younger whispered and Sungmin nodded.

“I guess I have to be the one to say goodbye.”

“I’m sorry…” Sungmin replied hugging the other tightly.

They parted and there was nothing but silent goodbyes written all over their faces. The younger man huffed and slowly let Sungmin go.

“I’m leaving and I may not return, but…” Henry held out his hand to a small recorder handing it out to Sungmin who has a puzzled look on his face.

“I think you will need this. It will surely help in ending things. Trust me.”

Henry said giving the man he cherished a longing look before turning his back on Sungmin.

He walked away, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall. Its finally the time to let Sungmin go, but, even though he knew that from the start, even though he knew that eventually he have to give up on the only thing he wanted to hold on to… he’s in no power over someone as great as love.

And he love Sungmin enough to want him to be happy, even if it has to be with someone else.

***

“Hmm, of course, If Sungmin knew he will never forgive you, and knowing you, who loved him so much won’t live with that”

“But, no, I’m not doing such thing… I’m here, as I said, to negotiate. I want Sungmin out of Kyuhyun’s life for good, and I will do my best to achieve that, even if it means I have to kill him.”

“You wouldn’t dare-“

“Of course I would. I even made Kyuhyun almost lose his life twice, because of his stubbornness. And he is, someone I loved.”

 “What the is that!”

An exasperated scream followed by a loud clacking of a small device rang over the household, and Kyuhyun looked up at his wife, gritting her teeth in anger, panting as if the man had just taken out a huge chunk of an air she should’ve inhaled. Her eyes wide in shock looming over Kyuhyun who kept his composure despite the rage he was feeling.

Hearing that tape recording for the first time took him by surprise that he didn’t have any words to say, he wanted to tell himself that it wasn’t Sunkyu’s voice, he tried so hard to convince himself that he wasn’t  wrong about his wife, that it was all wrong.

But no matter how many times he listened it was her, and it made every single repetition of that conversation bore unto his mind.

He wanted to at least see her expression, and deep inside he wanted to see the look of disbelief from what she had heard rather than the look of someone being caught red handed in her crimes, but from what he sees right now it prove to him how wrong he was, it proved to him that he indeed married a monster.

“So it was indeed true, it was all your doing… from Sungmin’s father, to my accidents, it was all your fault.”

“Who gave you that ! Tell me!”

Kyuhyun clenched his fist yet tried his best to not give in to his turmoil and do the right thing. The next thing he placed on the table was an envelope and Sunkyu was beyond apprehensive at the moment.

“W-What’s that…”

“Divorce papers… I am, giving you the honor that is left and I decided to not null the wedding. Just please sign these then it will all be over.

“YOU JUST CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!”

Sunkyu shouted louder than before grabbing the envelope harshly. “You can’t do this to me Cho!”

“Believe me I have every right to do this to you, after all that you have done to me, to Sungmin’s family, to Sungmin. This…” Kyuhyun emphasized his point with a glare. “This is the most favor I can do to save your face from the scrutiny…”

“And what?! You’ll come back to that ?! You’ll humiliate me!” she bellowed grabbing Kyuhyun’s shoulder, forcing the man to look at him. “Can you take the humiliation of leaving me for some gay man!”

“I’d rather be humiliated than live my whole life with someone who didn’t know love.” Kyuhyun said voice low but fierce.

He stood up from the table and grab his packed belongings. He was finally leaving this house who now meant nothing to him. He would gladly do so just to get rid of the disgust he felt.

“I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU!” Sunkyu shouted grabbing his arm and forcing him to turn. “HOW DARE YOU!”

“YOU!” Kyuhyun shoved her hand away harshly. “You have no right to ask me to stay or even listen to what you have to say. You have ruin all our lives to what? For your own personal gain? What will you gain in ruining Sungmin’s life? You…”

Sunkyu bravely grabbed Kyuhyun’s shaking fist, her nails digging into his arm, obvious anger written in her face.

“Sungmin… he can never be satiated from what he have, he will always always take everything from me, ever since we were a child, Sungmin was the favorite… until you came…”

She faced Kyuhyun with utmost contempt and hostility, jealousy was obvious, jealousy that had been stacked up with insecurities.

“You, you were promised to me, you’re mine and yet… you had a very ridiculous affair with that man, did you think that I wouldn’t see the way he looked at you at the beginning, I know Kyuhyun…” she shouted, “You are something he wanted, he yearned for and yet you’re mine… and I couldn’t be any happier than that. I couldn’t be any happier than to have something he cannot have…”

“Sungmin didn’t take anything from you… I am his from the very beginning.”

A hard slap came in contact with Kyuhyun’s cheek and an exasperated Sunkyu panted when her tears came flowing endlessly. Kyuhyun looked at her after the impact; eyes bore so much pity, a thing Sunkyuconsidered defiling.

“The only thing I feel sorry about is not standing up for Sungmin and I, I pity you... for using your insecurity as an excuse to hurt someone.” Kyuhyun dragged his belongings but Sunkyu grabbed him once again and hug him.

“Don’t leave me Kyu... please I’ll do anything... I’ll even accept your affair with Sungmin just-“

“Are you hearing yourself?”Kyuhyun asked brows knitted in disbelief, looking at Sunkyu lowering herself and pleading for him to stay when he had all the reasons to leave. “Please let yourself go, let me go.”

“I think I’m being cruel but this is the best thing to do, don’t do anything that will hurt us anymore, and you won’t hear anything from us.”

With that Kyuhyun removed Sunkyu’s hold from him and walked out the door.

***

It’s still as hard as the first time.

When he had heard the contents of the recording Henry gave him, he was so angry at Sunkyu it took all of his will to stop and started breaking down, all from frustration. She was the least person he would expect to do things to him and his family; she was the least person he would expect to hate.

In actuality, he’s jealous of Sunkyu, everything he is not is his cousin, she was smart, talented, a great actress, she’s beautiful and she has Kyuhyun.

He felt immensely guilty when he learned to admit that he loved his cousin’s fiancé, he was dying of shame and self-hatred when he knew that he was the one taking his cousin’s love away from her, he was remorseful when Kyuhyun admitted that he loved him, and that’s what frustrates him the most.

Because he loves his cousin, she is family, and yet until the moment he learned her true nature he still refuses to believe it, because being hurt by your own family is one of the most painful things to accept.

Because of her, he had lost his miracle.

But Kyuhyun volunteered to settle the issues with her, he had strongly go against him meeting her so he thought that it was probably the best decision, he could not possibly face her with all the painful things she had done.

So, he was left to deal with his own issue.

He’s once again standing in front of the private door of his father’s confinement. He had gathered all his wits and strength to stand there in close proximity to the one family he wanted to take back.

It took a lot of courage to do things that allows forgiveness and second chances because he knew it; he had felt it when Kyuhyun begged to return back to his arms.

Second chances in life weren’t always given, but it was just fair to allow mistakes to happen for you to learn from it, it isn’t wrong to collect failure to achieve something much greater than your falsity.

He looked at the end of the hall where a familiar figure stood tall, smiling at him, encouraging him. Sharing the same fears and the same worries he had when he open this door, sharing that protectiveness for each other, having their unbreakable love and presenting it to the people he cared the most.

Kyuhyun held his arms from behind, place a chaste kiss on his cheeks  and made him feel the support and warm he don’t usually feel.

“Are you scared?” Kyuhyun asked with a voice so comforting.

“More than anything...” Sungmin replied fidgeting on the spot. “Do you… do you think they’ll accept us? D-Do you think we got another shot at this?”

“They’ll need to just deal with it...” Kyuhyun hummed reassuringly against his lovers cheeks.

Sungmin leaned comfortably; all worries seemed to dissipate as long as Kyuhyun’s familiar scent lingered close to him. Kyuhyun’s right, he need not worry about anything else.

Kyuhyun unclasped his arms unwillingly from Sungmin, pat the man who looked at him with so much passion and so much trust, smiled at his lover and put a tight squeeze in his shaking hands.

With a deep breath Sungmin raised his hand to knock on the wooden door.

A shuffled came in response from his knock and his heart continuously thrum against his chest.

The door opened to reveal Sungmin’s mother’s surprised face, and Sungmin's equally nervous ones, a silent second has passed before she smiled.

“Sungmin! You came back.”

“Y-yeah... I-“

The woman’s eyes fell on the tall brunette behind her son who bowed politely as soon as he recognized her gaze was on him, she purse her lips unsure on what to say but nevertheless open the door wider for them to enter.

With a hesitant step, Sungmin walked inside to meet his father’s tired eyes, breathing seemed laboured as he sat upright to the sight of his guest.

“Sungmin...” his father spoke though a little hoarse and the nervousness Sungmin felt was then turned to pain, like something clench on his heart when he saw his father’s face relaxed at the sight of him. Like he was hoping Sungmin already forgave him.

It made him fear the thought that entered his mind, he’s with Kyuhyun, until this last minute he would disappoint his father, until this last minute he will disobey him.

Yet, he loved Kyuhyun, so so much. He would properly begged his father for his blessing, he would properly ask him for the first time in years.

He felt Kyuhyun shuffled close to him and the look in his fatehr’s eyes changed into something Sungmin can’t read. Time stopped as his fears took over him.

Kyuhyun is much stronger; he walked beside him, bowed ever so politely at Sugnmin’s father, kneeled and says the words that Sungmin wasn’t able to say.

“Mr. Lee... I’m here to officially ask your blessing.”

Those were short words and Sungmin’s eyes brim with tears as his father kept stunned for long seconds.

“Stand up...” was his father’s hoarse reply, with voice so weak that it can barely be heard.

But Kyuhyun didn’t do so, he kept his head down, kneeling,  hearing only the weak shuffling of the hospital sheets that was then followed by warmth.

Warm arms enveloped him in a way he never felt before; though it was foreign he didn’t completely dislike it, in fact he felt like he was reminiscing, something he didn’t feel for a long time.

“Please... take good care of my son, the way I failed to do so...”

Sungmin’s father spoke with so much difficulty but Kyuhyun understands as he too was overcome with emotions, like he had finally felt how his father would hold him, only this time it wasn’t just longing he felt,  it was the acceptance that weighed more than anything else.

And no words can describe how fulfilled he and Sungmin feels.

***

Kyuhyun swerve to park along side an almost empty park. Sungmin stirred awake, eyes still watery and puffy from all the crying he did ever since he visited his father.

“K-Kyu... are we there already?” Half awake, Sungmin asked but Kyuhyun just pat his head. “Let’s get off the car for a while.”

Sungmin looked up at him questioningly, but Kyuhyun didn’t gave him the answer he needed, instead the man got off the car from the driver’s side and Sungmin, though still wondering what was happening opened his door and followed the other.

Looking around, Sungmin finally realize where they both were. He stopped in his tracks and stared at the place.

“Kyu... why did you brought me here?”

Kyuhyun heard the fear in Sungmin’s voice a little distant than he perceived, turning around to meet Sungmin’s frightened eyes, he smiled reassuringly.

“I needed to tell you something.”

“What is it?” Sungmin impatiently answered clutching his hand nervously. “Sto- Stop being so mysterious I don’t like it.”

Kyuhyun give his lover an airy laugh, walking to meet Sungmin’s hesitant stride. His hand took hold of Sungmin’s shaking ones and again he smiled.

“I know the last time we met here is something we rather forget, but I have a valid reason Min.” Kyuhyun almost hummed and Sungmin nodded in understanding, he allowed himself to be pulled towards a familiar bench, still perched under a light from an old lamp post.

Kyuhyun took his seat and he let the other sit beside him. Still feeling uncomfortable, Sungmin squeezed Kyuhyun’s hand to get the man’s attention that seemed to be flying elsewhere.

“Why are you so quiet Kyu? Is something wrong?” Sungmin asked warily.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Kyuhyun simply answered, his eyes landing on Sungmin’s. “Do you know how I really feel about you?”

Kyuhyun stared deeply onto those innocent eyes, focused at only him just like how he wanted it to be.

“You’re someone who saved me in so many ways, so so many times do I wish that you would be beside me, someone I got to hold when I fell asleep and someone I first breathe in when I wake up. You’re...”

Kyuhyun’s voice broke but he held it in.

“You’re my miracle.”

“Why are you saying this, I know-“

“I know that you know that I love you but... not to this extent Sungmin.” Kyuhyun cut him off, determined to finish what he wanted to say. “I love you more than life itself, it seems that you’re that vital point that holds me stable and I can’t imagine...”

Kyuhyun reached for Sugnmin’s warm cheeks and gently caressed it. “I can’t imagine life without you... not anymore.”

Sungmin returned the gesture with an endearing smile. His hands reaching towards Kyuhyun’s creased brow relaxing it with his subtle touch.

“Then why do you look so distress?” Sungmin replied. “I’m here Kyu, right in front of you... loving you.”

“It’s because you’re like a dream and... I’m afraid to wake up. I’m scared to wake up without you... I’m scared of losing you, I won’t survive Sungmin...”

“Then let’s not wake up from this dream. Let’s just sleep like this... let’s hold each other’s hand and sleep forever.” Sungmin offered and Kyuhyun took his hand and kissed it deeply.

The silence enveloped them. Kyuhyun once again spoke words Sungmin definitely won’t get tired of hearing.

“Let’s escape? Let’s leave everything behind and get the hell out of here. Let’s make a family, I know it’ll be difficult but this time I’ll be there... I’ll be there Min...”

Sungmin didn’t have enough time to cry, his tears were dried up with all the affection he had received and he knew that this is just the beginning, a prelude.

“Will you marry me?”

When words fail you its best to show it, to lean forward and capture those quivering lips, feel his lover’s soft brunette hair in between his fingers, moulding two different lives into one with a single kiss, a kiss that need not be too passionate to reveal his answer.

 Yes.

***

“Hey why are you spacing out?”

Hyukjae’s familiar voice broke him in his reverie; Sungmin’s shoulders shook in surprise as his round doe eyes set on the man behind the wheels looking over him from the rear view mirror.

“You looked like there was a frog in your throat, is something bothering you?”

“Nothing...” Sungmin replied with a tired yet genuine smile. “I’m just nervous.”

“Nervous of what?!” Hyukjae exclaimed. “The success of the movie? Oh come on Min you don’t actually think it will flunk? I mean, were actually having the launching now? Why be so dramatic?”

“Stop bullying him Hyuk, he’s exhausted there’s so much to settle.” Donghae slapped Hyukjae’s arm which gained him a whine from the other man.

Sungmin sighed as two of his friends argue in front of him, both of them had gone through so much just to be together too, and just like him and Kyuhyun, they held on to the things that is worth more than mistakes and pain.

His lover wasn’t able to go with him since he’ll be taking care of the publicity on the press conference, it’s okay with him, he actually wanted to get all things done, including the promotions of the movie so he could finally settle with one of things more important than fame, his family.

But he was still deep in thought because it wasn’t the launching that’s been bothering him, but it was riding with Hyukjae in the same condition...

It was the same as the last time only it will not end up with falling apart.

Their story will end up differently this time.

The moment the line up of stars entered the hall flashes of different cameras commenced, everyone started to buzz as the stars and the creators fall on each seat provided at the platform, Sungmin sat at the centre with Hyukjae and Donghae at his side.

Amidst the crowd and in a dim corner, he was drawn to see a tall brunette, smiling proudly at him. Kyuhyun’s there and after this, they will leave everything behind, leave everything to pursue their endless dream.

The questions came flying and answering it one by one is a bit tiring, but whenever he looked at the corner to see Kyuhyun’s gestures, his antics in reaction to the reporter’s queries, a small laugh make its way to his lips.

“Mr. Lee, this plot... I heard it’s a true to life story?”

Kyuhyun’s expression changed into being hostile, ready to send out the reported but Sungmin shook his head towards him.

“Please... answer my question Director Lee.”

“Yes.” Sungmin said out loud and the silence that enveloped the hall became almost deafening. Hyukjae looked at him perplexed but Sungmin gave him the reassurance he needed.

“Then you mean that this story is really a guy cheating on his wife to be with another guy?”

Sungmin once again closed his eyes, heart hammering yet he maintained his pride and speak once more of the truth.

“Yes.”

The rampage of the questions that follows were incomprehensible, the questions became intriguing and personal that Sungmin almost regretted consenting to their whim.

“It’s his story.”

A voice seemed to overpower everything else in that moment, reporter’s retorts were halted and the accusations were given way to add oil to the fire.

“Am I right Director Lee? This story is yours...”

Sunkyu’s voice were menacing, upholds pure loathing and disgust towards Sungmin who’s heart almost stopped.

“What do you mean?” The reporters came towards Sunkyu and started to ask questions and Sungmin cannot allow this. Not now...

“Lee Sunkyu-ssi, I believe this is our movie’s press conference, and you are not invited here.” Hyukjae’s voice sounded like poison, saying what Sungmin failed to say at the moment.

“Why? Did I trample on some very sensitive topic Hyukjae-ssi?” Sunkyu asked sarcastically. “As I said, this story is Lee Sungmin’s story, only- he is not the husband...”

“He is that that seduced the husband.”

“I will halt the press conference for now; the next schedule is to be announced.” Sungmin answered shakily and he stood up from where he sits.

“You don’t walk away from me Lee Sungmin!”

Sunkyu shouted and a gasp followed by screams where heard from all over the hall when a bullet was released, Sungmin was startled and Hyukjae immediately held Donghae and Sungmin.

A gun pointed straight at Sungmin from the middle of the crowd and Sunkyu, looking like a completely different person laughed at the sight of Sungmin’s startled face.

“Did you think I’ll let you off that easily? Do you think you’ll be happily skipping through the horizon when you will all leave me to rot?! No, oh no...”

“Sunkyu, stop this, let’s talk about this... do you know what you’re doing? You’re ruining your life...”

“You already did when you took everything away from me!” She screamed trashing on about. “But no, you won’t take anything away from me now because it is I who will take you away from everything you hold dear.”

“Listen parasites!” Sunkyu blared. “This man, this lame excuse of a man is sleeping with my pathetic husband; make sure that hits the headlines tomorrow well along with reporting the great Director Lee’s death.”

Sungmin racked his brain on what to do about the situation, Kyuhyun is not in his usual spot and it unnerves him to think that his lover is thinking something stupid for him.

I want Sungmin out of Kyuhyun’s life for good, and I will do my best to achieve that, even if it means I have to kill him.”

 “You wouldn’t dare-“

“Of course I would. I even made Kyuhyun almost lose his life twice, because of his stubbornness. And he is, someone I loved.”

The recording rang all over the halls and Sunkyu’s crestfallen face looked at its source, the media had started to record the situation and looking at things falling out of the way Sunkyu once again loose her composure.

“Stop playing that or I’ll kill-“

“It’s over Sunkyu.” Kyuhyun’s voice was gentle, almost as if he’s begging his ex-wife to stop causing so much more damage to them and to herself, a line up of police entered the premises all armed and at a ready to shoot.

“Sunkyu please... stop this.” Sungmin pleaded and Sunkyu’s eyes were drenched with frustration and sadness. Sungmin hated to see someone he once cherished driven to madness by jealousy and insecurity.

“NO!” Sunkyu shook her head forcefully voice hoarse from too much crying and too much loneliness. It was too late for her... damn too late.

 “If I’m going to crash down I’m going to take you with me!”

And Sunkyu pulled the trigger.

“Sungmin!”

Kyuhyun’s voice was the next thing Sungmin registered after the loud sound of the bullet being released from its barrel knocked him into nothingness.

TBC

Please stop crying and hold on to him

Don’t let the goodbye take him away

Take the words trapped inside out of you.

Tell him you love him before it’s too late

A/N: Double update guys? Are you still breathing? If not then take a deep breath before clicking ‘Next’. ^_^