*HOYAS POV*
    I sat in my room, alone. The other members were outside in the living room, but I was not in the mood to play around right now. I stared at the present infront of me and checked the time; 12:02. I did promise her that id open it the next day and technically, it was the next day. 
    Even though she handed it to me only an hour ago. 
    I pulled off the ribbon and teared off the wrapping paper. A tiny box was revealed. I itoook a deep breath and pulled off the top. Inside, sat a purple watch and a little panda doll. 
    The panda doll. I gave that to her for her birthday. Was it her ninth birthday? I can't quite remember. I took it out of the  box and discovered a card at the bottom. I opened it and it read, 
    'Dear my lovely Howon, 
    I didn't know what to get you this year. It seems time really does have a way of seperating people, huh? but theres no way Hoya of infinite's favorite color is any different from Howon from Busan's right? Im going to trust my heart on that. The doll.. it used to help me sleep peacefully, but nowadays it seems to trouble me more than put me at rest. Being the one who gave it to me, I felt I shouldve given it back. It took me a while to realize how greatly we both have changed. Its hard to let go. Thanks for being apart of my life, kiddo. 
Have a Merry Christmas. 
    Love, 
    Young Hee'
    I closed the card and rested my head against my palms. 
    I shouldve said goodbye properly. I shouldve wrote her a letter. Thanked her for being apart of my life too. Told her to have a Merry Christmas. I shouldve told her that even though time will erase her scent or laugh from my memory, it will never erase the impact she had on my life. That no matter who we end up loving at the end of our lives, she will always have been my first love. 
    But I didnt. 
    So instead, I hope she understands that giving her my jacket was my way of telling her that, even though I didnt love her anymore, I still cared. I hope my scents slowly washes off the jacket so she forgets my scent but never our memories. And I know its completely selfish of me to want to be just friends, but i hope she can find it in her heart to be my friend. because between us, it wasnt the fact that we loved eachother that made our relationship significant, it was our friendship. 

    *MINJIS POV*
    I woke up to the smell of pancakes and coffee. I walked down the stairs where my parents sat, fully awake. I chuckled to myself, remembering the past Christmas mornings when I had been the first one by the tree and shaking my parents awake. It seems the roles have slightlly reversed. 
    We each made a plate and sat by the tree, opening presents. I had gotten mostly clothes and a few other accesorries. My parents sat patiently, waiting for me to open the present they had gotten me- the last present underneath the tree. It was a weird tradition we had, but I always opened their present last. Always.
    I slowly teared off the wrapping paper and peeled off the tape. There, I seen a mini movie projector. I stared at my parents blankly, unable to understand what to do with it. 
    "You can connect it to your phone or any mobile devicei. So it projects whatever is on your screen onto the wall. Since you like movies so much", My mother smiled. I ran over and hugged them, wondering where they had found such a great piece of technology. 
    Afterwards, I ran up to my room and used it immediately, rewatching movies and music videos.

    The sun was beginning to set as my parents walked out the door. 
    "Dont forget to lock the door before you leave", my mother reminded me. I nodded, kissed her cheek, and shut the door. My parents were off to a family party. Of course, I would have gone if I hadnt made plans with Infinite.
    My phone began to ring, and beore even reading the caller ID, i knew who it was. 
    "Im about to leave my house to pick you up. Get ready", Myungsoo said. 
    "Its okay, ill just walk over to your house now. I have cookies to give to your family, so its just more convenient".
    "Are you sure?"
    "Im sure. Im on my way now. See you in a couple minutes, Oppa!" I said and hung up. I grabbed my purse- with my laptop and mobile projector inside, locked the door, and made my way to Myungsoo's house. 

    When I arrived at Myungsoo's home, I was greeted by the smell of gingerbread. I knocked on the door and Myungsoo answered, his jacket in hand. 
    "Lets  go, it smells like a bakery in there", he said, his face a bit sour as he tried to pull me towards the car.
    "I have to give this to your Umma!", I said, holding up the box of cookies I had brought. "I baked them myself".
    "But the smell! Its so overwhelming. My mothers been baking since the morning and now the smell of gingerbread is lingering on my clothes". Despite his plea, I walked toward his humble home and let myself in.  
    "Noona!", I heard Moonsoo exclaim. 
    "Annyoung Moonsoo", I waved and walked over. "Wheres eomonie?"
    "In the kitchen. Shes been baking all day",  he scrunched his nose. I laughed and made my way to the kitchen. 
    "Annyounghaseyo, Eomonie", I said. Her back faced me as she put in the last batch in the oven. She turned around and wiped her hands on her apron. 
    "omo, look at you! I see you so often but I always forget how grown up you are", she chuckled. She walked over and hugged me. "Myungsoo just left to go to the members apartment. Arent you going with him?"
    "Yeah, I jus-". 
    "Yah, who says you can walk into my house without me? This girl". Myungsoo came barging in with his eyebrows furrrowed. 
    "Well I told you i had to give this to you mom!"
    "Couldnt you just wait till I came back home to give it to them? When the house no longer would smell like gingerbread?"
    "It wouldnt be as good by then!"
    "Aigoo, look at this. is this a lovers quarrel?", His mother cut us off, teasing. 
    "No way. Hes too immature", I answered. She laughed, patting my back. "Well, I have to go now. Here, these are cookies", I said, handing over the tin box. "Merry Christmas!". I hugged her one final time and left the house. 
    "Youre so stubborn", Myungsoo grumbled as he seatbelted himself.
    "Lets just go to the apartment already", I said and ruffled his hair. He smiled his oh-so-attractive smile and started the car.

    We entered the warm apartment and was greeted by the sounds of laughter and music. I shook my head in disbelief, discovering once again that they had left their door unlocked. 
    "You guys have keys and a code pad for nothing! I can just push the handle and walk in. what kind of idols dont even secure their homes correctly?", i scowled. Myungsoo strolled in right behind me, chuckling. 
    "Oh, you guys came already? I didnt even hear the door open though", Woohyun shyly smiled.
    "Of course you wouldnt! You guys have no security at all! When are you guys going to actually put in a code for your home!"
    "Arasso, Arasso. We'll do it today. Just come and take a seat", Sunggyu waved us over. We happily joined the members and sat around the couch. 
    The apartment smelled like scented candles and pine. Something about the new scent made it feel more home like. 
    "Infinite Mini Christmas Party Start!", Sungyeol yelled. Everyone laughed, pulling out the presents and passing them around. Once we organized which present belonged to who, we opened them. We each took turns opening one anothers presents, laughing and thanking eachother. 
    All of the members opened my present first while I opened Sungyeol's. Myungsoo was the first to react. He yelled in glee and stood up. It was a poloroid with a screen. It gave you the option to print it out or not. 
    "Yah, I didnt even ask for this, howd you know I wanted it?". 
    "You like taking pictures. I figured it would make things easier so you didnt have to use seperate equipment to print it out", I shrugged. He set his present down and walked over to me. He bent over and huggged me. 
    "Kamsamnida, ill use it well", he said as he pulled away, walking back to his seat between Sungyeol and Dongwoo. 
    "You guys look like a couple whene you do stuff like that", Sungjong teased. I glanced over to Hoya at that moment. He was looking down at his hands with a small smile on his face, but he looked uncomfortable with the statement. 
    "Yah, are you cheating on me?", Sungyeol playfully accused. 
    "Would I ever date anyone as ugly as you?", he turned to Sungyeol and playfully scoffed. Sungyeol raised his hand above Myungsoo's head causing Myungsoo to slightly flinch. Everyone laughed. 
    "Yah, Minji, whyd you get me this pain ointment?", Sunggyu scolded.
    "Because grandpa gyu is always complaining about his muscles and joints being sore", I said back, causing laughter. 
    
    We shortly finished opening presents. Everyone got simple things from eachother- giftcards, clothes. I got a couple dolls and a necklace from Hoya. It made me feel a bit guilty since I only gave him a shirt and a gift card. As the other members stood from their seat and walked towards the kitchen I looked up at Hoya. He caught my glance and remained where he stood, waiting for the other members to vacate the living room. 
    "Im sorry my present wasnt much. I promise to get you something better for you birthday", I apologized. 
    "Ani, I wasnt expecting anything big. I make more money than you do", he chuckled. "Its really not a big deal. Just remember to give me chocolates on valentines day", he winked. It was almost breathing taking. 
    "Yah!", i playfully hit his arm. 
    "or maybe a kiss?", he added on, leaning towards me. I pushed him away and we laughed. It died down to a sigh and we stood there for a minute in silence, boring into eachothers smile. He had that kind of smile you enjoyed seeing. The kind of smile that was contagious. His smile was cute and resembled a child's and i wondered how i never noticed it before. 
    How I never noticed how his smile never lacked a sense of warmth. How his smile looked sort of goofy in an attractive way. How his smile made me smile without a second of hesitation. 
    The moment was broken by the sound of a clattering plate and the laughter and complaints of the members. We turned around to find Sungyeol on the floor, a broken bowl, and spilled soup. 
    "Hyung, how did you spill that?", Hoya pointed and laughed, walking over to help clean up the mess. 
    "I dont even know how I tripped",  Sungyeol stood up- with the help of Woohyn. He looked at the mess in disbelief and and scanned s for thier reaction. 
    "Hyung, why are you so clumsy?", Sungjong cried. 
    "Yah, its not like youve never fallen before!"
    "Ive never broken a bowl and spilt soup all over the floor", Sungjong countered.
    Hoya looked up from the mess, smiled and rolled his eyes, then went back to cleaning and although he had looked away, my smile had not faded. 

    *MYUNGSOOS POV*
    In the middle of our little party, my phone began to rang. I laughed as i walked to the side and answered my phone. 
    "Yeobseyo"
    "Sorry so late, Ive got it with me right now. Im in the lobby", the voice on the other line said. 
    "Alright, im coming down", I said softly into the phone and hung up. "Im going down to my car real fast, I need to get my phone charger. Ill be right back", I announced to the group. they nodded as I walked out the door. 
    I jogged to the elevator and pressed the button to go down, shaking my leg as I waited. When the doors opened with a ring, i ran inside, closed the doors and pressed the button to the lobby. 
    When I arrived, he was already standing by the elevator door. 
    "Thanks Manager hyung. It means a lot to me", i cheekily smiled as he handed me the papers. 
    "No problem, you better work hard at all times, arasso?", he said with a finger pointed at me. I laughed and nodded.
    "You should get back to your family. Its starting to get late", I nudged my head towards the door.  
    "Yeah, Im gonna get going then. Merry Christmas, L!"
    "Merry Christmas, Hyung! See you later", I smiled as I waved goodbye. 

    When I got back up, the members were rolling on the floor laughing. I closed the door behind, walking in closer, trying to figure out what they were laughing about. The lights were off and a light illuminated their faces. With my eyebrows furrowed, I walked into the living room to discover a video displayed on the wall. I stared at it a bit longer, trying to figure out what the video was of so that I could join in into the fun, then suddenly i realized what it was. 
    My eyes scanned the living room for Minji. That was when I found her in the corner, her laptop in her lap and that new miniature projector that just came out in stores, sitting beside her. 
    "Yah! Why are you showing them this?!", I scolded, ruffling my hair. 
    "Cmon oppa, I wouldve showed them sometime. Might as well show them today", she shrugged with a laugh. 
    I scowled and took a seat beside her, watching as the members pointed and laugh. On the screen, I wore a power rangers outfit. I jumped off of the couch in Minjis home, and ran across the living room, singing the theme song. 
    "Im tied up! help me!", little Minji screamed from her pink chair, her hands tied to the arms. She had actually tied herself to the chair, but the imagination was what kept out little fantasy going. 
    "Ill save you!"
    I ran to her, made a pose, and began untying her while i sang the power rangers theme song. 
    "Oppa, look out!", she screamed as I finished untying her first arm. 
    I turned around and began fighting the air. Of course, at that time, i had imagined a villian there. I threw some punches and kicks, even dodging and taking a few hits when finally i brought out my sword. 
    I jumped in the air and swung it, pretending as if i had sliced him in half. Then, i ran back to Minji and untied her. When she was free, she hopped onto my back and i ran towards the couch and dropped her. That is where the video ended. 
    As the members pointed and laughed, I hid my face behind my palms. Minji leaned on me, with her chin resting on my shoulder.
    "dont be mad, please?", she sing-songed. I looked up at her, causing her to lean back stuck my tongue out. 
    "Aigoo, still at the same maturity level", she playfully scowled. 
    "That was daebak!", Sungyeol laughed, his thumb pointed up. 
    "Shutup", i played off, throwing a couch pillow towards the group of bodies on the floor.
    "Okayokay, stop laughing guys. I have one more video. And I promise", she turned to look at me, "that this one isnt embarrasing. Actually, its very peaceful". The video started with minji fixing the camera. finally, she sat back, revealing my room. I sat in a rolling computer chair with my old guitar in my lap while she sat on my bed with her legs crossed over eachother. 
    I bored into the video, remembering almost exactly what happened that day. We were ten at that time. I took a big sigh, looked at ten year old Minji, and began playing my guitar. My pre-trained voice rang through the room as i began playing. For some reason at that time, it made me nervous just to be infront of a camera. 
    When the chorus began, minji joined in with the harmony. if i closed my eyes and focused hard enough, i could almost feel myself taken back to that scene. Back to the hot air circulating through my room. Back to stirring in my stomach. Back to the first instant I felt something more for Minji. 
    i opened my eyes, and watched my younger self, wondering if i had known then that what i felt was much more than the enjoyment of the sound of her voice, would i have said something? would i have been able to tell her that I felt something else for her beside our friendship? That there was more to it? if i had known at that time that I was hopelessly inlove with her, would the courses of our lives have changed? 
    And in that moment, as i mentally asked my younger self those questions, I seen him smile, and look over at younger Minji. My heart began to beat faster at that moment, I remember. Yet, i had no idea I had looked at  her that way.
    As I stared at myself on the screen, I prayed Minji had not noticed the way I looked at that time. Because if she had, shed never be able to remember my cold eyes. And honestly, if I had not known myself well enough, id never believe I could even give off a cold stare. Not by the way I looked at her in that moment. I looked at her with soft eyes. I looked at her as if she was a dream i couldnt reach. As if she was in my view but not close enough to touch. I looked at her as if she was the sun and I was the moon, just waiting for a miracle to have us someday stand together in one sky. It was sad but sort of sweet and very obvious. And as i cursed my younger self for being so naive and unaware, i had come to realize I had known.
    I always knew i was inlove with Minji. ive always noticed the way her smile and her scent made my heart skip a beat. Ive always noticed that way her absence bothered me. Ive always noticed the fact that she was always on my mind. Ive always noticed the way her voice made the hairs on my arms stick up and the way my cheeks burned when she linked her arms with mine. Even when I had gone years without her beside me, the way I felt about her had never changed. The only problem was not being able to admit it. And that, I must admit, was the biggest mistake ive ever made. 

    When the video ended, Sungjong sprang up to turn on the lights. At first, it was a bit blinding, but we quickly adapted. 
    The first person I made eye contact with was Hoya. And I knew he noticed the way I looked at her too. and as I scanned the other members faces,  I knew they did too. There was this certain look in their eyes yet they didnt say a single word about it. 
    I looked over to Minji to see if she had noticed it too, praying that she hadnt, and when I seen her sleeping peacefully, i thanked god for answering my prayer.
    I shook her awake, telling her the video had finally ended. She squinted her eyes a bit, adapting to the light. 
    Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door, making Minji jump. Woohyun ran over to answer the door. When he opened it, his eyes widened in surprise. There in the doorway was his beloved haewon. 
    "I didnt bring presents, but is cake okay?", she said. 
    "O-o-of course. Come inside, its too cold for you to be outside", he said cutely, pulling her in. I looked beside me at Minji, who was slowly standing up with hanging open as if she couldnt find the right words to say. Haewon put the cake down and looked at her. For a moment, it looked like Haewon was not planning on speaking to her, but she walked over and suddenly wrapped her arms around her neck. 
    "Merry christmas Minji. Ive missed my bestfriend", she said. 
    "I missed you too", Minji replied, with a hint of a smile in her voice. 

    We gathered around the table. the only light in the room was the burning flame on the top of the candles. We sang the chorus of 'Merry Christmas darling' before we blew out the candles togther. With the smell of Melting wax in the air, we all cheered, the lights, and hugged eachother. Sunggyu brought out the knife and sliced the cake. 
    and so from there, we sat around the table, slowly eating our share of cake while talking. 
    "My new years resolution is to get a body like Hoya", Sunggyu stated. 
    "As if. You struggle to sit up in bed. Do you think youd be able to do ab workouts?", Hoya scoffed.
    "yah, is it wrong to make a challenging resolution?"
    "Its only a resolution if you actually make the effort, hyung", Hoya answered.
    Dongwoo laughed loudly and high-fived Hoya. 
    "Yah, who are you to laugh. its not like you have a great body either".
    Dongwoos laugh died down and he scowled at Sunggyu. We all laughed. As I looked up from my cake, Woohyun and I made eye contact. Without even a nod or gesture, he stood from his seat and walked out to the balcony, and i knew he wanted me to follow. So, while everyone was laughing, i discreetly left the room and walked to the balcony.

    As i softly closed the sliding door behind me, Woohyun was looking out at the dead street. Snow was falling slowly and the air was very crisp. As I walked over to join him, he said,
    "out of everyone in this group, you and Hoya would be the very last people id ever imagine getting into this korean drama love story crap", still looking out at the street. I stared at the street light and waited for it to turn green to say something. 
    "Was it that obvious?"
    "Of course it was. Even when you were dating Haeun. We knew you didnt really love her". I stayed silent, so he continued speaking. "We all seen it coming. Theres no way you could be as close to a girl as you are with Minji and not feel something. Hoya was a surprise though".
    "A big surprise", I softly chuckled, fidgeting with my hands. 
    "Theres such a strong tension between the three of you sometimes. Maybe you should just fist fight him",Woohyun laughed.
    "Well, id definitely lose", I answered back.
    "Listen, L. We're family. Its hard to watch this love triangle. Im not saying youre wrong or anything, but cant you and hoya just go back to the way you guys used to be? Be brothers again?"
    "Hyung, i wish things were the same way they used to be. But we both know at this point, it cant be". And with that final statement, woohyun nodded and walked into the apartment and i followed behind. 

    As the party came to an end, and the members began to slowly fall asleep, me and minji decided to leave. 
    I pulled over to Minjis house. Before minji opened the door to leave, she said, 
    "Im not ready to go bed yet. Can you stay a bit?". and thats exactly what i did. 

    As we sat on the curb, drawing in the snow with our feet, we talked about our past christmases. What we've done and the presents we've gotten. And although none of us mentioned how badly we wished we were there with eachother, we both knew. 
    "Oppa, Next christmas will be like this one right?",  she asked, looking at her drawing.  I remained silent for a while, staring at the street lamp. I watched as the moths hit the light, trying to get closer to it. "Oppa?"
    "Of course it will be", i turned towards her with a smile. She looked up at me, smiling too. that beautiful smile that never failed to make my heart race. In that moment, as she captivated me with her smile, i wanted to close that gap between us. like the moths underneath the streetlight. I wanted to feel her warm lips against mine. And although the scent of her perfume made it harder to resist, somehow, I did. 
    "are you okay?", she asked. 
    "Minji, I have something to tell you. before I change my mind", I blurted out, maybe a bit too loud. 
    "What is it?", she softly laughed. 
    I dont know what it was. Maybe it was the buzz in the air or maybe it was that sparkle in her eyes, but something in me told me the moment was now. 
    "It took me twelve years to be able to say this. Minji, I think im in love with you", I said without looking away. ''I know you love Hoya, but theres no way you can look me in the eyes and say theres nothing between us. I know you feel it too. I know I hurt you, and im sorry. But I need to tell this to you now, before I can regret it. You are better than any girl ive ever known and that includes Haeun. I love your voice and your smile and your laugh. It makes my heart race when youre around. I could put on any cologne I wanted, but I continue to use my mothers rose smelling products because i know you love that scent. and maybe this confession isnt as great of a piece as any of your stories or maybe its not as great hoya's, but everything im saying, i geniunly meant it. Im in love with you". I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Trying to get my heartrate down. and i waited for her answer. 
    There was something about the way she looked at me. Like she didnt know whether to be happy or sad. Like she didnt know whether to accept it, reject it, or respond at all. Like i was making her choose between me and hoya. 
    And honestly, i sort of was. I wanted her to tell me she loved me. I wanted her to tell me she does feel something between us. i wanted her to choose me. 
    But how could I expect that from her? I shouldnt. i couldnt. No. i was not going to be that guy. 
     Yet, seeing the hurt in eyes, maybe it was a bit too late to not be that guy. Although I didnt want to confess it, deep inside I knew I was going to make her choose. Maybe not specifically today, but someday. We both knew my temper was going to get us in a mess. That my jealousy might get the best of me someday.
    And it was then that i made the decision that maybe, fate had other plans for us. That maybe, our strings were tangled with eachother but not knotted together. That maybe, it was best if we untangled ourselves and seperated our ties. 
    So I pulled out the papers from my jacket pocket and handed it to her. 
    "I wanted to give this to you seperately. Merry Christmas", I softly said with a smile. She was a bit taken aback by the sudden change in subjects, but accepted it without looking at it yet. 
    "Its getting cold, you should head inside", I said pointing to the door. 
    "its been snowing. Of course its cold", she chuckled as she stood up. "Goodnight, and Merry Christmas", she said as  she hugged me. I hugged her back, enjoying her warmth. Trying to remember how it felt. Trying to remember the way her voice sounded at that last sentence. And as she pulled away, I felt my heart slightly break. I wished itd last just a bit longer. but i didnt pull her back. infact, i watched her walk to her door. She turned around and waved one final time and softly smiled. I tried remembering that last smile. the last smile shed be  giving me. As she walked into her home, i got into my car. 
    I started it and stared at her door for a second, waiting. Maybe I wanted her to run out and ask me not to leave. Maybe I still wanted her to choose me over him. Maybe i wanted her to stop me from walking away from this. to change my mind and somehow convince me that she needed me. To convince me I was not posion to her. but she didnt. and so i started my car. 
    "Goodbye, Kim Minji", I softly whispered, sort of hoping shed hear me. Then, with a final look at her door, i drove off. 

    *MINJIS POV*
    As I entered my room and pulled out the folded Myungsoo handed me. I smiled. Something about it felt special.    
    As I unfolded the papers, I felt my heart skip a beat. 
    10 FREE ACTING CLASSES
    WOOLLIM ENT. AUDITION
    The two papers read. I laughed in glee and disbelief. A small christmas tree post-it was stuck onto the paper. it read, 
    Hey, dork. You better use these! I put a lot of thought into it. I really hope you chase this dream. Dont let old broken dreams stop you from making new ones. 
Merry Christmas~
    I laughed and set it ontop of my desk. Then, I layed myself in bed, thanking god for blessing me and bringing such a friend into my life.

    I tapped on the window as I watched the snow fall heavily. I exhaled, my breath staining the window. I dragged my finger along the glass, unconciously drawing a heart. I picked up my phone and checked for any messages
        None. 
      I wondered if he meant it last night. If it was really his heart speaking. Or perhaps it was the sharp cold air. I shook my head, unlocked my phone, and opened his contact. 
    I stared at my phone for a bit, trying to decide what id say. Should I mention what he said? Should I tell him how I felt? I typed a hundred different conversation starters and finally settled on one- 
    hey.
    It was simple,  yet responsive. I stared at my screen, waiting for an answer. 
    And it never came. 
    Not in the early hours in the afternoon. 
    And not in the late hours of the night. 
    And although I repeatedly told myself he was busy with his schedule, i knew it was something more than that. 
    I knew something was wrong. 
    It was a pure assumption,  but something just told me he was ignoring me. That connection between two friends that told you when something was wrong. 
    And although I knew, I continued to tell myself he was busy.  To tell myself he hadnt been able to even read it. 
    because that was the only thing keeping me from breaking. it was the only thing holding me up. it was the only thing that put me to sleep that night. and the endless nights that followed.

    It had been six days since Christmas. Six days since I had spoken to him. Six days since Ive heard his laugh, seen his smile. Six days of silence. Six days of his absence. Six days of pure heartache, decieving myself. And here I was, on New Years Eve, sitting on my couch staring at my phone. 
    Had it only been in my dreams, or had he not promised he'd be there for me? That he'd be there for years after this one? 
    I felt angry, but not as much as hurt. 
    I looked at the time; 11:45.
    New Years was only minutes away. 
    I went outside to join the other neighborhood families and mine. I couldnt miss the fireworks. 
    

    Everyone leaned back in their lawn chairs, countin down the last few seconds of the year.
    10! 9!
    I opened a group chat
    8! 7! 6!
    I typed out the message
    5! 4! 3!
    I sent it
    2! 1!
    and fire works exploded. Different colors covered the sky, lighting up the dark night. The fireworks spread then slowly faded away just in time for a new set of fireworks to explode. It sort of faded like shooting stars. Of course, much more slowly. It amazed me how science could make such beautiful things. Yet, it could not answer the question that bothered me most. 
    Just then, my phone began to vibrate, recieving text messages. All of the members were responding to the group chat. 
    Happy New Years! 
    Stay Healthy! 
    Eat well and prosper~
    isnt the fireworks just beautiful tonight?
    The fireworks are actually quite scary

    All these responses but not the one i wanted. I stared at my screen a bit longer, waiting for something. Even a letter wouldve been okay. I just needed the assurance he was okay. That we were okay. That the silence wouldnt last.
    But the response never came. 

    I threw myself onto my bed, staring out my window. Snow began to slowly fall again, covering the black road. The street light outside flickered and I made a mental note that it needed to be changed. Just then, a figure came strolling along and sat beside it. I continued to stare, wondering what person would want to be alone at this hour on this day. 
    He wore a gray sweater with a black puffy jacket over. As the light began to flicker more rapidly, he kicked the post and suddenly the light stopped flickering. I made another mental note not to replace the light yet. 
    The person leaned back, facing the sky. The light hit him in a perfect angle and thats when I recognized him. 

    Myungsoo. 

    I got up from my bed and reached for my jacket, getting ready to dash out my bedroom door, but I stopped myself. I took a look out the window and walked toward it, pulling my phone out. I hid behind the curtain, dialing his number. I took a deep breath and pressed call, listening to each ring intensely. 
    I seen him look at his screen and for a moment, he just stared at it. His thumb hovered over the screen. Then, suddenly, he stuffed it back in his pocket. He his eyes and rested his forehead against his palms. 
    It went to voicemail. My hand began to shake as I pressed end and redialed his number. As it rung, I could feel knees become weak and tears stream down my face. Only then did I realize I was murmuring. 
    Pick up. Pick it up, Oppa. 

    He took his phone back out of his pocket and ruffled his hair. Then, he pressed the screen and for a moment, i thought he had answered, but it went to voicemail. I slid to the ground, shaking my head. 
    No, no, no. 
    Just then, he turned off his phone. 
    and I knew I could no longer lie to myself. He didnt want to talk to me. He knew I called him. He knew. 
    I began to breath heavily, staring out the window. Just at that moment, he looked up at my window, the curtains blocking me from his view but not him from mine. 
    And for a moment, it seemed almost as if he was looking at me. And for a moment, i sort of pretended he was. 
    And as the warm tears began to fall from my eyes faster, i couldnt tell what hurt most. 
    The fact that he was ignoring me or the fact that he couldnt be there to comfort me as i cried. 

    *MYUNGSOOS POV*
    I sat infront of her house. 
    Why I came, I did not know. I just wanted to feel some kind of assurance that I knew where she was,  I guess. To know she was safe at home. Or maybe i wanted her to run out and hug me and tell me she missed me.
    Because I knew for a fact I missed her. I missed her like crazy. 
    Just then, my phone began to ring. I pulled it out of my pocket and stared at the screen. 
    Lovely Minji♥~
     It read. 
    And for a minute I thought about picking it up. Tell to stay healthy this year and tell her to smile and be happy. To tell her that im sorry and that i wont be able to spend christmas with her next year. that she didnt need me. To at least say goodbye one final time before i walk away and let her live happily. 
    But as I stared at her name, I knew I did not have the heart to answer it. That once I heard her voice, I wouldnt be able to walk away. If I heard her voice, id end up breaking and maybe even asking her to get coffee. because once i hear her voice id want to hear her laugh and if I hear her laugh id want to see her smile. 
    And I could not do that. 
    I was not going to pretend things were okay. Because we both know I will mess up somewhere. We both knew how capable I was of hurting her. We both knew how much ive already hurt her.
    I was not going to be her poison. Not anymore. 
    So instead, I closed my eyes and let it ring. 
    I rested my head against the palms my hand, whispering 
    Im sorry. Im so sorry. 
    over and over again. 
    My phone began to ring again and i could feel myself slowly lose strength. I was so close to giving in. So with a heavy heart, I ignored her call and turned off my phone. I stuffed it back in my pocket and looked up at her window. Her curtains covered my view, but the lights were off. 
    Was she in the living room? What was she thinking at the moment? Does she hate me? 
    Just then, I reached into my pocket, wanting so badly to tell her I was doing this for her sake. So that she didnt need to feel burdened by me. 
    But maybe hating me was the best way to go. Maybe hating me would be the only way shed be able to let go. 
    And so, I put my phone back in my pocket for the second time, and continued to stare at her window.

    *NARRATORS POV*
    She laid her forehead against the window, her eyes were puffy  and her nose was red. She blinked and blinked, trying to cut off the stream of tears. 
    ill try to be understanding, Oppa. Just like ive always been. Eat well and stop sleeping for long hours. Remember to take care of your health first. Work hard. Maybe meet a girl. Change your scent. Dont let other girls smell roses. Please do at least that for me. Let me remember you by that scent. But most importantly, dont forget where you came from.Dont forget your dreams. Dont forget the things you had to go through to get where you are. Dont forget what makes you happy. Dont forget those memories. Dont forget me.
    She thought.
    He drew in the snow, a little angel. Just like she did on the first day of snowfall. He looked back up at her window
    I hope you follow your dreams. I know you well. No matter what you choose, I know youll be good at it. Do your homework and keep your grades up. Take care of yourself. Dont burn yourself on the straightner and remember to wear warm clothes when its cold. You should be happy, with Hoya possibly. Arent you proud? Im putting you before me. Your Myungsoo has really grown up... Whatever happens, live happily. And please, dont forget me. 
    He thought.

    Anyhow
    They both thought. 

    Happy New Years, Minji. 
    He whispered as he walked away. 

    Happy New Years, Oppa. 
    She whispered between crying breaths.