‘’I’m sorry, Tao, but I was wrong. What can I say more? I already told you everything, I told you why I think like this now and yet you still argue with me!’’

 

And he is right, it has been over an hour now that they’re both talking (arguing would be a better way to describe their talk though) about the fact that Kris is thinking about forgiving Kyungsoo and Jongin. The dream he had the night before changed his point of view of this situation, and Tao can clearly agree on that, but what worries the panda the most isn’t the fact that Kris wants to change and maybe becomes a better person, but Kris’ state at the moment.

 

He is still pale, he somehow sweats more than usually and maybe looks more like a panda than Tao does, which isn’t good at all.

 

‘’You know I care about you, Kris, and this isn’t doing any good on you’’

 

The room in which they are suddenly becomes quiet. After more than an hour of talking, it’s the first time they both don’t have anything to say.

 

After a while, Kris suddenly stands up and walks to the main door of Tao’s house and takes his jacket. Just before opening the door, Kris looks at Tao and quickly looks down, running one of his hands in his hair, an habit he took from the panda.

 

‘’You’re right, this isn’t doing any good on me. I need to clear everything up’’ He says before opening the door and walking out, not letting Tao any time to answer or ask for explanations.

 

*****

 

Kris takes his keys and gets into his car, staying still for a while. What is he doing? He doesn’t even know himself. Running his hand in his hair, he looks at himself in the car’s mirror and sighs. He is still looking horrible. He is still feeling angry, lost.

 

He hates this. It hates this feeling of not knowing what to do nor what to say. He curses out loud and without being able to stop it, slams his fist on the steering wheel. He looks beside him, at the bunch of papers on the passager seat. A bunch of envelopes with the same name on them all.

 

It’s been a while he’s been thinking of sending these to their right owner. To just throw them at him and run away for God knows where. Maybe he can rent a cute little house on the beach and spend the rest of his days there. But then again, living alone and hidden isn’t probably the best idea.

 

No, it’s definitly not, especially in the state he is right now.

 

Kris takes the first letter of the pile and looks at it. His writting is covering the whole page, words one after another filling up the white paper, tainting it with dark ink, just like he tainted Kyungsoo.

 

He quickly throws the letter away before other thoughts of guilt spread in his mind. He’s not going to make it worse than it already is. He looks at the papers again and puts the letter back in its envelope before starting the car and driving off.

 

He knows he probably shouldn’t be driving around, but he just does because it’s the only thing that can help him forget for a bit. He drives around the town, looking at the shops and restaurants located near the streets. He looks at the different people walking on the sidewalks or crossing the streets. He looks at… Kyungsoo?

 

Kris suddenly brakes, the sound of his wheels echoing in the streets and making a few people turn their head in his direction. He’s panting, looking in front of him in shock. But no, it’s not him. Simply an old man wanting to cross the street.

 

He sighs and rubs his forehead, which is abnormally sweaty and starts driving again. He could swear Kyungsoo was standing in front of him, not that old man. He can’t be hallucinating, or can he?

 

As he continues his way around the streets, it seems like more Kyungsoos are walking down the streets or shopping in the small stores. It’s driving him crazy. He wants them to disappear. He doesn’t want to face them, not a million Kyungsoos. He’s not strong enough.

 

This time, it’s a Kyungsoo crossing the streets without looking. It makes him angry. So angry it’s killing him inside. What is it, this time? A young lady walking around with her dog? Or maybe a little kid running around with his teddy bear? Or maybe this plain normal business man on lunch break? He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care either. He wants them gone, all gone.

 

So he presses hard on the accelerator.

 

Right before he can run into the imagined Kyungsoo, there’s something grabbing the boy and pulling him back on the sidewalk, making Kris almost cursed. He could have made them all gone! He can’t see what happens with the Kyungsoo after, though, because he turns a corner and the image of the boy disappears from his mirrors and he doesn’t have time to clearly see what (or who) helped the hallucination to get back on the sidewalk safely.

 

*****

 

‘’Hello, am I talking to mister Do Kyungsoo?’’

 

That night, Kyungsoo’s startled by the sudden ringing of his phone. It’s rare that someone who isn’t Sunji calls him at night like this. And this old madam surely isn’t Sunji.

 

‘’Y-Yes.. It’s me. May I know who I’m talking to?’’

 

The old feminine voice rings into his phone again. ‘’Yes, police officer Choi talking. I’m sorry I have to disturb you at a time like this, Mr Do, but we would need you to come to the town’s hospital as soon as possible.’’

 

Kyungsoo gulps at that. Hospital? Something bad must have happened and he knows he won’t be able to take it. Not something like this again. The lady’s voice disturbs his thoughts, though, as she speaks again.

 

‘’Mr Do? Would you be able to come tonight? This is really important.’’

 

‘’Oh.. I… Yes of course.. Just give me about half an hour, okay? I’ll be there as soon as possible.’’

 

‘’Perfect, just say your name to the nurse and she’ll bring you to us.’’

 

The woman ends the call right after that, silence taking place in the room all over again. Kyungsoo stays there for a while, trying to think about what could have happened during the evening. He doesn’t have anyone except Sunji anymore, and he doesn’t know what he’d do if it was her waiting for him at the hospital. He can’t lose her just like he lost Clary.

 

Quickly, Kyungsoo takes his jacket and walks out of his house, taking the bus to the hospital. The ride seems abnormally long and he just impatiently waits for it to finish. The curiosity is killing him, but at the same time, he doesn’t know if he really wants to know.

 

He steps into the cold, white building and it feels like the night when he lost both Clary and Jongin comes back to life. The doctors running around, the patients waiting for their turns, the plain white walls and the scent of cleaning products overwhelming his senses.

 

He asks like a robot, walking to the nurse behind the desk and telling his name. The woman stands up and motions him to follow him. He remembers everything. The hallways, the elevators, the rooms, the cries, Jongin’s screams.

 

The lady shows him a room and Kyungsoo nods, walking to the slightly opened door. He can hear people talking and sounds of several machines. As he’s about to step in, two police officers make their way out of the small room, making Kyungsoo yelp and step back.

 

‘’Ah, you must be Do Kyungsoo, right? I’m Miss Choi, the one you talked on the phone with earlier.’’

 

The lady doesn’t seem that old, but her voices stays creepy. She looks at Kyungsoo with such serious eyes it makes him want to tremble and hide under something.

 

‘’W-What is it.. W-Who’s in that room?’’ He asks with a shaky voice.

 

The other police officer standing beside the woman smiles a bit and pats Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

 

‘’Do you know a certain Kris Wu, Do Kyungsoo?’’

 

The question makes Kyungsoo frown, a bit taken aback by the name. ‘’Y-Yeah.. I do.. What happened?’’

 

‘’He… Mr Kris Wu got into a terrible car accident. He’s not stable right now, and we don’t know if we’re going to lose him or not. It seems like he lost control of his car and it stepped out of the road. We don’t know the reason of him losing control yet.

 

The thing is when we searched in the car, we found a dozen of envelopes with your name on it. We looked in his phone and managed to find your name again with a phone number, so we presumed these are yours’’

 

The police officer hands a shocked Kyungsoo the said envelopes with his name on it. He doesn’t know what to think of all this. It is way too weird. It’s like everything is going back again. Would the brother and sister really end up with the same fate?

 

Kyungsoo takes the envelopes and thanks the two officers, slightly bowing before making its way out. He can’t think correctly nor feel anything at the moment. Everything is a blurr, everything is a mess. Gods are playing with him just like they’d be playing with dolls.

 

Kris, who wanted to kill him since the start, who almost did, actually, would end up like this? This is such a miserable ending for a guy like him. Kyungsoo feels like throwing up.

 

‘’Hey! Kyungsoo! Wait for me!’’

 

A familiar voice echoes in his ears and he stops walking. There, a couple of metters away, on the sidewalk, Jongdae runs to him, waving at him and flailing his arms. He can’t see well because of the dark and the dim lights coming from the streetlights, but just by the way the boy acts, Kyungsoo knows too well that it’s him.

 

There’s a cold, bitter wind blowing (strange weather for a month like May, but Kyungsoo doesn’t care) as Jongdae finally arrives to him, looking at him with this wide smile. A smile he always has glued on his face.

 

‘’What’s with that strange face, Kyung? Something’s wrong? I saw you walking out of the hospital. Are you alright?’’  

 

Jongdae takes a closer look at him before noticing the letters in his hands. ‘’Oh, what’s this?’’ He asks again, pointing at the papers.

 

Kyungsoo looks down as well. ‘’I don’t even know...’’ He answers truly, because he really doesn’t know what it is.

 

‘’Well just read them, then! Maybe they’re letters from your secret admirers!’’ Jongdae beams and laughs, patting Kyungsoo’s shoulder in attempt of boosting his mood.

 

But of course, he miserably fails.

 

Kyungsoo nods and looks up at the other boy. ‘’What are you doing here, though?’’ He asks, finally trying to have a conversation with the other.

 

‘’Oh I was just walking around.. nothing important’’ Jongdae shrugs and smiles.

 

A few cars pass by, the drivers looking at Kyungsoo with a frown because, really, why is he talking to himself? A really strange sight for people other than the ones who can see deads. Or whatever imaginary friends, even. Yeah, probably an imaginary friend. It's not like the boy would be playing with the deads.

 

Kyungsoo bids Jongdae goodbye after a few minutes of talking and walks back to his home. Strangely, he won’t ever see the boy again. Never will he ever appear in front of him from now on.

 

Once he steps home, Kyungsoo walks in the livingroom and puts the letters in front of him. They all have dates, and the boy doesn’t know if he should burn them down or read them. Finaly, curiosity takes over and his hand extends to the first and older letter.

 

Kyungsoo reads them all, and somehow, it helps him ease the pain. Midway done, his eyes fall on his phone and a sudden urge of calling Sunji and telling her everything gets into him, but he quickly pushes it back. He’s not going to put her in this, especially not when it’s all so near to being over.

 

Shaky hands reach the last letter, his heart beating faster than it should. After he’s done reading the last one, it’s going to be over. Or at least he hopes so. After this one, he’ll go to sleep and it’ll probably take a couple of hours before he finally manage to fall asleep. And then he’s going to go to school, live his life normally and completly forget everything about Jongin or Kris. And maybe even Clary.

 

Yes, he’s going to forget it all, because past is past, and it’s not going to come back. It’s going to stay there, buried deep in his scarred heart. Maybe it’s better if he does just that.

 

He’ll forget.

 

*****

 

Kyungsoo,

 

This is the last letter I’m going to write. I’ve told you enough for you to understand, now, and it’s time for me to disappear. You know, I thought about it for a while. That I could just disappear and leave it all behind because damn, why do I need to make the pain last when I can only go away and make it fade. Wouldn’t it be better like that? It probably would. Time will make it go better, you’ll see. And it will probably be easier if I’m not there to make you remember.

 

So I’m just going to go, I guess. I’ll leave and never come back. Don’t try and find me, even though I know you wouldn’t do such things. Your life just started, and so did mine, but mine doesn’t deserve a place in here anymore. Do something with your life. Love, enjoy, anything.

 

But please don’t do just like me. Don’t end it when there’s still so much to live. Don’t let the remorses choose for you.

 

*****

 

‘’Name, Kris Wu. Date of death, May 23rd 2013’’

 

The incessant sound of the machine finally stops as it’s turned off, the limp body having its last breath before the guilt is finally freed, just like the spirit as its escapes its cage.

 

At least it’s reaching for a better world. A world with Clary in it. A world where he'll be happy again. A world where he'll finally forget, too.

 

*****

 

Wednesday.

It’s her third day in that new school. She’d probably be lost somewhere if Kyungsoo wasn’t here. He's her best friend since they're four years old and he's always been like a big brother to her, protecting her from the mean guys in the neighbourhood or being there for her when she was sad. They were always togheter until high school came. They went on seperate ways but for their last year before graduation, she changed school and managed to be in the same school as him.

 

"Sunji..? You know your locker is right here, huh?" Kyungsoo puts his hands on her shoulders and stops her, leading her in front of a grey locker she doesn’t even recognize as hers.

"Mmm.. Yeah thanks. Maybe one day I'll get used to it" She smiles at him and opens it, searching for her books for the next class.

"So, I think I introduced you to all the people you should  know.. And please dont forget where your english class is, since I'm not in this class with you. Any other questions for now?" Sunji turns her head to face him and she looks down.

" Uh.. Yeah... Where's my english class..?" She smiles and he rolls his eyes.

"Your memory is definitly as little as fish, you know? F-203. The section beside the entrance, second floor. Do you have any other question?"

 

Kai, Chanyeol, Sehun and Baekhyun enter the locker’s room, talking about this and that. They all stop in front of some lockers, Kai and Chanyeol leaning their back on them while Sehun and Baekhyun just walks in front of them. Chanyeol’s eyes scan the room, looking here and there and trying to ignore all the looks these girls are giving them. It has always been like that since they all began to hang out together and this year wasn’t different. All these new students were looking at the four seniors like they were gods or something, not that it was unpleasant.

 

Sunji turns her head to face a bunch of people talking. Four guys to be exact. Four handsome and charming guys. Her eyes stop on one in particular. Brown hair, dark brown eyes and that smile that is just so perfect. She can see the lines of his muscles throught the thin fabric of his shirt. "Yes.. Why are these guys so handsome?" She whispers to herself, still looking at the strangers.

 

"What?"

 

"...and who's that boy?" She whispers again but louder so Kyungsoo hear what she says. He looks where her eyes are looking and sighs.

"Oh.. That's... That's Kai. Well, Kim Jong In. The biggest player in school. If you want an advice, please don’t go near him... if you dont want to become one the school's " He laughs and lays on locker next to Sunji’s while she takes her books for her next class. "Oh and also, try to be as invisible as possible with them. Because if they begin to show some affection to you, you'll be in deep ." She looks at Kai again. He's talking with his friends.

 

"And the others beside him?" She asks her friend.

"Chanyeol, the tall one, Baekhyun, the one with eyeliner and Sehun, the rainbow one. Trust me, you don’t really want to know them. They are so cold with everyone. I guess they're only nice if you're good enough to be their friend..."

 

Chanyeol’s eyes continue to scrutinize the room. Something almost seems off, but he can’t find what it is. Suddenly, his eyes meet the eyes of a girl looking at them. He never saw her before, he can be sure of that. But what surprises him the most is the guy standing beside her, looking at her with these eyes. Chanyeol knows exactly what they’re hiding. He also knows very well what the guy is hiding.. or trying too, since, unfortunatly, Chanyeol discovers pretty quickly what’s going on. And he surely won’t let that opportunity go.

 

He leans his face closer to Kai’s ear, a grin slowly making his way to his face. "You wanted your revenge? Here it is.." Chanyeol looks at the girl again and Kai follows his gaze and he looks at her.

 

His eyes. So mysterious and overwhelming. Sunji can’t even look away and it seems like she forgets how to breath.

"Hey.. Sunji!" She feels two hands on her shoulders and she finally looks away, facing Kyungsoo.

"W-What? Did you say something?" He rolls his eyes. "Nevermind.. Just.. Take your book and let's go to class." She quickly grabs all the things she needs, Kyungsoo takes her by the arm and they walk to their next class.

 

'I swear Kai was watching us all the time..'

 

Oh, and he did. A smile slowly creeps on his face as he sees Kyungsoo and the girl walk away. He knew he would have the opportunity to do what he has to do one day. And this day is today. Baekhyun and Sehun look at him and they both raise an eyebrow.

 

"Kai.. Are you okay?" Baekhyun asks slowly. He turns back to look at where Kai and Chanyeol were looking only to catch a glimpse of Kyungsoo and the girl walking away. He turns his face back to Kai and Chanyeol and sighs. "So this is it, huh?" Baekhyun looks up at Kai, who looks back at him and smirks. Even if he knows deep inside this is not a good idea, he can only support Kai’s eyes until the said guy answers him.

 

"Yeah, this is it Baek. I feel like this last year at this school is going to be so good. What about you?"